For @casmish, because both she and Cas deserve love and cuddles.

The thing is that even though Dean has now admitted to liking chick flicks, and become comfortable with the fact that he likes cooking and cleaning and homemaking, and is even less ashamed of enjoying things that would definitely have not been ‘100% John Winchester Approved’—he has a hard time with cuddling. Not that he doesn’t like it; he freaking loves it. Dean’ll cuddle with anyone, any time, any place… he just has a hard time accepting that about himself.

Sam would probably chalk it up to the fact that he was touch-starved as a kid, and go off on some psychological bullshit tangent about how Dad didn’t create a touch-positive environment, so now Dean has a hard time admitting that he’s a total slut for any and all physical affection blah blah blah. That’s not the point.

The point is that Cas… helps.

Dean thinks he and Cas are kinda perfect for each other; their crazy matches up, they both have daddy issues, they’re learning to love themselves—whatever. They make a good, if kinda touch-starved, pair.

This is probably why they’re always cuddling.

Like now, for example.

Now, Sam is watching TV, Mom is reading in her room, and both Dean and Cas have cited exhaustion and begged off for the night. They are currently in Dean’s room, (because he has the better mattress,) in their undies, holding each other and kissing like they’re at a middle school dance.

That is to say: it’s really not going anywhere.

Which Dean knows he should find weird—after all, what is the point of kissing unless it leads to sex—but he’s just kinda… basking in the attention. Cas is all warm skin and fluffy hair and miles of pliable, relaxed muscle. He kisses like they’ve got all the time in the world, so Dean follows his example; trails his hands up Cas’s bare back, nuzzles his cheek before depositing kisses up and down his jawline. They tangle their fingers together and hum and smile and sometimes they don’t kiss at all; they just hold each other, and talk or not talk, and sleep or not sleep, and just… exist in the same space.

It’s like freakishly nice.

Dean’s favourite moments are when Cas becomes like a human octopus, when they’re so into just holding each other that everything falls away and he can love on his angel without even feeling remotely weird about it. Dean really loves running his hands through Cas’s hair at times like these—his fingers work like an instant muscle relaxant—and he’s, oddly, a huge fan of talking. Dean has said some of the most embarrassing shit he’ll ever say cuddled up with Cas in one corner or another. Things like: “M’so glad I got you, Cas” and “Love you so much I don’t know what to do with it all” and “You’re so gorgeous. Got no words to describe how gorgeous you are.” But whatever, it’s just him and Cas, and while he’s going on about how blue the angels’s eyes are, Cas is making galaxies out of his freckles so. It’s kind of a win-win.

So, yeah, Dean may have a hard time admitting that to himself that he likes this… but it’s a work in progress. Laying down, with Cas draped over him all warm and beautiful and good and like an uncanny imitation of the perfect boyfriend, he thinks the whole thing is a lot less scary.

For @museaway because con drop is a thing and because I’m too shy to talk and because traveling. <3 (This prompted by that adorable phone call from Mama Mia and Dean’s tendency to confide in the angel)

It’s not that Dean means to talk to Cas. He doesn’t even know when it started. It’s just…something that happens. He gets caught up in his head, and then Cas is there, and it just comes out.

The attraction to Amara. His worry for Sam. The bundle of confusion that wears his mother’s face.

It’s shit that Dean is used to carrying on his own. He’s done it for years, shouldered the hard shit because that’s his job. To protect Sam, he takes the hard shit. It doesn’t even bother him. It’s just the way things are. And so what, if he wants to talk, if he hates carrying it. Laying all the bad shit, the fear and stress and worry, the consuming, what if we fail–laying that on Sammy is selfish and wrong and it’s so anathema to who he is Dean never really considers it.

But Castiel is different.

Castiel is a soldier, God’s soldier, and he takes care of Dean. Sure, it’s symbiotic. They help each other. But he’s never needed Dean’s care, not the way Sam does.

And he talks to Dean. Tells him shit that Dean knows he doesn’t tell anyone else. He’s been doing that, trusting Dean, since they met.

Maybe that’s why it’s easy to talk to him. Because Cas trusts him. Because when Cas watches him with those fucking big blue eyes, it’s without judgment.

The angel dragged him from hell and knows every single darkest part of him, shit that even Sam doesn’t, and he still watches Dean with something like awe in his eyes.

And that.

That makes him talk.

Makes it easier for Dean fucking Winchester, the man who doesn’t talk about feelings, whose bottled them up for thirty three years, spill them out. Scatter them like pennies in a well, trusting that Cas will hold them and keep them safe.

Sometimes it’s stupid shit.

I want to watch that, of a romantic comedy they see advertised. Or, when Cas finds Dean picking through the leftovers of Sam’s salad after lunch, a wide eyed stare and Don’t you tell him.

But sometimes, sometimes it’s serious. It’s late, and dark and Dean should be sleeping but he can’t and he reaches for the angel through a phone call. I’m scared.


How do I keep them both safe.

Castiel doesn’t have answers. But he isn’t meant to. He’s just meant to listen.

But there is one secret. One thing that presses against Dean’s teeth, begging to be spilled, the one thing he sees reflected in Cas’s eyes when the angel speaks and when Dean grows quiet and serious. It aches in his gut, lingers on his tongue, begging to be said, begging to be shared.

Some days, he’s afraid he’ll say it without meaning to, that it’ll be out there, and Cas will be gone.

So. It lingers, unspoken, until it’s this thing. Large and almost unavoidable, and every time Dean opens his mouth, every time Castiel looks up at him, expectant and waiting and so fucking patient, it’s there.

Until Dean stops talking.

And Cas’s smile, which had been so present, dims.

And Sam scowls, all kicked puppy angry and hurt.

Mary just watches them all with this bemused confusion.

Dean knows he fucked up. Knows what it’ll take to fix. He’s just terrified to go there. Because how do you come back?

Castiel finds him, in his room. Dean is relieved, and worried, and braced for the worst. They’ve been headed here, for weeks. Sometimes, Dean thinks they’ve been headed here since that damn barn.

I’m going in the morning, is all Castiel says. The words fall into the dark room like stones, shattering against him, and there’s nothing Dean can do to stop it.

Nothing he can do to keep Cas here.


Don’t leave me.

Castiel is staring at him. That makes it easier. Because Castiel has been staring at him, watching and waiting, for years. And it was supposed to be hard, and terrifying but now that he’s talking, it’s so fucking easy.

Dean stands, crosses the room to take Cas by the shoulder, gripping too tight.

Don’t go. Stay with me.

Blue eyes shine in the darkness, gentle and waiting, and Dean knows he knows. And it changes nothing and everything and Cas smiles when Dean says it, wild and bright, so fucking bright it’s blinding.

C’mon man. You gotta stay.

I love you.


He’s babbling, and Cas laughs, this one deep noise that soothes away the last of his fear, tugging Dean closer before he kisses him.

Later, much later, in the dark, Castiel smiles at him, draped across his chest, and Dean talks.

He doesn’t really mean to.

Its just something that happens.



  • Season 1 Dean:I'm not gay, guys.
  • Season 2 Dean:Seriously, why does everyone think I'm gay?!
  • Season 3 Dean:I'm not gay, Sammy's not gay, nobody's gay!
  • Season 4 Dean:Oh... uh...
  • Season 5 Dean:I.. Uhh.. I'm.. not..
  • Season 6 Dean:This can't be...
  • Season 7 Dean:You know what?
  • Season 8 Dean:Yeah, I'm gay for an angel.
  • Person:Hi. How's it going?
  • Me:Jared Padalecki said that the season 11 finale is going to be the saddest finale that supernatural has had so far. This could possibly mean that another major character death is going to happen. Since Dean Winchester is the one trying to find happiness this season and is constantly worrying about Cas, it is alluding that Castiel may die this season. What if, in the season finale, everything is alright and Dean finally musters up the courage to tell Cas how he feels. After all he deserves to be happy. But then in the last 5 minutes, something unexpected happens, and Castiel ends up dying right when he is about to tell him. Right in his arms. And Dean is a wreck whispering to his lifeless vessel saying ' can't be happening...I didn't even get to say I love you.'
  • Person:.....what?