desperate-living

Uspoken shoutout to all the quiet lives' desperation

Sometimes it sucks to be the nice one
Or at any rate one who tries to be-
The one who tries to keep peace
The one who if or when rarely
we get upset & are justifiably fed up (finally)
are accused of either over sensitivity
or of overreacting
The one who others easily forget
Because we try not to be
Greedy, needy, inconsiderate
Or anything too extreme-
It fucking sucks to be the nice one
Who tries to do what’s right
but only when we inevitably
do something wrong or trip up are we seen
As anyone worth taking the time to notice
what a botched mess-up we’ve made of everything…
Sometimes I wonder if we/
Who am I kidding,
we all know I’m talking about me-/
If I just quit trying to be nice would that make everyone happy?
Maybe they’re right because after all,
If I have to try so hard that obviously shows that’s not truly who or how I am naturally-
So perhaps the problem is one of inadequate honesty-
Well let me fix that right now,
Clear as crystal can you read between
the lines I’m laying down so as to show exactly how fully completely depraved I can, have been and always would be
If it weren’t for grace and others’ love shown unselfishly
That shamed and drew me to want with all my soul and being
to be better than I have been or could be
on my own without that love that touched & changes me?
Why would I want to fall back down into the damnable morass of who I used to/sometimes still slip back to be?
Well shove that shit back where it came from- suggested congenially
Because I try to be kind
Not because I’m some holier-than thou saintly being
Not because I’m better or worse than anybody
not just for other’s sake but primarily
so I can face myself & Truth at any time
and not justly utterly entirely loathe my life
Or who I’ve been trying to be
rather, so I can better love myself
Instead of inducing or imposing my own inner hell
so hopefully that striving for some semblance of integrity
Possibly helps me love others like we all need
but perhaps generally don’t deserve to be….

6

“To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about. If someone vomits watching one of my films, it’s like getting a standing ovation. But one must remember that there is such a thing as good bad taste and bad bad taste.” - John Waters

break me
in your hands, love
where i’ll always be 

4

#Angie just wanted to live next door #to her stunning and supportive best friend #while Peggy had to decline #because she cared for Angie too much #and didn’t want her to end up like Colleen #and then 7 episodes later #they’re living together #this is too much