defriender

We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.
—  Ryan O’Connell, You Don’t Have To Be Friends With Everybody

We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.
—  Ryan O’Connell, You Don’t Have To Be Friends With Everybody

anonymous asked:

Yo, got any sick dirt on that trial captain Ilima?

~ I think I’ve mentioned that he’s a germophobe? If someone tries to use the 5 second rule after dropping food on the floor, he’ll defriend them instantly. He won’t talk to them for like 3 days.

~ He gets stupidly excited when his students at the Trainers’ School graduate. He comes to all the graduations he can make and cheers the loudest for each kid.

~ When new students enter the School, he gives each of them a lucky Pokeball to use on the right occasion. It makes him so happy when trainers tell him they caught their partners in them.

~ He visits the berry farms a lot to get natural dyes for the paints he uses in the city. He’s afraid of using the factory stuff because it might hurt pokemon if they like… Licked the gates or something. He’s eco friendly.

~ Every morning he goes to the Malasada Shop and buys himself and his Smeargle a sweet malasada to start the day off right.

We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.
—  Ryan O’Connell, You Don’t Have to Be Friends with Everybody 
We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.
—  Ryan O’Connell

This Image is Disgusting

This is one of the more disgusting things I’ve seen on Facebook lately. A person I barely know posted it with a sort of generally agreeing statement, but of course I didn’t defriend her because she’s otherwise seemed like quite a nice person. Nevertheless, when it was posted, I felt the need to correct the blatant misinformation it propagated. I didn’t initially say anything about how disgusting and immoral it was (I refuse to use the word “problematic,” because it doesn’t mean what everyone pretends it does - the proper term is immoral or unethical). 

Instead, I said, “This is false. Have you done any research whatsoever into the subject? Even a cursory glance at most texts on, say, ancient Rome or Greece will disprove the image - heck, I can remember childhood books on those cultures that clued me into how horribly they treated women. But, hey, wolves are cool.” More about the wolf thing later, but I thought I was succinct and to the point, and while I may have been a little sharp, I honestly thought folks would hear me out!

They didn’t. One person appeared. They announced they’d been a Wiccan 2nd Degree for twenty years, presumably to suggest that they knew more than me about this, despite the fact that Wicca requires no history degree. I wish I could summarize more of the conversation, but the person has since deleted all their comments. What I do remember is the following, which was absolutely astounding in how poorly this person argued and how uncouth they were. 

They said it was absolutely true that misogyny entered the world via Christianity. I mentioned that Greek and Roman women were treated quite horribly and often reduced to the level of slavery. And then…

This person began to argue that, since Greeks and Romans eventually converted to Christianity, they had never been pagan to begin with!

I just asked why on earth they were saying such a thing, and I almost warned them that they shouldn’t say it around the reconstructionists, and then? Then they called me an “argumentative little shit,” dropped their line about being a Wiccan High Priest again, and ultimately said I’d gone “full retard” after I suggested they post links to sources proving their mythos of an ancient egalitarian pagan world. Then, they deleted their posts. Good riddance, scum.

Another, more reasonable person appeared and acknowledged that no, the ideas implied by the image weren’t true, but suggested they were beautiful anyways, perhaps wanting to suggest that they’re akin to Masonic mythic history. At this point, though, I was livid, but I tried to be as civil as possible!

I tacitly agreed that the idea of an egalitarian golden age might be a useful concept to give people a goal to aspire to, but then I really laid it on thick regarding how the image was not only a lie, but also designed to malign Christians and inspire hate against them. The person replied that technically, since the image doesn’t say “because of Christianity,” it’s not hateful! She was being polite, but still, I think that demonstrates an abominable lack of awareness! I parted the conversation by asking, “If this mythos is so life-affirming and beautiful, why are its adherents so hateful and unreasonable?” I pointed to the above interchange with the other person as an example.

Let’s address the image itself, briefly, though. It’s pretty as anything, isn’t it? You’ve got a gorgeous woman in stunning medieval garb standing with a majestic pack of wolves. But why? What does it have to do with this supposedly real egalitarian pagan golden age? Dissect it - the woman isn’t dressed in Roman garb; she isn’t wearing a chiton, or even something an earlier tribesmaiden would have worn. It’s medieval. Does anyone remember the Middle Ages from school? There weren’t many pagans running around, and, had there been, they probably would have been desperately hiding, not prancing around with wolves (which Medieval people feared, from what I’ve read).

You could argue that what I’ve said about the Medieval treatment of minority religions proves the images point, but it doesn’t. Tyranny didn’t enter the world with Christianity, though many tyrants in the past two thousand years have indeed been Christian, largely because it became a minority religion - law of numbers! Nor did, as the image implies, misogyny enter the world with Christianity - read your history books, and your primary sources, especially!

I may do a post on why this incident has succeeded in convincing me that mythic history (not actual mythology - there is a difference) is actively harmful at this point, but I might also just write about this absurd obsession with Medieval aesthetics, which I share, but realize is counterintuitive.

I get people hate confrontation and I can be that person. But it’s really cheap for you to decide you don’t want to deal with people being shitty on your facebook post so you just delete it. It is cheap and it is lazy. Tell people to get their shit together or bounce them. If you can’t defriend, hide them from seeing anything on your profile. Don’t delete it then message me and apologize because you wouldn’t seize control because you let them have the last word and signaled that it’s ok for them to be a dick. 

“We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.”

—Ryan O’Connell, You Don’t Have To Be Friends With Everybody

illustration by Laura Callaghan 

…long time no see.

Sorry about the ridiculously long absence; my health situation rather unexpectedly threw a lot of additional challenges at me over the past 2+ months, and I … didn’t have any bandwidth at all for Tumblr. Initially I thought I was just taking a tiny break because I was hurt about someone defriending me, but with all the serious physical stuff that kept crashing into me right through the end of 2016, I was unable to post at all. (…My queue kept posting for a while longer than I was actually here.)

I’m now in the Alps, which suits me physically and means a break from normal responsibilities (like trying to set up better treatment for my genetic condition; actively liaising w/ my publisher, etc.), so I figured I should try to catch up a little. Thank you for bearing with me during the complete mess that has been 2016. 💜

You’ll tell me in your green sweater. I don’t know why, but this is how you will end things. This is how you’ll cut the tie so you can fly further away. Migration without the comfort of ever coming back home. You will have practiced this so long in the mirror, you will be impressed with yourself when you don’t cry. You leave the last of the strawberry ice cream in the freezer because it was the nice thing to do. You defriend my sister on Facebook. You tell my parents you tried. They will understand. It won’t be raining, so I will spend the next six hours running the water bill into the high skies. Everyone knows it’s a lot harder to cry from the bottom of the bathtub and I will believe that will save me. I will bury your extra key in the same grave we planted last Valentine’s roses when they wilted beyond repair. I will go to the bars and try to find your name at the bottom of every glass. You will finally take that trip to Texas; buy a new apartment and try to imagine every window without my flower pots. This is how it will happen. It won’t take you long to find someone else. You’ll meet her across the hall when she gets your mail by mistake. She wants a wedding in the spring. I will crawl so far into myself, any man is afraid to go looking. When he finds me, he’ll pull me back out. Restock the freezer. Open the windows, water the plants. Tells me he knows what it’s like when you give too much of yourself away. How we always expect somone else will do the same.
—  Schuyler Peck, How It’ll Happen
What Not To Do (Unless You Do Want To Scare Off The Signs):

Aries:
Chase them. Act like they owe you their time and attention; throw strops when they don’t….
Demand things of them. Take all challenge away from them by just being there without them having to put in any effort whatsoever.

Taurus:
Nag them. Rush them. Hurry them. Make everything something that has to be done right away. Stress them out. Break their trust, even in ways which you think are tiny, like lies; they hate that.

Gemini:
Be boring. Do, say, eat, watch, play, and listen to the same things all the time.

Cancer:
Make them uncomfortable. Tell them harsh truths. Insult their home. (If you dare, speak disparagingly of their mother, then they’ll reeeally hate you.)

Leo:
Do not admire them. Do not be impressed by them. Express feeling entirely underwhelmed by, or, at least, neutral about everything that they do, and normalise any of their talents, skills, feats (especially by comparing them to less talented others).
Take advantage of their generosity and hospitality.

Virgo:
Criticise them. Be disordered. Be late. Don’t bring what’s required.
Express no need of anything that they can give to you or do for you.

Libra:
Leave them alone a lot, and make everything into an argument. They can’t deal with a lack of harmony.

Scorpio:
Reveal everything swiftly, and make sure it’s bland, too. Lack passion. Be neutral about everything. Have no ambition.

Sagittarius:
Try to get close to them, and try to hold them back from experiencing life with responsibilities.

Capricorn:
Don’t take them seriously. Disrespect them. Make them seem silly. Turn them into the butt of many jokes. Even in an intentionally harmless manner, banter will really make them feel horrible about themselves and about you.
Capricorns have a lot of pride and are very obedient to social norms. Make them feel like you think they’re weird.
Capricorns are proud.

Aquarius:
Be regressive and tedious. Wear what everyone else wears. Listen to chart music. Dye your hair with blond highlights. Wear Super Dry clothing. Spout opinions which reflect that of the beauty industry and racist, patriarchal norms and expectations.
Say ignorant, baseless generalisations about minorities (including the one into which you fit, if you are a minority).
Internalised and outward discrimination turns them right off.

Pisces:
Ground them in reality. Block their music; prevent them from listening to it. Be depressing. Never show that you need anything, because if you do they will cling on longer, trying to help you to attain that need.

Obviously a lot of these would put a lot of people off, but these are specific deal breakers for each sign; ‘pet hates’, if you will.

10 reasons why books are better than people

1. They don’t get jealous about dumb stuff or other books
2. They don’t defriend you
3. As long as you love them they love you back
4. You don’t have to talk to them
5. Because of 4. there are no missunderstandings
6. They lead you in new worlds and adventures
7. They may break your heart but still take your love
8. They’re waiting for their turn without jostling
9. They don’t change their personality
10. They are always in the position to make you happy, when they need to

how signs react when you criticize them

aries: gets wildly offended. storms off. defriends you on fb the next day.
taurus: goes from 0 to 100 real quick. will tell u that they’re right until they’re dead
gemini: weighs ur opinion carefully but realizes that they know themselves better than u do
cancer: way too nice to ur face abt it. goes home and cries secretly
leo: laughs at u for doubting them but also screaming on the inside
virgo: meticulously goes over whatever u criticized and spends all night correcting it
libra: might cry unless u compliment them immediately after
scorpio: lowkey agrees with u but will never admit it to ur face and gets moody instead
sagittarius: rolls eyes. dives into a pile of admirers.
capricorn: genuinely considers ur opinion but ultimately decides that ur not shit
aquarius: laughs nervously. retreats to a den carved out of a foxhole and meditates
pisces: cries a lot. devolves into a self-pitying lump

i mean if you think opposing marriage as an institution means not even celebrating let alone fighting for marriage equality for lgbpq people then i hope you defriend all of your straight friends/feminists who ever get married, don’t you dare put aside your politics and show up and celebrate your str8 sister’s wedding, don’t think about buying anybody a wedding gift, don’t listen for a second to your friends talk about how they think marriage would be a good/practical ideal for them despite being radical feminists, tell them you’d rather they not have the option at all, you’d rather it be illegal for them to even consider it

because that’s what you want for me

Well, the dystopian future is happening. As of five days ago, America has now locked up a pregnant woman and sentenced her to up to 20 years for the crime of miscarriage.

If you ever thought that the so called “pro life” movement was about anything except controlling and punishing women, look long and hard at these laws.

The pro life movement is a lie. This has nothing to do with life. This is about control, fear, misogyny, and oppression. It’s about controlling women for daring to exist, starting with the most socially and economically vulnerable classes.

If you don’t understand why this is horrifying, unfollow me. Literally defriend me right now. I won’t even notice you’re gone.