Warning(s): Secondary character
death (background) – no depiction of death.
I knew I was going to go into
medicine from a young age. Having Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd as parents’
sort of cemented the deal.I grew up in the hospital; playing
with medical dolls and drawing on old charts. The hospital became my safe
space, especially when Derek and Addison’s fights got bigger and bigger. Some
way or another I’d always find my way back to the hospital. More often than
not, Derek and Addison would find me tucked away in some room looking over
Addison wanted me to go into
Obstetrician-Gynecology, fetal surgery, or neonatal medicine; like her. Derek
however, wanted me to experience the different disciplines and pick the one I
felt most drawn to, or happiest with.
This is probably the reason I got
along better with my dad.
As I got older, Derek and I spent a
lot of time together looking at brain scans, him showing me what different
things were, different techniques, and such. I fell in love with Neuro.
Which makes the fact that I chose
to stay with Addison when they got a divorce, surprising. I got to see Derek
once a month, which increased to almost every day, when Addison chased Derek to
But when I got accepted to med
school in Seattle, at the University of Washington School of
Medicine, Derek and Meredith invited me to stay with
them, and I did, much to Addison’s disapproval.
It was rocky at first, but Meredith
became like a cool aunt to me.
Derek, Meredith and Cristina
coached me through med school, and were probably the reason I graduated head of
Being head of my class, and having
done my internship at Grey-Sloan Memorial meant that I could do my residency
almost anywhere I wanted to, which is why I applied for Grey-Sloan Memorial, not
just to stay close to my family, but also because it had one of the best
residency programs in the country, and Metro-General in New York, where the
famous Doctor Stephen Strange worked.
Stephen and my father constantly
were in a battle for neuro supremacy, and he was my medical idol, which made
Derek roll his eyes at me. I mean, I was his daughter and I idolized his rival.
Cristiana, Meredith and I used to gossip all about Doctor Stephen Strange though,
talking about his medical techniques to how hot he was. This almost always
ended up with Cristina and/or Meredith telling me to sleep with him, since both
of them couldn’t.
When Derek died, to say I lost it
was an understatement. By then, I barely saw Addison; all I had was Derek and
his new family. But without Derek, the house was too quiet, too dark. I knew I
should have stayed, been there for Meredith. But I couldn’t look at any of his
things. Grey-Sloan Memorial became less of a safe, happy, place for me, and
more of my own personal hell.
Which is why I accepted the
residency at Metro-General.
Moving across the country to New
York was difficult. Meredith had completely shut down, and Cristina stayed with
her to make sure she didn’t hurt herself. That left Alex Karev and Miranda
Bailey to help me. It wasn’t as bad as I expected, they were both nice and
happy to help. I saw a lot of Alex at home, and he was a weird brother to me. Of
course, Miranda attempted a few more times to have me take a position at Grey-Sloan,
but I declined, and explained that I needed to be in a new place where Derek
never touched, in order to recover. I also told her that, in a few years, might
return as a Neuro attending, which she accepted.
My first day at Metro-General was
neve racking, to say the least.
My always steady hands, that I prided
myself on, would not stop shaking.
I knew the chances of me having
Doctor Strange as my attending right off the back were slim. I knew the chances
of me standing out, or of him even liking me, were even slimmer.
I just had to make sure I didn’t
make a fool of myself in front of him.
When I got to the hospital, I found
that the Residency program was smaller than I was expecting. Each Attending had
two residents instead of four.
While this surprised me, and
somewhat frightened me, I was also excited, all for the same reason: I would be
spending more time with Doctor Strange.
A couple minutes passed and the
working attendings filed into the locker room.
My breathe caught in my throat
being so close to him. My first thought was that he was taller than I expected.
After the Chief of Surgery gave a
big speech about new beginnings, and that we were the new generation of medicine,
what we would see, what we would do, what were expected of us, and do on; the
doctors, one by one, began listening off their pair of residents.
“Doctors Anderson and
Montgomery-Shepherd.” Doctor Strange read, not looking up from his clipboard,
though a small smirk played on his lips.
When all the doctors finished calling
out their residents, we all moved out.
“Anderson, there is a long list of patients
in the pit, see to them.” Doctor Strange said quickly, not even look up from
the chart he was holding when he pointed to the pile of charts for the pit,
which were on the desk next to us. And just like that, Anderson was gone.
This was the work of residents. I knew
it was coming, but I still wasn’t looking forwards to it. No one liked doing
resident work, the long shifts, barely leaving the hospital, doing research,
and doing your attending’s dirty work.
“Montgomery-Shepherd, you’re with
me.” Doctor Strange finished, and quickly began walking.
I kept telling myself I should be
saying something. Anything.
But I couldn’t.
I hatred myself for being stuck in
a star struck fashion, I really did.
If Cristina was here, she would
have kicked my ass already.
Or pushed me into him.
I don’t know which is worse.
“I’m sorry about your loss.” Doctor
Strange, said, surprisingly.
I knew him to be arrogant, not
caring about anyone but himself; his comment took me off guard.
“Thank you.” I replied quietly.
“Are you always this quiet?” He
asked, stopping to look at me.
Unsure of how to respond, I gave a
small shrug. “I guess so, Doctor.”
He sighed, “we’re going to have to
work on that. You’re a doctor. You need to act like it.”
And with that we were walking again.
“Your father was a brilliant man. Our
rivalry was just for show; I want you to know that.”
I nodded. I had hoped that there
would be no comments about Derek here. But I suppose if I wanted that, I should
have unhyphenated my name. But my name was the last real part of Derek I had. I
couldn’t let that go.
“Head of your class at University
of Washington School of Medicine, outstanding work, you should be very proud of
yourself.” Doctor Strange continued.
My heart began to beat faster. Why did he know, or care so
much about me?
“I’ve read your dissertation about
providing oxygen to dying cells to prolong the time period before nerve damage
occurs, almost twenty-times.” I said quickly, trying to change the subject back
He furrowed his brows.
“Twenty-times, a little excessive for someone
who knows subjects like that like the back of your own hand.”
Again, his comment surprised me.
This time, I found my voice.
“I’m sorry? How, and why, do you
know so much about me?”
“Derek used to talk all about you
at the Neurosurgery committees. He wouldn’t stop bragging about how smart and
beautiful you are. How you had the Shephard gene for Neurosurgery and that you
were going to peruse it. Follow in his footsteps. He was insanely proud of you.”
The Doctor’s voice softened the further he spoke.
I was stunned silent and stopped
“That is why I asked for you. I see
now that Derek was not exaggeration your beauty, which means he must not have
been exaggerating your intelligence. I’m going to make sure you live up to your
father’s legacy and create your own. And luckily for you, you’ll be working
under the best surgeon in the hospital, me.” Doctor Strange smirked at him, his
arrogance seeming to come back.
He patted me on the shoulder, in an
almost robotic sense.
Everything took a minute to
process. When it did, all I could do was nod.
Then it hit me.
Did Stephen Strange just call me
I guess that Doctor Strange came to
the conclusion of my thoughts, because he gave a small laugh and smiled at me
before nodding his head towards a long hall, before beginning to make his way
in that direction.
I quickly walked after him.
Residency wasn’t looking too bad at
And I couldn’t stop myself from remembering
all the fantasies I had about this man, Cristina’s “words of wisdom”, and that Meredith
and Cristina had both married their attendings.
Maybe, just maybe, the mention
relationship I have with the great Doctor Stephen Strange would evolve into one
of sex or romance.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when
Doctor Strange guided me into a scan room and put up a scan of a large spinal
“Normally, we aren’t supposed to
let residents in on such complicated surgeries so soon. But I need an
assistant.” Doctor Strange smiled at me, placing his hands on his hips. “What
do you say?”
He just keeps surprising me, and I’ve
been with him for under an hour!
“Shouldn’t you get someone who’s
more qualified than me? Another Neuro attending?” I asked quietly, keeping my
eyes fixed on the tumor.
My brain had already begun developing
theories on the best way to approach the tumor, without damaging the spinal
cord it was resting against.
“You’re more qualified than the
other Neuro surgeon in this hospital. Trust me.”
“Nick told me that this tumor was impossible to remove. I think
otherwise, and I’m not one for taking on cases I don’t think I can fix. After
all, I don’t want to damage my perfect record.” Again, I could hear the arrogance
behind his words, but I was used to it from Mark Sloan. “And I can tell by the
way you’re looking at it, that you agree with me.”
We spent the
next few hours discussing tactics on how to approach the tumor, only ending the
session because Doctor Strange wanted lunch.
He invited me to
sit with him during lunch and we discussed a range of topics over the short
break. One of which being my name.
is a mouthful. Can I call you by just one of those? Or your first name?” He
asked in, what I can figure, the nicest way he could.
for me. Or Jennifer. Or Jen.” I shrugged.
smiled and nodded.
Metro-General’s Neurosurgery, Doctor Jennifer Shepherd.”
Low key rant about S14 E3 people are really out here focusing on how in love Nathan is with Meredith which is understandable but that is NOT the point. Meredith is saying that you got this dream a dream that if it came true for me would leave you virtually inconsequential Derek like Megan was her heart and that can’t be replaced. Meredith wants Nathan to fight, fight like she wished she had when Addison first showed up, fight like she wished she had when Addison left, fight like she wished she had when Derek wanted to go to D.C cause maybe if she had she would have had more time. Meredith doesn’t want to be what keeps Nathan from the love of his life. She’s tired of triangles she has embraced her mess and she is stronger. This is the season of Meredith Grey.
❝Look I was married for 11 years. Addison is my family. That is 11 Thanksgiving’s, 11 birthdays, 11 Christmas’s, and in one day I am supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn’t do that, not without a little hesitation. I’m entitled to a little uncertainty here. Just a moment to understand the magnitude of what it means to cutsomebody out of my life. I am entitled to at least one moment of painfuldoubt and a little understanding from you would be nice.❞
you know, looking back, derek was such an asshole to addison;
i mean, okay, she cheated on him. it wasn’t right, and i totally get derek not being able to forgive her for cheating on him because i wouldn’t forgive her myself. but he didn’t signed the divorce papers. he said he would give her a shot, he said they would try again.
but he never really tried, did he?
he constantly cheated on addison after this. not physically, but mentally, which is even worst in my opinion. he kept chasing meredith, pushing her, poking her wounds, and then trying to look like the good man, the one who sticks with the wife. but even then, when he said they would try again, he kept throwing shit at addison. if he wasn’t going to forgive her, why did he gave her hope? and made her feel like she was the only one who screwed up their marriage?
derek tried and tried to look like the good shepherd, and ended up failing miserably. and he didn’t failed only with addison, but also with meredith. when she was trying to build her broken heart, he goes and detracts her and tells her she’s a whore? and people always says “derek, you’re a good man”. derek is not a good man. he’s tries to, but he ends up being a coward, and a failure.