depression poetry

i feel so lost
i feel so alone
like time is gone
and i’m all
on my own
—  t.m.

“Do you ever get so fed up of the way you are that you want to shut everyone out and be all alone for a very long time?”

– I do. Always.

i don’t know why
i’m still waiting 
for you to come home
when you’ve already
found a new home 
between her legs
—  replaced - a.l.m
she tried to escape everything
but it didn’t matter how hard she tried
she stayed a shadow of her past
it’s still written on her skin
—  t.m.
i don’t think i was in love with you or anything like that.
i was just amazed by our existences’ collision despite the very little probability they had to do so. i just really enjoyed your presence, your voice and your scent. i just smiled sillily when the thought of you popped in my head and cried sincerely when you walked away. i just found it easier to breathe, to live when you were around but suddenly felt the urge to never wake up to another day when you left.
i repeat, i don’t think i was in love with you or anything. i’m a very good liar, so good i convinced myself whatever feelings i had for you were not to be called “love”. however, just like all good liars do, i knew the exact truth i was trying to cover up.

i.


there are days
when my stars
align just for me.


my inner cosmos
telling me to write
about the pain.


my inner cosmos
telling me to expand
the universe within.


ii.


there are days
when my stars
collapse.


i am made of pure
darkness.


i am made of pure
anxiety—


terrified of not seeing
the sun again.


iii.


there are days
when my stars
rise—


like the infinite suns
that they are.


illuminating my being.

—  juansen dizon, calendars

Self-destruction is not only physical, It can take precedence in many forms - like pushing everyone and everything away, until you have nothing left to live for.

c.f. // I thought I was getting better, but I’m not