demon ouija board

So in case anyone was wondering this is the Ouija board I use. I print it out whenever I need it. I like using paper because if shit gets attached it is super easy to burn and also it gives the spirits an option to tell you if they are uncomfortable with your question. Feel free to save this and use it if you’d like.

Also no, Ouija boards are not dangerous at all. Go check out @theouijagirl if you don’t believe me. 

Ouija Board FAQ Masterpost! With links!

Q: How do I play the Ouija board?

A: The rules are pretty simple.

Q: Is it safe to play the Ouija board?

A: Depends on your state of mind.

Q: Are Ouija boards dangerous?

A: No.

Q: Is it safe to play the Ouija board alone?

A: Ehhh kinda? Depends on your definition of safe.

Q: Is it safe to play the Ouija board in a graveyard? Or my house? 

A: Yes.

Q: Is it safe to play on Halloween?

A: It’s the best time to play.

Q: Is there anything specific I should or should not do while I play?

A: Totes.

Q: Do I have to say “Goodbye” after each session?

A: YES.

Q: Can the Ouija board tell you your future?

A: I wouldn’t bet on it.

Q: Are Ouija boards “just a game”?

A: By definition, yes.

Q: Is the Ouija board really safe for “ages 8 and up?”

A: Sure.

Q: Can I contact my deceased loved one on the Ouija board?

A: I don’t recommend it.

Q: What kind of spirits can you contact with the Ouija board?

A: There are three kinds.

Q: How do I dispose of my Ouija board?

A: However you want.

Q: How do I make a Ouija board?

A: It’s really simple.

Q: The planchette moved in figure 8′s/counted down the numbers, moved off the board! What does that mean?

A: Nothing.

Q: The Ouija board spelled out nonsense words, what does it mean? 

A: This is a common occurrence that could mean lots of things.

Q: Why do my parents hate Ouija boards?

A: For a lot of reasons, mostly Hollywood lies.

Q: Does the Ouija board create a portal for spirits?

A: No.

Q: Can you summon a demon through a Ouija board?

A: No.

Q: Who are Zozo and Mama?

A: Morons who are definitely not dangerous.

Q: Can you become possessed after playing the Ouija board?

A: No.

Q: What’s the Charlie Charlie Challenge?

A: A hoax, but I wrote about it before it was debunked.

Q: Is it safe to wear Ouija board clothes and accessories?

A: Very safe.

Q: What are poltergeists?

A: Spirits that can move stuff.

Q: I have a spooky feeling after I play, is my house haunted?

A: Signs point to no.

Q: Spooky stuff happened after I played! Was it a ghost?

A: Probably not.

Q: There’s spirit activity in my house? What should I do?

A: Calm down, read this.

Q: What’s the difference between a ghost and a spirit?

A: There are a lot of distinct differences.

Q: What kind of games can we play with the Ouija board?

A: I know a few fun ones.

Q: What’s a spirit guide?

A: A friend you’re not supposed to know about.

Q: Can you fall in love with a spirit, or can a spirit fall in love with you?

A: NO

Q: I woke up with a bruise, was it a spirit?

A: Probably not.

Q: I woke up in the middle in the night and couldn’t move! Was a spirit holding me down?

A: No, you had sleep paralysis, and it’s not paranormal.

Q: You know the Ouija board isn’t real, right? It’s all the Ideomotor Effect.

A: Wow. Thanks Dr. Science.

Q: Why doesn’t the Ouija board work for me?

A: There are a lot of reasons why.

Troll Spirits, and how to Deal with them

I get a lot of asks from people saying that they’ve contacted a spirit that won’t leave them alone. They spell out rude or offensive things, and when they’re asked to leave the game, they refuse. Whenever they play, they contact the same asshole spirit. My advice as always been to just tell them to leave, and threaten to never speak to them again if they act up, and when they do act up to just say “Goodbye”, and repeat until they get the clue and leave them alone forever. If you’re reading my blog, you’re probably well versed in The Internet, and you know not to feed the trolls. Don’t pay attention to trolls, because attention is what they want, and once they get it they will go crazy and never leave you alone. So my theory has always been to not feed troll spirits through the Ouija board.

I’ve defined these spirits before as trickster spirits, as in spirits that lie, pretend to be people they’re not (like celebrities, your dead relative, a demon, or Zozo), and do weird things with the planchette in order to freak you out for fun. But I want to talk about the certain kind of tricksters that are just annoying, and we are going to refer them here as Troll Spirits or Asshole Spirits, because that’s what they are. They act like twelve-year-old boys who like to write things like “boobs” over and over, or just want to talk about sex, or just be assholes in general. And, being gross pre-teen boys, they won’t leave you alone. 

Now I had never encountered a troll spirit before, and was giving this advice about how to get rid of them without ever having to get rid of them. That changed when one of my followers messaged me to do a reading with them and meet a spirit that wouldn’t leave them alone. We’ve made a fun Ouija board playing group out of it*, and I asked two members to write about their experiences with this spirit. Here’s literallyjensen

The first time we met Zam, the proclaimed “demon,” was while ouija-ing in a cemetery. His first words were “penis” and “69.” This was the first time my friends and I had really used the board and got a response, and as naive as we were, full heartedly believed we had befriended a demon who really didn’t seem all that demonic. Months and months went by, and sometimes we’d drop into the graveyard to talk to him. He had begun to target my friend J___, saying that he wanted to have sex with her, along with another “demon” named “Mem” who wanted to fuck our friend A___. Slowly but surely, more people got involved with this plot, and it seemed that Zam’s trickery was really working. But after a while of him making up insane stories and agreeing with random accusations, we began to distrust him quite a bit. He wasn’t doing anything scary like we thought a demon should, but more like he was just acting like a general troll, and we started to think we had made a new friend, despite how annoying his presence was. It had gotten to the point where every time we picked up a board, Zam would be there first. He would sometimes pretend to be other spirits, then later revealing himself by spelling out “Z-A-M-A-M-A-M-A-M-A-M….” and faster and faster as he went until we commanded him to stop. It became obvious when my friend Lucas and I picked up our own board and began sessions at his house that Zam was, for lack of a better word, “stuck” to me. Wherever I went, he went too, and he leeched on to other friends of mine that had joined in on ouija sessions. When we finally met up with theouijagirl, we embarked on the journey to find out who Zam was and why he was following me. The problem escalated when we were barely allowed to talk to spirits we trusted, because he would pretend to be someone he wasn’t and we wouldn’t know otherwise unless we had the spirit tell us something Zam wouldn’t know. If the spirit was unable to answer the specific questions, or was relying too heavily on gibberish, we would ask if it was Zam. More often than not, he would begin to spell his name and we would tell him to leave. It got to the point where theouijagirl ended up seeing him trying to manifest in the corner of the room and I had to verbally banish him. He still continues to show up and although less than before, this spirit is still sticking around and we are left with more questions than answers.

Bascially Zam is an asshole that knows he can get attention and seeks it out desperately. He has no interest in changing his ways. This is still really shocking to me, because Zam obviously knows that we think he’s an asshole and we’re tired of him, but he still won’t give up. My original advice of saying Goodbye whenever he appears gets really old. But what else is there to do?

Zam’s encounters with my friend lukasz-marek was a lot more personal: 

So I’m a pagan, and I naively began using the ouija board, not only because I wanted to try it, but because I thought I would be able to contact different entities.

So, my friend and I, who will probably also be writing up some stories, have been getting trolled by some kid claiming to be a demon named Zam. Harmless, but incredibly annoying.

We used a home-made board at first but eventually we just got one from a local shop. Well, his mom didn’t want it in his house and I honestly didn’t care if it was in my car or anything so it stayed with me.

Constantly being told I couldn’t use the ouija board made me do exactly that thing - low and behold it actually worked. Against popular opinion, I would be on the board for hours at a time on my days off. Why? Because Zam decided to make some friends up/bring some other spirits along to play some major mind games with me.

Mostly it was entertaining nonsense and none of it made any sense. I’m not going to go into too much detail with what happened with that group, because honestly I’m embarrassed to have believed any of it.

But I do want to describe in detail, about my experience with a spirit parading around as a deity. Not just pretending to be a demon or a faerie or a fucking unicorn, but a deity that I had interest in working with, and was trying to develop a relationship with.

This spirit claimed to be this deity, made up stories, backtracked, lied and manipulated me. This wasn’t fun anymore.

So not only was it impossible -when said deity actually did come around with some pretty obvious signs- to practice any sort of discernment, I couldn’t trust that it was actually him, and I was putting for ideas about the relationship because of what the spirit had preached.

So basically, moral of the story is that these spirits are trolling. I was never physically harmed. Lighting candles and chanting prayers doesn’t keep the demons away because there are no demons.

Most of the time, the spirits are going to play on whatever you say. If you ask if they are evil, they’ll pretend to be evil. You say demons can’t come, they are going to troll you as a demon. They are going to make up scenarios where they become the good guy but in actuality, it was them the whole time.

Again. The worst that happened to me was that I had to re-evaluate my beliefs and relationships with the unseen. That’s it.

No possessions. No demons. No evil, blah blah blah.

One time I thought I was possessed.

It was because I had been closing my eyes for so long and had been scrunching up my entire face, that my vision went red for five seconds.

Never happened again.

I got heat flashes at the same time the ‘deity’ got ‘angry’ at me.

I’m on high levels of testosterone which induce some side-effects similar to menopause, such as heat flashes.

The spirits are manipulating you. It’s all psychosomatic and you need to calm the frick down. 

As Larry Wilmore would say, Lucas is keeping it 100. Don’t ever trust spirits that seem too good to be true. They are trolls.

So my advice stays the same. If you want a spirit to leave, tell it to leave. Threaten it to leave. But don’t give it too much of your attention, because that’s what it wants. When it appears again on your board, tell them Goodbye. No frills, just Goodbye, because they want the frills. They want to be annoyed and mad and frustrated because it’s hilarious to them. So don’t act that way. Just “Goodbye”, and that’s it.

If you have any Ouija board or spirit related questions, let me know.

*If you are in the San Francisco Bay Area and want to play the Ouija board, let me know, I don’t charge anything (since it’s a board game).