“Dean, please put some pants on before our guests come over. Please. I’m begging you.”
Dean rubs sleep from his eyes and sits up on the couch. A half-eaten bowl of popcorn falls out of his lap. Aw man, I wanted to finish that, he thinks as he stares dejectedly down at the mess.
“Dean! Are you listening to me?” his mom asks.
“Yeah, mm-hmm. Pants. Sure. Can you make me another bag of popcorn?” Dean reaches down and starts tossing popcorn back into the bowl.
With a sigh, his mom grabs the vacuum from the closet and cleans up the mess herself. Dean lies back down on the couch and picks up the remote.
“You know that SNL skit where those girls sing a song about coming home for college and making their parents do everything?” Mary says.
Dean furrows his brow and pouts, but his mom just rolls her eyes at him.
“I’ll only make you popcorn if you promise to put on pants today. Promise, Dean.”
“OK, OK, I’ll put on pants. I promise.”
Mary pats his face condescendingly and says, “Good boy,” before putting the vacuum back and leaving the room.
Dean mindlessly flips through channels and tries to ignore his growling stomach. He wonders how long he’s been asleep, but his phone is all the way on the coffee table and he’d have to move a few feet to grab it so he’ll just live with not knowing what time it is.
He just finished his first semester of college, and along with the freshman 15 (OK, maybe more like 25) he also gained extreme laziness, apathy and a general sense of hopelessness about the world.
He’s been home for two weeks, and he’s still got another two weeks left to go. He’s going to milk it for all it’s worth.
When 10 minutes pass and his mom still hasn’t returned with more popcorn, Dean shouts, “Mooooom!”