definitive poetry

And in the darkness,
in the seconds when light
was a distant memory,
her broken heart
still thudding painful half beats,
she whispered to herself
“I will survive this.”
and rose like a flame stronger
even from within her own ashes,
turning every tragedy
into a distant memory.
—  Nikita Gill, The Definition of a Phoenix
This wasn’t supposed to happen, okay? You weren’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to graduate and go to college and get a job and then, maybe, find someone. Falling in love wasn’t exactly in my five year plan.
—  from an unfinished story #717
mansuetude

[man-swi-tood]

(n.) 1. mildness, gentleness.

When the princess first ascended the throne as queen, she displayed a level of lenience never before seen in the palace. The royal advisers and other underlings soon began to collude with one another, believing her to be naive, and hoping to take advantage of her mansuetude. However, she was not such a fool as they had imagined.

One of the most beautiful and at the same time cruelest things in the world is falling in love with a fictional character.
Falling for their thoughts, for the way they talk and their deepest secrets which they only share with you.
Getting to know them better by each page, forming an idea of their facial expressions and making up conversations with them when no one is around.
And sometimes, you will spot someone on the street, with hair just like this character or a smile that reminds you of your daydreams and your heart will ache in the most hurtful way because you will never see all that characteristics combined in one person.
—  // maybe at another time, in another world…
j.d.m.
my favorite words

petrichor: noun, the smell of earth after rain

fanciful: adjective, something so imaginative that it’s unrealistic

eunoia (greek) εὔνοια: noun, the fine, light rain that falls from a clear sky at sunset; evening serenity

palinoia: noun, the obsessive repetition of an act until it is perfect or mastered

selcouth: adjective, unfamiliar, rare, strange, and yet marvelous

Pistanthrophobia: noun, the fear of trusting someone

scintilla: noun, a tiny, brilliant flash or spark; a small thing; a barely-visible trace

fanaa (hindi) فناء: noun, destruction of oneself, typically in love

vorfreude (german): noun, the joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining the future; daydreaming

agowilt: noun, unnecessary fear

honne (japanese) 本音: noun, what a person truly believes; the behavior and opinions which are often kept hidden and only displayed with one’s closest confidants

alharaca (spanish): noun, an extraordinary or violent emotional reaction to a small issue

gezelligheid (dutch): noun, the coziness, warmth and comfort of being home, or being together with friends or loved ones sharing time in a pleasant and nice atmosphere

meraki (Greek): noun, the soul, creativity, or love put into something; the essence of yourself that is put into your work

balter: verb, to dance artlessly, without particular grace or skill but usually with enjoyment

querencia (spanish): noun, a place from which one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self

whelve: verb, to bury something deep; to hide

chatoyant

[shuh-toi-uh nt] 

(adj.) 1. changing in luster or color; iridescent. 2. in jewels, reflecting a single streak of light, similar in appearance to a cat’s eye.

The boa constrictor lifted its heart-shaped head over the foliage, and one small chatoyant eye, smooth and shiny as a bead of mercury, glinted in the light.

saturnine

[sat-er-nahyn] 

(adj.) 1. having a sluggish or gloomy temperament; taciturn. 2. having a tendency to be bitter or sarcastic. 3. having lead poisoning or disorders related to lead. 4. born under the influence of the planet Saturn.

A group of three teenagers squatted near the train tracks, smoking cigarettes and staring at passersby, their saturnine eyes lined with kohl that had become smudged by the greasiness of their skin.

Envy is when someone walks around with a pocket full of “That should’ve been me”.

Insecurity is when you turn up the volume on all the wrong voices.

Hate is what happens when you put a shotgun to the face of understanding and it cowers in the corner.

Courage is ripping your heart from your chest and saying “Here, hold on to this for me”.

Truth is everything you tell yourself when you realize you are the only one still paying attention.

Self is whoever you become when the door is locked.

Trust is jumping into someone’s arms and knowing you won’t have to pick yourself up when it’s over.

Love is a tablespoon full of hemlock that I’ve been dying to try.

Faith is doing what you love and watching the bills pay themselves.

Failure is when you talk yourself out of becoming something amazing.

Victory is standing in front of the school bully with no intention to back down and a fist full of irony.

Success is explaining to your mother exactly what you do for a living without feeling ashamed. It’s falling asleep at 2 A.M., waking up at 4 A.M. and going to work with excitement stitched into the fabric of your smile.

Success is a thank you letter from a kid who lives in a city that you’ve never even been to. It’s breaking up a fight between a person and everything that’s telling them they will never be more than what they are.

When I was fourteen, my friend Adam stole a dictionary from his English class. He brought it home and we set it on fire.

Since then, I’ve been defining things for myself

—  Rudy Francisco, Definitions
Billet-doux (n)–

His name sounds like a prayer, and his laugh sounds like hope. When I look into his eyes, I forget what the loneliness feels like. When he hugs me, I feel as though nothing can hurt me. I like the way my name sounds falling from his lips, and I love his laugh just a little bit more than usual when I’m the cause of it. I could spend hours listening about all the thoughts that swirl in his mind; I want to know everything he has to say. When I am with him, the sun shines a little brighter, my chest feels lighter, and I can finally breathe easy. He is the answer to questions I didn’t know I needed to ask.
—  i didn’t know that this is what i’ve been looking for all along (13/52) by (DS)
light
/līt/
noun

1. the delicate way in which your lips curl upwards; and the crinkles around your eyes which cannot help but to grin in sheer, genuine joy; and your hair frames your face, cascading down your shoulders to kiss your skin; and the whole of the sky is trapped in two irises, the bottom of the sea confined in two pupils.
2. a genuine love that illuminates so brightly that some cannot bear to look in its direction, but those who do will feel its warmth wrap around them in the fondest embrace.
—  see also: whitney // @spellberry
(cc, 2017)

I wanted some type of confession but
instead you asked me what my favorite sex position is and
i can’t get over the irony of
even when we’re saying goodbye that’s all you care about.

you once said being mad at me turned you on because
you pictured grabbing my hair and fucking me into a wall
so
i guess this must be the ultimate goddamn dream because
we’re not even talking and
i bet you get mad about these poems and
i bet you get mad about the way you left this and
i bet you get mad that
even after everything
every goddamn motherfucking thing
i still fucking held on when you couldn’t wait to let go.

—  I’ll give the pain time to settle and then the poems will stop– lily rain

pret·ty
/ˈpridē/
adjective
1. attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome.
2. attention from you. you only like the photos of her with her chest out but she doesn’t mind and i don’t too.
3. how she looks when she spends an hour on her make-up and then cheats on you in the bathroom of another country.
4. something that will always get her what she wants. something i will always be envious of. something you will always value. and i know i shouldn’t care but it’s obvious that you do. and i know i shouldn’t compare but it’s obvious that you do. and i know. i’m pretty but she’s always going to be prettier and i love her for it, i do.
5. something my love will never be.

love
/ləv/
noun
1. an intense feeling of deep affection.
2. something she will never give you.

—  PRETTY LOVE
I put you through hell, and instead of breaking, you made me human again.
—  from an unfinished story #591