destroying-myself

it always starts out the same.

9:30pm driving with Pink Floyd blaring out the anthem of the months to come.
‘wish you were here’ a hum of emotion,
floating around each other like mirror images of the same ghost.
we  learned and grew through our mistakes knowing certain people,
we’ve felt the difference that changes bring to our lives.
and do you think you can tell that
as I swim carelessly through the humidity of Texas heat,
that I am completely in love with you.

12:21pm and Brandon Flowers is telling us that being still is okay.
we weave through traffic,
blazing sun and
blazing bruises planted on necks and shoulders and thighs and-
I hear him tell me about what makes up a person;
flesh
bone
being born in the heat of destruction.
I’ve destroyed myself time and time again for partners who
wouldn’t knock over a sand castle.
I rewind my time,
try to be still in that moment while Dallas passes by me.

'Dani California’ is a steady thrum in my heart at 11:34 am,
I am alive and wild and free in this moment.
I am a shotgun shell blown fast and loose out of the barrel,
I am sweet kisses in bed when the rest of the world has gone to sleep
(or I think of it this way since I’ve never realized I could love the silence)
we bear our teeth at each other,
restless and hungry for love,
our sex is a religion I will carelessly throw myself into.


it always starts out the same.

our love is a perfume that hangs thick in the air;
so heavy that all those around us can smell it.
Coldplay nurses my aching wounds with 'green eyes’
reminding me that I shouldn’t be so easy in throwing away my own.
out of the corner of my eye,
I watch you fix your own gaze at me,
searing and impossible mournful.
I bear the sorrow of a thousand life times,
like when a red string tied between destined hearts,
is finally broken.
what I mean to say is that,
despite the weight,
I have never felt more able to fly.

it always starts the same.

songs heard on radios become your guide and savior,
your release and your binding.

we are broken records hung on walls and listened to by others,
we are flipping channels and changing stations,
we are lyrics and songs that were so beautiful,
the gods couldn’t bear to have them in proximity to
one another.

—  music. K. Kazik.

i’ve been seeing a lot of negativity on my dash lately, mostly from my mutuals. 

it makes me sad, being so far away from you guys. i want to help. you’re my friends and i want you guys to be happy. even if it means destroying myself in the process. if i could, i would do everything in my power to make your lives less shitty, even if it cost me my own. 

i’m… a lot like bleu, i guess. i could care less about myself, but the people i care about mean so much to me. you guys are what give me my reason for living. i… i don’t have much else. 

please believe me when i tell you that you are good. you’re not a monster or a demon. you’re simply human– you’re not perfect. nobody is. but you matter. you matter to every person who loves you, every person who has ever loved you and everyone who will love you in the future. 

i love you. 

if you guys ever, ever need someone, please don’t hesitate to ask. i will literally drop whatever i’m doing for you. i’m here. you’ll always have my shoulder to cry on, i promise. 

anonymous asked:

Orpheus: [holding his sleeping, young male lover, looks to the ghost of Eurydice] "I'm not here to // snog the busts of roman emperors, dead gods // (as much as I'd like to) // I'm here to destroy myself. // Indulge my vices, cherry pie. // Let Apollo drown me in throw of burnt out lights and calamity // Frozen stares, and prophecy. // I've grown six ft. since I sat down in this // bar stool // and not even Jack and his lover Daniel are going to let me // forget you." // Light: [exeunt] -dorian

. the dead anon poets society .

“On my journey to try and remove Rey… I almost destroyed myself. At this rate his enemies aren’t going to be my parents its going to be bad motels.” - Pat

“Pat’s Motel Adventures”
Time: 3:46:48 spread across three days.
Program: Medibang Paint Pro
Notes: I am sorta horrified by how good i am at finding disgraceful colors schemes.
FUN FACT: The mouse’s name is Gilbert.