definitive poetry

And in the darkness,
in the seconds when light
was a distant memory,
her broken heart
still thudding painful half beats,
she whispered to herself
“I will survive this.”
and rose like a flame stronger
even from within her own ashes,
turning every tragedy
into a distant memory.
—  Nikita Gill, The Definition of a Phoenix

My condolences to anyone who has ever lost me,
And, to anyone who got lost in me,
Or, to anyone who ever felt they took a loss with me.
My apologies for the misunderstanding or the lack thereof.
I’m sorry you missed the God in me,
And I’m sorry you missed the light.
I’m sorry you forgot the way I arose like the moon,
Night after night with the burden to forgive,
Eager to feed you everything.
See, I’m a holy woman.
I know what it’s like to give life to a being without ever needing to press skin against one another.
I’ve practiced how to hold my tongue long enough,
I’m afraid I forgot to say goodbye.
I’m afraid you’re under the impression,
That I was made to please you.
I was under the impression you understood me better.
The truth is, I’m a superwoman,
And some days I’m an angry woman,
And some days I’m a crazy woman,
For still waiting, for still loving harder even if I’m aching,
For still trusting that I’m still worth the most,
For still searching for someone to understand me better.

- @reynabiddy

This wasn’t supposed to happen, okay? You weren’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to graduate and go to college and get a job and then, maybe, find someone. Falling in love wasn’t exactly in my five year plan.
—  from an unfinished story #717
mansuetude

[man-swi-tood]

(n.) 1. mildness, gentleness.

When the princess first ascended the throne as queen, she displayed a level of lenience never before seen in the palace. The royal advisers and other underlings soon began to collude with one another, believing her to be naive, and hoping to take advantage of her mansuetude. However, she was not such a fool as they had imagined.

my favorite words

petrichor: noun, the smell of earth after rain

fanciful: adjective, something so imaginative that it’s unrealistic

eunoia (greek) εὔνοια: noun, the fine, light rain that falls from a clear sky at sunset; evening serenity

palinoia: noun, the obsessive repetition of an act until it is perfect or mastered

selcouth: adjective, unfamiliar, rare, strange, and yet marvelous

Pistanthrophobia: noun, the fear of trusting someone

scintilla: noun, a tiny, brilliant flash or spark; a small thing; a barely-visible trace

fanaa (hindi) فناء: noun, destruction of oneself, typically in love

vorfreude (german): noun, the joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining the future; daydreaming

agowilt: noun, unnecessary fear

honne (japanese) 本音: noun, what a person truly believes; the behavior and opinions which are often kept hidden and only displayed with one’s closest confidants

alharaca (spanish): noun, an extraordinary or violent emotional reaction to a small issue

gezelligheid (dutch): noun, the coziness, warmth and comfort of being home, or being together with friends or loved ones sharing time in a pleasant and nice atmosphere

meraki (Greek): noun, the soul, creativity, or love put into something; the essence of yourself that is put into your work

balter: verb, to dance artlessly, without particular grace or skill but usually with enjoyment

querencia (spanish): noun, a place from which one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self

whelve: verb, to bury something deep; to hide

One of the most beautiful and at the same time cruelest things in the world is falling in love with a fictional character.
Falling for their thoughts, for the way they talk and their deepest secrets which they only share with you.
Getting to know them better by each page, forming an idea of their facial expressions and making up conversations with them when no one is around.
And sometimes, you will spot someone on the street, with hair just like this character or a smile that reminds you of your daydreams and your heart will ache in the most hurtful way because you will never see all that characteristics combined in one person.
—  // maybe at another time, in another world…
j.d.m.
chatoyant

[shuh-toi-uh nt] 

(adj.) 1. changing in luster or color; iridescent. 2. in jewels, reflecting a single streak of light, similar in appearance to a cat’s eye.

The boa constrictor lifted its heart-shaped head over the foliage, and one small chatoyant eye, smooth and shiny as a bead of mercury, glinted in the light.

Envy is when someone walks around with a pocket full of “That should’ve been me”.

Insecurity is when you turn up the volume on all the wrong voices.

Hate is what happens when you put a shotgun to the face of understanding and it cowers in the corner.

Courage is ripping your heart from your chest and saying “Here, hold on to this for me”.

Truth is everything you tell yourself when you realize you are the only one still paying attention.

Self is whoever you become when the door is locked.

Trust is jumping into someone’s arms and knowing you won’t have to pick yourself up when it’s over.

Love is a tablespoon full of hemlock that I’ve been dying to try.

Faith is doing what you love and watching the bills pay themselves.

Failure is when you talk yourself out of becoming something amazing.

Victory is standing in front of the school bully with no intention to back down and a fist full of irony.

Success is explaining to your mother exactly what you do for a living without feeling ashamed. It’s falling asleep at 2 A.M., waking up at 4 A.M. and going to work with excitement stitched into the fabric of your smile.

Success is a thank you letter from a kid who lives in a city that you’ve never even been to. It’s breaking up a fight between a person and everything that’s telling them they will never be more than what they are.

When I was fourteen, my friend Adam stole a dictionary from his English class. He brought it home and we set it on fire.

Since then, I’ve been defining things for myself

—  Rudy Francisco, Definitions

anonymous asked:

what apps would the losers have on their phones if they were in 2017 (besides instagram i think they would all have insta)

stan

- out of all the losers, stan would be the one to not care about the follower count on his insta. he just uses it to keep a record of all their great memories and put nice photos, and wouldn’t really care about keeping a consistent aesthetic.
- the others think he doesn’t have twitter because he “doesn’t want an app to tell him all the bullshit richie’s thinking 24/7”
- but he totally runs a shitpost spam account with like,, a lot of followers. makes his own memes for sure.
- probably has reddit and gets into debates with neckbeards
- one of those expensive tracking apps that acts as a planner and habit checker and reminder so he keeps his anxiety in check

ben

- definitely runs a poetry tumblr using a fake name and actually has a lot of notes on a handful of his writings. he doesn’t mind specifically about follower numbers because he started the blog as a journal for himself, but getting constructive criticism from other writers and positive feedback from his followers becomes super important to him! sweet boy!
- the most wholesome snapchat stories u ever seen… like just so cute and loving
- p i n t e r e s t ! making boards for saving recipes and poetry and nice pics to use as writing inspo
- insta that isn’t meant to be aes but lowkey is
- probably thinks twitter is a birdwatching app

bill

- definitely had a deviant art account with some … pretty cringey stuff on it from his preteen years, is probably still floating around the web to haunt him later. same with his old myspace
- he loves insta, and actually has a pretty good follow count and is lowkey an insta blogger. would die for his aes
- has a quiet tumblr with little diary entries and a handful of his fave calming pics to read through on sad days!
- has snapchat but 80% of the time only sends black screens with text on them
- lurks on twitter but rarely posts

mike

- FOLLOWS WERATEDOGS ON SNAPCHAT
- one of those workout apps that gives you healthy recipes and motivational reminders every day
- uses insta rarely but all his posts are 10/10 and so soft that he starts to enjoy posting a lot more
- that study app that locks down your phone and rewards every productive hour by planting a tree 
- “mike why didn’t you answer my texts for three days?”
- “I ACCIDENTALLY SET THE TIMER TO MAXIMUM AND I COULDN’T CANCEL IT OR MY SHRUB WOULD DIE”
- “mike we thought you were dead”
- “IT WOULD D I E, BEN”
- always sends cute little morning snapchat selfies of him trying out the new filters
- like videos of him looking confused with dog ears and when he opens his mouth to speak and the tongue comes out and he giggles and is like “oh!”

richie

- still has flappy bird because he believes the story that a phone with it installed is worth millions
- so many of those shitty free game apps that just spam you with ads and make you wait five hours between plays before you can progress
- one of those stimming apps! with colours and tapping exercises to fiddle with when his adhd acts up
- runs a twitter meme page for sure
- also had a personal twitter that’s literally filled with bullshit, as stan expected. those 3am posts like “every book is a remix of the dictionary” are plentiful, and a couple of them went viral when someone posted a screenshot on insta
- hates facebook a lot, but loves messenger and spams the gc by changing everyone’s display name every three seconds
- spotify on his bottom utility bar!! mixtape!au reddie is still in full force in playlist form ok
- s n a p c h a t ! ! !
- literally always updating his story to way more than the socially acceptable level but no one minds because it’s hilarious

eddie

- ada: your virtual doctor
- often typing in minor symptoms and scrolling to the bottom of the list to see the WORST CASE SCENARIO and freaking out. gets frustrated and deletes the app, and then re-downloads it. this happens at least once a week
- sleep tracker he uses religiously
- didn’t think he’d like insta but found it nice and relaxing to edit pics and as he gained followers he was! so happy?! my boy felt validated and put in so much effort for his aes my sweetie
- cute morning snapchats to richie (they have like a three year long streak)
- but richie refuses to accept lazy streak snaps that just are of his ceiling and have an “s” typed on them so eddie’s always taking “selfies” that are just his head under a pillow with his hair sticking up all over the place
- “eds thats cheating i want to see you properly”
- eddie sends a v v sleepy soft pic with his messy hair and half closed eyes and pouty face
- richie Thrives™️

bev

- def runs a notorious dark aes tumblr blog
- but also has one that she keeps more lowkey that has a really calm and soft aes where she posts little inspirational quotes and doodles and shares survivor stories and gives advice to sad anons
- one of those super popular pics of a girl smoking wearing an edgy hat or some shit floating around pinterest that are used in so many moodboards is probably of her tbh
- insta insta insta ! her feed is 10/10 goals but its really just lots of selfies and pics of her fucking around at night with richie
- lots of online shopping apps this girl has an addiction
- FUCKING ETSY MAN
- makes skirts and sometimes runs commissions for custom jewellery and stuff as a fun little side project


ty so much for requesting i honestly… had too much of a good time with this 

pret·ty
/ˈpridē/
adjective
1. attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome.
2. attention from you. you only like the photos of her with her chest out but she doesn’t mind and i don’t too.
3. how she looks when she spends an hour on her make-up and then cheats on you in the bathroom of another country.
4. something that will always get her what she wants. something i will always be envious of. something you will always value. and i know i shouldn’t care but it’s obvious that you do. and i know i shouldn’t compare but it’s obvious that you do. and i know. i’m pretty but she’s always going to be prettier and i love her for it, i do.
5. something my love will never be.

love
/ləv/
noun
1. an intense feeling of deep affection.
2. something she will never give you.

—  PRETTY LOVE
saturnine

[sat-er-nahyn] 

(adj.) 1. having a sluggish or gloomy temperament; taciturn. 2. having a tendency to be bitter or sarcastic. 3. having lead poisoning or disorders related to lead. 4. born under the influence of the planet Saturn.

A group of three teenagers squatted near the train tracks, smoking cigarettes and staring at passersby, their saturnine eyes lined with kohl that had become smudged by the greasiness of their skin.