deus ex libris

> day 9, d e u s e x m a c h i n a .‎  

“ E poi ecco Simon con Isabelle, le mani a coppa intorno al suo viso mentre la baciava, e Clary vide Izzy così come la vedeva Simon: fragile e forte, e bella, bellissima. Ed ecco la nave di salentine, Simon inginocchiato su Jace, sangue sulla sua bocca e sulla sua maglietta, e sangue sulla gola di Jace, ed ecco la cella di Idris, e il viso devastato di Hodge, e di nuovo Clary e Simon, Clary che gli tracciava il Marchio di Caino sulla fronte. Maureen, e il suo sangue sul pavimento, il suo cappellino rosa, e il tetto di Manhattan dove Lilith aveva fatto rivivere Sebastian, e Clary che gli passava un anello d'oro sopra un tavolo, e un Angelo che usciva da un lago davanti a lui, e lui che baciava Isabelle…Tutti i ricordi di Simon, i suoi ricordi del mondo magico, i suoi ricordi di tutti loro venivano strappati via e fatti vorticare in un turbinio che scintillava bianco-dorato come la luce del sole. Tutt'intorno c'era rumore, quasi si stesse addensando una tempesta, ma Clary lo sentiva appena. Allungò le mani, implorando senza nemmeno sapere chi stesse supplicando. – Ti prego…Sentì le braccia di Jace stringersi intorno a lei, e poi l'orlo della tempesta la ghermì. Fu sollevata in alto e fatta turbinare via. Vide la stanza di pietra allontanarsi a una velocità pazzesca, poi la tempesta portò via le sue grida per Simon e per trasformò in un suono simile al soffio intermittente del vento. Le mani di Jace si staccarono dalle sue spalle. Era sola nel caos, e per un attimo pensò che dopotutto Asmodeo avesse mentito, che non ci fosse alcun passaggio, e che avrebbero fluttuato per sempre in quel nulla finché non fossero morti. Invece a un tratto il terreno si sollevò, velocemente. Vide il pavimento della Sala degli Accordi, duro marmo venato d'oro, prima di colpirlo. L'urto fu violento, le fece battere i denti. Rotolò istintivamente su se stessa, come le era stato insegnato, e si fermò accanto alla fontana della sirena in mezzo alla sala.Si tirò su a sedere e girò lo sguardo intorno a sé. La sala era piena di visi attoniti, completamente muti, ma di quelli non le importava. Non stava cercando degli estranei. Per primo scorse Jace; era atterrato in posizione accovacciata, pronto a combattere. Vide le sue spalle rilassarsi mentre si guardava intorno e si rendeva conto di dove si trovavano, che erano a Idris e la guerra era finita. E c'era Alec, che aveva ancora la mano in quella di Magnus. Lo stregone sembrava sofferente ed esausto, ma era vivo.E c'era Isabelle. Era finita più vicina degli altri a Clary, a circa un metro di distanza. Era già in pieni e ispezionava la sala con lo sguardo, una volta, due, una terza volta disperata. Erano tutti là, tutti loro, tutti tranne uno.Fissò lo sguardo su Clary, gli occhi lucidi di lacrime. – Simon non c'è. E’ sparito davvero. ”
first day of new jorb // is this real life??


  • got to take a required 15-minute break on the clock
  • allowed to go to the bathroom on the clock
  • walking distance to many things like post office and copy shop so i can accomplish other important things during normal business hours while taking future LUNCH BREAKS
  • i get my own desk in a cube in the corner in the basement yesss
  • i get a name plate!
  • allowed to check email and phone at work
  • coworkers v nice and good sense of humor
  • break room has an actual kitchen (oven, sink, fridge, microwave)
  • i can probably bring in a cactus for my desk
  • get out of work at 5pm, so much time remaining to do other things
  • h e a l t h i n s u r a n c e omg


  • have to wake up early, will take some getting used to even tho it’s real nice to be awake in the mornin
  • basement is a maze, already forgot how to get to break room
  • [ETA:] brought can of ravioli for lunch, forgot can opener

I think it’s funny that one of my punk-as-shit defenses of my poor life choices (and/or unlucky circumstances) was that I insisted that at least I had “FREEDOM,” i.e. I was not tied to the 9-5 world, or whatever, while working up to three shitty jobs for often more than 40 combined hours a week (because low wages). No guaranteed hours though, no holidays, no vacation days, no sick days. Going in to work with the flu because I wasn’t allowed to take time off unless I had a note from a doctor which I couldn’t ever get because I didn’t have health insurance! Insisting that working part-time jobs would better allow me to spontaneously travel but never really being able to travel because I couldn’t afford it and my job wasn’t guaranteed when I returned! Freedom isn’t free! Etc.! Anyway, all this is to say that I just wasn’t feeling the Work Emotion this morning, so I came in late because I can use Leave Time.

Also, I think this might be the first time since I moved away from Pittsburgh (9 years ago) that I will be able to: 1) afford to travel home for the holidays, 2) not have to work during the holidays, 3) STILL GET PAID FOR THE DAYS I DO NOT WORK DURING THE HOLIDAYS. Wow.

02.09.16 The last book I processed as a Marking Associate!

I don’t think I’ve written much on here specifically about my former position at Library, probably because I felt incredibly guilty/hypocritical for being SO EXCITE about finally getting hired at Library, but then pretty soon after I began to feel crushed by the immense weight of DISAPPOINT: low morale, nonexistent job satisfaction, plus extra guilt for not Being Happy about A Job, any job, that is providing me a living wage and health insurance. But y'all: my “work” literally consisted of putting those little call # labels on books. All day, every day. With some mild and equally monotonous database work thrown in every once in a while. Like, it’s kind of mind-boggling that a college degree is “required” to apply for that job… it’s not a special skill, doesn’t require complex decision-making or problem-solving, and our student workers also did the same work as me anyway, just not on salary! So I felt super extraneous. Additionally, my supervisor was not the greatest, but that’s about all I’m going to say about that on this here public forum.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago the Department Head approached me and asked if I’d be interested in transferring to Cataloging and I was like OH MY GOD YES PLEASE PLEASE YES. I had been monitoring the Staff Job Postings so I could jump on a Cataloging position (or anything else) but nothing had been showing up, so this was totally a surprise to me. She said that she was concerned that I would get so bored and frustrated in Marking that I would leave the Library entirely! And she didn’t want me to leave! Because, she said, I’m great! And smart! And also having a more relevant position would be helpful for my Library School experiences! I almost cried, for real. I was really shocked to hear things like, “We don’t want you to leave,” and, “We want you to be happy here!” I was like, ?????? how can u possibly like me tho I’m such a dysfunctional and surly freak ??? (Impostor Syndrome strikes again! lol, why is it so hard to accept that YES, I AM GOOD AT A THING OR TWO.)

Cataloging is great so far. Everyone in this department is super nice, friendly, and chill. Everyone brings in candy so we have a consistent candy stash. Everyone’s cubes are decorated so nicely (collaged with lots of pictures of cats and kids and kids’ artworks! :D) There is a WINDOW in our section and we have a lil garden and all the plants have names (“Violet” the African Violet; “Mr. Prickles,” my cactus; etc.). MAN, it’s amazing how quickly my overall mood can improve when I’m not surrounded by dipshits and I’m doing interesting work that I actually care about.



I’m gonna be an Associate in the Cataloging Department of LIBRARY! SO EXCITE.

My last day at my old job will be May 23 THIS IS IMPORTANT because 5/23 would have been anniversary with my drunk ex but now EVERYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH THAT TIME PERIOD WILL BE FINISHED FOREVER

& ALSO a birthday present from Petya finally arrived in the mail, TARDIS necklace WOW whatta dude

At work we can submit little book reviews for the Staff Picks display but I haven’t done any yet because while I can spend paragraphs trash-talking a book I disliked, when I really love a book the only way I can express that is like: “OMFG Y'ALL THIS BOOK IS THE ONLY BOOK THAT MATTERS.”

So! I had my very first round of graduate level classes today and I am on cloud 9! Library school people are the best people in the world! Everyone is so awesome and kind and supportive! The faculty are incredibly inspiring! I haven’t always felt like I fit in, especially in school, but after my first day I can safely say… this is exactly where I belong!

I am (almost) a librarian!

okay I am like inordinately worried that my hand tattoo (note I wouldn’t’ve ever gotten knuckle tattoos if I didn’t already have ink all over my entire dang left hand) is going to keep me from achieving dream jorb even though I guess I am lucky in that many millennials in my dream professional field are peripherally involved in “the scene” and/or are fellow ex-punks so a certain Business Environment is more casual/forgiving than it may have been in previous years

NONETHELESS I really wish I could go back in time and use the harsh backhand of reason against my teenage self.

“Oh you think that’s a neat design that is meaningful to your personal ~symbology~ and you gotta express yourself real obviously to the entire world? Lemme tell you about how physically and existentially exhausted you’ll be feeling after 10-15 years slingin’ coffee, washin’ dishes, and entering data in a fluorescent cave!”

“La la la I don’t care what I have to do to get the bills paid as long as I have time to ~make my art~!”

ugh I am making it a life goal to figure out a way to explain to any future child of mine that it is actually a really good idea to wait ‘til you’re like 30 to decide if you wanna get a tattoo that cannot easily be covered by normal clothes.

Supposedly the winter of your first year in graduate school is the harshest. The weather and the workload are enough to wear you down. This quarter was certainly a test of endurance. It wasn’t so much the amount of work… it was the level of detail required. It’s also coupled with the fact that your colleague’s work is resting on your own ability to follow through. I know there were some moments when I had to juggle 5 different projects at once, but I never (to my knowledge) let anyone down. I also had the opportunity to work with some really incredible people and to everyone in my cohort, I am so immensely grateful. I’m actually really proud of what I was able to accomplish this quarter. 

And I’m happy to announce that I survived the winter– next quarter will be warm and bursting with life! I’m excited, too, to rest and recharge for a while before getting started again. For having lived through the presumed toughest quarter of my graduate studies, I think I can live through anything.

To everyone still working toward their goals this winter, in any aspect of life, I wish you all the best. Keep marching forward! If I can do it, you can do it!