And now you’re 18,
the age which you swore you’d be okay by.
At 17 you started to doubt if you’d ever be okay,
but surprisingly, you are okay.
You never saw it coming either. You were laying in bed, twisted up in sheets, quietly realizing that it had been ages since you last cried yourself to sleep.
And you’re wondering why you let all those little things hurt you when you were 14, wondering why you let people take advantage of you at 15, wondering why on earth you never expected to survive another year at 16.
And it’s not that you’re never sad anymore,
it’s just that you’re no longer consumed by your own sadness.
And you’re 18 now,
worse things have happened than bad breakups and frizzy hair.
So for the first time,
you’ve become a rock, making light of the worst situations.
At 18, you always expected to be okay,
running through fields of flowers,
grown up, beautiful, everything laid out for you, making all the right decisions and loving all the right people, all with a perpetual grin on your face.
And nothing’s like that,
you’re confused, lost, unsure, carrying the weight of your own potential on your aching shoulders, you still don’t have your life laid out, and you still cry about the little things.
But for the first time in your life
You’re truly okay.
Έρχονται και κάποιες στιγμές που νιώθεις μόνος.. Κι ας είναι γύρω σου πολλοί.. Εσυ είσαι μόνος σου.. Και θέλεις να μείνεις έτσι.. Να κλειστείς στο δωμάτιο σου για τις επόμενες βδομάδες χωρίς να κάνεις τίποτα.. Χωρίς να δεις κανέναν.. Μέχρι να σου περάσει.. Μέχρι να σε ξαναπιάσει..
this photo of me was taken about 2 years ago. I was younger and had no idea that all I wanted was to be happy. A 14 year old girl, being abused relentlessly at the time, self harming, a suicide attempt soon to come.
All she wanted was to be happy.
Now, I’m 16. I have scars that are untreatable and will line my skin for my life. I have had 10 suicide attempts, with the 11th soon to come. I suffer PTSD from aforementioned abuse. I have been in general hospital 6 times for suicide attempts and in psychiatric ward twice. A 16 year old girl, been through enough for a lifetime.