depressing thoughts

You know what I find funny? That there was a point in time where you had a best friend and you literally told them everything and now they don’t even text you to see if you’re okay or even text you period. It’s just weird how time changes things.

Longs term effects of emotional abuse:

• a distrust in your perceptions

• a tendency to be fearful or on guard

• self-consciousness or fear of how you are coming across

• an inability to be spontaneous

• a distrust of people and in future relationships

• anger that bursts out unexpectedly

• sensitivity to anyone trying to control you

• the feeling of anxiety when someone lets you decide

• withdrawal from social interactions

• unexplainable feelings of shame/guilt

• unusual weight gain/loss

• changes in appetite

• unexplained anxiety or depression states

• self destructive behavior

• isolation from friends/family

• substance abuse

Have you ever just laid down and thought about how you have so many ‘friends’ but in actuality you have no one? It’s not like you wanna think about it but you do. and you start to cry but you don’t want anyone to hear you so you start to silent cry and it’s the most painful feeling because you wanna scream and let all your emotions out but you put your hand over your mouth, close your eyes, and lets the tears and your fears consume you.
What sucks is to watch yourself slowly fall back into old habits that you’ve tried a million times to break. It’s like every time I find myself climbing out of this deep hole, I slip right back in. Why am I such a failure?
I wonder if you look at me and feel all the crazy things I feel when I look at you.
—  Tenari Ioapo // Or do you look at me and feel nothing at all because you’re only in love with the idea of me?

“When a heart breaks, what sound does it make?”

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is a silence, because when a heart breaks, the person becomes the definition of emptiness. Even when their world crumbles and falls apart in their hands, it is silent. There’s a cruel realization in heartbreak, and it’s that you know you’re about to live where the sun no longer shines; where you can’t even see that your clouds have gone to grey.

—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #41 // @loveactivist