depressing quote

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.
—  Robin Williams
What it is like to be seventeen

Hey. I am somebody, who has a birth certificate defining me as a 17-year-old. I hide cigarettes in my locker, I drink when I can and I have had affairs.

Is that enough for you to judge me?

I know men and women

who are 30 years and above

and they fail to understand

what it’s like

to cry over a piece of art

to fall in love for five seconds

to dance in the rain

with a cigarette in between my lips

to fucking live.

I listen to the same songs

the same set of five

every single night

they make me higher

than any sort of weed

or hash

ever could.

Yes, I will make typos tonight

it’s okay.

My inhibitions have evaporated

and in this moment

this very moment

no matter where you are

or in what state

if you’re reading this

know that

society should not be able to

dictate who you are.

I kiss girls in a nation

which looks down upon even 

straight coupls having affairs.

I believe in lust as much as I

do in love

and this is what it is

to be seventeen in a country

that cannot hang a sixteen year old for rape:

it feels like I am a criminal.

I am responsible

I clean my room

I make my bed

but I hide my bottle

of scotch from my mother

and I let her believe that

I am just a kid

who likes strawberries

and chocolates as milkshakes

and maybe I am,

but I know

the words I produce

aren’t less than

a hundred years old.

Maybe I am

possessed, but I have too much

dreaming in my gut

I exist where

books meet libraries;

I exist where

fiction meets reality.

I exist

in the most

inhumanly natural way possible

now

judge me with

your thinking cap on.

Please, do that.

-Oshee;kaya

You make me feel like I’m worth something. But I don’t want that. I don’t want to only be able to feel okay when I’m with you. I want to be happy by myself, before I’m happy with you.
—  from an unfinished story #689
He’s not just the 2am thoughts when I’m alone in my bed. He’s the 3pm laughs when I’m with my friends, the 6pm dinner when I’m in the kitchen, and the 10pm drinks when I’m out at the bar trying to forget his name. He’s always on my mind and I’m afraid he’ll never leave.
—  What will it take for you to leave? // S.P.