deny oneself

tommosarmpits  asked:

hello sunshine!!. i dont know if u already talk about this sorry.. it hard to be an adult :o. but can u share with me what do u think this lines mean for harry in meet me in the halfway?? "i walked the streets all day running with the thieves." & the last line "cuase once you go without it nothing else will do"

I’m sorry that I took so long, @tommosarmpits. I had an emergency last week.

Meet Me in the Hallway is a song that compares love to addiction. We know that the song was written before May 7 (when Harry made his IG post about donating hair to the Little Princess Foundation), because of these photos from @kristyjeannn:

I have posted previously about some ambiguity in the lyrics. Apple Music initially had these lyrics (screen-captured by a friend):

Later changed to these:

So it appears that the from “more of you” to “morphine” came later. “Morphine” makes the comparison more straight-forward and explicit. But the initial lyrics already suggests the attitude of an addict:

Just let me know I’ll be on the floor, on the floor
Maybe we’ll work it out
Gotta get better, gotta get better
Gotta get better, gotta get better

Give me some more
Just take the pain away

What’s also super interesting to me is the very first line of the original lyrics (see first photo): Take Me Home. A reference to One Direction (the very first words of the very first solo album), and also a reference to The Wizard of Oz / Home (and Louis’ song). Later, of course, it was changed to “…two, three, four.” 

But the allusion to HOME is not accidental. 

Sweet creature, sweet creature
Wherever I go, you bring me home
Sweet creature, sweet creature
When I run out of road, you bring me home

Incidentally, go to Google Lyrics, and you’ll see that the lyrics still say:

When I run out of rope, you bring me home

Sorry for the detour. I think that the last lines clearly refer to an addiction (to both love and drugs) that only another hit can satisfy:

We don’t talk about it
It’s something we don’t do
‘Cause once you go without it
Nothing else will do

I think the lyrics,

I walked the streets all day
Running with the thieves

describe how a junkie might behave, running in the streets, trying to steal currency to buy his addiction. “Running with the thieves” conjures up a poetic, romantic image. One imagines something like Alibaba and the Forty Thieves, a band of ne’er-do-wells who live and die by street rules of courage and loyalty. 

The Take Me Home lyric opening also makes me think that this song might be about an addiction to the kind of fame that Harry experienced as a member of One Direction– the unstoppable, hysterical adulation that gave him such a high when he was on stage. Once a performer experiences that kind of stratospheric love, it’s hard to deny it to oneself, hard not to want to continue being in the band and getting huge audiences, listening to the screams. 

‘Cause once you go without it
Nothing else will do

Then the lyrics “I walk the streets all day/ running with the thieves” describe what we saw in the If I Could Fly listening party video, at the end, where the tour bus pulls away from the venue, leaving fans behind, the foreground dark. The boys are truly alone. They have no family, no friends from home. They walk with strangers. They are with people who want to take advantage of them, want to sell them and sell to them– thieves. 

Again, I apologize for the delay. Please feel free to message me back. Thanks.

Sea

The representation of unrestrained appetite as inappropriate for women, the depiction of female eating as a private, transgressive act, make restriction and denial of hunger central features of the construction of femininity and set up the compensatory binge as a virtual inevitability. Such restrictions on appetite, moreover, are not merely about food intake. Rather, the social control of female hunger operates as a practical “discipline” that trains female bodies in the knowledge of their limits and possibilities. Denying oneself food becomes the central micro-practice in the education of feminine self-restraint and containment of impulse.
—  Unbearable Weight by Susan Bordo

janevonlipwig  asked:

Hi, I love your blog! Question: what do you think of Edward Ferrars? I feel as if a lot of people on the internet dislike him, but I can't see why. Do you like him as a character?

Thank you so much! :)

I think every Austen ‘hero’ has some flawed element about them which humanizes them. Certainly since we spend less time in their company than the heroines and, socially, none of the men are ever at risk of suffering the decline of genteel poverty if they do not marry, so altogether I’m less inclined to be as sympathetic to them as I am to the ladies they eventually wed. Of course Austen’s heroines are human and flawed, too, but it’s just made a lot easier to generally bash on the dudes because they have fewer excuses for being fuckups, honestly. (Except Emma Woodhouse, like, honeeeey STOP.)

I think the issue encountered with Edward is that he’s not as dashing as other heros, in the Austen canon in general, and in S&S in particular. There’s Willoughby to first compare him to–dashing. as. fuck. Then there’s the Colonel, who, though older and more reserved than Willoughby, has a sensitive and poetic soul, the true courage of an active soldier, and the deep passion of a romantic gentleman. Edward is dreadfully prosaic by comparison! And he was foolish enough to be ensnared by Lucy, at a young age.

It’s very easy to slag off Edward; and, as a lot of more sensitive young readers might more readily identify with Marianne sooner than steady, cool, rational Elinor, the temptation to agree with her judgements of Edward is immediate and powerful. Edward seems to bumble about the plot, inadvertently messing with Elinor’s feelings, and we despise him for putting her in the position she ends up in as a jealous Lucy’s confidante.

BUT, I gotta admit I have a soft spot for ol’ Ferrars. In his defense, he’s kind of perfect for Elinor, and that’s the point. Marianne has finite, naive, and shallow ideas of what True Love ought to look like, and writes off every other possibility as Lesser. Elinor doesn’t want High Drama and all that rot…she wants someone companionable, honourable, and kind. Of course she doesn’t escape being touched by the agony of love, because in a weird twist of ironic fate, she cannot wholly command her heart quite as well as everyone (read: Marianne) seems to think she can and does, and she and Edward experience their share of lovelorn misery thanks to misunderstandings and the constraints of duty.

Point The Second: Edward was very young and naive when he engaged himself to Lucy. He later admits that he very quickly realized how awful an idea this was once he’s gone and lived a grown-up life around literally any other people for even a short period of time; and it’s only because he was a young man, kept idle, in the company of a pretty girl determined to make herself pleasing to him, that he made a foolish promise. His misery has been low-key ongoing before he even appears on the scene in the book. His grim acceptance of his eventual fate as Lucy’s husband prevents him from even letting himself think of Elinor as a possibility–he honestly doesn’t believe himself to be attractive enough a prospect, and figures he is not exerting himself to please as a man might attempt to please a woman to gain her regard, because they just get along in a friendly way and they’re sort of almost family, after all. In this weird grey-area limbo, disaster strikes and they both find themselves caught up in their affections before they realize what’s going on, and before they can stop it. Should Edward have been more guarded? Possibly. But again, Elinor’s coolness of manner and level-headedness is well-known to all her friends and family. In the style of Jane Bennet, Edward might have felt his heart unfortunately involved, but may have doubted Elinor’s returning his feelings in the same fashion.

Ultimately, Edward’s mistake in attaching himself to Lucy is no worse than Marianne’s attaching herself to Willoughby–and better, for Lucy and Edward don’t even really love one another, so there’s zero heartbreak in their eventual split. And Edward’s honour and chivalry go a long way in absolving him for some of the inadvertent crap he pulled. Eyes wide open, he knowingly severs ties with his mother (and his inheritance) to keep a promise made long ago, in error, to a girl he cannot even respect, because he knows how cruel and damaging it would be to her if he were to give up the engagement, once it was made public. Such promises, even held in secret for years, were a huge deal, and to break them could have even meant legal repercussions–though given the Steele’s comparative poverty and the Ferrars family’s money, it’s likely they could have bought their way out of any suit brought against Edward in the courts by Lucy. No, Edward sticks it out for honour. It was wrong to make the engagement, but it would be even more wrong for him to be the one to break it. Lucy is the only one who can release him from it, and, thank fuck, she does.

A common theme in Austen is the danger and misery of marrying without affection–and, in several cases, the worst marriages are the ones where there is not even a shred of respect between spouses. This would have been Edward’s willing fate, and though it breaks our hearts to think of so strictly denying oneself happiness, it’s a sign of how deep his personal convictions are, and how admirable his sense of self-sacrifice, to keep his own terrible, foolish promise. Certainly, in intentions, Edward was more than ready to pay for his mistake for the rest of his life.

If Elinor is willing to forgive Edward, I certainly am, and I think, by the end of it all, Edward has certainly suffered just as much as Elinor, (even, I think, partially believing that Elinor might be likely to go on to marry the Colonel, mistaking their friendship for some deeper connection,) and was prepared to suffer a great deal more, in marrying Lucy, that his quiet bravery and steadfast honour make him a hero worth liking.

anonymous asked:

What are your thoughts on the verse (Luke 9:23) where Jesus says that "whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves"? I recently came out to my parents and they're not too happy about it and they keep quoting this verse to tell me that I shouldn't follow the "homosexual lifestyle" and either remain celibate or marry a man like I'm supposed to

Hey there. I’m so sorry your parents didn’t take your coming out well. You deserve to be accepted and loved and celebrated. I promise, whatever they say, God loves you and affirms you.

Here’s Luke 9:23 – “Then he said to them all, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” 

My first thought whenever someone uses that verse to tell LGBT+ folks to be celibate is always: Well, sure, I guess I can see how you read the verse that way…but if you can use it to say I should deny my attraction to women and be celibate, could I say that straight people should deny their attraction to the “opposite” assigned gender and also be celibate?? or to deny their personal opinions about LGBT+ folks and learn to accept us instead?

My favorite discussion of this verse (well actually, of Mark 8:34, which is very similar) is Austen Hartke’s Transgender and Christian vid “Our Cross to Bear?” 

Austen’s interpretation of what the verse means about “denying oneself” is not about denying our gender or orientation, rejecting parts of the very essence of our being – rather, denying the self has to do with “redefinition”: denying the way that the world defines us in favor of defining ourselves in relationship to God. 

He says, “For transgender Christians, that might mean realizing that our trans identity is always secondary to our identity as beloved children of God and disciples. But this doesn’t mean annihilating ourselves or erasing our identity.” We do not embrace suffering for suffering’s sake as if suffering is redemptive – we’ve already been redeemed, by Jesus.

Furthermore, “the cross” that Jesus calls us to pick isn’t something inside us, like being LGBT. The cross that Jesus died on was a tool of Roman oppression – so the crosses that we pick up should align us with the oppressed. Austen says this looks like“joining your voice to a chorus of people who speak out against dehumanization.” He continues:

“And when you do that, there’s bound to be some backlash from the Empire. People who stand up to the Empire tend to experience death in some form. Jesus isn’t calling us into suffering for suffering’s sake. He’s calling us to be ready, because when you stand up against oppression, you may experience some unfortunate and painful consequences. 
When some of us come out as trans, for example, we may lose friends and family. …Our lives, our very existence, are seen as a threat to the system in power.” 

Jesus promises, “I came that [humanity] may have life, and have it abundantly.” Moreover, God called the diversity of Creation in Genesis 1 good. God delights in our individual selves as well as in our collective whole. We are called not to erase the ways God made us unique, but to discover how our unique gifts and identities allow us to nurture the Body of Christ. 

I hope this helps somewhat, anon. I pray your parents’ hearts will be opened to new ways of thinking. <3 

Little something for people

for all the people out there who feel bad for feeling jealousy, anger, envy, or any other negative emotion/feelings etc. who scold themselves and beat themselves down for feeling these emotions. we are all human, and as humans we all have these negative thoughts and feelings.

nobody is free from these darker parts of ourselves. and feeling shame in it only makes these feelings worse or adds to it and is simply trying to deny it being what makes you human . i thought of a  quote that i think sums it up nice.

“we are all humans, and we humans have negative thoughts and emotions. to deny the bad in oneself is to deny being human itself“

instead of beating yourself up over having these feelings and telling yourself “im a shitty human being for feeling/thinking this way” a better way to look at it would be “ok, i have these negative feelings/emotions. what are some things i can do to change it”

im not saying that if your feeling jealous or angry that its a good thing and to embrace it, just to simply not attack your own self over it. they are negative feelings/emotions, but they are natural. 

coming up for air // pandora hearts

Gilbert’s toes curl in his boots when Oz takes one step closer to him, and then a few more until they’re standing before each other. Gilbert is a full head taller than him now; once upon a happier time ago, they stood face to face. That breaks his heart, makes him feel like he’s cheated at a game he didn’t know he was playing. 

Rating: T
Word count: 2,100~
Summary: Ozbert in three phases, three touches, three milestones. Commission for mamiruru

Keep reading

SuperCat Fanfic: ch 1: both

Kara sat staring at the blinking notification light. She swallowed the massive lump in her throat and winced slightly as she opened the dating app and read the suggestive message…from her boss.

This was and had always been a terrible idea. If Cat found out about this Kara was sure she’d be fired… or worse. Like most terrible ideas, when this one backfired there wasn’t going to be any way to gently extract herself from the carnage. What the hell had she been thinking? She even coerced poor Winn to help her with the technical aspects of the plan.

This was bad, but there was nothing she could to stop it now.

Yes, Cat had asked Kara to set up an online dating profile, and yes, Cat had said “both” when Kara asked her sexual preference, replying with some typical Cat Grant philosophical mumbo jumbo about “humans being limited enough… and why deny oneself when it came to potential love?”

But Kara didn’t catch most of that, because her mouth was feeling kind of dry and the collar of her polo shirt felt extra tight on her neck, and her mind couldn’t get over the fact that her boss had casually admitted bisexuality, and yes, Kara felt the same way, but maybe all the people from her planet were bisexual? Her home planet exploded before her parents had the chance to have the sex talk with her anyway. Not that she needed a sex talk, it was, oh, Cat was kind of giving a sex talk right then, and Kara had come up with this scheme.

Fact, Cat had also admitted in a roundabout way to feeling lonely. Or at least like some aspect in her life was not being fulfilled. Or possibly that she just needed some attention, and wanted to use the dating profile as a safe, harmless way to flirt with strangers and feel a bit more attractive without the fear of being painfully rejected.

Kara understood the reasons her boss was wanted the profile, but she also understood that Cat Grant had far more enemies out there then she knew about. It simply wasn’t safe for Cat to put her picture up on the internet in an uncontrolled environment like a dating profile.

Okay, so Kara actually learned that the hard way. Nearly the moment Cat’s profile had gone live the messages started. Some were threatening and some were just downright nasty, but it became apparent instantly that traditional dating sites were not going to work for someone as notorious as Cat Grant.

But Kara also knew she couldn’t disappoint her boss. She expected results and Kara was supposed to filter out the creeps and potential supervillains and find Cat a charmer. Even with the added scope of including both men and women in the search it was downright impossible. People who sent nice messages clearly had a hidden agenda. Clearly. Kara deleted all the messages before Cat had a chance to see any of them.

That was when Kara enlisted Winn’s IT expertise to help her with her haphazard plan. He rigged a VDI of the site, so it appeared that Cat’s profile was listed and live, but it couldn’t be seen by the outside world. Kara was then able to create a new profile: a charmer, (if she did say so herself.) She sent the first sweet and innocuous message and felt pretty proud of her ingenious way of thinking.

Cat could harmlessly flirt and receive attention from strangers like she so craved, and Kara was safe in knowing that she had complete control over who her boss was flirting with and wouldn’t have to go rescue her when a cray cray decided to kidnap and drop her off an 80 story building.

There was just one thing Kara hadn’t really thought out. Okay, well, like 3000 things that Kara hadn’t really thought out. Cat had the app on her phone and she had taken the bait from the Kara’s fake profile.

Kara read Cat’s reply and didn’t know what she was going to do: 

Send pic.

The instruments of good works

1. First of all, to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy strength.

2. Then, to love thy neighbor as thyself.

3. Next, not to kill.

4. Not to commit adultery.

5. Not to steal.

6. Not to covet.

7. Not to bear false witness.

8. To honor all men.

9. Not to do to another what one would not have done to oneself.

10. To deny oneself in order to follow Christ.

11. To chastise the body.

12. Not to seek after luxuries.

13. To love fasting.

14. To refresh the poor.

15. To clothe the naked.

16. To visit the sick.

17. To bury the dead.

18. To help in affliction.

19. To console the sorrowing.

20. To keep aloof from worldly actions.

21. To prefer nothing to the love of Christ.

22. Not to follow the promptings of anger.

23. Not to seek an occasion of revenge.

24. Not to foster deceit in one’s heart.

25. Not to make a feigned peace.

26. Not to forsake charity.

27. Not to swear, lest perhaps one perjure oneself.

28. To utter the truth with heart and lips.

29. Not to render evil for evil.

30. To do no wrong to anyone, but to bear patiently any wrong done to oneself.

31. To love one’s enemies.

32. Not to speak ill of those who speak ill of us, but rather to speak well of them.

33. To suffer persecution for justice’ sake.

34. Not to be proud.

35. Not to be given to wine.

36. Not to be a glutton.

37. Not to be given to sleep.

38. Not to be slothful.

39. Not to be a murmurer.

40. Not to be a detractor.

41. To put one’s trust in God.

42. To attribute any good one sees in oneself to God and not to oneself.

43. But always to acknowledge that the evil is one’s own, and to attribute it to oneself.

44. To fear the days of judgment.

45. To be in dread of hell.

46. To desire everlasting life with all spiritual longing.

47. To keep death daily before one’s eyes.

48. To keep guard at all times over the actions of one’s life.

49. To know for certain that God sees one in every place.

50. To dash upon Christ one’s evil thoughts the instant they come to one’s heart, and to manifest them to one’s spiritual father.

51. To keep one’s mouth from speech that is wicked or full of guile.

52. Not to love much speaking.

53. Not to speak words that are vain or such as provoke laughter.

54. Not to love much or noisy laughter.

55. To listen willingly to holy reading.

56. To apply oneself frequently to prayer.

57. Daily with tears and sighs to confess one’s sins to God in prayer, and to amend these evils for the future.

58. Not to fulfill the desires of the flesh.

59. To hate one’s own will.

60. To obey in all things the commands of the Abbot, even though he himself (which God forbid) should act otherwise, being mindful of that precept of the Lord: “What they say, do ye; but what they do, do ye not”

61. Not to wish to be called holy before one is so, but first to be holy that one may be truly so called.

62. To fulfill the commandments of God daily by one’s deeds.

63. To love chastity.

64. To hate no man.

65. To have no jealousy or envy.

66. Not to love strife.

67. To fly from vainglory.

68. To reverence one’s seniors.

69. To love one’s juniors.

70. To pray for one’s enemies in the love of Christ.

71. To make peace with those with whom one is at variance before the setting of the sun.

72. And never to despair of God’s mercy.

Behold, these are the instruments of the spiritual art, which, if they be constantly employed by day and by night, and delivered up on the day of judgment, will gain for us from the Lord that reward which He Himself has promised: “Eye has not see, nor ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man, what things God has prepared for those who love Him.” And the workshop in which we are to labor diligently at all these things is the enclosure of the monastery and stability in the community. 

-The Rule of Saint Benedict

(whoa, these are really hardcore)

anonymous asked:

Continuing Jamie's thoughts on the wedding night, what are his thoughts after he finds out Claire enjoyed their first time together through the rest of the evening

Follow up to this prompt

Dawn filtered through the gauzy curtains of their wedding chamber. Jamie shifted under the sinfully luxurious furs, nose buried in Claire’s hair, legs curling against hers, skin on skin.

He hadn’t slept – couldn’t have slept, though his thighs and back ached from the – exertions – of the night before. The twinge that flashed through his muscles as he held Claire closer was the only thing proving that it all hadn’t been a dream – proving that he was a husband now. Proving that Claire, his Sassenach, his brown-haired lass, was his wife.

His wife. A Dhia.

She’d peaked again as they’d held each other, face to face, his mother’s pearls so beautiful against the glow of Claire’s skin in the firelight. She’d shown him the pleasure that came with being slow and careful – and with denying oneself for a time. The pleasure of deliberately bringing the other person to their own peak.

To see Claire’s face in such ecstasy – and to know that it was

him

who had given her that gift, was something he wanted for the rest of his days.

If she’d have him.

Jamie swallowed, splaying his hand over the curve of Claire’s hip, thumb gently tracing the arch of her hipbone.

He had no illusions – he knew how difficult the wedding had been for her. How much she had had to be thinking of her first – dead – husband, whom she had clearly loved.

Had he pleased her in such a way? Had he known his way on their wedding night, as a man should?

Jamie’s heart clenched at the realization that Frank – and perhaps other men – had shared in the same secrets of Claire’s body. He didn’t like it – but he had to accept it. Would accept it – just as he had accepted everything about her. Everything she would give him.

He inhaled the curls at her crown, drawing strength from her earthy smell. A smell that now held tinges of him. As it should.

No. None of that. He’d give her the choice when they returned to Leoch, whether or not to live with him as his wife. It was legal between them now – and lovesick fool he was, he’d protect her till the end of his days. But he would never force her to do anything – force her to be someone she was not, or did not wish to be.

Even though there was nothing more he wanted – craved – than to take her home to Lallybroch, provide her a home, a room where she could mix her potions and tend to patients. He could love her under the thick quilt in the laird’s bedroom, wake next to her on cold mornings as the clang of Mrs. Crook’s breakfast preparations drifted upstairs.

Claire had a glass face, to be sure – but there was no telling how she planned to live her life once they got off the road. No telling whether a red-headed husband figured into her plans.

Claire stirred beneath his hands, but sighed and settled back into sleep.

At least he could offer her this – the protection of his body, the comfort of his arms. It had to be enough. It would never be enough.

Was she dreaming of him, right now? Or of the ailments she’d healed, or of the men whose lives had slipped through her capable fingers? Or was she dreaming of the English schoolteacher, the man she’d cried out to in the dark just a few hours before, sounding so lost?

 “What goes on in that bonny head of yours?” he breathed in the Gaidhlig, lips caressing the tender shell of her ear. “Will you ever let me in?

She stirred again, her muscles coming to life below his hand. Mesmerized, he felt her flex her fingers and toes as she gathered herself – and then shift on her side to face him.

She blinked – surprised to see him – and then smiled shyly.

“I’m not used to having a Scotsman in my bed,” she teased, gently running one finger across the valley of his collarbone.

Jamie swallowed. “I should hope not,” he croaked, paralyzed by those whisky eyes – by the fire of her touch – by the mere sight of her, her hair a bushy halo, her skin as smooth and fair and flawless as the pearls that still dangled between her bonny breasts.

Her smile widened – and she peeled back the furs and straddled him, anchoring her hands flat against his quivering chest.

And later, as he held her hips while she panted above him, his thumb still caressing that tiny, magical spot she’d shown him – he wished that time would just stop, that they would be suspended forever in this intoxicating moment.

I want you. Just you. Now. Forever. I can be what you want. Let me be all that you want. Let me be enough.

To deny oneself means...

To deny oneself means to give up one’s bad habits; to root out of the heart all that ties us to the world; not to cherish bad thoughts or desires; to suppress every evil thought; not to desire to do anything out of self love, but to do everything out of love for God.

- St. Innocent of Alaska

Tobin is a nice guy. There is literally nothing wrong with Tobin.
But Tobin doesn’t see Carol.
He sees a mirage created by a desperate attempt to deny oneself any respite, peace or true happiness.
He doesn’t question the apparition before him. He admires it.
He is in awe with a woman reeling in pain and sees it as strength.
He doesn’t notice the charade she is determined to fool herself, him and everyone else with.
She had been falling apart in front of him and he didn’t see it.
Didn’t see HER.

That’s why Tobin isnt the right guy for Carol.
He never met the real Carol to begin with so how could he be?