despondent things

anonymous asked:

How can I know if I have bpd? Like what are some signs?

there are many different symptoms of bpd, but there are nine main criteria that you have to fit at least five of to be diagnosed with the disorder. i didn’t write this (i got it from here) but it may be helpful for those trying to self-diagnose or gauge if they have the disorder. the nine criteria are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. Even something as innocuous as a loved one getting home late from work or going away for the weekend can trigger intense fear. This leads to frantic efforts to keep the other person close. You may beg, cling, start fights, jealously track your loved one’s movements, or even physically block the other person from leaving. Unfortunately, this behavior tends to have the opposite effect—driving others away.

2. Unstable relationships. People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, with nothing in between. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash from your rapid swings between idealization and devaluation, anger, and hate.

3. Unclear or unstable self-image. When you have BPD, your sense of self is typically unstable. Sometimes you may feel good about yourself, but other times you hate yourself, or even view yourself as evil. You probably don’t have a clear idea of who you are or what you want in life. As a result, you may frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, values, goals, and even sexual identity.

4. Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. If you have BPD, you may engage in harmful, sensation-seeking behaviors, especially when you’re upset. You may impulsively spend money you can’t afford, binge eat, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, or overdo it with drugs or alcohol. These risky behaviors may help you feel better in the moment, but they hurt you and those around you over the long-term.

5. Self-harm. Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm is common in people with BPD. Suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal gestures or threats, or actually carrying out a suicide attempt. Self-harm includes all other attempts to hurt yourself without suicidal intent. Common forms of self-harm include cutting and burning.

6. Extreme emotional swings. Unstable emotions and moods are common with BPD. One moment, you may feel happy, and the next, despondent. Little things that other people brush off can send you into an emotional tailspin. These mood swings are intense, but they tend to pass fairly quickly (unlike the emotional swings of depression or bipolar disorder), usually lasting just a few minutes or hours.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. People with BPD often talk about feeling empty, as if there’s a hole or a void inside them. At the extreme, you may feel as if you’re “nothing” or “nobody.” This feeling is uncomfortable, so you may try to fill the hole with things like drugs, food, or sex. But nothing feels truly satisfying.

8. Explosive anger. If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger and a short temper. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit—yelling, throwing things, or becoming completely consumed by rage. It’s important to note that this anger isn’t always directed outwards. You may spend a lot of time being angry at yourself.

9. Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. People with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about others’ motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality—an experience known as dissociation. You may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you’re outside your own body.

So this is a thing I wrote to try and fix Yousana and redeem Noora

Noora’s head was spinning. The world around her suddenly muted and she could only grasp onto one coherent thought—William, her Wilhelm, the love of her life, had moved on from her and had a girlfriend in London. Noora felt sick at the thought of him with another girl. They had stuck with each other through thick and thin, except of course this bullshit that Niko had pulled. Fine, if he was moving on so could she. Noora searched the party for someone, anyone. Luckily, he came to her.

“Hey Noora,” he said, “Have you se-“

She lunged in and kissed him, her tongue forcing its way into his mouth. She barely cared who she was kissing; all she could think about was how William wouldn’t like it. He wouldn’t like it at all. Surprisingly, the boy kissed her back. But he was hesitant and quickly broke the kiss.

She had kissed Yousef, Sana’s brother’s friend. He was cute, but he was no William.

He just stared at her, shocked.

“Noora,” he began hesitatingly, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said, turning away. Then she thought of how guilty Sana had looked when she had confronted her and tears sprung up in her eyes. It was one thing for William to betray her, but another thing for her friends to do so.

“Hey, whatever it is, it’s okay,” Yousef said from behind her.

Noora barely heard him and ran in the general direction of the bathroom. She had barely reached when she broke down crying. She heard footsteps and glanced up, alarmed to find Yousef had followed her.

“I’m waiting outside,” he said calmly and left.

Noora watched him go silently. Her vacant eyes were glued to the door for a few minutes before she decided to check her phone for messages. Her lockscreen brought back the tears—it was a black and white Instagram photo of her and William. Despite their “break” months ago, she hadn’t had the heart to change it.

It was a long time before Noora Amalie Saetre emerged from the dingy bathroom of the karaoke bar and when she finally came out, she was surprised to find Yousef still there. The two of them went outside and sat down.

“Are you okay Noora,” Yousef said gently, “I know we don’t know each other really well, but I just want you to know that I’m there if you need someone to talk to.”

His kindness pleasantly surprised her and she knew that talking it out was the least impulsive thing she could do right now. So she told him about William. Not everything, not the complicated business with his asshole brother, but bits and pieces. Snippets and memories. Memories of love, desire and caring and how all of that had now gone out of the window.

“Well,” Yousef said, with a smile, “it’s just heartbreak Noora. You’ll get through it. You loved someone and you’ll love someone else.”

Then he added, “That kind of love is difficult to find and difficult to keep.”

His smile faltered.

“You’re talking about someone else now aren’t you?” she said.

Yousef stared at the ground.

“Yes.”

“It’s Sana, isn’t it?”

Now, it was his turn to look surprised.

“How did you know?”

“Please,” she said, a grin now beginning to creep up on her face, “Yousef, you wouldn’t stop talking about her at that party we all went to and I see the way you look at her. For what it’s worth, I think she likes you too.”

Yousef’s face was now a deep red.

“Really?” he said hopefully, “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.”

An infectious grin spread across his face. Noora thought it was adorable. However, the grin suddenly went as quickly as it had come.

“But she unfriended me on Facebook.”

Noora frowned.

“Hello?! Facebook friendship doesn’t mean anything.”

He stared at the ground again.

“She unfriended me after I told her I don’t believe in Allah.”

Shit, Noora thought to herself. How is anyone supposed to fix that?

However, she was determined to help. Sana was one of her closest friends and she had helped Noora through her problems both with and post-William. She deserved happiness.

“I’ll help you get her Yousef. I want to see you two happy.”

The infectious grin returned to his face, but she cringed, suddenly remembering the kiss.

“And I’m sorry about the kiss. Sometimes, when I’m upset, I can’t think straight.”

“It’s okay,” he said goodnaturedly.

“Now here’s what we do…”

And so Noora and Yousef strategized on how Yousef could finally get the girl he had pined after for years. However, what they didn’t know was that that girl had seen their kiss and drawn her own conclusions. While they met up and planned more, keeping Sana in the dark the whole time, she grew more and more despondent. Things finally came to a head for her when she eavesdropped on her brother’s friends talking about how Yousef was meeting up with and texting Noora. Strong as she was, she broke down. Everything in her life was shit—the bus, her friends, Jamilla and now Yousef. The one person who made her smile when everything else went to hell. Noora was prettier. Noora was blonde. Noora was uncomplicated. It was so unfair. She already had everything. Blinded by betrayal and despondency, Sana remembered she had Noora’s email password—exper5. Now, it was time to use it.

Don’t let Sana’s intentions be misunderstood; she never meant to hurt Noora.

Don’t let Noora’s intentions be misunderstood; she never meant to hurt Sana.

Don’t let me be misunderstood.



TOP SAT mimi-isms

“a boy and a girl befriended me / We bonded through despondency"

“things you would never do / you rhapsodize and get caught up in the hype”

"after so much suffering I finally found unvarnished truth”

“thank you for embracing a flaxen-haired baby.“

"breathless and fervid amidst the dandelions”

“it’s a shame to be so euphoric and weak when you smile at me”

“heartbreaker, you’ve got the best of me / But I just keep on comin’ back incessantly"

“been destitute / I’ve seen life from many sides / been stigmatized”

“the feeling was so heady and sublime"

“glittering lights, incandescent eyes”

“you’re so captivating that I inadvertently always catch myself thinking ‘bout the things you do”

“so intangible, just like an echo”

“I no longer live in your dominion”

“gimme some pure delectable love”

“well, I guess I’m trying to be nonchalant about it”

“evidently your words were merely lies, reverberating in my ears and the echo won’t subside”

“farewell, fairweather friend / abandonment returns to taunt me again”

“Inherently it’s just always been strange”

“you and me in a cloud of reverie / spin around inside my head unendingly”

“soft heavenly eyes gazed into me transcending space and time”

“wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies”

“you ain’t seeing things or hallucinating / I bring that levity”

“basically she kept it all inside / childlike and effervescent with a well of pain”

“I’ve inadvertently embodied many personas.. lately, they’ve been calling me, ‘The Elusive Chanteuse’”

Why are all my kids so weird?

The 5 year old is always in some kind of bucket or box. Like he puts Rubbermaid tubs in his bed and sleeps in them. He has been deep in mourning over the loss of dinosaurs for two weeks. Just moping around laying despondently on things occasionally saying in a sad voice “But why did they have to die? What killed them?”

The 2 year old keeps slipping behind this chair and like making a little nest back there and refusing to come out. Instead of stuffed animals she sleeps with a fake candle and is constantly naked.

The 11 year old went to a pool party today and brought a bag of colorful rocks. He also left his swim suit in the car and didn’t realize it for at least 30 minutes despite the giant pool and his friends actively swimming.

Even the dog buries her face in the couch cushions until she’s sticking straight up like those foxes that dive into the snow.

I am wearing a tiara though. And when Ryan left to go to the pet store I put my hand on his cheek and whispered very dramatically “Stay safe my love. Come back to me” while he rolled his eyes and asked me what kind of dog food he needed to get.

So I think this is mix of nature and nuture coming into play here.

Vivid

It’s so easy to get despondent and despairing about things in the world. If it isn’t a terrorist attack, it’s an earthquake or an outbreak of something.
So your options are to give up and do nothing, or to live more fully than ever.
I don’t want to give up hope, because that does’t get you anything. 
- CM


7th June 2017.
Polychromos and white gel pen, 21,5x21cm, about 10h.

I flickr I insta I

Ven Has Borderline Personality Disorder

Originally posted by turnupthebassnow

There are indicators in-game that Ven/Vanitas may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. Let’s go through the nine symptoms of BPD, copy-and pasted from helpguide.org. We will also analyze Vanitas’s behavior, and symptoms that don’t apply will be crossed out: 

1. Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. Even something as innocuous as a loved one getting home late from work or going away for the weekend can trigger intense fear. This leads to frantic efforts to keep the other person close. You may beg, cling, start fights, jealously track your loved one’s movements, or even physically block the other person from leaving. Unfortunately, this behavior tends to have the opposite effect—driving others away.

Ven actually doesn’t display this too prevalently, although we do so that being refused to be taken on Terra and Aqua’s travels was enough to seriously hurt him and wonder if they were in fact still his friends, which ties into the second symptom. 

2. Unstable relationships. People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, with nothing in between. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash from your rapid swings between idealization and devaluation, anger, and hate.

Ven, as we see, adores his friends, particularly Terra. Then the events of Radiant Garden happen. The minute Aqua hurts Terra’s feelings, Ven is quick to insult her and run after Terra. And when Terra and Aqua later refuse to take him with them on their travels, he says this line “It must be nice, knowing who your friends are.” 

A single argument has left Ven doubting the sincerity of his four year long friendship with Terra and Aqua, who he’s lived with and trained alongside for those four years. He regains his faith in their friendship quick enough, but that too indicates rapid swings between idealizing his friends to doubting them to idealizing them again.  

3. Unclear or unstable self-image. When you have BPD, your sense of self is typically unstable. Sometimes you may feel good about yourself, but other times you hate yourself, or even view yourself as evil. You probably don’t have a clear idea of who you are or what you want in life. As a result, you may frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, values, goals, and even sexual identity.

For this, we have to look at Ven’s relationship with his dark half, Vanitas. We see Vanitas hates Ven. He calls him worthless and idiot and outright tries to murder him despite Xehanort’s orders. Vanitas doesn’t display this hatred to anyone else, only Ven. Since Vanitas is Ven, you can interpret this as Ven hating himself. 


4. Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. If you have BPD, you may engage in harmful, sensation-seeking behaviors, especially when you’re upset. You may impulsively spend money you can’t afford, binge eat, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, or overdo it with drugs or alcohol. These risky behaviors may help you feel better in the moment, but they hurt you and those around you over the long-term.


5. Self-harm. Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm is common in people with BPD. Suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal gestures or threats, or actually carrying out a suicide attempt. Self-harm includes all other attempts to hurt yourself without suicidal intent. Common forms of self-harm include cutting and burning.

Ven’s decision to sacrifice himself to make sure he and Vanitas do not forge the X-Blade may or may not fit this criteria. 


6. Extreme emotional swings. Unstable emotions and moods are common with BPD. One moment, you may feel happy, and the next, despondent. Little things that other people brush off can send you into an emotional tailspin. These mood swings are intense, but they tend to pass fairly quickly (unlike the emotional swings of depression or bipolar disorder), usually lasting just a few minutes or hours.

Vanitas and Aqua’s first meeting in Radiant Garden comes to mind. Vanitas tries to be cordial to Aqua, but the minute Aqua asks a question, he loses his cool, though he quickly regains it in time to challenge her to a fight..not to mention, the very nature of his existence means Vanitas feels intense negative emotions. 

This quick change in mood is also shown when Ven meets Vanitas. Ven is perfectly cordial to the stranger in the mask who just showed up in his room unannounced, until Vanitas badmouths Terra. Vanitas later badmouths Terra again at the graveyard. Both times Vanitas is unarmed, and both times Ven gets into a fighting stance. 

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. People with BPD often talk about feeling empty, as if there’s a hole or a void inside them. At the extreme, you may feel as if you’re “nothing” or “nobody.” This feeling is uncomfortable, so you may try to fill the hole with things like drugs, food, or sex. But nothing feels truly satisfying.

Originally posted by 3ladyinred3

Need I say more? 

8. Explosive anger. If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger and a short temper. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit—yelling, throwing things, or becoming completely consumed by rage. It’s important to note that this anger isn’t always directed outwards. You may spend a lot of time being angry at yourself.


9. Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. People with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about others’ motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality—an experience known as dissociation. You may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you’re outside your own body.

As if you’re outside of your own body” Redirect to number 7. 

From this, you can conclude that Ven and Vanitas almost certainly have BPD during the events of Birth By Sleep, each displaying different symptoms of the disorder. Whether it is a result of the trauma of their separation of something he’s always struggled with is up to you, though I am of the opinion that Ven has had the disorder since before the split, since, as I said earlier, Vanitas’s hatred for Ven doesn’t just happen. Also, the fact that even before he met the man, Ven’s darkness and light was prominent enough for Xehanort to try forging the X-Blade with a single heart and later actually manages to make a quasi-X-Blade has to mean something (it has been noted that people with the disorder not only display intense negative emotions but also can display exceptional joy, love, and enthusiasm: traits normally associated with light). 

Also, people with BPD are said to have ‘black and white thinking’. Black and White. 

Originally posted by akushion

So, that’s my argument. You can rip this head canon from my cold dead hands. 

It’s so easy to get despondent and despairing about things in the world. If it isn’t a terrorist attack, it’s an earthquake or an outbreak of something. So your options are to give up and do nothing, or to live more fully than ever. I don’t want to give up hope, because that doesn’t get you anything.
—  Chris Martin (x)
As someone who suffers from BPD

As someone who suffers from BPD I couldn’t help but notice a LOT of traits in one of my favourite characters, Amelia Shepherd and I really think if I was a psychiatrist I would say she meets most of the criteria. The following is taken from a website but it is based on the DSM V …

The 9 symptoms of borderline personality disorder

Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. Even something as innocuous as a loved one getting home late from work or going away for the weekend can trigger intense fear. This leads to frantic efforts to keep the other person close. You may beg, cling, start fights, jealously track your loved one’s movements, or even physically block the other person from leaving. Unfortunately, this behavior tends to have the opposite effect—driving others away.
Unstable relationships. People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, with nothing in between. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash from your rapid swings between idealization and devaluation, anger, and hate.
Unclear or unstable self-image. When you have BPD, your sense of self is typically unstable. Sometimes you may feel good about yourself, but other times you hate yourself, or even view yourself as evil. You probably don’t have a clear idea of who you are or what you want in life. As a result, you may frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, values, goals, and even sexual identity.
Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. If you have BPD, you may engage in harmful, sensation-seeking behaviors, especially when you’re upset. You may impulsively spend money you can’t afford, binge eat, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, or overdo it with drugs or alcohol. These risky behaviors may help you feel better in the moment, but they hurt you and those around you over the long-term.
Self-harm. Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm is common in people with BPD. Suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal gestures or threats, or actually carrying out a suicide attempt. Self-harm includes all other attempts to hurt yourself without suicidal intent. Common forms of self-harm include cutting and burning.
Extreme emotional swings. Unstable emotions and moods are common with BPD. One moment, you may feel happy, and the next, despondent. Little things that other people brush off can send you into an emotional tailspin. These mood swings are intense, but they tend to pass fairly quickly (unlike the emotional swings of depression or bipolar disorder), usually lasting just a few minutes or hours.
Chronic feelings of emptiness. People with BPD often talk about feeling empty, as if there’s a hole or a void inside them. At the extreme, you may feel as if you’re “nothing” or “nobody.” This feeling is uncomfortable, so you may try to fill the hole with things like drugs, food, or sex. But nothing feels truly satisfying.
Explosive anger. If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger and a short temper. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit—yelling, throwing things, or becoming completely consumed by rage. It’s important to note that this anger isn’t always directed outwards. You may spend a lot of time being angry at yourself.
Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. People with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about others’ motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality—an experience known as dissociation. You may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you’re outside your own body.


By the way, I am not in any way claiming to be an expert, I’m only a sufferer and this was just my opinion/observation. x

anonymous asked:

Would it be okay could you tell me what bpd is exactly?

yeah sure, this is a text from the internet; 

  1. Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. Even something as innocuous as a loved one getting home late from work or going away for the weekend can trigger intense fear. This leads to frantic efforts to keep the other person close. You may beg, cling, start fights, jealously track your loved one’s movements, or even physically block the other person from leaving. Unfortunately, this behavior tends to have the opposite effect—driving others away.
  2. Unstable relationships. People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, with nothing in between. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash from your rapid swings between idealization and devaluation, anger, and hate.
  3. Unclear or unstable self-image. When you have BPD, your sense of self is typically unstable. Sometimes you may feel good about yourself, but other times you hate yourself, or even view yourself as evil. You probably don’t have a clear idea of who you are or what you want in life. As a result, you may frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, values, goals, and even sexual identity.
  4. Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. If you have BPD, you may engage in harmful, sensation-seeking behaviors, especially when you’re upset. You may impulsively spend money you can’t afford, binge eat, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, or overdo it with drugs or alcohol. These risky behaviors may help you feel better in the moment, but they hurt you and those around you over the long-term.
  5. Self-harm. Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm is common in people with BPD. Suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal gestures or threats, or actually carrying out a suicide attempt. Self-harm includes all other attempts to hurt yourself without suicidal intent. Common forms of self-harm include cutting and burning.
  6. Extreme emotional swings. Unstable emotions and moods are common with BPD. One moment, you may feel happy, and the next, despondent. Little things that other people brush off can send you into an emotional tailspin. These mood swings are intense, but they tend to pass fairly quickly (unlike the emotional swings of depression or bipolar disorder), usually lasting just a few minutes or hours.
  7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. People with BPD often talk about feeling empty, as if there’s a hole or a void inside them. At the extreme, you may feel as if you’re “nothing” or “nobody.” This feeling is uncomfortable, so you may try to fill the hole with things like drugs, food, or sex. But nothing feels truly satisfying.
  8. Explosive anger. If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger and a short temper. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit—yelling, throwing things, or becoming completely consumed by rage. It’s important to note that this anger isn’t always directed outwards. You may spend a lot of time being angry at yourself.
  9. Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. People with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about others’ motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality—an experience known as dissociation. You may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you’re outside your own body.
2

“Okay ladies, now let’s get in formation”

It’s the one year anniversary of Beyoncé’s song “Formation”, and issue #2 of Marvel’s America comic (due in April 2017) has a cover by Joe Quinones of Miss America Chavez, paying homage to the classic Bey track.