dennis is the man

It was a warm and sunny day in Philadelphia. The city wasn’t surprised with the sun, as it never sets in Philadelphia. Therefore, it is always sunny there.

However, the city was shocked when they looked at the sky and saw the giant pale man standing over them. It was Dennis Reynolds. He had a giant boner to match his giant body. He was huge. People screamed.

Dennis immediately busted a nut, hearing the citizens scream. After he came, he shrunk to his normal size. The city was flooded with him semen. Many drowned.

And the author thought, “Guess I’ll die,” and shrugged.

Imagine Dennis, year after year, watching everybody else give each other cards and Valentine’s Day gifts while he gets nothing (except maybe hate-mail).  Now that’s sad.  It also speaks volumes about his character, that he would care so much and be so hurt by it.  It’s another indication, once again, that the grandiose self-confidence he displays on the outside is a mere mask to hide crippling insecurity and a fear of worthlessness.