I’m trying you know
And that’s all I can do at this stage,
try until I’m satisfied with the outcome
Until I no longer need the pills to calm me down
Or the fresh air to breathe
I will try until I don’t need your presence to feel alive
Or your touch to make my heart beat
So leave me to battle in the ocean
Because if you keep saving me,
I won’t know how to survive without you
—  N.Oliver
There comes a time when the switch is flipped. You feel all emotion draining out of you, your body getting smaller, everyone getting farther away. And just like that, you are alone - in a world filled with people.
It fucking hurt after you left. It fucking hurt. The stab at my heart when you shut that door behind you. The numbness in my body when I realized you weren’t going to look back. I drank and drugged until my body went limp, but the pain didn’t go away. I loved you and you tore my heart apart. I guess I should’ve listened when they told me that everything you touch, breaks.
—  c.h.
Depression makes you notice how easy it actually is to kill yourself. To accidentally fall down the stairs. Not see the car coming. Pull the stearing wheel or even run the red light at a busy intersection. It becomes terrifying how easy it is to kill yourself other than the usual hanging. You start to find death in everyday things. It’s not scary how you’ll die. It’s scary how there are more ways than you thought possible and how they aren’t that far from your reach
—  Kat Thomas twerkingbubbles
Sometimes it’s not watching him walk away that hurts; sometimes, it’s realizing that you can’t do anything to stop him. It’s realizing that you loved him more than he ever loved you. It’s realizing that there’s another girl he loves and it’s not you and it’s not going to ever be you. And you have to realize this before you kill yourself running after something that doesn’t exist, because there’s nothing lonelier than reaching for someone who already has their arms around someone else. Sometimes you have to let him go, and sometimes it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do.
—  Things I wish my mother had told me pt 3
I don’t know how I did it. How I forced myself to be okay. But I guess it’s not really okay, because all I feel is numb. And empty.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write.