delicate haunting

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The Dream by Hadar Ariel Magar

amsterdam

📓 : angst 

💌 : 1,650

📌 : ive never been to amsterdam i just really adored the place omg 😰🤔 but yes!!!!! here’s another sehun angst and i think i’ll forever write angst what even is a fluff


The crinkles in his eyes whenever he smiles, his fingertips that lingered to your hair, his smell that you could almost compare to a delicate flower – these things haunts you every night. You’ve sworn to yourself nothing was wrong.

He just told you that he loves you dearly three days ago, but here you are, left in the shadows with your heart that’s been shattered like a fragile glass, broken and unfixable.

Ever since Sehun broke up with you, your mind was going crazy for trying to figure out what it caused. You’ve reminisced every single thing you could possibly remember, but none of that worked out for you.

Or maybe, you were the delusional one who thought that everything was going well.

You remember the night when he left. You were welcomed with an almost empty house, not deserving to be called as a home anymore. He took his clothes from your shared closet, his belongings in the bathroom, his favorite paintings that emptied the walls of your house you both used to plan to decorate, and your heart.

You were only left with a letter and the spare key he had to your shared apartment. You tried to call him several times, but your attempts were only sent straight to the voicemail. You’ve sent multiple messages, begging him to come back, but as the days passed slowly, your companion was only the cold bed you used to share with him.

The pillows still smell like him. And each and every day, it kills you inside.

A part of you wants to run after him, to demand at least an explanation why it all happened all of the sudden because the words “Please live happily without me” that were written on that note are  not enough to mend your broken heart.

And a part of you doesn’t want to because maybe he really intended to leave from your life all this time. Maybe he had no courage to do so, or maybe he stayed for a while because he didn’t want to leave you tormented.  

A lot of unanswered questions, the what ifs and the maybes continued to prevent you from having a peace of mind.

Your bed remained cold and the other day, you decided to change the pillow cases to get rid of his sweet smell.

Your eyes still swarm in the water, but at least that drifts you off to sleep every night.

You started to feel again.

You occupied yourself to work and friends. You feel relieved somehow, but that heart of yours still craves for that touch you are missing from time to time.

Jongin told you that Sehun went to Amsterdam to settle down for good. It was always his dream to live there with you. He had always admired the serenity and the architecture of the houses was amazingly structured, giving that peaceful atmosphere of the place.

And here you are, feeling stupid for having the thought that you are getting better.

You wished me to live happily without you. If you can, why can’t I?

The thought of cleaning the house since the day he left never lingered your thoughts. The same position of the couches remained the same; the bills that were pinned on the board were still there, his favorite cup is still on the top of the shelf in the kitchen.  

Your defeated soul slowly embraced rage and pride, making you blame him for your shattered heart. Your concern was replaced with bitterness, because getting over about someone was hard, and you were exhausted of trying to be considerate about his side that was never clarified in the first place.

So, you disposed everything that reminded him of you. His favorite cup that you argued to claim was found broken on the floor, the dead sunflowers that he used to bring for you were replaced with dandelions. Everything felt new and fresh, leaving all the memories behind the unknown.

Maybe this is a new beginning for me, after all.

So you continued sweeping the floor, changed the sheets of your bed, and bought new scented candles. You used to love the scent of lilac which he loves the most. Now, you hate it. The ocean breeze scented became your new favorite.

As you continued cleaning your room, you saw something under your bed. It was a middle-sized brown box that is similar to a treasure box. You don’t recall buying this one, you thought. So you slowly opened it,

And you are certain it was Sehun’s.

You’re contemplating whether if you will open it or not, but your curiosity won.

There lies his favorite watch, a train ticket which you both used to visit Busan, scattered tiny beads that looked like it was pulled out from a necklace, and a sparkling pendant that is shaped like a sunflower.

“Sunflowers, huh.” A bitter laugh escaped from your lips, and your lungs feels heavy as you try to fight the urge of breaking down again.

God knows you loved him too much, but you’re not sure if he actually felt that.

Tears starts brimming your eyes as you held the pendant. You thought the world is really unfair. Did you love the wrong person? You started to feel that you were just used, that you were taken for granted.

You were exhausted. You were tired of dealing of every single thing that could possibly remind you of Sehun. Your vision stars to get blurry, but you noticed something beneath the beads.

It was a folded paper.

You thought it was just another trash or a ticket that is not really necessary to look at. You wiped your tears from your cheeks, opened it anyway.

It was a letter.

It was a letter that is meant to be sent to you.

And God, a part of you wished you never opened it.

Dear, (Y/N)

By the time you are reading this, you probably hate me now.

Don’t worry, my dear. I hate myself for leaving, too.

I am a man who is not good at words, so I decided to write this letter in case you’d want to know.

I’d hate to leave something that I treasure the most. I felt every single fiber of your affection. You did nothing wrong. I wish I could stay, but I know to myself I am no good for you. I’m certain you are the one for me, but I am not sure if I am the one for you.

I left because I know where this would lead. A break of connection that will bring out the worse in us that will consist of spiteful words that were bottled in the remaining years that we had. I am sure you’d be the one who will cut the ties because of my hesitations and lack of affection. You will get tired of me for not telling you the tiniest things that I like, or how I like my eggs in the morning. You will get tired of understanding me, eventually. Because for the previous years I tried to love, it always ends up this way.

Be mad that I never fought my fear, that I didn’t stop myself from letting you go from my embrace. You deserve so much better than settling with me. I love you too much, so I did this.

And I know to myself that I will never love anyone anymore, except for you.

My heart will always crave for you.

My heart will always be yours.

My heart will always call out for your name.

I wish you’ll have a happy life. You’re the strongest person that I know. And I know that someone will treat you better than I did. You don’t deserve someone who couldn’t be open to you. You don’t deserve someone who just left you this way.

I will always love you.

– Sehun.

With a used plane ticket, passport and a navigation map on your hands, you walked through this empty street with courage to find what you are looking for.

You were told to look for a place in Berenstraat by Jongin. Sure, it was a nice place. Everything seems calm and the warm breeze hits your face just perfectly fine. It was a view that is worth visiting, but one thing in mind still lingers in your thoughts, waiting to be found.

You found yourself standing at this doorstep where you’re not even certain if it you are really at the right place. But you thought that there’s no turning back. If it will have to take you to search the oceans, you think you would.

Calmly, you knocked on the door.

“Coming!”, a familiar voice said.

A smile slowly crept on your lips. You knew it was him.

The door opened.

“(Y/N)?”

There stands the man you have been looking for. The man you’d take the risk just to take him back into your arms again. The man you loved for it seems like forever. The man who your heart will always seek for.

Sehun.

His hair grew a little longer but he still has that intimidating yet calm demeanor. You can tell that he wasn’t expecting this to happen by the look on his face. You wanted to run to him and hug him, to pull him into an embrace but a part of you wanted to shout for leaving you like that.

Nevertheless, you’d take everything for you to bring him home again. To you.

He looked at you intently and remained speechless. Sehun cleared his throat to say something but the words seem like it wouldn’t come out any time.

A deep sigh escaped your lips.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

3

The background music in Gravity Falls was frequently great, but in Steven Universe it’s simply transcendent. The Mirror Gem theme, in particular, is delicate, soft, and absolutely haunting, and the first few notes tell me everything I need to know here. Lapis may be free and whole again, at least on the outside, but she still hasn’t truly escaped that mirror. Not yet, and maybe not ever.

Alright, picture this. You’re out jogging or taking a long walk-about in the wind erroded red rocks, at mid day its sweltering with the suns blistering, searing rays scourching everything they reach. You have decided to stay cool in between two giant red stones, wind rustling delicately. This regular haunt is in the middle of nowhere (not lost, but not looking to be found.). When this wild haired, damn near 7 foot tall, shirtless, lion of a guy, saunters into your shade. When he realizes he’s not alone. His eyes fall to lock on yours. An all teeth grin which clearly should be considered unthreatening. “I’m staying out of the midday sun, hope you don’t mind me sharing your shade.” He says, faint concern on his face.

That’s my story for this picture.

Real or Not Real?

So I’m not sure why, but I cannot get Everlark out of my head.  I finally saw the two Mockingjay films last week, after all these years, (I read the books when Mockingjay was first published) & I became overwhelmed all over again by the relationship between Katniss & Peeta.  I think it must have something to do with his selflessness & her independence.  The evolution of their relationship is so powerful, and Jennifer Lawrence’s & Josh Hutcherson’s performances capture the heartbreak of love & loss & love again so beautifully.   When Peeta’s heart stops, Katniss’ emotion on display is heartbreaking.  I’ve re-watched the beach scene in Catching Fire too many times, but can’t seem to stop as it illustrates how finally, for a moment, Katniss & Peeta see each other.  When Peeta returns to District 12 after the war, the way Josh Hutcherson plays their reunion scene - he apologizes & holds Katniss delicately as his haunted eyes stare off into the distance, is heartbreaking.  When Katniss come to him in the night & he asks tentatively if she loves him real or not real, their gestures are so genuine.  The idea that after everything that Peeta, while forever changed, has returned to Katniss & Katniss recognizes the profoundness of her love for Peeta -  that she cannot survive without him both breaks & fills my heart.  Suzanne Collins wrote a powerful, political series of YA novels & her message of hope - the bread and the dandelion, make these characters unforgettable.

•••Her Knight In Shining Armour••• by @ah-maa-zing
‘John Diggle is distraught when he learns about the accident. When he rushes to the hospital minutes after Oliver’s frantic call, Lyla can taste the panic on his lips as he kisses her goodbye, and she can see it on the shaky hand he runs over Sara’s head. She’s worried too – Felicity has become a friend, but she knows that for John, she’s so much more than that. She’s family.’[x]

by cherrychapssstick

fake movie meme || “Cornflower”

↳ starring Richard Jenkins, Larissa Hofmann, Natalie Martinez, Charlize Theron

Synopsis: 

In a delicate and haunting look at the aftermath of a murder in a small town, Cornflower follows Duncan (Richard Jenkins), a depressed and beleaguered small-business owner living in Harmon, Ohio who finds solace away from his family of seven at the local library, where a college student named Naomi (Larissa Hofmann) volunteers during the week. The lonely and mild-mannered Duncan, whose relationship with his own estranged daughter (Charlize Theron) has been increasingly strained lately, begins to develop an imaginary friendship with the quiet library worker. He cannot muster up the courage to actually speak to her or learn her name, so he dubs her “Cornflower” in his imagined conversations with her. But when news breaks that Naomi has been reported missing, Duncan is left with an unshakeable feeling of dread that something bad has happened. His fears are confirmed when her body is discovered three days later- bearing signs of sexual assault before her murder. As a local police officer (Natalie Martinez) assigned to the case struggles to make sense of a murder with no leads and hardly any clues, Duncan is frustrated with the lack of progress being made by the police and decides to find Naomi’s killer on his own terms.

Determined to be her savior, his vigilante investigation soon creates rising tensions amongst his own friends and family, and leaves Duncan and the local authorities with more questions than answers- the most pressing of which remains the basis of his friendship with “Cornflower”, and his investment in the death of a girl he never knew.

[playlist]

Loosen Up: Artists That Got Me Through Revising

At this time of year, most of us are stressing over exams, cramming information and staying up until ungodly hours to revise until our eyes are burning, and our hands are aching from scribbling nonsense onto paper (I know I am). I also know how this pressure and stress can effect mental health, hearing so many of my classmates complain and worry over how this stress is effecting them, so I thought I’d take a break from that state of mind and simmer down a little. If you’re also trying to balance both exams and your health, I’d recommend listening to this list of artist I put together while taking a break from revising. *Feel free to listen too if you’re feeling stressed out anyway*.

  • Ben Howard

Ben Howard has to be one of my favourite artists that I go to if I’m feeling too strung together. His delicate finger picking and haunting voice creates a soothing melody that instantly lifts the weight off my shoulders.

I’d recommend: Promise – Ben Howard.

  • Emily and The Woods

One of my favourite songs ever is sang by Emily and The Woods. Not only is the acoustic enchanting, but her voice undoubtedly makes your heart strings pull. The best way to listen to them is by closing your eyes.

I’d recommend: More like Me – Emily and The Woods.

  • Bombay Bicycle Club

Just listen and you’ll understand.

I’d recommend: *All of their songs are completely and utterly relaxing* Lights Out Words Gone – Bombay Bicycle Club.

  • Lucy Rose

Not only has Lucy Rose accompanied Bombay Bicycle Club in some of their songs, but she also has her own breath-taking album ‘Like I Used To’. Her voice is undoubtedly soothing and she has the ability to caresses the tension between my shoulder blades, which is why she has a spot on my list.

I’d recommend: Place – Lucy Rose.

  • Mumford and Sons

Although Mumford and Sons are mainly associated with fast beats and uncontrollable strumming, there is one song by them that is soothing and slow. Marcus Mumford’s voice is only accompanied by a guitar, and it is beautiful. Another one to be added to the list.

I’d recommend: Reminder – Mumford and Sons.

Enjoy.

Kelsey Skyrme / my blog