depression poetry

Do not go looking for love in a man who acts like a boy and treats you like you are one of his toys.
—  Tenari Ioapo
Deprivation

Maybe if I lose weight, you’ll love me

Maybe if I dye my hair, you’ll notice me

Maybe if I change my clothing, you’ll give me some sort of attention

Maybe if I change myself, you’ll actually want me

It’s worth bending and breaking for you

I may be hurting myself but that’s time well spent

If it means that I talk to you

I wish there was a way to kill yourself and see how everyone who you knew reacts, and then depending on that choose whether to stay dead or not. If that were the case l’d kill myself right this second.
—  (via sturzpoesie IG)
The sad thing about losing someone is that it’s not the pain that hurts the most, it’s the fear that the pain will pass. That sooner or later, you’ll pull yourself together and move on. That’s the killing blow. Knowing that someday, no matter how hard you try, you will forget how it felt to love them.
—  LA // excerpt from a book I’ll never write
That feeling when you miss someone so much not knowing if they miss you or even think of you at all.
—  Tenari Ioapo // Thoughts that kill you.

Anxiety ruins you.
It turns a simple or non existent situation, into a catastrophe.

It rips you from sleep.
To the point where it makes you sick, because you’re so tired.

It creates problems
that aren’t even there.

It’s like having a little devil on your shoulder.
All the time, whispering what could go wrong.
And what a nuisance you are,
And how awful you are.
So you start to repeat all the bad things about yourself.

“Nobody wants you around”
“You’re so boring”
“You’re ugly”
“Everyone is sick of you”
“Your boyfriend is going to get tired of dealing with this”
“You’re a mess all the time, how could anyone love that?”
“Their lives would be better if you just went far away”
Should I go away?

It makes you angry over little things.
It ruins your relationship because you’re always worried about everything.

It makes you just want to be alone.
To distance yourself.
I haven’t seen my friends in 4 weeks.

But wait, I forgot the panic attacks.
I can’t breath.
My heart is going out of control.
I’m sweating.
I’m dizzy.
My chest is so tight.
It feels like an elephant is sitting on it.

All of this is going on in your head,
But all people see is a polite smile.

Anxiety ruins you.
And it’s so damn tiring.
To fight a battle inside your head,

Every
Single
Day.

—  Chapters from my life
I’m just trying, you know? Day by day, second by second, I’m trying to keep myself together.
—  🖤
i’ve fallen for you so badly that i’m already protective over you when you’re not even mine.
—  him.