detaching yourself

trauma doesn’t often feel like trauma is ‘supposed’ to feel. it feels like indifferent detachment, watching from outside yourself because nothing can hurt you there. it feels normal, just how people interact, so why are you making a big deal about it?  it feels like a joke – just how kids play, just how adults tease, just how some relationships work.

you wake from nightmares five years later and still wonder if you made it all up.

trauma can look like bad behaviour. like the stubborn refusal to get better, to stop self-destructing. trauma is putting yourself in harm’s way because you don’t really mean it, or because it’s funny, or because you just want to feel something, or because you just want to stop feeling. it’s wanting to destroy and reassemble yourself into another person entirely, so your real life can begin. because this isn’t real. because really bad things don’t happen to people like you.

trauma is the constant feeling of being an impostor. it’s the drive to survive twinned with the impulse to make yourself more sick in more ways. to hurt yourself to prove how bad you feel, or to punish yourself for exaggerating. you want people to believe what you’ve been through, to tell you your feelings are real, that your memories really happened. but when people do take you seriously, you play it off as a joke, apologize for bringing the mood down.

you go on and on about how it wasn’t that bad. you seek permission to still love the ones who hurt you, because it’s the people closest to us who can hurt us most deeply.

you can feel like the people who hurt you are the only ones who really knew you. in low self esteem, you can mistake cruelty for honesty.

there will always be people who have been through worse. that doesn’t make what happened to you okay.

there will always be people who don’t believe you. that doesn’t mean you are lying.

at some point, you have to take yourself seriously. you have to make a life you can stand to live. it’s the only way to survive.

1. Detach yourself from people that only exists when they need something from you. From people who only calls you a “friend” when they have favors and leave you behind afterwards. Remove toxic people in your life, they will become a hindrance to you.
2. Life will have less drama if you keep your circle small. You don’t have to be friends with anyone. Pick people who will influence you. Pick the people who share the same interests and radiate the positivity that you have.
3. Never trust your stories to anyone. Never.
4. Let them talk all day about you because whatever you do, people will have something to say about you. Don’t mind people who talk behind your back, there’s always a reason why they are behind you. And it’s because you are ahead of them so keep on walking and achieving your dreams.
5. If you can’t change your situation, change the way you think. Everything comes from our mind. Every decision, emotion and effort. So in order to change your mood, change your perspective. Happiness is a choice, it doesn’t come from other people because it comes within you.
—  E.J. Cenita, 5 Lessons I’ve Learned From Life
There will be moments in your life that you’ll get tired of everything. You will wake up one day that you don’t want to talk to anyone around you and you just want to be alone. They will be clueless because of your sudden change. You won’t figure out what’s wrong with you because you know, you just want to be by yourself. No explanations, no deep reasons. You will search for a space of silence in this noisy world. You will detach yourself slowly from people around you and start living without them. You will shake off negativity and be neutral. Coffee and music will be your best friends, you will shut down the world you’re living in for a moment. Inactivity will take place. This phase is called hibernation. You will get tired in life eventually, and it’s normal. You will slow things down, reinvigorate your soul, purpose and life through it. Once done, you will be ready to live again with a newer and better version of yourself.
Sometimes I feel inhuman, cold hearted, detached from this world I live in. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and discover in horror of who I’ve become. Sometimes I wish these feeling could just disappear. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find myself again. Just sometimes.
—  r.c.r.
2

‘’Most actors possess an intuitive side. Actually, the further away I am from the character, the less work I have to do. It takes so much more energy to detach yourself from your own life references that might cross wires with your character’s. I think it’s cheating for me to ever use my life references in conjunction with my characters. It’s my reaction transferred to the character, which isn’t good. What I have to do is erase those things and then find something else. I can’t stand in front of a camera and let anything of myself come through or I’m betraying the character’s complete trueness. There are some actors who just use themselves. They can wear their ego on their sleeve and it looks great. I can’t do that.’’

River on an interview for US Magazine (1991)

you need to stop detaching yourself from people, I know you are just trying to protect your heart, but soon you will no longer be able to feel anything
—  boy advice from my aunt
When you feel yourself in the grip of an emotion such as jealousy or anger or sorrow, detach yourself from it. Take a step back. When you do that, you can allow the emotion to run through you without causing negative thoughts or actions.
—  Gary Zukav
1. You don’t have to be friends with everyone.
2. Choose your friends wisely. They can affect your journey in the long run.
3. Distance yourself from people who only exists and remembers you when they need something.
4. Don’t allow and encourage negativity to be in your life.
5. There will always be toxic people around you, learn to detach yourself so you won’t be ending up just like them.
6. You can create borders around yourself so negativity can’t get into your head.
7. Be with people who encourage you to become the best version of yourself.
8. You become the people that you associate with.
9. Don’t give too much authority to your thoughts and peers.
10. You cannot fix people. You can only fix yourself and be an example to them.
—  E.J. Cenita, 10 Realizations That Changed My Life

Hey guuuuys so I finally got around to recording this song after pretty much months of procrastinating because I was nervous to post it. Sometime last year I started to extend Marceline’s song from Astral Plane because I loved it so much and was sad that it was so short. I felt like the tune and the message had so much potential. Just… the sadness that comes with eternal life. Having to watch your friends die over and over again and watching everyone make the same mistakes time after time and feeling like no matter how much you try, you just can’t do anything about it. Having to try constantly to make an impression on the world only to be forgotten. So you give up. You let everyone go and detach yourself from them so you don’t have to get hurt or feel helpless anymore. And I know I’m not an immortal vampire like her, but a number of the lyrics were very personal to me as well, so writing this was pretty therapeutic. I really really hope I did the original song justice, and that you at least can feel the emotion behind the lyrics if the song isn’t doing it for you. Thank you so much for listening :)

Lyrics Below:

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I would certainly not conform to a consensus that was against my belief merely because it was a consensus. Often the group is wrong. What are we supposed to do, assume all consensuses are correct? The Nazis had a consensus. The individual has a conscience. You have to know when the group has made a mistake and become nothing but a maddening, chanting mob… in which case, you should detach yourself from the maddening chanting mob and act like you’ve got a spine.
—  Dr. Jordan Peterson, at McMaster University

anonymous asked:

Please write more about the 'cuckquean high' and possible drop after orgasm, is it like a sub drop? Is it why cuckqueans prefer abstinence? Thanks

If I could describe a “Cuckquean High”, I’d say it would be experiencing the most intense moments of lust as a Cuckquean.

All you can think about is your husband fucking another pussy. You want it so bad that you might even detach yourself from reality and fantasize about, or act on, actions that could potentially be threatening to your marriage. You could be watching porn, rubbing your clit, wanting him to have new pussy so bad that you hope he’s actually cheating on you. You could want it so bad that you push an interaction with another woman to happen before things are fully smoothed over, resulting in a bad outcome.

The desire to be cucked is extremely strong, but once you cum, it’s very possibly that the “high” may go away, and you come back down to reality. You really don’t want your husband to cheat. You really don’t want him to fuck the pretty girl he just met without the boundaries being discussed.

It’s important for new cuckqueans to be aware of this high because some first time cuckqueans might masturbate to orgasm during the process of being cucked, and then suffer anxieties as reality sets in and realize the love of their life is pounding a prettier pussy. They are likely to become jealous.
I don’t think all cuckqueans experience the loss of the “high”, but I would be interested in hearing feedback from other cuckqueans.

1. You don’t have to be friends with everyone.
2. Choose your friends wisely. They can affect your journey in the long run.
3. Distance yourself from people who only exists and remembers you when they need something.
4. Don’t allow and encourage negativity to be in your life.
5. There will always be toxic people around you, learn to detach yourself so you won’t be ending up just like them.
6. You can create borders around yourself so negativity can’t get into your head.
7. Be with people who encourage you to become the best version of yourself.
8. You become the people that you associate with.
9. Don’t give too much authority to your thoughts and peers.
10. You cannot fix people. You can only fix yourself and be an example to them.
—  E.J. Cenita, 10 Realizations That Changed My Life