All my kids are dumb

Context: Our DM decided to mod an adult white dragon for us to fight. Our party is level 4. We had an NPC wizard with us who was pretty useless (Nicknamed ‘dumb child #2’ because I had to lead him around by his hand and because our fighter is ‘dumb child #1’ and you’ll see why)After entering it’s lair and meeting it we were sure we’d die so, being a bard and having a crazy high charisma, I sweet talked the dragon and we all left. But just before we did…

Fighter: I want to stealth around the dragon and see if there’s anything good.
Me, the bard with common sense: *Hissing* NO YOU DON’T!
DM: The door is now shut and your fighter is locked in the room with the dragon.
Me: Fuck.
Fighter: Can I roll to stealth out of the room?
DM: I mean…the dragon is looking at the door so…
Me: If that’s the case, knowing how dumb he is and knowing he’s still in there potentially being BBQed, I’m going to open it slightly and inspire him with a song to help him escape.
DM: Okay, what song did you want to sing?
Me: F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you fucked up, N is for no one will recognize your cooooorpse when the dragon burns your ass up!
Table: *Loses it*
Fighter: *Rolls* Okay, did I make it?
DM: Despite the rousing song, the dragon is still staring at the door. So no.

Long story short, we killed the dragon with me providing support and healing and our paladin basically demolishing the dragon with the help of our fighter, ranger and Druid. It. Was. Epic.

At the next game, I’m going to stipulate that the fighter must hold my hand whenever we go into dangerous situations from now on.

anonymous asked:


“If you think you can sleep through two children demolishing their pile of Christmas presents, go ahead.” He can hear the humour in his husband’s voice but his eyelids were too heavy to open.

“Three o'clock I got to bed this morning after wrapping those bikes. Didn’t see you anywhere.” He sighed, rolling over, any chance of sleep was gone. Aaron was relentless at Christmas, worse still since they’d adopted the boys.

“Not my idea to buy them. Come on, I can’t hold ‘em off much longer.”

“Ten minutes. Any chance of coffee?”

“I should think so. Merry Christmas Scrooge!” He can feel the puffs of breath from his laughter before he presses a kiss to his cheek.

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all you do is yell at each other; you are not friends.
                                 no, we’re  f a m i l y .


“I can’t imagine this is debris from the house. The house was demolished around 10 years ago because there were squatters and people like us that would come inside the house and try and stay inside the house… Shit, maybe this is from the house, cause it looks like the bottoms of the foundation… Oh Jesus Christ dude! Look at that, it’s like tiles from the bathroom right there it looks like!”
                                 “(wheezes) You really turned a corner on that one pretty quick!”

(’The Disturbing Murders at Keddie Cabin’ )

Square tf up Yoosung
  • Seven: You need them to think you're stronger than you actually are.
  • Yoosung: That's what you do?
  • Seven: Me?
  • Seven: Oh, no.
  • Seven: My power is no illusion.
  • Seven: I can fucking demolish you.