deployment love

I miss you more on rainy days. Drops echoing inside my empty soul. I never realize exactly how lonely I am until the rain begins to fall. Cloudy, dark skies reminding me exactly how my life is without you. I wish you were here- to fall asleep to the sound of pouring rain together.

In a few hours I was supposed to pick up the girl I love from the airport. I was supposed to run up to her, kiss her and love her unconditionally. I was going to show her how it felt to be treated right yet little did I know someone else was already doing those things for her. She was the type of girl that makes love songs understandable. The type of girl who gave me hope in real love again. During my deployment she would mail me and tell me she loved me and give me so much hope for when I returned home. During my deployment she was telling the other girl the same things.. during my deployment she wasn’t just loving me she was loving her too. So thank you @savaanahhk for showing me I can’t be loved. Thanks for letting me buy you a plane ticket when I barely have enough money to pay bills. Thank you for pretending to love me. But most of all.. thanks for wasting my time.

it gets harder, not easier. each goodbye is one more stab at the heart and I have to constantly repeat to myself “this is only temporary.” how many more goodbyes do we have to say before we can live at peace? how many more lonely nights do we have to sleep through to finally be able to fall asleep wrapped in each others arms? it’s difficult living in this constant fear that one day you will forget me, one day you might not return, and finally when you do return there can be a call any minute thay can once again separate us. but we are worth it. we are worth the wait. we are worth the daily struggle because our love is strong enough to conquer this. this is not permanent and eventually we will get our happy ending. the distance will not destroy us.
But it’s all I have. This hope. Hope that you will come back, hope that you won’t forget me, hope that when I look at my phone I’ll see a text from you or receive a call. I have to have hope. I’ll go crazy if I don’t. How I hope that when I wake up in the morning you’ll be there to surprise me. I hope that while I’m working, you will show up with flowers in your hand. Hope Hope Hope. It’s all I have. I hope you are safe. I hope you are well, and I hope that wherever you are, the night is being kind to you.
I need you. I don’t think you realize just exactly how much I need you, or perhaps you do but there is nothing that we can really do about it. I think that’s the hardest part of all, knowing that truly there is nothing we can do but carry on through our days hoping that this time will pass by quickly. I’m longing for the day that I can be back in your arms, where this distance wont be an issue, where there is no fear of you leaving once again. I don’t want to tell you how many times I have fallen asleep crying because I don’t want to make you feel bad, or worse than how you feel now. All I can do for you right now is support you and remind you every single day how proud I am of you and how much I love you. You have me always and I will be right here waiting for your return.
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‘Open When…’ Letters!

Here’s my stack! I saw this idea on pinterest and thought it was super cute and an easy way to do something special instead of just making another care package. I only sent ten this time around and I sent them in a larger manila envelope. At my post office, sending these in my own envelope was actually less expensive than sending them in one of the flat rate envelopes!

Here’s what I put in each:

Open When…

First- I explained the letters and mentioned that, knowing him, I didn’t expect him to wait to open each one. I’ll know he’ll open all of them at one time! (and then go back to each one)

You are Bored- I found a website where I could create my own word searches, crosswords, word jumbles, and hidden codes and made them all about us, our favorite things to do together, and inside jokes. I think he’ll have a lot of fun with more personalized puzzles to keep him entertained.

Mad at Me- I wrote and apology letter telling how much I loved him.

You Need a Trip Down Memory Lane - I wrote a letter telling the story of our first date and a picture of us on that date!

You Can’t Sleep - A letter telling him to think of good things and what it will be like when he comes home.

You are Feeling Under the Weather - A funny 'get well soon’ card from the store and a packet of Emergen-C

You are Feeling Frisky - Ladies (and gents), you know how it is trying to keep the romance alive from a distance!

You are Feeling Homesick - A Florida postcard with a small note on the back and a ziplock bag with grass from my backyard!

You’ve had a Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very bad Day - An encouraging letter along with a rubber band to remind him to be flexible, a paper clip to help him keep it together, and a penny for good luck!

You Need to Know Just How Much I Love You - I put on some lipstick and filled a sheet of paper with lipstick kisses and wrote reasons why I love him on each one!