when someone confesses 
they no longer love you
it is a lingering wound that
blasts a hole in your life
and shatters your soul
—  got me fucked up - a.m

Engraved

it always came back to you

the first love

the person i care about more

than my own self

it always came back to my feelings

the late night jitters

the constant staring

hoping you would be mine someday

but we’re just friends

just friends

those two words alone

make it hard for me to sleep at night

i love you more than just a friend

i love you like a significant other

i wanted to be yours

and maybe you’d be mine

but that idea was shot

and im still left wondering

if i were to make a move

would you follow

probably not

im just dumb

a young lover who

is nothing but a loner

chasing after you

because you were my first love

and i still love you like that

at night when I go to bed
i tell myself tomorrow will be better
tomorrow I will feel better
then the morning comes
and nothing has changed
everything feels the same
—  t.m.

over the years i learned to hate my birthday. i’ve spent 18 years watching my friends as they got their locker decorated, party’s planned even when they insisted they weren’t having one, their boyfriends showering them in flowers and love poems. while each year when my birthday comes around it’s full of twitter balloons instead of real ones, my best friend forgetting until the days half way over even though i’ve been with her since 8 am, and boys breaking my heart. why can’t just one year people treat me as though i am actually special to them. maybe it’s because i’m not.

4am

she tried to escape everything
but it didn’t matter how hard she tried
she stayed a shadow of her past
it’s still written on her skin
—  t.m.

Depression

I wake up to a weight in my chest.

I can’t breath.

It feels as though there is an anchor attached to my spine trying to pull me down into the earth.

Someone is holding me down.

I can’t find the strength to fight them to sit up.

My mom comes into my room,

Get up.

I can’t.

She says,

Take a shower and we have lights for a reason use them.

I can’t.

She says,

Eat some breakfast.

I can’t.

I say,

Mom this is getting to hard, I can’t ignore it anymore, I think I want to try medicine.

She says,

No. Stop being weak. Fix your own problems.

But mom I can’t.

This isn’t me.

Help please!

I feel trapped inside my body.

Like my depression has possessed me and taken over.

I’m inside my body, hiding in a deep dark corner, scared.

Mom please listen!

I need you, Mom!

Mom where are you?

Mom why don’t you listen?

You say you want to help but all you do is hurt.

I say,

I don’t want to be here anymore.

She says,

Get over it.

I scream.

She threatens to commit me.

She ignores me.

Yet acts like she can read me like a book.

Originally posted by diiscontent