A bonus horoscope for deliciousfriend, who has liked or reblogged every single post I've made:

If the stars were conscious and had mouths and teeth, they would smile upon you. I don’t think that their smiling would do you much good, but it wouldn’t hurt either. It’d be a little creepy if anything. Like, imagine if the sun actually had a face and was smiling right at you.

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“Hello little girl. My celestial brothers and sisters and I bid you a pleasant day, brought to you by me of course. Please, bask in my luminiferous mixture of electromagnetic radiation and beneficence.”