desi a

anonymous asked:

Hello! I'm 14 and I'm already arranged. I don't know how to feel about it. No one tries to listen to my perspective. Like I know its "bad" and all, but I can't see my way out of it. It'll make my mom happy, my future husband happy, and his parents happy. If I just sacrifice my happiness, so many people's worries will be gone. I can't see a way out of it, I'm just afraid. What I'm trying to ask is, is there anything good about arrange marriage?

no there’s nothing good about it. I don’t know where you live and what kind of resources you have at your disposal, and when you are promised to be married, but it’s in your best interest to actively start thinking about getting out of it. Whether that’s talking to your parents and pacifying them by telling that you will get married, but only after you finish your college degree (the aim being that you get a degree, because without it you will always be financially reliant on either your parents or your husband and you will never be able to get out and make your own way without it). Or asking your parents elders’ to talk to your parents. Or getting anybody who is on your side involved and speaking for you, be it an older brother or your grandparents. May be a local imam who favours women’s education.

You can tell your parents you did an istikara and that it is a no. And you can get local authorities involved. But you are young and need guidance, so talk to someone older but obviously someone who sees a problem this!! But start planning an out, start thinking of this is an absolute thing you want to avoid.