So.. Ive known im ace for a while now but in the past month or so i come to the (almost certain) conclusion that im also aro. Except.. Ive been dating this guy for about 4 months now and i dont know how to bring up that i really like going out doing stuff with him but i just dont want it to be romantic anymore! Cuz hes just the nicest guy ever and he was completely cool with all my boundaries and everythings just confusing. Help? Maybe?
Depending on what kind of guy he is, it might help to just be completely honest, and say; ‘my journey of self-discovery has led me to identify as aroace, which can seem kinda out of nowhere considering our relationship. But my aromanticism is here to stay, so if this relationship is to continue, then some changes will need to occur.’
Some people can react differently depending on what’s being said. They might be a-ok with everything but the word ‘aromantic’, so demanding strict new boundaries goes over fine, but outing yourself as queer might not. Some people seem fine at first, and then push the lines as time goes on.
You can’t always predict what happens when you come out, but you have control over how you react to the situation.
Using and feeding on people was something I strongly disliked and never would have chosen but Vlad told me that the dark world would deny my destiny of becoming a true vampire if I didnt bow to their demands. So for not being alone among the dead I obeyed to his wishes.
reblog this if you’re okay with your mutuals/followers tagging you in their posts/things they think you would enjoy and put what tag(s) you track as well as any specific things you’d like to be tagged in in the tags of this post
Honestly, ever since becoming a fanfic writer myself I’ve become like 500% more understanding and patient about other authors’ update schedules. An author takes 6+ months to post their next chapter? Yeah, totally get that real life can get in the way. An author abandons a fic? Disappointing, but it happens- sometimes inspiration for a story just dies. An author apologizes about taking so long to post a 10k word chapter? Dude, that’s like 18-20 pages on Word single-spaced. It takes me at least a week to write an essay for school a quarter the length of that, and that’s with a deadline.
It’s probably the most important thing writing fanfic has taught me, tbh. How to fully appreciate the hard work someone else has put into their story. How important the role of the audience is to an author. And that no matter what, you are never entitled to demand more of a story that you are getting for free.
Today is a not a good day for me mentally. My hubbs keeps calling me from work to check up on me. I'm just in one of those moods where I want to vanish for a bit, but responsibilities demand my attention. So, I am having a cry before my child gets home from school. I have started therapy and we are discussing medications and I know that is a good step. But I'm terrified all the same.
It’s going to be okay.
YOU are going to be okay. This is a temporary thing with your brain being a dick, and you will get through this.
I’m so proud of you for starting therapy, and looking into meds to help your brain get the help it needs to stop being a dick to you.
If I may suggest something: I practice a version of cognitive behavioral therapy. The short and overly simplified version is: when I feel my brain throwing a sad or depressive or negative thought at me, I stop what I’m doing, and I make the effort to consciously remember something awesome that happened that made me happy. It doesn’t matter what it is, just as long as it’s a good memory. It doesn’t even have to be a big, complicated memory. It can be like that time I ran my first 5K, or the time I switched on my emulator and it worked! It can be a quiet walk I took with Anne (I have a lot of those to choose from) and specifically how nice it felt to hold her hand.
We have tons of good memories, and sometimes we have to make the effort and work hard to find them, especially when it’s easier to feel bad about something.
Also, it’s OKAY to recognize that a thing made you sad, and then sort of visualize putting it on a shelf or in a bag or just kicking it out of your way for a moment while you pay attention to that good memory.
There’s science which tells us that the experience of recalling something happy produces the same neurochemicals as actually having that experience, so even though this can feel like woo woo mystical bullshit, it’s a real thing.
So your homework is to think of an awesome thing that happened, just a moment when you were really happy, and recall something specific from that moment. Your brain may try to be a dick and do this thing where it goes, “and that’ll never happen again.” or “and I didn’t deserve it.” When your brain does that, it can be a challenge to stay focused on the good memory, but you can do it!
You’re gonna get through today, I promise. Send me a note tomorrow and let me know how you’re feeling, okay?