defining queer

anonymous asked:

you said you were working on reading 10 trans and wlw books this year but you didn't mention what they were!

THAT WAS REMISS OF ME, because so far they’ve been mostly friggin’ awesome: 

  • The Abyss Surrounds Us by Emily Skrutskie ♥ (wlw 1/10) – light sci-fi, light dystopian, LESBIAN MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES!!!!!!!!
  • This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel ♥ (trans 1/10) – this is what I was reading when I made that post, and it ended up being the borderline-literary, adult fiction, family + trans kid saga of my dreams
  • Luna by Julie Anne Peters (trans 2/10) – old enough to be considered a Classic of the very small, very niche genre, but is now suuuuper dated compared to everything else on this list (that possibly makes it required reading, tbh) 
  • Beast by Brie Spangler ♥ (trans 3/10) – I absolutely loved this book! it’s ANOTHER boy meets girl ~*~with a secret~*~ (i.e. she’s trans) book but actually really refreshing and lovely 
  • Coffee Boy by Austin Chant (trans 4/10) – this is more of a novella than a novel and also NOTHING HAPPENS but it was still cute
  • Peter Darling by Austin Chant ♥ (trans 5/10) – PETER PAN SEQUEL IN WHICH PETER IS TRANS AND COMES BACK TO NEVERLAND AS A GROWN UP AND FALLS IN LOVE WITH HOOK, A.K.A. MY DREAM BOOK
  • We Are Okay by Nina LaCour (wlw 2/10) – a lovely, quiet, sad-but-hopeful book (in which the protagonist just happens to be gay)
  • The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson (trans) – I’m not counting this towards my goal of 10 because it’s a memoir by someone who’s married to a trans man rather than A Novel About A Trans Person, but it was a really great read!
  • Days Without End by Sebastian Barry ♥ (trans 6/10) – one of the most fulfilling Book Surprises of my life was realising that Thomas is trans!!! the cherry on top of an already stunningly beautiful and moving novel 
  • This Is Where It Ends by Marieke Nijkamp (wlw 3/10) – I wasn’t mad about this book, but two of the POV characters are lesbians who’re in a relationship with each other (and iirc they’re the only relationship in the book) so it counts I guess 
  • Hold Your Own by Kate Tempest (trans) – this poem is trans in a THE GODS HATH TVRNED ME INTO A WOMAN way rather than a regular trans way, so I’m not counting it, but it was ELECTRIFYING and I loved it 

anonymous asked:

This might be a weird question but from one possible bi to a definite bi.... ive identified as a lesbian for a while and i know that im definately queer. But yeah im starting to think that i might be bi. But i really hate the thought of that (being with guys) and i dont know if it is because im not actually attracted to dudes or if it is because ive internalized biphobia or if im just a heterophobe? Do you have a clue or nah?

hetphobia ain’t a thing so jot that down

honestly when i was going through my “am i lesbian or am i bi” debacle the thing that made it hard was that no guy was ~doing it for me. until a guy did 9 months later and i was like oh! hah! there she is! there’s that Bi Jaxx we all know and love!

queer is also a cool ID while you figure it out - i know it saved me in my this or that period. it’s also completely valid for u to use if u don’t feel like any ID matches how you feel. id say if Bisexuality is something you’re willing to explore don’t force it. cause a lot of guys aren’t sensitive to these type of situations unless they’re queer themselves (bi/pan dudes, straight/bi trans dudes etc) so go on about your business and let something like that happen organically and that’s honestly how you’ll know. it might end up being you are lesbian. which makes you no less lesbian for making sure you are one. but i’d gauge also what makes you feel more comfortable. what makes you feel like you’re living your truth.

best of luck babe ❤️

anonymous asked:

I don't understand why Brian has to have an open relationship why can't he just commit to Justin ??

BEING 👏 MONOGAMOUS 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 SAME 👏 THING 👏 AS 👏 BEING 👏 COMMITTED. 👏

BEING 👏 COMMITTED 👏 DOES 👏 NOT 👏 MEAN 👏 YOU 👏 MUST 👏 BE 👏MONOGAMOUS. 👏

“It’s better to be a cute boy than an ugly butch lesbian.”

Six or seven years ago (and longer!) there were huge debates taking place about the term “queer”, what it meant to the lesbian, gay, bi and trans community, whether it should be added onto the acronym and whether people who defined specifically as “queer”, to the exclusion of any of the other letters, should be welcomed into LGBT spaces.

At the time, the term “queer” represented a radical element that was highly attractive. Here were a group of people who seemed to be anti-capitalist, unapologetic, anti-assimilationist, aggressive and non-conformist. And to 20 year-old-me they just looked so bloody cool. I came through school and college having the word lesbian hissed at me, but not really having any other language to describe myself. I argued viciously for the inclusion of the “Q”, and shouted down the concerns raised by older (and sometimes not) members of the LGBT community that the word “queer” for them echoed horrendous experiences of homophobic assault and bullying.

“We’re reclaiming it,” I spat, “and anyway you can still be lesbian, or gay, or bi, and/or trans if you want.”

Fuelled by zeal, well-meaning enthusiasm, a complete lack of understanding of LGBT and women’s history and a massive streak of arrogance, I wrote these concerns off as archaic and narrow minded, and for that, I am truly sorry. 

As time passed, I started to feel ashamed about being a lesbian within the queer community. As one ex said to me “lesbianism is sooooo last century”. I was butch too, a real stereotype. I was ashamed of being a butch lesbian stereotype, and felt that I sucked at being a woman so much, that maybe I couldn’t be one, but the term “genderqueer” left me cold. I also didn’t fancy men, and they didn’t fancy me.

I didn’t realise until much more recently, but what is happening is the sexism and homophobia found in mainstream society is just being re-appropriated and shoved out from the other side under the guise of radical queer politics; women who exclusively date and sleep with other women are being shamed for it by the very community they are supposed to be a part of, in a way that men who exclusively date and sleep with other men are not. Being a lesbian in a society that heaps pressure on women to be with men is and always has been an enormously radical act.

An avalanche of hypocrisy, or was it always there?

In the last couple of years I noticed a big push within the community to educate on trans issues, change the culture around checking which pronouns people use, increase trans visibility and promote more respect and understanding around gender identity, which are all good things in my book. Intentional mispronouning, both in and outside of the LGBT community is a constant micro-aggression. But then something else happened. The same queers who were screaming bloody murder about people not getting their pronouns right, started to use gender neutral pronouns for me without asking. It didn’t feel right. Occasionally someone would ask what pronoun I used, and on hearing me say “she and her” would double take and say “are you sure?”

Why weren’t these queers taking my first answer? They certainly got angry when people questioned using the neutral “they”. It occurred to me that members of the queer community were questioning my right to define as a woman because of my androgynous appearance almost as much as straight homophobes had questioned my validity as a woman for the exact same reason. I felt increasingly pressured to define as something other than “woman”, and that being a woman, particularly without prefixing it with something like “genderqueer” or “genderfluid” or “non-binary”, was increasingly difficult to get people to accept. Was I so bad at being a woman that my own community wouldn’t even believe me? Isn’t it ironic that a supposedly radical community seemed to find the concept of a masculine woman so difficult to swallow?

If our behaviour falls outside of certain prescriptive boundaries laid out by straight people, must we now question our right to be women at all? Why has it become so offensive and revolting to be considered a woman in the queer community? Why don’t people, who experience the world as women, are treated and seen and oppressed as women, want to be women?

It’s because to be a woman in our patriarchal society is to be less. To be a woman is to be in an undesirable position. To abandon the label “woman” is to claw back some individual power, rather than see women as a political class and collective. In short, its because of sexism. An acquaintance said recently:

“It’s better to be a cute boy than an ugly butch woman.”

We need to talk about class, or the lack of talk about class.

I have lost count of the number of times I have heard or heard of some middle class MA Gender/Sexualities/Sociology Studies twerp shaming and condemning some poor gay seventeen year old for not knowing what a demisexual, panromantic, masc of centre genderqueer is. There are large numbers of the queer community who need to face up to the fact that they have a huge amount of social, educational and class privilege, and that some people do not get to read books that introduce them to all these terms. Some people grow up in houses where there are no books, or the only thing they ever read with the terms “lesbian” and “gay” are tabloid newspapers spitting bile. Sometimes people make mistakes, or have limitations of language. And some of us think that the obsessive developing of endless terms is an intentional attempt to stretch the definition of our community so much that the community in fact will not exist.

Butch and femme are terms that were prominently used amongst working class lesbian communities, and were later sneered at and denounced as aping heterosexuality by elements of the separatist feminist movement, who were often middle class and/or had more academic backgrounds. Now we see lesbian women and gay men being sneered at and dismissed as “monosexual” by elements of the community in much the same spirit, “femme” has been appropriated and is frequently used to refer to any feminine presenting queer person and the word butch is still coded as ugly. There are no cafes, bars or clubs that specifically cater to LBTQ women left in London and very few spaces elsewhere.

You have a right to be queer, and others have a right to be lesbian, gay, bi and/or trans.

I have learnt to be unapologetic about being a woman who exclusively has romantic relationships with other women. But it is a shame that I had to learn this twice. There are other people who feel that their identity, although not hetero/cisnormative, is not represented in the L, B, G or T, and they define as queer (or both). That is fine, if that is what they want. What is not fine is the shaming and erasing of lesbians that goes on. What is not fine is to make the identity of “lesbian” synonymous with trans exclusive feminism when it isn’t. What is not fine is the ridicule of butch women that goes on, whilst skinny white masculine of centre genderqueers enjoy pedestal type positions in the queer community. It is not fine to disrespect and enter and disrupt the few women only spaces left when you know you do not experience oppression as a woman. It is not fine to harass the organisers of a women only event because you’re a man* and consider yourself a lesbian and feel you should be welcomed. That’s just complete misogynist douchebaggery.

It is not fine to force people to call themselves queer and erase their gay and lesbian and bi identities in the process. It’s just hypocritical. And its shit politics. Stop it.

I am a butch lesbian woman. And that’s ok.


*I am talking here about douchebag men who exploit nuanced gender politics to harrass lesbians, so don’t bother with the OP is a TERF stuff.

LGBT+ Yuri On Ice Headcanons

Non-Binary Pansexual demisexual demiromantic Yuuri, who alwaays has to shyly tell people his real pronounce, except for Viktor, who just kind of knew

Gay Cis-Male Viktor, who give a fuck about Gender Rolls, because wearing nailpolish doesn’t make you any less of a man

Queer (doesn’t define himself further) greyromantic Cis-Male Yuri, who never knew romantic attraction existed till he met Otabek

Bisexual Cis-Male Otabek, who will kill you if you just think about saying something anti LGBT+

Polysexual, pangender Phichit, who mostly goes by he/him pronounce, uses boys bathroom, calls himself Seungs boyfriend, etc., because it makes things easier, based on his appearance, and he himself knows he is to fab for just one gender

Gay, Cis-Male Seung Gil Lee, who has gotten in several fights before, because people told his boyfriend pangender doesn’t exist, and ask every now and then if Phichit is still okay with male pronounce

Straight, Bi-Gender, Georgi, who never loved something more then Make-Up and Dresses, but also identifies as a boy

Straight, transgender, Minami who was really sad at first when he stopped growing so early, because it didn’t make him seem any manlier at all, but he came to twrms with it when he found a girlfriend who wasn’t taller either and didn’t give a fuck

Bisexual, Cis-Male, Leo who thought everyone was bi when he was a child, and only understood that it wasn’t as common as he thought, when he was 13

Gay, Cis-Male, Guang Hong, who is basically the “Move, I’m gay” meme, but is also really cute and has some feminine features, personality as well as looks

Not identifing Emil, who says he will fall in live with whoever is cute and says genders don’t mater so he doesn’t have one (goes by he/him pronounce as well)

Panromantic, asexual, cis-male, Michele, who never had any interest in sex, but never noticed till he was like 20, because how do you notice something isn’t there when it has never been there?

Pansexual, cis-male, Chris, who doesn’t care what his patner identifys as, as long as they accept him how he is

All my boys being happy and queer and LGBT+ and I just really want them to be happy

Originally posted by thranduilings

I used to be fine with the q slur and I still don’t mind it from other LGBTPN people in most contexts but you know what? I’m not “queer.” Nothing about me is “odd” or “unusual,” especially not my lesbianism. And that’s not exclusive to me, there’s nothing “odd” or “unusual” about any LGBTPN identity and existence. If you want to call yourself queer, that’s great and I’m glad you find power in reclaiming it. But don’t call the rest of us queer because that’s homophobic and transphobic.

My favorite thing that Cory said is that a person doesn’t have to define themselves as gay/queer in order to fall in love with the same sex; you just love them cause well, they love you and accept you!

Cory is one of those people who doesn’t want to be put in a box and just be who he is and take what life has to offer; fluid.

.. But hey what do I know cause people just assumed he’s closeted because of not wanting to label himself like I feel so offended and this is shit I think of everyday.

The word ‘homosexual’ has a clinical connotation, and 'gay’ and 'lesbian’ are often defined too narrowly. 'Queer,’ on the other hand, entails a broader scope of practices than do 'lesbian’ 'gay’ or 'homosexual’ including non-normalized non-heterosexual consensual sexual and gender practices not easily captured by the latter terms (e.g., bisexual, transgender, two-spirited, and other sexual/gender practices). In other words, 'queer’ allows us to point towards the diverse social character of sexual and gender practices and identifications that do not fall under the rigid categories of 'lesbian’, 'gay’,'bisexual’ or 'heterosexual’-or even 'male’ and 'female’
—  Canada’s War on Queers

I’m all for defining more people as queer. When there are Nazis in the White House, our best hope is strength in numbers. So if there’s a whole lot of people vocally insisting “our experiences are not straight experiences,” for fuck’s sake accept them as not straight! If you can’t do it out of human decency, do it for your own sake. More people accepted as lgbt = fewer people personally and politically identifying with straightness and the heteronormative monolith. I’d rather have some people decide they’re straight later than be encouraging them to identify with and side with straightness because you’re worried they’re not “really lgbt.”

10 Amazing Queer Comic Creators

I wanted to get to the positive bits of queer stuff and totally avoid any negative today. So I present a list of 10 queer creators you should be checking out, This is by no means a top 10 creators or top 10 queer creators list. This is just 10 queer creators I really like that I managed to think of first. These aren’t in any order or anything so just enjoy seeing 10 awesome persons who can enrich your life with their amazing content.

Jen Bartel: Jen Bartel is an amazing illustrator currently doing covers for Jem and the Holograms and creating her own comic Crystal Fighters on the comic app Stela. I discovered her work Jem and the Holograms and am excited, despite my utter love for Sophie Campbell (and do expect to see her popping up again), for her to do some pages of Jem and the Holograms. She infuses a lot of life into characters, she has a nice style that feels like it has just enough punk rock influence to always be badass.

Marguerite Bennett:  Bennett is one of my favorite writers hands down. She manages to flawlessly creator amazing queer story after amazing queer story. Not only are they amazingly queer but amazingly written when some of the strongest uses of character voice in comics. Along with this she is really great at at humor and I very often find myself giggling across stories she writes. She is currently putting out DC Bombshells and Insexts with Animosity and Josie and the Pussycats coming up soon. I also highly recommend her work on Angela in particular Angela Queen of Hel  that is soon releasing in trade.

Brittany Williams:  Brittany is an amazing artist who’s currently working on Hellcat at Marvel. She is also the artist on Goldie Vance and the upcoming Legend of Korra graphic novels. Brittany’s work manages to have such a wonderful defined style that I can’t help but be impressed with every time. She has a very cute chibi style she also uses and it flows really well with her normal art. I am excited to see anything she draws and it’s always an amazing time visually. When I think amazing art Brittany is always near the top of the list.

Kieron Gillen: Kieron Gillen defined many of Marvel’s most iconic queer characters. While none of the characters he wrote as part of the Young Avengers roster were his own creation America Chavez in particular went from old man’s perverted teen fantasy to bad ass defined queer woman. His work on The Wicked + The Divine is amazing, thought provoking, and charming. Kieron Gillen in many ways is sort of artist personified infact coming out he wrote a whole long  essay because he is like  the writer incarnate. Seriously though he is an amazing talent who manages to really balance so much creatively. When it comes to a large ensemble cast I think there is no writer better to getting them each to feel totally their own and uniquely likeable (or unlikable).

Noelle Stevenson: Noelle has moved away from comics for a little bit but she is one of the most important writers for queer media. With Nimona her webcomic then print comic she helped further prove that webcomics moved to print can be a nice payday for the publisher and the creators (Side note she also did the art on that book, and it’s great). Then being one of the biggest creators on Lumberjanes she has set childrens queer media in comics on fire. I believe Noelle is very much one of the main reasons that so much queer content is getting published in smaller press. Lumberjanes is an amazing series and something that really brought life into the comics field. Right now you can go back and buy her older work including a Secret Wars run of the Runaways that is pretty underrated. You can also see her writing live in animation in the Disney XD show Wander Over Yonder.

Ted Brandt: Inking for Princeless Raven the Pirate Princess Ted is the best in the biz. Ted adds so much to the art and it’s one of the very few times where I can really tell the inkers influence on art. Ted is also just a super nice person in every interaction I have had with him so that is good. Ted is currently putting out Raven The Pirate Princess and you should really be checking it out. It’s super cheap on Comixology and the first two volumes are out in trade. It’s a great time to catch up before issue 9 releases.  

Sophie Campbell: Oh my gosh, I can’t even begin to talk about how great Sophie is. Sophie is a double threat being a talented writer and artist. Her art manages to always have lovely body types and I have had the experience of thinking for a moment, people look odd, then i was like “wait these people just look like people.” It’s so amazing, so lively, so fantastic.  I always watch what Sophie is doing be that art or writing.  Sophie is currently putting out reprints of Shadoweyes and Wetmoon some of her older projects. There is more Wetmoon coming in the future as well as a webcomic she is working on. You can also read the book I found Sophie in Jem and the Holograms as she goes to her last issue of drawing the series.

Kate Leth:  Kate’s work in comics transcends her writing and her art. Kate has put so much into She is a founder of The Valkyries making the industry much better for woman working at comic shops. Her writing is also so filled with energy, fun and queer characters. Kate recently had her creator owned project Power Up come out in print and it’s a great comic. Kate always manages to really bring this lovely lively feeling and Power Up displays that pretty well. She is also doing writing on Hellcat, Girl Over Paris, and Vampirella.

Shannon Watters:  I had to have an editor somewhere here and Shannon is the very best in the business. She edits pretty much if not all the Boombox books and is a leading force for queer representation in the comics industry. In fact she now shares writing duty for Lumberjanes after Noelle Stevenson left the book. She is a fantastic writer, fantastic editor, and a general talent. You can find her work on a lot of things since she is Head of KaBOOM! & BOOM! Box.

Magdalene Visaggio: I wanted to include Mags here despite not really being attached to her work yet. She is the writer of the upcoming Kim and Kim and it’s my most anticipated comic this year. Mags is a trans woman getting to write a trans woman and this is so insanely rare in print comics. Reading the preview and the earlier tease of it both filled me with so much joy. Kim and Kim is a book I have all my faith in and I really want it to be a success so please do check out Kim and Kim issue 1 that is coming out very soon.

2

MaxAnne AU ⚬ “Selkies represent the fluidity of sexuality. They are inherently shapeshifters, moving from one form to another, and the people they love do the same.” (inspired by @candlewinds gorgeous fisherman AU!) 

All you need to know about the Teen Vogue “Love Issue”
  • it overuses queer
  • calls Troye Sivan queer like 10 times
  • just say gay?? it’s TWO LETTERS SHORTER and MORE ACCURATE and also not a HOMOPHOBIC SLUR
  • David Yi (a dude) puts something that looks like grained pepper on the side of his eye, is immediately hailed a pioneer of “the make-up for all movement”
  • he also tries to mimic David Bowie’s blue eye shadow thing but he applies it lightly in splotches
  • “everyone is sexually fluid!!  even gay people” rhetoric everywhere
  • femme lesbian talks about femme-phobia (eye roll)
  • she defines femme as “a queer gender identity”, labels “nurturing the ones I love” as a strictly femme-only trait because butches are heartless sociopaths, obviously
  • tons of MOGAI terms (“pansexual”, “aromantic”, “demisexual”, “grey-asexual”, ect)
  • “smash the cis-het patriarchy” was a line they actually used
  • overall a (homophobic!) pseudo-progressive mess

Ahh hello, I have a few terms (genders) I’ve coined that I also have flag designs for, can I request those here, and can they be added to the google docs? (if no sorry) Doing this in a submission because I went into a lot of detail with these defs.

1) Homproche "om–PROESH"

Meaning “Near or Approaching Male,” From French homme ‘man’ and proche ‘near.’ A gender expression that is Masculine, despite a gender identity that is not. An identity where one’s gender expression is an integral part of one’s queer experience.
Can also be used, in some cases, as a synonym for Proxvir: A gender that is close to or resembles Male but is separate from it.
This gender is not inherently Male-Aligned / Solarian, an Homproche can have any alignment.

Flag Design:
Five Vertical Stripes; In order from left to right:
Violet - Blue Purple - Blue - Light Blue - White

Violet: Gender Neutrality

Shades of Blue: Masculinity

White: The Experience of All Genders


2) Femproche “fem-PROESH”

Meaning “Near or Approaching Female,” From French femme ‘woman’ and proche ‘near.’ A gender expression that is Feminine, despite a gender identity that is not. An identity where one’s gender expression is an integral part of one’s queer experience.
Can also be used, in some cases, as a synonym for Juxera: A gender that is close to or resembles Female but is separate from it.
This gender is not inherently Female-Aligned / Lunarian, a Femproche can have any alignment.

Flag Design:
Five Vertical Stripes; In order from left to right:
Violet - Pink Purple - Pink - Light Pink - White

Violet: Gender Neutrality

Shades of Pink: Femininity

White: The Experience of All Genders

Cis people are allowed to use these terms so long as they use the one “opposite” to them: cis women can use Homproche and cis men can use Femproche.

Trans people can use whichever (or both! or one at a time!).

I primarily intend for them to be used as a non-appropriative alternative to butch and femme.

3) Omnique “om-NEEK”

Made up of the terms Omnigay: A gender identity that changes to match the gender of whoever one is attracted to or in a relationship with, so that one’s orientation can always be defined as gay; and Queer: The blurring of one’s gender and orientation.
Primarily a synonym for Omnigay.

Seven Horizontal Stripes; In order from top to bottom:

Yellow - Peach (Pink-Yellow) - Pink - Purple - Blue - Teal (Blue-Green) - Green
Meant to resemble the Genderfluid and Omni- flags as well as the rainbow of the gay pride flag (and also to include “third genders” such as maverique).

I coined this term because I identify as omnigay and I wanted a noun version, like other genders, and “I’m an omnigay” didn’t sound right. I originally was just going to redesign the omnigay flag you already have because, no offense, I can’t stand it. 

PLEASE make it explicit that the new flag can be used by people who identify as omnigay! It’s not exclusive to omniques!

Ok, I think I’m done. I hope I’m not asking too much. Thank you.

~ You’re friendly tumblr-neighborhood omnique.

anonymous asked:

"Know no shame" should be BS's slogan instead of boring "Take what is yours". Such a powerful line. I love where it comes from, the love between Thomas and James. But it's so powerful that it can also be taken out of context and implied to all sorts of shame: sexuality, race, social standing, etc. That line defines "Black Sails": a queer love at the very heart of it. And also all other forms of injustices and oppression. "Know no shame", all of it.

I know this is my favourite sentence from the whole show… it means so much.. we’ve seen it like twice on screen but the IMPACT?

Apparently peeps wanna get personal

Jay ( @nerderousrage ) is Ava’s dad and my soon-to-be ex husband. Apparently some of ya’ll were curious about some things and messaged him on anon to ask questions that would have probably been better to ask me. Jay is not as open as I am (which is not a dig, simply a statement of fact.) And also, he shouldn’t be answering questions about my sexual orientation. Rude. 

So, since people are curious, I’ll answer:

Q. Is Dani maybe a lesbian because she seems to lean that way. 

A. Dani is not a lesbian. Dani exists on a spectrum of sexuality and is attracted to multiple genders and is not confined by the gender binary. Dani usually defines her sexuality as “queer-ish” and/or “historically heterosexual.” Dani is more attracted to personalities than parts however and has not closed herself off from meeting and falling in love with a person, regardless of their gender identity. Also, this is not a question Dani’s ex husband should answer for her as sexual identity is complex and nuanced and in some cases, like Dani’s, evolving continuously. Dani’s sexual orientation did not at all play a part in the decision to exit the marriage. 

Q. Have you guys considered reconciliation?

A. (Here I won’t speak for Jay but I will answer this for me and from my perspective.) I have. Several times. However, Jay is dating someone and has been since January. So, it hasn’t really been an option. Furthermore, Jay and I’s romantic incompatibility is seemingly, at least at this point, insurmountable. I wouldn’t want him to change who he is and I don’t think he would want that from me either. We were at an impasse. We are better off being friends and co-parents instead of continuing to overcome obvious irreconcilable differences. 

You know who I love a lot? @fatfeistyandfashionable. She’s been my best friend for 20 years. I love her dearly. I wouldn’t marry her. I wouldn’t even live under the same roof with her again. We too have differences that make that kind of constant close proximity volatile and unhappy. I think you can love someone, deeply and without end, but just not be a good fit romantically. I think Jay and I both deserve to be with people who we jive with on a romantic, sexual and friendly level. Jay and I are great friends. Excellent partners when it comes to parenting, dog rearing and even living together. But we were roommates effectively and that does not a good marriage make. Instead of beating a dead horse and coming to resent each other to the point where we weren’t able to be friends or even friendly, we decided it was better to move on. We focus on raising a daughter that knows she is loved deeply by both her parents and that her parents, while not married anymore, still love each other too. 

That seems better than staying married to someone just for the sake of saying you’re married, right?

Right. 

Anymore questions, class?

Oh god I just read bits of an interview between Sara Quin and Shura and they’re agreeing on hating the word lesbian and preferring “gay” or “queer” to define themselves because lesbian is narrow and “sounds like a bit like a disease” (yep that’s a quote from the interview)

That’s the sign that I should get back to work instead of looking for lesbian stuff I guess…

Queer is an extremely useful word for the lgbt+ community.

Its an all encompassing sort of word which can be used to describe the very complicated relationship that people have with gender and sexual/romantic orientation, and for a lot of people it’s so much easier to be able to say “I’m queer” rather than examine what specific orientation/gender they are, especially given that gender and orientation are not necessarily easily defined.

You can reasonably refer to yourself as queer for your own ease.

Now, that being said, we as lgbt+ folks did not choose to be called queer. We never chose this word, this word was forced upon us by a society who defines cis and hetero as normal. Because of that, they othered all of us into one all-inclusive word to define that difference: queer.

Knowing that lgbts never chose to be called queer in the first place, please try to be understanding when some of us never ever wish to be referred to under that umbrella. Please respect lgbt folks who feel othered by the word queer

Me: I need more diversity in this story of mine. I should throw in more queer characters.

Also Me: [creates new character, turns out not to be what I intended] STOP THAT.