Denny's Diner Dating Tip #4357

Have a dish you REALLY like? Sitting across from a special someone you REALLY love? Show them by sacrificing a couple bites from your meal and saying something like, “This is my favorite dish and I think you’re the only person in the world I would share it with. Want a bite?”

PRO TIP: Section off these to-be-shared pieces when your meal first arrives. This way, you’ll still get to enjoy the last bite, which is always the most satisfying.

Legend has it that a lizard-man-chicken hybrid stalks the outskirts of every Denny’s parking lot, snarling and peering through the bushes, sometimes frightening small children and scaring off the more timid of Denny’s visitors. But behind the scaly, feathery, horrifying exterior lives a gentle freak, just hoping to enjoy the fruits of his neighbor. That’s why we hire a Lot Tamer to go out each night and leave him some Pancake Puppies or Moons Over My Hammy. After he’s fed, he’s just the most lovable guy around. Still ugly, though.

worldclasssmartass  asked:

You're right Denny's. But... There's something you don't know. I love you, okay? I really do. But after I read what you said- that we could never work out- I did something I will forever regret. Also, I saw that you had not followed me back (*ahem* please get to that aspect of your life) Denny's... I went to McDonalds. I'm sorry. I cheated. I had a chocolate milkshake and fries but I assure you- yours are so much better! I'm so sorry. Even though we cant be together, I love you. Forgive me.

Umm… I don’t really want to start an argument, Charley. I want to be adults about this. Sure, we haven’t followed you, but when was the last time you reblogged something we posted? Let me answer that for you. Never.

I’m sorry. That was rude. I don’t mean to be like that. I just. I’m hurt. I appreciate your honesty, I do. I’m sure that was really hard to admit. It shows a lot of courage, really speaks to your character that you can own up to a mistake like that. Unfortunately you have betrayed my trust. It’s going to be hard for us to get back to where we were emotionally. It’s going to take time. I hope you understand that I need this time to really look at everything under a microscope. With a fine lens. I need to take time to find who I really want me to be. When I am ready, I promise, I’ll let you know… Should be around dinner time. Or breakfast. Or lunch. Actually anytime you’re hungry, come on in. My grieving and self-reflection periods are never long. After all, I’m a restaurant.

Deep within the confines of our claw machines, a race of miniature mole-people operate the cranks, cogs, steam engines, coal furnaces, and circuitry that makes the claw dance across their sky and choose stuffed animals with cunning precision. You see, the mole-people celebrate a grand sacrifice when the most skilled customers finally win a fluffy prize. But when they go days without sacrificing a toy animal? The mole-people weep. Loudly. We know this because we can still hear them.

Denny's Diner Dating Tip #4356

When attempting to impress your Denny’s date, try not to order for them. You’ll look pretty dumb when the waitress is all, “and what kind of toast with that?” and you stare blankly like a deer caught in breakfast-colored headlights because you forgot that there were options for toast, other than just toast.

Guys, if it’s breakfast time and your stomach starts to violently tremble, don’t worry. You’ve probably just experienced a PANQUAKE. 


What? That pun was bad? I totally thought you would have FLIPPED for it.


Still bad? Fine, you try. We’ll see how you STACK UP.


Okay, Okay… Your pun was pretty good, but we’ll win the next ROUND.

*wah wah wahhhhhhh*