depression poem

I wonder if you look at me and feel all the crazy things I feel when I look at you.
—  Tenari Ioapo // Or do you look at me and feel nothing at all because you’re only in love with the idea of me?
coping

my thoughts are withered
my eyes are bloodshot
my breath smells like i’ve taken one too many shots

tears marks are racing
i’m done misplacing
is my heart at ease now?

confused and intoxicated
feeling trapped in my own skin
wanting to rip away the layers that i’ve buried myself in

i’ve been chained to this life
with loose weights and rusty metal
i’ve become so weak that i can’t move

i thought i was getting better
but i lie to make myself happy
but what’s happiness without vices and you

Usually when I feel lonely it’s not because I don’t have people around me it’s because no one seems to think the way I do therefore I feel alone because I’m surrounded by so many people that don’t know who I am.
A Rose is a Rose

Roses,
The forever flower,
A flower that holds on to life,
But the aroma,
Died so many years ago,
The overused strip of red,
That bleeds in your hands,
Until your sorrows,
Or your love for another,
Dies as quickly,
As the importance of this flower.

I spent my whole life walking on eggshells. Laying myself over shards of glass so that others didn’t have to. I always thought I needed someone to finally do the same for me, but you showed me I just need some one who didn’t ask me to bleed for them.
—  Thank you//kayla
trapped for months,
just because you were scared.
you held me back from adventure,
simply because you were a coward.
it’s not fair that you kept me locked in,
all due to your fear.
i let you hide me away,
keep me from so many experiences.
and now you’re gone,
doing everything you kept me from.
living as if you didn’t leave me broken,
walking this earth as a hypocrite.
although i cannot say i wasn’t broken,
all those months of being shut in.
—  Locked Away // a.p // 05.29.17
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Upsetting, please ignore this.


Remember when the sound of your name
Did not make you flinch?
When it did not leave you with that overpowering fear,
And the thought that you should run?
Remember when those familiar syllables
Didn’t make you pretend to be doing something, anything, else?
Remember when your name was a promise,
That led to some exciting adventure or occasion,
Rather than this curse,
This constant fear,
Of ‘what have I done now?’

Remember when you didn’t flinch
At every raised voice,
And every loud sound?
Remember when you didn’t turn away in fear,
And you faced your problems head-on?
Remember when you didn’t wish to run,
When you thought someone might get mad?
Remember when the sound of your name,
Even when spoken by a trusted friend,
Wasn’t a shortcut to fear?

I don’t.
It’s been too long.
But if you still do,
Or if that person is still you,
Hold onto that.
It’s a little spark of hope,
And you’ll need all of that you can get,
Even if you shouldn’t.

You’re the real demon

They were ways of coping

To keep me safe

You wanted to keep me safe

Because even if they hurt

They made me feel safe

And when they couldn’t

You fed me lullabies

To soothe me

To calm me

To repair the hollow ache in my chest

Where my heart beats within its flesh prison

Where it begs to be set free

And you were there

You’re always there

It was always you

Beside me

With me

And it hurt you

To see me hurt

And that’s why you did it

You put me through hurt

So I didn’t have to hurt ever again

But the hurt you put me through was worse

And you regret every second

Every moment

And you want to take it back

But you can’t

And that’s why you keep me safe

Because with each line of blood that seeps

From the cut on my wrists

To every welt from when my nails dug into raw flesh

It hurt you too

Because you are me

We are one

But you are the part of me I hate

And you tried to take it away

You pulled the hurt away

But I pulled it right back

Because I can’t live without the hurt

It’s what keeps me going

Knowing you’re with me

And you’ll leave if the hurt is gone

So let our body be covered in the blood

Oozing fresh from our torn flesh

Where I tore us open

And let that remind you

That you are me

We are one

But I am you

yeah anyway so thats a poem i wrote i liked it so i decided even if only a few people see it its better than none so yeah just thought id drop this here

Dear freshman.

You don’t need to go out and get high and drunk to have fun but if you want to go ahead. We shouldn’t judge others but make our own decisions.

I’m going to push you away,

I need you to stay,

but I wouldn’t blame you if you dont

—  God help me//kayla