denton, tx

Kevin, “Trans with Privilege”.

“I am a doctoral fellow here at UNT, teaching in the art education program. I’m a 45-year-old man of trans experience. I used to be the director of Denton Transendence, which is a support group for trans people, family, friends, and allies, so it takes a hollistic approach to trans support.”

Could you tell me about your experience?

“Well, my book title is Trans with Privilege, and it’s one of those things I was thinking about the other day, that there’s this sort of narrative that goes around about being trans as if it’s this homogeneous experience without taking into consideration intersectionality and how privilege can happen within the trans community. I have to take into account the great privilege I have now walking through life as a heterosexual white man who’s highly educated, as opposed to friends I have who transitioned in different ways to where it actually deprivileges them. One of the young adults in my family is a trans woman, and so I have to think about even within my own family, both of our positions have shifted, with me being read as male, and my niece going from male to female. With similar family, neither of us are treated well, but even within that, they’ll be more cautious about how they disrespect me, as opposed to how they disrespect her.

Lately I’ve been reminded of this story where in 1993 my motorcycle broke down on the highway off I-35 & Rosedale in Fort Worth in the middle of the night. I had to try and find a payphone to call some friends to help me out. Walking around at that time & place, alone in the dark, as a fairly small person, being read as female, it wasn’t the safest place. When I found a payphone, I realized I had no money. I saw person coming from around the corner of an abandoned building. It was this very tall women in tall heels and a green dress, in the middle of the night, on Rosedale. Sure enough it was a sex worker, but also a trans woman of color. At the time I thought ‘I don’t want this person near me.’ I had a lot of assumptions. They asked me if I needed help, and even though I insisted I didn’t, she knew I was scared, and she even knew I was scared of her. She pulled some money out of her purse, and I was able to call my friends. I told her I was fine and she could leave, but she knew things about the area I didn’t, and wanted to make sure I was safe while I waited. When my friends pull up, I went to talk to them, and when I turn around, she was already gone. I think she was worried, knowing if I’m afraid of her, who knows what my friends are like, and there’s more of us and there’s just her. It’s interesting to think when we look at trans people, I have what’s called 'passing privilege’. Most people have no idea that I’m trans without me telling them. There are so many people who may or may not have passing privilege, which can make things dangerous, especially when sex workers are already targets for violence anyway, and the highest rates of violence are against trans women of color. We often hear about trans people as victims, and here was this woman who stepped up. Didn’t know me and made sure that I was safe.”

What were some changes in privilege you noticed before & after your transition?

“Oh wow, let’s see! I’ve been a professor for several years, and when I started to transition, I did a little experiment. I was getting emails that were really hostile over little things, and they always start with Ms, Mrs, my first name, or just Hey. They would be really demanding emails, saying 'You need to do this…’. Whatever I wrote back, no matter how professionally written, I would be perceived as a bitch. I changed my name on Blackboard, and started replying to emails as Mr. Jenkins. After about a week, even within the same semester and same group of students, about 80% of the emails changed completely in tone, saying 'Mr. Jenkins, if you get a chance…’

On the other hand, around the same time, I took a night class at TWU. I was walking along the sidewalk after class, a million things going through my head, not thinking of my surroundings, except noticing a girl walking a bit in front of me. I was only 8 months into my transition, and after 42 years of thinking I need to bundle up next to somebody at night for safety, I wasn’t thinking about how there was no one around us and I’m walking in pace right behind her. I notice her keep looking around. I thought 'I wonder why she keeps looking over her shoulder like that?’ and it suddenly hit me 'Oh my god, it’s me! I’m like the creepy guy walking too close!’ So I stopped to tie my shoes and let her go on. Those are things I had to stop being aware of. Not that I would do anything, but that’s the perception, that I could be that guy who might do something.”

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Denton, TX by Zack Huggins

Sian, “Dermatillomania”.

“Dermatillomania is an obsessive compulsive disorder where the ‘sufferer’, and I use that term lightly, unconsciously or deliberately scratches at their skin, usually removing scabs, moles, other imperfections, in order to produce a clean flat surface and remove blemishes, even though it creates blemishes.

I first became aware of it in high school, when I would get in trouble for having my hand down the back of my shirt during class, just absent-mindedly scratching at acne or scabs. In college it got much worse. Before I pick I generally feel anxious, and I pick to relieve some tension, because it feels good to have a smooth surface.

After it got worse in college and my 20’s, I went to a doctor and started talking about it and realized there were ways to handle it, to avoid it, to control it. Sitting on my hands is one way. While driving I wear these gloves, because I have a long commute and that’s a period where I’m all by myself and my hands are free to wander. Neck, upper chest, back, face, if I’m wearing a skirt, legs. Cruise control can be my enemy because then I can get to both feet. It can be deliberate, like I know I have these two bumps near my shoulder that I will think about during the day and be ready to go get them. Or it may be completely absent minded, where I’ll get up from a meeting and have blood spots on my legs. I do take medication for obsessive compulsive disorder, because while this isn’t the only manifestation of it, it is the most physically obvious one, resulting in scarring and visible blood. I marked the scars I could see on left side. I try to keep my nailed trimmed short so it’s harder to remove things. I use lotion to keep my skin from getting flaky. Long socks help, because you can always pull your pants up. Long sleeves and pants, to try and keep things covered. But in the summer, it’s harder. It’s not always possible to not search for the bumps.”

So We Won't See Our Shadows
Cheap Haircuts
So We Won't See Our Shadows

I get embarrassed when people say
that they’ve been missing me.
I get freaked out just thinking about doing ordinary things.
Like, I’m high.
then I’m not.
I’m low,
then I’m not.
I just wanna find a middle ground where sometimes

 I don’t feel distraught.

I’m starting off 2016 by spending 5 hours in a hospital with one of my sisters because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
At 2:06 this morning, Sara Mutschlechner, a UNT RTVF student and Zeta Tau Alpha sister, was shot while DDing some friends from a party. The boys in the backseat had a fight with the car next to them and the car opened fire. Sara wasn’t even involved and she was the only one shot. The bullet hit her in the back of the head and she lost control of the car and hit a pole. I have no idea who called the cops or if anyone even saw the accident. Sara was barely breathing when she arrived at the hospital and has, I believe, been taken off life support to begin harvesting her organs.
If anyone has any information at all about who did this please please please call the Denton county police. You can make an anonymous tip if you are scared or a dangerous situation with someone involved in the shooting. Please come forward if you know anything at all.

This is a very Texas-specific pet peeve, but…

I am so sick of people in Austin bragging that they’re the only good thing in Texas. Acting like Austin is this fucking liberal nirvana and anyone who is in Texas NEEEEDS to be in Austin if they ever hope to feel safe or happy.

Fuck. Off.

I’m in the Dallas area and spent a good deal of time living in Denton. Denton has been playfully described as a “mini-Austin”, and I see where they’re coming from. Believe it or not this whole area has PLENTY OF LIBERALS. Plenty of awesome people. Atheists, pagans, non-Christians, Christians that are actually pretty cool, etc. We have clubs and big poly support groups and pagan gatherings and parties and everything people never want to believe non-Austin-Texas has.

Austin is not the only ~enlightened~ fucking place in Texas, it is not where “all” Texas liberals live, and the rest of Texas is not some sort of bible-thumping Jesus Camp disguised as a state.

Do those people exist? Sure. But honestly in the DFW area I notice they tend to hang out in the smaller towns outside of the city and IN THE CITY ITSELF things are FINE. You run into the occasional asshole but (and here’s the dirty little secret) THOSE PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE. They are not ALL in the South, they are not ALL in Texas, they are not ALL avoiding Austin. Because assholes ARE IN AUSTIN TOO. There’s not some gatekeeper there saying “sorry, no Republicans allowed, and if you don’t have tattoos and support organic food and local music we discourage you from Austin too”

So please, Austin people, shut up. Your city isn’t perfect. Dallas is pretty awesome too. I’m sure other cities I haven’t even been too are also cool. Other Texas cities are full of amazing people and “scenes” and resources for us heathens, all that sort of thing. You have your own assholes, your own bigots, your racists and sexists and conservative assholes, all that jazz.

And people OUTSIDE of Texas? Shut up entirely. You do not know my state, you do not know the people in it, all you know is “well I hear Austin’s the only good city so I’m going to just say with authority that it’s true” - fuck off.

I am happy in the Dallas area. The weather is harsh, it’s difficult to get around due to poor public transportation, it’s imperfect and people constantly ask why I bother staying when I could “give up” and go somewhere more stereotypically liberal… but you know why I happily stay? THE PEOPLE. THE STEREOTYPICALLY LIBERAL PEOPLE who want to stay so Texas can eventually grow and change.

This has been your Texas-centric rant of the day. Carry on. :P



(note: this rant is about social aspects of the cities, not government or politics which is its own bag of issues entirely)

About Me: I am a Mexican American feminist, writer, activist, zinester, artist, performer, DIY punker who loves helping others, traveling, going to shows, horror films, nature, animals, Riot Grrrl, Frida Kahlo & smashing patriarchy! I graduated from Middle Tennessee State University in Dec. of 11’ and will be joining the Women’s Studies Master’s Program at Texas Woman’s University in Denton, TX this August 12’. I was a founder & member of a grassroots feminist organization called “FIND” (Feminism Is Not Dead) started in Murfreesboro, TN. I plan on starting a Denton FIND chapter so if you or anyone you know is a feminist from the Denton, TX area please contact me. I am fully aware that many parts of the south do not consider women’s issues important. It makes my job more difficult but at the same time it’s satisfactory knowing that I’m participating in feminist social change in areas where it is desperately needed. The sunshine is a definite plus. I’m anxious about moving after living in the Tennessee hills for over twenty years but my work here has come to an ending and now I must go fight patriarchy in Texas… wish me luck I’m gonna need it.