What’s the deal with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder)?
Someone asked us:
I have not been diagnosed, but after reading the symptoms and accounts from many people who have a uterus, I’m almost positive I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It’s wreaking havoc on my school work, my relationships, my mental state, and my ability to function, but seeing medications like Prozac and Zoloft scare me. Will a doctor believe me, or will I be perpetuating the angry PMS stereotype? And is it possible hormonal birth control alone would help?
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is no joke, and from what you’ve described, it would probably help to talk with a doctor or nurse about your symptoms.
Both PMS (premenstrual syndrome) and PMDD are very real, and I’m so sorry if worrying about people’s attitudes has held you back from getting treatment. You deserve to be listened to and to have a professional work with you to feel better.
Most people who menstruate have some PMS symptoms, like cramps, bloating, breast tenderness, and mood changes before or during their period — like being quicker to tears, more irritable, or feeling crummy overall. But some extra self-care is usually all it takes to get through it.
PMDD is much more severe and debilitating, and as it seems to be in your case, disruptive to relationships, school, and work.
There are 2 things you can do if you’re worried that you might have PMDD.
Make an appointment with a doctor or nurse. You can visit a general practitioner (i.e. primary care or family doctor or nurse), a gynecologist (like a gyn at your local Planned Parenthood health center), or a psychiatrist. Ask about your doctor’s familiarity with PMDD diagnosis and treatment before making an appointment.
Keep track of your symptoms — both emotional and physical — from cycle to cycle, including timing and how severe they are. That way you can tell a doctor or nurse exactly what’s been going on.
There’s no test that can tell you for sure whether you have PMDD, so it can take awhile to diagnose. When you visit your doctor, they may take some blood tests to rule out other causes of your symptoms. They may ask you questions about any history with anxiety or depression you might have had in the past.
There’s no single treatment that’s right for all PMDD patients, either. Some people get help from antidepressant medicines, but that’s not the case for everyone — and those medicines definitely don’t have to be the first treatment you try if that’s not your thing. Hormonal birth control is another very common treatment — including birth control pills that are FDA-approved to treat PMDD or methods that help eliminate your periods altogether.
Some other PMDD treatments include lifestyle changes, diet changes, vitamins and herbal supplements, and hormone therapies. In extremely rare cases, PMDD can be so severe and resistant to other treatments that patients opt for a hysterectomy or oophorectomy (removal of uterus or ovaries).
Knock on his door. When he opens it, don’t even say hello. Just say it. Tell him. Don’t ask how he’s been or beat around the bush. Blurt it out. You’ve held it in so long. He deserves to know. You deserve to tell him.
‘I still love you,’ you’ll say. ‘I’ve loved you since the moment I met you and I’ve never stopped. Not for a minute—not even for a second. And I know it’s insane, and I know I should be over you by now. But I’m not, and I’m still crazy about you. And I love you. So, that’s the truth. I love you. I do. I still do.’
And maybe he will say it back, maybe he won’t. Either way, say it. Because tomorrow isn’t promised and living without him isn’t even living at all.
excerpt from an unfinished book #107 // Advice I wish someone would’ve given me sooner
you deserve better than to be called “pretty” you deserve better than to get upset and go online to act petty. you deserve better than to be on “hold”. you deserve better than to hold onto someone who’s already let go. you deserve better than to be held in convenience.
you deserve better than to keep your relationship “lowkey” because.. “someone might see” and someone “might ask questions” and someone might wonder why someone like you would rather hang around a boy who wont commit when someone like them is ready to love you. is ready to learn you.
ready to show you - who you are. paint you a picture of you through his eyes and convince you that you are indeed art.
show you the way he’s mesmerized the way your broken heart still beats the way it flutters when whole eyes and yours meet the way it silences to express its beat. show you how much he realizes you need healing from this hurting. i know you. i know something about what you’ve been through. i know some days feel like heavy weights and hearts with protection that you’ve failed to break through and i know what it’s like to put heart break on hold for the love of your life who forgot relationships take two. i know he forgot to say “i love you, too” i know he forgot to stay faithful. i know you forgot about the time you promised yourself you’d do better but every time you try to leave something keeps pulling you back - telling you this is the best you’ll ever have in life. so you stay the night. - - - every night he misses you after remembering your head and how good it works. and how good it feels to know no matter how bad it gets - you’ll always come back. I know you. and he does too. we know the way your stomach drops at the thought of him loving someone better. so he knows you wont search for better and I know you deserve better. I know you deserve better than to have your spirit bruised. I know you deserve someone who empowers you. I know just how beautiful you could be if only you could see your own value. I know you. you’re a collection of paradox’s you’re a compilation of food for thought you’re a woman - before all things. you’re more a lover than a fighter - after all it seems.. you’re special. and I know you know you deserve better than to settle.
(A/N): I don’t know man I just really love dean winchester
Summary: The boys frequently stop at a diner in the middle of nowhere when they’re hunting and it just so happens that Dean takes a liking to one of the waiters there.
Warnings: some swearing
Dean strode into the diner with all of his teenage cockiness, smiling proudly as he and Sam marched right on in to get some food. Dean knew he was going to be denied service but he’d be damned if he wouldn’t try to get Sammy a nice meal today, god knows the kid deserved it. So Dean did stride in there, head held high as he took a seat at some booth, waiting to be served and denied.
“Hi,” Came a sweet voice. “What can I get for you boys today?” Dean looks up only to be meet with the sweetest pair of eyes he’d ever seen in his life. They were soft, young, held a sort of innocence to them and Dean would be lying if he said he didn’t swoon just a bit. This waiter couldn’t be more than sixteen, maybe even fifteen, around Dean’s age perhaps.
“Dean,” Sammy whispered, gently kicking his leg under the table. “I want pancakes,” The waiter smiles, quickly jotting down pancakes.
“Anything you’d like to drink with that sweetheart?” They smile tenderly at Sam, their eyes twinkling with a form of fondness that Dean had never seen upon a stranger before. It was refreshing to say the least.
“um…just some orange juice please?” The waiter smiled quickly jotting it down before turning their attention to Dean.
“How ‘bout you?” Dean swore his cheeks were burning as the waiter stared at him, their gaze warm upon him.
“I don’t need anything,” He smiles despite the painful grumbling of his stomach. He didn’t have enough money for both him and Sammy to eat so Sammy always got food, Sam was always put first. The waiter gave him some form of a smile before nodding, placing their little notepad back in their apron.
‘You’re food will be out in just a moment,” And with that the waiter turned on their heel, walking off into the kitchen.
In the meanwhile Sam and Dean made idle talk, when John was going to be back, how Sam’s new school was working out for him, maybe when they were going to hit the road next. It didn’t take very long for their food to come out so the two didn’t have much time to talk, but Sam surely wasn’t complaining as a fresh stack of pancakes was placed in front of him. Dean smiled at his younger brother, knowing that even though he was starving Sam was not, Sam was full and happy and healthy and that’s all that really mattered to him-
Dean’s thoughts stopped short when his own plate of food, one he hadn’t ordered was placed in front of him. Bacon, eggs, toast, and what looked like a damn nice cup of coffee was placed before him, looking absolutely delectable.
“I’m sorry,” Dean turns to look at the sweet waiter, a polite smile on his face. “I think you messed the order up, we didn’t ask for anything else other than-”
“I know,” The waiter nods , their smile damn near radiant in the dingy light of the old diner. “You look like you need it though,”
“Oh no!” Dean goes to push his plate forward, refusing to accept the waiter’s kindness. “I can’t take this, no-”
“It’s just going to go to waste if you don’t, please, my treat,” Dean smiles sheepishly, still unsure of whether or not to eat his food but the painful clenching of his stomach won in the end and he nearly inhaled his food.
“You gotta want something in return,” Dean murmured before he had began his feast. The waiter merely smiles, an almost cocky sly one as they stare at Dean.
“You just keep showing that pretty face around here and It’s all the payment I’ll ever need,”
Needless to say Dean would be visiting that diner many, many more times.
Through the years that small diner in the midst of nowhere became a frequent stop for the Winchester, whether they stopped on a hunt or if they were just craving those rather terrible diner foods, either way they’d always stop at that particular one. The second time Dean visited that diner, year later, perhaps when he was in his late twenties, he was not expecting that sweet waiter to be there, looking as beautiful as the day Dean had met them.
Dean was nearly speechless when he walked in, that same waiter was behind a counter, idly tapping their pen on the counter when they perked up at the sound of the door opening. If Dean looked as shocked as he thought he did it nearly paled in comparison to the waiter. Their beautiful eyes widened and their lips parted in silent shock, leaving the two staring at each other for a good few moments before Sam stepped in, staring at the two strangely.
“Dean?” Sam whispers, “Earth to Dean, you in there?” Dean snaps out of his haze, focusing on his little albeit bigger brother beside him.
“Uh yeah,” He smiles, nodding, his gaze starting to flit back to the waiter. Sam follows his gaze, scrunching up his brow in confusion. Despite this he shrugs it off, a bit to hungry to care why Dean was ever so lovingly staring at some waiter. Sam pushed past Dean, grabbing his elbow and dragging him to some old, worn down booth. Not even a moment passed before the waiter was standing beside them, wearing that all too familiar smile.
“What can I get for you boys?” They ask, pressing the tip of their pen into their little notebook.
“Can I just get some fries and a salad,” Sam smiles politely at the waiter, a little too focused on Dean’s adoring gaze to do much else. The waiter nods and jots it down before turning back to Dean.
“Tell me you’re actually going to eat this time,” Dean smiles widely, damn near blushing at the waiters words.
“You remember me?”
“Your face is the prettiest to come through here, it’d be impossible not to remember it, now tell me, are you going to eat this time or am I going to have to buy it for you again?”
It became a hunting thing, it didn’t matter where they were, if they were even in that state, after every hunt the Winchesters would stop at the Diner, just to see that waiters beautiful face.
“Are you ever going to talk to them?” Sam asked one day as they pulled up to the small diner.
“What?” Dean turns to look at him, his face scrunched up in confusion.
“That waiter, we’ve been coming here for nearly two decades and you have yet to actually have a civilized conversation with them,”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dean mutters as he opens and slams the impala door shut, hoping his blush wasn’t too obvious.
“Dean, this place is complete shit, they find a way to make their pie greasy, and yet after every hunt we stop here. I’m not oblivious, I see the way you stare at them,” Sam opens the door to the diner, allowing Dean to slip in before closing it once again.
“I just- I just like the food, it’s reminiscent of when we were younger and-”
“Shut the hell up, we both know you’re a liar, just have a civilized conversation with them for once, maybe like ‘Hi, I’m Dean, despite the fact I’ve been coming here for over two decades I still don’t know your name, mind telling me?’”
“Shut up,” Dean grumbles as he takes his usual spot, the same booth he’d sat in for decades. The same waiter, the one that had been serving them for all these years, begins to walk up to their booth, not that Sam would expect anything different.
“You guys are early this time,” They smile as they pull out their little notepad and pen, preparing to write down their order. Sam casts Dean a side glance, mentally nudging him to talk to this waiter, the same exact waiter that had been serving them since they were teenagers. “Any special occasion?” Dean sighs, plastering a smile upon his face.
“Yeah, My name’s Dean and despite the fact I’ve been coming here for over two decades I still don’t know your name, mind telling me?” Sam smirked, mentally shouting in victory. He’d finally gotten Dean, the most stubborn man on the face of this earth, to crack. For once in his life he got his older brother to crack, god he couldn’t wait to rub this in his face.
“About damn time Dean,” The waiter chuckles, sticking their hand out for Dean to shake. “Hi,” They whisper as Dean grabs their hand, gingerly shaking it. “The name’s (Y/N),”
A Secret Santa gift for @jenswans. It was lovely getting to know you and you have been ridiculously patient with me! I hope this domestic modern AU with multiple meet-cutes exceeds expectations! You absolutely deserve it and much more!
The morning wind held a hint of spring as Emma yanked on the door to the coffee shop. She had been living in Boston for three months but had yet to find a regular coffee place. The place closest to her house was too pretentious, the one down the street had good coffee but was always crowded with college students, the one on the corner was decent but the blonde barista kept hitting on her. Emma didn’t think she was picky she just wanted a place that served simple, no frills, quality coffee, without ridiculous lines or having to endure awkward flirting.
Emma had high hopes that Cafe Hollow, despite its strange name, could be her place. It was painted in rich neutrals and littered with no-nonsense tables, the music was at a reasonable volume, the line was short, and the menu was a simple black signboard with white letters posted above the register offering simply coffee, espresso, Americano, and cappuccino and no option for sizes. Emma smiled–this was her kind of place.
“I don’t understand. You have milk, you have coffee why can’t you just make me a latte?” The raven haired woman at the front complained in an over-loud voice. Emma rolled her eyes. Why was it so hard to just order what was on the menu?
“This isn’t Starbucks.” Emma heard a male voice mutter lowly behind her and she nodded
“How can you even call yourself a cafe if you don’t serve latte’s?” The irate customer’s pitch rose.
“Seriously?” Emma murmured.
“Someone should tell her there are four other coffee shops on this block that would happily accept her patronage.” The voice added in a rich English accent. Emma gave a chuckle and glanced back to say hello to her fellow annoyed customer but stopped short.
He was a taller man with dark brown hair, a strong jaw covered in scruff, and a mouth quirked into a smirk that Emma found both endearing and dangerous. She gave him a small smile back as her heart did a strange leap and she turned back around to see the woman leaving in a huff. Emma pretended to be interested in the menu as she tried to center herself. It had been a long time since she had felt such an instant attraction–not since Neal– and the thought disturbed her, set all her personal alarms ringing. She ordered her coffee to-go and was striding out the door before the guy had a chance to try talking to her again.
Emma didn’t go back to Cafe Hollow. She told herself it was because their coffee was weak but deep down she knew it was because she didn’t want to run into “coffee guy” again. She knew it was ridiculous but after Neal, after being abandoned and betrayed, she just couldn’t trust herself or her gut when it came to men. Especially not drop-dead gorgeous men with accents and hair that looked softer than a puppy’s fur. She threw herself into her work that week taking on more skips than usual to make sure she was distracted.
That’s how she ended up at a bar called Neverland in a skin-tight red dress and heels that were killing her as she waited for her skip to show his face. She was busy watching the door when someone slid next to her.
I’m incredibly happy that he’s surrounded with love and supportive people and it’s unbelievable how much he’s like his mom, always standing strong, keeping things together, his mom when they were only them two, then the family together, the band, and the family now. He’s allowed to be weak, to sob onto his loved ones’ necks, he’s allowed to break and just stay in the background. He’s allowed to just lose it and what does he do? He’s making everything about Jay or the people surrounding him, tweeting his gratitude, he wants us to go on that stage with him because he’s gonna sing his heart out, because that was what Jay wanted and he’s gonna stay strong because that’s just who he is, and he’s the best person this earth has ever held and Louis Tomlinson deserves everything. He should be protected at all costs.
Above this text you see greatest living cop, Jake Peralta, bestowing some iconic words of wisdom, “Cool motive! Still murder.” This sentiment conveys the complicated concept that whatever your reasons, love, revenge, respect, no matter how ardently you believed in your cause, how justified you are in your heart and mind and even the hearts and minds of others… you still killed someone. And nothing. actually. changes. that.
You still killed somebody. And you deserve to be held accountable for that.
But this is not going to be a post about bashing fictional murderers! Of course it isn’t, if you’re on my blog at all, you know I love quite a few of them! No, what I want to talk about is what happens after you’ve murdered someone, for All The Right Reasons. And I’d like to talk about this in the context of Hannibal.
Hannibal Lecter is perhaps the most transparently monstrous character I can think of. No one will ever tell you that he is secretly a good person or attempt to justify his actions. Including we the people who love him. Including him which I think is extremely valuable as an example. Hannibal has no fucking interest in being redeemed and would find it rude that you suggested so.
So we can all agree, Hannibal is terrible. It is necessary we all agree and I find it VERY NECESSARY to point out that the people who love him best labor under NO misapprehensions or delusions about who or what he is. Again, no Fannibal will ever tell you that Hannibal is secretly good, no, we’re all very aware he’d eat every single one of us. We love him anyway. And that is, eventually, the point I’m trying to make. But first:
Hannibal does terrible things… simply because he wants to. And you can bet your ass he knew they were terrible things. He doesn’t do them because they are terrible, he is simply aware that they are terrible. The relative morality of his decisions has… I think zero impact on anything he does. He operates by his own code and that’s a story for a different time. But sometimes, Hannibal does terrible things to people he loves, even because he loves them.
Let’s take Will Graham. Hannibal completely abuses him while Will is under his psychiatric care, frames Will for HIS OWN murders, stabs him and leaves him to bleed out, murders their adopted daughter in front of him AFTER revealing she’s still alive AFTER Hannibal had framed him FOR her murder, attempts to murder him via head-cutting, refuses to get out of Will’s life when Will begs him to go, sets a TERRIBLE monster on Will’s wife and adopted son when he finds out Will has married someone else, and DOESN’T deny this is his motive when Will says “You don’t want me to have anything in my life that isn’t you.”
All in all, PRETTY FUCKING TERRIBLE WOULDN’T YOU SAY?! PRETTY GODDAMN UNFORGIVABLE?! And this… all of this, ESPECIALLY the last few things… Hannibal did for love. (And yes, Fannibals, I’m intentionally leaving out the good shit Hannibal did, I’m making a point, I promise)
Now, I want you to think about that. I want that sick, queasy feeling to settle in your stomach. Because this can’t possibly be love right? This isn’t healthy, this isn’t right. Why would you do those things? And some of you might already be going ‘well, love is monstrous, love is savage’ and good, fine, if you feel that way. Because I’m not here to fucking justify Hannibal Lecter, that’s not the point. But I do want you to absorb that feeling of revulsion for a second, please acknowledge on some level that, for love or not, EVERYTHING Hannibal did was wrong and we can ALL agree on that. Please feel that, on Will’s behalf. Because I’m really here to talk about Will Graham, the man who loves Hannibal Lecter.
Will knows Hannibal did all of this to him… for him. He knows why. And he is understandably pissed off. Multiple times he tries to kill Hannibal himself. Multiple times he seeks revenge. He spends ages in denial of Hannibal’s motives because look at this. Would you want to know that someone tried to cut your head open because they loved you too much? You wouldn’t want this dangerous, violent, unstable person in your life. And it wouldn’t fucking matter that they loved you, would die for you, give anything for you, and, in fact, protect you from anyone and everyone who wasn’t themselves. Because their kind of love will kill you, one way or another.
And Will denies it, for years, that Hannibal is in love with him. Even though it’s implicit and explicit, even though Hannibal gives up his very FREEDOM just for the CHANCE to see Will again. Will denies it because it would humanize Hannibal. And it would mean having to confront what Hannibal thought he was doing as well as what he actually did. It would mean, not that Hannibal was justified because that is impossible, but that Hannibal is a real, living, breathing human being with the opportunities of sympathy and love. That Hannibal, even Hannibal, is capable of love.
I am sorry to inform you that this is true. Hannibal is capable of love. He sacrifices his entire life for Will. Puts himself behind bars for Will. And, for the first time, gives Will a choice. Because Hannibal never wanted Will as his toy or slave. He wanted Will, all of Will, whole and entire with willing, conscious consent. And Hannibal, as a master of manipulation, understands the difference between coercion and consent. And he finally gives Will the freedom to choose, openly and without fear of consequence. Hannibal is powerless at the time, with no ability to revenge himself and no real wish to. He loves Will so much, that if Will chooses to leave him… Hannibal has already agreed to accept that. And he does. Despite whatever Hannibal or Will thinks, Will decides to leave and Hannibal says, “When life becomes maddeningly polite, think about me. Think about me, Will. Don’t worry about me.” He knows he will never see Will again. And he accepts it. He loves Will enough to let him go, to let Will be happy in the way Will chooses to be happy.
Will… is left with the wretched understanding that Hannibal did have a heart. And Hannibal would rather break it then make Will’s choice for him. And I’m not going to tell you Hannibal didn’t fuck up HE DID. He didn’t give Will a choice for a LONG TIME. But at the end, when it mattered, Hannibal let him go. Will knows then that Hannibal is deserving of love. If Will can accept… everything. If Will can accept what was and what is. Because he knows, all too well, what Hannibal is. Hannibal will never stop killing, can Will live with that? Hannibal will never stop eating people, can Will live with that? Hannibal will never be sorry about attacking his wife by proxy or framing him or most of the other things he did. He WAS and IS sorry about their daughter. Can Will live with that? Accept that? NOT forgive, NOT justify. There IS a difference. Because Hannibal isn’t sorry, he can’t be, a murderer is who and what he is. To be sorry or to ask forgiveness would be to betray everything he is. He can’t. But it is also true that he loves Will with all his heart and will spend the rest of his days rotting in this cell if Will asks him to. Will has to accept that, all of that, if he wants to have a relationship with Hannibal.
And here’s the crazy thing? He does. He does end up accepting Hannibal. Busts him out of jail and runs away to murder someone together. He hasn’t and never will forgive Hannibal. But that’s not the point. He accepts him, all of him, just as Hannibal accepts all of Will. Accepted the idea that Will might leave him, for good. That is what love is, friends. That is what loving a murderer is. Accepting that they and their love are worth their terrible acts. And it has fuck all to do with their motives, with anything they say. Hannibal could do nothing in Will’s decision, the only thing he COULD do, that he HAD to do, was accept. Because accepting meant he respected Will’s decision. Meant he respect Will as an autonomous person. Meant he’d rather have Will choose him, willingly, consciously, knowing everything about him, knowing the costs. Meant he wouldn’t take Will as a slave or a toy or a reward or a punishment. He wanted Will, the person, just as he is. He wanted Will to want him, Hannibal, the person, just as he is.
And you have to give people that choice for real love to happen. You have to never deny what you did, you have to OWN that it hurt them, you have to OWN that what you did might destroy any chance at a relationship. You have to accept that. Because you have to wrestle with yourself and agree that you’d rather have them with their complete choice or not at all. You have to understand that having only part of them, trapping them in a relationship they don’t really want, will eventually kill both of you.
Will accepts Hannibal because Hannibal finally gives him a choice, Hannibal finally proves he loves Will more than anything… even his own happiness. He would be miserable and lonely his whole life if that’s what Will wanted. That is love. And it DOESN’T justify what Hannibal did, that is not the point. What Hannibal did is still monstrous, to Will and to Hannibal. But Will accepts it for what it is. Accepts Hannibal for what he is and has concluded that Hannibal is worth the monstrosity. That he actually wants the monster. But, and this is crucial, only when Hannibal proved he was a monster capable of love.
TL;DR Saying “I did it for love” doesn’t change a damn fucking thing. It doesn’t obligate someone to forgive you, much less love you back. BUT, it doesn’t mean you are now undeserving of love either. What it does mean is this person now has to decide whether they can accept what you did or not. Whether they can accept you, or not. And you have nothing. to do. with. that. That is up to them and them alone. And you get to live with their decision.
This has been a Bitter, Salty, Passive-Aggressive post about Absolutely Nothing.
Remus bought us two butterbeers, and we sat at a corner table, at Three Broomsticks. Remus was really sweet, but my mind constantly drifted off to Sirius.
“(Y/N)” Remus said.“Please talk to me”
“Im so sorry !” I said. “I must be the worst date ever”
“No you’re not ”
“Why are you all being so nice to me ?” I asked, feeling weak.
“Because thats how you are !” Remus said. “You are one of the nicest girls I’ve known !”
“You are too kind to say that, Remus” I said. “I dont deserve it”
“Sure you do ! Look at me, (Y/N) !”
He held my hand in his tightly.
“The love that you have for Sirius” he said. “Its so true ! Sirius has never experienced that kind of love before, (Y/N). ”
“Of course he has” I said, my eyes filling up with tears. “You all love him…”
“Yes we do, but thats different” Remus said softly. “You have no clue how much he is missing, you, (Y/N)… Please dont think that Im justifying him ”
I shook my head.
“I know him, (Y/N)…underneath all this bad boy image, is just a lost kid…he is so vulnerable sometimes, he needs that one person who can pull him together when he is broken…he is constantly looking for that one person , not realising that she is right in front of his eyes”
“I cant-” I was in full fledged sobs now. I lowered my face to Remus’ hands, as I cried. He stroked my hair gently.
“I love him, Remus. ” I said. “Too much…it kills me to see him with someone else…I held on for too long ”
“I know, sweetheart” Remus said, soothingly. “I know its unfair”
“I dont think he will ever see it” I cried.
“Please calm down” said Remus, now handing me some paper towels.
I wiped my face with them and sat up straight.
“Its alright.” I said. “I just want him to be happy. ”
“(Y/N).” Remus said. “Things will get better…Please, just come back to us…we need you !”
I nodded. I needed my friends too
* * *
Once back in the common room, Remus hugged me.
“Thank you, Remus” I said, kissing him on the cheek. “Good night”
My dorm was empty when I stepped in. Alice must be with Frank and Lily with James. Well it felt good to be alone for a while. I changed into my pyjamas, and climbed into bed, and pulled the blanket upto my nose.
I was so tired, my muscles were all achy. I just needed a good long sleep. Just as I was beginning to drift into sleep, the door opened and closed softly.
I lay still on the bed. I didnt want a conversation at the moment. I heard soft sniffing and snuffling. Someone was crying.
“Lily ?” My voice was soft, and gorgy from sleep. Just as I sat up, the door opened and closed again.
* * *
When I woke up the morning, Lily was in front of the mirror, doing something to her hair.
“Yeah ?” Lily turned around to face me, with a warm smile.
“Is everything alright ?” I asked, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
“Sure” Lily said, sitting next to me. “Why did you ask ?”
“I thought I heard crying last night” I said. “So it wasnt you ?”
Lily shook her head, and squeezed my hand.
“How was your date, (Y/N) ?” She asked.
“Remus was really sweet” I said. “Lily, I-”
“You just need to relax” She said, cutting me off.
I just fell back to bed.
* * *
My eyes searched for only one person. And he wasnt at the common room or the Great Hall.
“Sirius ?” I asked Lily.
Lily shrugged, and then turned to James.
“Wheres he ?”
“Sleeping” James said, and the boys shared an uneasy look.
“Is he ok ?” I asked.
“He didnt sleep last night” Peter said, only to be swatted by James.
“Whats going on guys ?” I asked, exhaling loudly.
“Its nothing, (Y/N)” James said. “Hes in one of his moods. ”
I was angry. Why did everyone act like I was made of glass or something!
They were trying to help, but it obviously didnt.
“(Y/N)!” Lily was running to keep up with me.
“Just let me be, Lils!” I said, stalking away. “I just need to clear my head !”
“Please be ok, (Y/N)” Lily said, stopping.
“I love you, Lily” I said, going back to hug my friend. “I just need to be alone, ok?”
* * *
I was back on my bed, under my blanket. I just missed him so much, it made me weak, and tired. I was so lost in thought that I didnt hear the door open. But suddenly my heart skipped a beat.
I knew that smell. I knew it too well.
Sirius climbed into my blanket, and put his arms around me tightly. I could feel his heart beating really fast on my back, and his face pressed against my neck.
“Im so sorry” he said in between his tears. “Please come back (Y/N), please dont leave me !”
It broke my heart to hear him cry like that. I turned around to face him.
“Sirius,please stop ” I said, wiping his tears away. “Please”
I hugged him tightly, as he pressed his face to my chest, shivering, and tried to catch his breath.
When he was finally breathing normally, I loosened my grip on him, and pulled away, not knowing what to do.
We both lay on my bed, on our sides, looking at eachother.
“Please forgive me, (Y/N)…” he whispered. “I didnt know how important you were to me, when you were there”
I just listened quietly, as he spoke.
“But, you just left one day, and I didnt know what to do ! I didnt know that I loved you, till you left…all those girls, they were never you ! They just wanted to snog me, no one ever cared, but you…” he said,now wiping a tear that rolled down my cheek.
“I was so insanely jealous when Remus told me about your date ! I just couldnt…thats when I knew -”
He took a deep breath.
“I was so mad at him, and then he told me…” he continued.
I couldnt look at him anymore. I felt far too embarrassed. It was obvious that Remus had told him about my feelings for him.
“(Y/N), Please give me a chance” Sirius said. “Please…I swear I will be good ! I swear I will make it up to you! ”
He sat up, pulling me up with him.
“I swear I will never make you cry again, and love you for every minute our lives” he whispered. And paused for a moment, as if thinking what to say next.
“And to give you lots of beautiful babies !”
I laughed at that. This was Sirius Black.
“Lots ?” I asked, still laughing.
“Lots ! Many ! How many ever you want !” He said, now his face lighting up.
He cupped my cheeks with his hands and said, “You are so beautiful, (Y/N)”
I smiled slightly at that.
“I will keep you happy…Please just let me show you…I promise you wont regret it ” He said. “I love you, (Y/N)”
“I love you too, Sirius Black” I whispered, as he leaned forward to kiss me. It was a soft sweet kiss, and he pulled me into a hug.
“Im never letting you go” He whispered. “Never”
john watson really really wants and needs to be held and have his back rubbed and have a long detective neck to snuffle his nose in. he deserves to be comforted and held. he deserves to feel soft and happy and calm ok
I AM BETTER THAN THE CHAINS YOU WRAPPED AROUND MY ANKLES, BETTER THAN THE WAY YOU SCREAMED DARKNESS INTO MY RIB CAGE, BETTER THAN THE LIES ROOTED DEEP WITHIN YOUR VEINS. I AM BETTER THAN THE STORIES YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS, BETTER THAN THE WAY YOU PRETENDED TO CARE, BETTER THAN THE BODY YOU WANTED NOTHING MORE THAN FOR ME TO BEAR.
BECAUSE MY SOUL IS LARGER AND MORE BEAUTIFUL AND HAS MORE VALUE THAN JUST THE THINGS YOU SEE. BECAUSE I AM KIND AND SOMETIMES KINDA FUNNY AND I SCREAM EMOTION INSTEAD OF CRUELTY AND WHEN YOU HIT ME HARD, I WILL BLEED, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT’S A GOOD THING. BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU AND EVERYONE AROUND ME. BECAUSE I LIFT YOU HIGHER, EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE HELD IN THE FIRST PLACE. BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS THERE, ALWAYS THERE, ALWAYS THERE, EVEN WHEN I’M SICK OF BEING THERE, I AM ALWAYS THERE WHEN YOU NEED ME.
I AM RARE AND FLEETING AND YOU DON’T GET IT: THERE’S NOBODY ON THIS PLANET WHO’S GONNA LOVE YOU MORE THAN ME. NOBODY’S GONNA GIVE YOU EXCUSES LIKE I DO. SOMEDAY YOU’LL HAVE TO FACE YOUR MISTAKES HEAD ON. SOMEDAY I’LL GO OUT AND EXPLORE THE GALAXIES WAITING FOR ME IN SLATE. SOMEDAY YOU’LL MISS ME. SOMEDAY YOU’LL MISS ME, BUT IT’LL BE TOO LATE.
Hey guys, I just want to say something to you all. Recently, my friend, he basically told me to give up my dream because I don’t have similar grades to him, this broke my heart because I work hard to get to where I am and it reduced me to tears. The worse part was the fact that he said it without an realisation that he was hurting my feelings. They’ve made feel like I am worthless and incapable of achieving of what I want, but a very precious friend of mine told me otherwise and reminded me of my own determination to do something that I’ve had all this time.
What I want to say is, just because someone has said something- it doesn’t mean it’s true. I know that it hurts to the point where you lose sight of something and I know that it’s hard to come back from something like that. So please keep your head held high, you are deserving of your dream and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.
If you look good, take that selfie and flaunt what you got. If you feel good then flaunt that with the brightest smile you have and don’t ever be ashamed of anything.
You are your future, not their words. You are you, you have so much ahead of you and only you can get there- with the positivity from yourself and those who love you, not those who belittle you and make you feel like you can’t.
I know this is a ramble from a nobody, but I want to be somebody who you can confide in or simply talk too.
//The best part about how Linds is slowly detaching from Jonathan right now is that, while she misses him (or the concept of him she had), she’s not feeling any hatred towards him. She’s just done. I mean, of course it’s hurting her, but not nearly as much as either of us expected. It’s less of a “wrecked with grief” situation, and more of a “sighs longingly but still moves on” thing, and this is a pleasant surprise.
I could see my car from where is grave was. The first time I went it was slightly frozen but mostly water, but it’s snowed a lot and frozen over. In the bottom picture you can see where I was trying to brush snow away and dig more bones out but it was completely frozen. Slightly above it you can see part of the garbage bag that he was in under the snow.