devastions

I love her so dearly I bring myself into these situations where I am terrified I will never love anyone as much as I do her, she is right in every way for me and to feel like I have found the one thing I cannot have is a devastating truth that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to face.
—  Olive K.

can you believe vex knew she was in love with percy since the feywild and probably had feelings for him way before she fell in love

can you believe when vex kissed percy on the lips after visiting syldor she probably knew she was in love with him (we’ve debated where on the face she kissed him but with this being confirmed i’m setting my foot down and saying it was almost certainly on the lips)

can you believe that part of the reason vex didn’t make a deal with saundor was because he wanted her heart and she’d already given her’s to percy

can you believe that vex watched one of her best friends who also happens to be the man she’s in love with die and was devastated not only because of the loss but because she thought she’d never get to tell him how she felt

can you believe vex offered up her heart—which she guards so closely—in the ritual to bring back percy while all their friends were watching her openly admit she loved him

can you believe that vex gave percy a goddamn disney movie true love’s kiss to help save his life

can you believe vex'ahlia is canonly head over heels in love with percival de rolo

STAYING POSITIVE!!!! TODAY IS A GOOD DAY AND ITS GOING TO GET BETTER

“July 18th my world stopped. that is the day I was diagnosed with leukemia and I knew from then on my journey wouldn’t be easy. I was even more devastated when I found out my my first cycle of chemo was unsuccessful. this past month as I got a second round of chemo I feared of the results of treatment failing once again but I stayed positive through the help of family and friends.

My doctor called me today and told me that my bone marrow biopsy was good and I am in remission (leukemia free)! I still have a long journey in and out the hospital to ensure that my leukemia doesn’t come back but this is just one step closer for me getting my life back. the end of October I am scheduled to get a transplant so I can finally say after that that I kicked cancers ass🔶 #leukemiaawareness”……….Gianna

I’m am soooo happy right now!!! How fitting to hear this on the last day of September…..Cancer Awareness moth!!!!!
Thanks to ALL OF YOU for your prayers and good thoughts…let’s get everyone suffering the same good news!!!! 😘😘😘😘😘😘

One thing that will always and completely wreck me in fiction: the exploration of faith once humanity has begun to colonize outer space. 

In other news, I’m reading The Sparrow and am a total mess. 

The first Doctor I saw was David Tennant and I loved him. I didn’t, at first, really get into Doctor Who, but I liked it. Then when I heard Matt Smith was going to be the Doctor I was devastated and even more so when I saw Peter Capaldi. But recently I have finished watching every single Doctor Who episode from 2005 onwards, and I absolutely love every single Doctor. The BBC could literally choose anyone for the next Doctor because I know I’ll love them.

just a quick update.

hey guys -
this week has been tough. After going back to the doctors at the start of the week & having a mini breakdown on Tuesday night, I convinced myself I wasn’t going to get better. Mental illness isn’t a walk in the park, it’s scary, it’s devastating, it completely tires you out.

But I’m happy to say that today, things are looking up. I’m a lot more relaxed and happy, and I’m starting to show interest in the things I used to again - & one of my main priorities was this blog. Why should I throw away & erase one of the things that gave me a lot of happiness, just because I felt a certain way at a time when I was low?

So, after a few days’ break from this account, I’ve decided to keep it up & running.
I don’t want to lose out of this community & family we have on Tumblr, with such lovely people who have always been so nice & supportive to me, & to others in times of need.
Yes, there’s hate, but it always gets overshadowed by how nice people are in the HC and Casualty family. It’s better for me to surround myself with the positivity of my followers than exclude myself from it completely :)

So yes, @holbycitydaily is going to stay up & running - but I won’t be posting as much as I used to, to start with. I’m gonna ease myself back in & hopefully in a few week’s time I’ll be my usual fangirly self and be posting my regular gifs, photos & screenshots like I used to :)

If anybody’s got any questions they’d like to ask about my mental illness, or if they’d like any advice, I’d be more than happy to talk to you/answer you. Mental illnesses should be talked about more - I find a lot of comfort in confiding in my friends, family & people who are going through similar issues. It really helps talking to somebody who understands, trust me. Don’t be afraid to drop me a message!

My personal blog is still up & running too:
@hollysfaves if you’d like to follow me on there too :)

That’s all for today,
Lots of love - Holly (@holbycitydaily) xxx

We are the darkness that envelope the night. We are the generation of children who know more about depression and less about deceptions. We are the chisel and we are the stone. We are the statue that was carved from the bone. We are afraid of the light because we fear it has more demons than there is after twilight.

We understand too much and too little. We are afraid to be real. Being real costs a terrible pain and we are afraid of minute pricks. We prefer being heartless than being heartbroken. We are cowards but also we are the bravest the world has ever seen.

We fight inner battles and now we are always tired. We always have dark circles like scars that never fades. We use concealers and we use a mask. We are the best actors and Oscar is like a dust on the mattress.

We are meant to be the toughest. We are the children of devastation and still we come out undeterred. We are our own anthem and unheard songs.

We are the voice of desolation and we always outlive those at last.

—  The paradoxical woman | Self made

During the Battle of Britain, surplus rifles were supplied to Welsh farmers in order to protect their flocks from Axis forces. 

After an exceptionally devastating raid, allegedly carried out by a joint Spanish-Italian strike-force, General Karel Doorman reused the fallen sheep’s pelts as a form of camouflage; an idea that, arguably, won the crucial Welsh Front. His ingenuity is largely credited for the victory at the Battle of Laxey, which saw his force of 3,000 repulse 10,000 French volunteers with comparatively few casualties. This led to the rest of the WDF (Welsh Defence Force) adopting Doorman’s invention, dubbed “sheepouflage” shortly thereafter.

70 years later, Finnish artist Hannes Hanso re-imagined the scenario in the modern world, placing Doorman among his flock, armed with some sort of modified AK-47.

Update on the package situation.

I submitted claims and everything, and waited to hear back from them. And didn’t, so I called and got the confirmation that my five boxes of stuff are indeed gone for good. It’s less devastating than the first time. I’ve already had a good cry about it and spent like… a month knowing that the stuff is probably gone. But I still had hope. The mementos, the books (signed copies of some of my favorite poetry books!), the clothes… my duvet, which I’m missing now that the weather is getting cool. 

It really sucks. I’m… really sad, and finding out comes right on the heels of my seizure and ER visit. So like… ugh what a week.

My birthday’s coming up so I’m thinking of making an Amazon wishlist of the stuff I’ve lost and posting it? It’d any of my followers have money to spare it’d really be nice to build up my library and make-up for lost items. 

Like if you read? And keep me in yr prayers and thoughts. It’s been a lot lately.

—- 🍴  𝔪𝔞𝔪𝔞

   eyes linger on the familiar suit adorning her son’s broad form as he walks away. all the adjustments had been done lovingly by hand as with everything she owned, and she could tell it’d been tampered with— no doubt by bulma and some professionals. it’s for the best really. she’s aged, and wouldn’t have been surprised if it tore from haphazard stitching. it means enough to her he’d wear it at all.

   tears pour over then, and a hand raises to touch her lips, silencing any open noises. it’d… it’d been so long since she could say she’d truly been HAPPY. years went by, devastation after devastation striking their small family until nothing of it was left… but, here and now, watching the last of her own, her end, take place beside his BEGINNING

   if she wasn’t here tomorrow, she could say she’d no regrets.

        ❛ take care of my gohan for me, trunks..

werewolfio

when this happens in front of charlie she likes to point out that he’s wrong but also worse than wrong, ex: “when you give birth you shit yourself in front of god and everyone”

OH MY GOD… he would be devasted… HORRIFIED… HE WOULD CRY

seriously i think he’d tried to fight her on that. screaming ‘I WAS THERE I REMEMBER AND THAT DEFINITELY DIDN’T HAPPEN’ through tears

but deep down he’s gonna have to internalize that fact… sorry theo you have to amend your false birth memories to include this now

Disordered

I suspect I won’t have much to say about this episode, outside of the therapy stuff so.

I just want to take a moment o appreciate the beauty of the backdrop for Mount Justice. It’s so damn pretty and cozy looking. Also, it sort of looks like there’s a small waterfall/river coming off the back of the Cave and emptying into the bay, but it’s hard to tell for sure. Just a cool observation.

Depressed bbys. :((((((

God look at them, they’ve all been so fucked up. I can’t even imagine the awful thoughts running through all of their heads. 

God, Bats, they’re fucking kids bro, J’onn be right, you should know trauma lingers. Jeez.

And Conner gets mad because he DIDN’T feel sad or devastated by the loss of anyone.

Incoming on the rejected 80s characters from New Genesis.

Shut up, Patrick. I mean, Bear.

Sphere is like I’M A WAY SWEETER RIDE, TAKE ME.

Batman’s like “Goddamn teenagers, I swear!”

“Look, me dying during the exercise may have started things going south, but I was coma girl, remember? Missed out on all the fun of forgetting it wasn’t real, so: no trauma. No need for the shrink wrap.” “You’re too tough to need help.” “Whatever. Maybe.” “Or maybe too tough to admit you need help. Artemis, it’s not a sign of weakness to open up to your friends.” “I know that.” “But you still keep secrets from them.” “You won’t tell them! You can’t!”

The most beautiful Artemis of them all

“I won’t. But you should. You could start by admitting you’re not really Green Arrow’s niece.” “Pfft right. Can you imagine what Wally would do with that?” (her voice kind of goes up an octave on the last part. She’s seriously so worried about rejection from him that it makes me heart hurt)

You can tell Mama Canary knows what’s up, she smiles a little when she says “Interesting.” I don’t have the exact screenshot, sadly.

Artemis’s reaction to that makes me REALLY want to know how the rest of their therapy session went. Artemis just kind of deflates after that, almost like she’s not even going to deny it. Do you think she opened up to Canary a little about it or continued to keep it bottled up? I doubt she straight up admitted she has feelings for Wally but…. hrm.

“I was the general, but behaved like a soldier and sacrificed myself. I am not fit for command, and must resign as Team leader.” “Who do you recommend to take your place?” “Artemis is too raw and untrusting. Kid Flash, too rash and impulsive. Miss Martian remains too eager to please. Superboy carries too much anger.” “Making Robin the logical choice.” “But he is so young.” “Kaldur, you’re all young.” “I cannot shift this burden to him. Not yet. It appears I must withdraw my resignation.” 

I adore Kaldur’s descriptions of the other Team members and why they cannot lead, but in particular I was interested by the use of the term “raw” for Artemis. I felt like I sort of get what he means via context, but I wasn’t for sure, so I took the liberty of looking up the definitions of raw that pertain to people/emotion, and I think it’s most likely he means it by these two definitions: 1)  (of an emotion or quality) strong and undisguised; 2)  frank and realistic in the depiction of unpleasant facts or situations. There is one OTHER definition:  (of a person) new to an activity or job and therefore lacking experience or skill, but I don’t think that’s what Kaldur is using it to mean? Otherwise wouldn’t he refer to pretty much the entire Team besides himself, Robin, and Dick as being raw? And Artemis is definitely a blunt/frank person, and strong/passionate/intense (as the synonyms for the strong and undisguised version of the definition suggest).

STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

It’s a goddamn shame we never got the Apokolips story line in this show. Sigh.

“So, you want me to believe that after everything you went through, including your own death from fiery explosion… you’re peachy?” “I’m uh, fairly certain I never used the word peachy. But, I think you got the gist!” 

“I’d rather talk about you, babe.” “Wally… you’re in denial.”

My care for anything happening outside of the therapy sessions is minimal.

“She will help us.” “Who, Dreamer?” “The Sphere.” “Coool. Wait, Sphere’s a she?” “It is time.” “Time for what!?”  CONNER IS SO FUCKING CONFUSED LOL.

THIS ISN’T EVEN OUR FINAL FORM.

“I’m glad my Team’s not that close.” LOLOLOL

Desaad’s so beautiful.

“Look, I’ve been remarkably patient. You know, for me.” LOL

“Hurting? Try traumatized. I finally become leader and wind up sending all of my friends to their deaths. I-I know I did what I had too, but I hated it. When we started this Team, I was desperate to be in charge; not anymore. A-and that’s not even the worst of it. …you can’t tell Batman.” “Nothing leaves this room.” “I always wanted– expected –to grow up and become him. And the hero bit? I’m still all in. But that thing, inside of him, that thing t-that drives him to sacrifice everything for the sake of his mission? That’s not me. I-I don’t want to be the Batman… anymore.” (Oh Dick… season 2, buddy. Season 2. T_T)

“It was all my fault. Hello, Megan. Who else could take a simple exercise, and turn it into a nightmare that terrorizes everyone she cares about?” “You’ve… turned white.” “No! Oh… you meant, Caucasian. Yeah… I’m fine being Megan, but I can’t be trusted to use my other powers.” “M’gann, you’re a martian. Not using your natural abilities is like me refusing to speak. Which, by the way, I tried for a while, after my very first Canary Cry nearly deafened my entire first grade class. So I get how you feel. But not being yourself is never the answer, and won’t make your feelings of guilt go away. Learn from what happened. your uncle would be happy to train you; practice, until you gain control, and regain your confidence.”

SUDDENLY IT’S AN ANIME ABOUT RIDING GIANT ROBOTS.

LOL

“Here’s the ugly truth. I wasn’t devastated. Even with Superman, Tornado, you, the whole League dead, even though I didn’t save Wolf, watched Artemis and Kaldur die, and abandoned M’gann. I felt… at peace. See, from the moment I first opened my eyes in that Cadmus pod, there’s been one thing I’ve wanted and feared: to know what it is to be Superman. And I knew. So I… I was happy. Everyone I care about dead or traumatized, and I’m happy. How to I get past the guilt of that? How do I live with myself?” “I don’t have any easy answers, Conner, but one thing’s clear: admitting it, is the first step.”

I love the varying degrees in which the team opens up or doesn’t. Like, Dick spills his guts, M’gann is just honest, Kaldur is professional/honest, Conner finally cracks open after some time away. Then you’ve got Artemis, who acts too tough and closed off, and Wally who’d rather swim in denial for the rest of his life.

V long, for Ash, ok to read but u don’t gotta ;o

We met at the IMA that cool spring day. I was with 2 of my partners at the time (yikes) and you were with your best friend. We were all together, but i’d never met you, or talked to you other than thirst following you on instagram.

It was Francis’ birthday. I gave them deer teeth I’d got off of etsy. Francis and I talked about how we both had a crush on you. I asked if I could hold your hand while it was raining as we walked to meet my mom to pick me up. And holy fuck am I glad I did, because that was the most safe and real I’d felt in months.

You started dating Francis and I was devastated because I thought that you didn’t like me like that. I thought you were another unattainable boy, another one I’d lust after, sob after, but never be able to hold.

I told you I liked you and you thought I was joking. I was sad because you didn’t say it back. But a few days later you asked me out, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. YOU are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Skype calls making fun of everyone in our life for the first month. Shit talking exes and even partners, talking about life and people who hurt us. You promised you’d never hurt me purposely, and it was the first time I’d ever believed someone when they said that.

Now here comes one month, and our first ‘real’ date. My mom was being a cunt, as always. I decided I would run away. In my manic impulsive state, you trying to calm me down, and me having no idea where to go, I got an uber over to your house.

I remember our first kiss so well. How could I forget it? I hugged you and you kissed me and it was the best I’d felt in so long. Nothing else mattered, just you and I. Your lips on mine. We went into your room and cuddled. Then we went to CVS and bought hair dye and a disposable camera. We took pictures of each other kissing and your dog, and everything felt right.

We took a lot of polaroids, it was around mother’s day and I had bought a rose. You gave me your sweater and I wore it to work the next morning.

2 months was great, everything was amazing, you were and always would be, my baby. We got engaged and everything was lovely. No one thought we were going to last, thought you were just a fling, a fascination. I hope you know you are much more than that.

3 months we hit some issues. Emerson happened. I was always drunk or high. You said you missed the old me. But you were there for me every second of that. Through all the shit, you believed me, you comforted me, you were there.

You were the first person I told what happened to. And as always, you were there. When I had my seizure we cuddled in the hospital bed and you were there for every moment of it. You helped me and called 911. My mom liked you then, because she knew you were a good one.

Summer 16 was fucking horrible. I broke up with you more than once and I was always high on something, my new fascination was pills. I fucked Lukas and Stevie and then called you crying, still high on a lot of xanax. I could go on, but honestly, it still hurts that I did that.

I didn’t realize that I had all I needed right in front of me. I had the light of my life right there.

A bit before month four you took me back, and holy shit am I glad you did. We saw that movie on our 4 months and your dad found out we were dating that night. I couldn’t sleep over anymore, but we made it work. No matter what, we’ve always made it work.

When Emerson tried to contact me you held me and told me you’d fucking fight him. You sent him a mean message and he hasn’t talked to me since. You have sharp fangs, but for me they go soft. You said you’d always protect me, and to this day that’s true.

5 months together and one month sober. You helped me through all of my breakdowns and wanting to use. Baby I don’t need pills when I have someone as lovely as you. Drugs can’t hold me. Fuck that ‘drugs are my lover’ bullshit I used to pull. Baby you are the only drug I need, my fucking world.

6 months today and you’re the first person to ever actually make me cum, The love of my life. My longest lover and the only one I want ever again. Forever and always, Ashton. Til death do us part. Forever and ever, here’s to being 1 month closer to getting out of this shitty town and starting our new life together, baby. My universe, the demon doggo to my angel mouse. Whenever you hold me I forget what I was so upset about.

anonymous asked:

Some people need to chill. They were also complaining about the differences in the Robron and Bartsy hugs. I think it would have been wrong for Robron to hug more affectionately today in these awful devastating circumstances. The bartsy hug was longer and allowed two best friends who are like brothers to cry and find needed comfort in the other. I think I will stop going on twitter during the episodes, it irritates me too much

people unfortunately has to find always something to complain about