defensive maneuvers

anonymous asked:

i just went into your voltron hc tag and read literally everything.... bless u and your shitposts

i can’t believe my headcanons have been ordained

  • “i’ve got a plan” “okay, but is it like a Keith Plan or an actual plan”
  • hunk’s two heroes are han solo and gordon ramsay
    • solo: boots, utility belt, unnecessary vest, snark, luxurious locks
    • ramsay: look at how he took control of that restaurant. he totally watches kitchen nightmares
  • shiro: *jokes about his casual existential angst™* someone: *is concerned* shiro: “no no wait i was trying to be funny”
  • “maybe the real voltron was the friends we made along the way”
  • coran’s rebellious teen phase lasted 35 earth years
  • “if i’m mean to keith will the red lion come eat me”
  • pidge does eventually figure out how to hook up the gaming system
    • there’s a tournament. things start civil but eventually feet are in people’s faces, elbows are flying, threats are being made
    • lance crushes everyone bc he’s from a big family and you can’t convince me that he didn’t learn Defensive Video Game Maneuvers early on in life to survive
  • allura, eyes snapping open in the middle of the night: “coran was born with a mustache”
Dick Grayson: Martial Arts

So I’m finally getting around to writing this. The first question every single one of you should be asking is what makes me– a random person on the internet– qualified to talk about a fictional character’s expert martial arts abilities. Well, I am

>> A black belt in Northern Eagle Claw Kung Fu
>> A brown belt (2nd kyu /nikyu) in Aikido

I’ve also taken some Southern Shaolin Kung Fu, Taekwondo, and Karate. 

The main styles I’m qualified to talk about are Eagle Claw Kung Fu and Aikido, which mainly comes from my years of practice. I’m not an instructor in any of these disciplines, and I’m only writing this for fun. This post might be helpful to people who role play Dick Grayson or to just develop headcanons in general. Hey, you might just be straight up interested in how this guy fights.

The fact is, comic books aren’t the best portrayal of how martial artists fight. Comic books are very flashy. They like splash pages, dramatic kicks and punches, and they like to have superheroes jump to the ground with cement-shattering landings that would devastate their knee joints. The irony here is that Dick’s core martial art style is canonically Aikido, and Aikido has a grand total of zero kicks. The only punches that this style uses are your standard initial strikes in order to practice the forms. Otherwise, this style is purely defensive. The philosophy of Aikido is basically to disarm your opponent with as little damage to them as possible. In Kung Fu, I was taught how to break people’s arms, rip out the trachea, and damage the ear drums (yay, fun), but in Aikido the idea is that you don’t want to physically harm your opponent more than necessary. Dick knows various martial art styles, so clearly he knows how to execute lethal and flawless kicks and punches too, but for now, let’s focus on Aikido since it’s his core style.

This is actually an awesome style for Dick for many reasons. Aikido is a martial art focused on using your opponent’s energy against them, and it’s a purely defensive style (there are no offensive maneuvers in this style besides your standard initial strike to practice movements). Dick started crime fighting when he was a kid. He couldn’t rely on physical strength to survive, and after growing up to be an adult, he’s still only about 175 pounds which means a majority of the big hitters in DCU can easily physically overpower him. I’m 115 pounds, and I can tell you that I drop guys who are twice my size all the time in Aikido. It doesn’t take much physical effort because this style relies on innate human weaknesses. The idea of Aikido is to learn a system of defensive maneuvers that can be applied to any attack that comes your way.

Someone punching you? No problem. They grabbed both your wrists? Please. Shirt collar? Ha, whatever. Grabbed from behind? Come on. Knife stab? Zzz. Samurai sword? – You mean the one that’s now in my hands?

This is a flexible martial art style, and it works without tiring you. When I took Kung fu, I needed a water break after twenty minutes because the workout was so intense. In Aikido I can go two and a half hours straight and not break a sweat. You rarely have to move more than a few feet to complete a technique, and it’s usually to move into your opponent’s blind spot in order to execute a technique that puts them on the floor. Don’t get me wrong, you can practice Aikido fast and hard and tire yourself out with a good workout– but you don’t have to. If you’re wise about your movements, you can save a lot of energy.

If Dick is as much of an expert in Aikido as comics say, then you can’t put your hand near this guy without ending up on your back in 0.2 seconds flat. You’ll be staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell just happened (been there, done that, trust me).

Dick Grayson can put anyone on the floor in a matter of seconds without throwing a single punch or kick. He basically just needs to stand there and bam, they’re down. So by this point you’re probably wondering how this style works as effectively as it does.

It works by blending your energy into your opponent’s and then using it against them. If someone punches Dick, he can side-step their arm, grab their wrist to yank them forward (i.e. off-balance them), and then twist the wrist back so that his opponent has no choice but to follow wherever he guides them– which in this case will be backwards (lifting their elbow over their shoulder to force them to land on their back).

This entire time, Dick barely has to move to execute it other than the initial side-step. It’s a fluid, eloquent and sophisticated style. The movements you do are so small (a simple twist of the wrist) that anyone watching this fight might go, “what the fuck just happened?”

Now, I am exaggerating a bit, but there is a fundamental truth here. The key is that we’re twisting someone’s wrist in a direction that it’s not supposed to go, forcing the human body to either follow the movement or break the joint. 10/10 times the body will involuntarily follow the movement.

For any of you who want a physical example of how this works in order to better understand it, I’ll try to offer a step-by-step example here. (Explaining things over the Internet is hard, I offer no guarantees.)

  1. Hold your right hand in front of your face with the palm facing you.
  2. Take your left hand and hold it behind your right hand.
  3. Wrap the fingers of your left hand around the thumb joint of your right hand (this is the meaty part of your palm below your thumb).
  4. Make sure the thumb of your left hand is pressing between the knuckles of the pinkie and ring finger of your right hand (or at least keep it in that general area, no worries).
  5. Now press the entire thing down and to the side (there should only be one natural direction to go). If you extend your arm down, you’ll feel it even more. You can also bend your arm toward (and over) your shoulder to further understand the type of control someone would have over you in this position.

(If any of you had trouble following that, I don’t blame you. I still can’t figure out online origami instructions.) 

If you managed this successfully, then you have an idea of why you don’t want someone holding your arm like this. If they start walking you in one direction, you’re going to follow them because it’s an unnatural position.

So that’s one basic wrist movement, and there are dozens of others. Like I said, this is a very flexible style. You can punch Dick Grayson and he can respond over a dozen different ways. One might put you on your back, he could straight up throw you, he can flip you, he can put you on your stomach with your arms behind your back in a painful lock, he can spin you in a fast circle and drop you.

We can see Dick and Tim doing something similar in New Teen Titans Vol 2 #60.

Pretty cool, right? When I spar with people, I tell them to grab me as hard as they can so I can practice with a genuine threat. The guy I was last sparring with was taller than me, weighed more, and was stronger. He was gripping both my wrists tightly (and I have tiny ass wrists), and that didn’t stop me from performing this move because Aikido doesn’t rely on physical strength. Once you move a limb a way it’s not supposed to go, it doesn’t really matter how strong you are; you’re under the control of whoever’s controlling that limb. 

So hopefully that helps explain this style a bit more. It’s my favorite martial art so far, and I recommend it to anyone, especially women. 

As for Dick’s other martial art styles, he knows Jeet-Kune-Do (created by Bruce Lee; it’s a direct style of combat considered ideal for street fighting), Capoeira (an acrobatic style that focuses on movement and evasion) and Eskrima (where Dick’s dual wielding sticks obviously come into play). He’s also been said to practice Muay Thai, Judo, Savate, Karate, Sambo, Ninjitsu, Wing Chun and Shaolin Kung Fu.

Robin: Year One #3

but I don't ever think I can ever learn how to love just right

requested by anonymous

andreil au in which neil gets tired of the ‘we’re nothing’ game and decides to stop playing


It isn’t much of a surprise when one of the foxes gets hurt on the court. While running drills, they’re often teamed up against each other, working of defensive and offensive maneuvers. And while they don’t mean to hurt each other, Exy is a violent sport, and accidents happen. Most of the time they’re accidents, at least.

Today’s incident is a legitimate accident; in a scuffle for the ball, the handle of Dan’s racket catches Neil’s helmet, tugging it off and sending him crashing to the floor. She fawns over him with apologies, helping him back to his feet, ignoring his attempts to wave her off.

He’s only been on his feet for two seconds when Andrew pushes through, tipping his chin up with a finger, likely to get the bleeding to stop.

“I’m sorry, Neil, I swear-“ Dan exclaims, peering around Andrew, who, though tiny, still manages to take up a huge amount of space in front of Neil.

“It’s okay. Really,” He says.

“Your nose is broken,” Andrew says.

“Hell, Dan. Remind me not to piss you off,” Nicky says, a teasing smile on his lips. Matt shoots him a look, to which Dan crinkles her nose, grip tightening on her racket.

“You know-“

Keep reading

Reading the History of Middle-earth series, I feel a bit sorry for Christopher Tolkien. When his dad died, he took on the monumental project of turning 50 years’ worth of disorganized (and sometimes borderline illegible) drafts and corrections and alternate versions, and turning it into a single coherent publishable story for the Silmarillion. And reading the published Silmarillion, I think that overall he did an excellent job. Using editorial license to harmonize the stories with each other and with the published Lord of the Rings was the right thing to do, because it made the Silmarillion far more accessible and publishable than it otherwise would have been. And I think that Christopher had the right to exercise editorial license, given that much of his father’s work was written to and for his children, especially Christopher.

But then he had to put up with an enormous amount of flak from people accusing him of re-writing his father’s stories willy-nilly. I’m glad that we got HoME, since there’s a ton of fascinating stuff in there, but I wish it had been published as an exciting expansion of the father’s world, not as a defensive maneuver against the son’s critics. The series is shot through with apologies. Christopher is constantly berating himself for changing even a single word of his father’s writings in the published Silmarillion. It makes me want to give him a big hug and say “it’s ok, you did an amazing job.”

Sunflower Letter | Jungkook

Summary: This is just the Yule Ball, so Jungkook shouldn’t be that nervous, right? / In which Jungkook tries to ask you to the infamous Yule Ball and, well…
Genre: Fluff/Humor, Harry Potter!AU
Word Count: 6,223
Author’s Note: I’ve been meaning to write this for a super long time after finding some short drabbles in my drive, rereading @jungkxook’s Amortentia for the umpteenth time, and just having an everlasting love for Harry Potter. Also, Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them is coming out soon and I cannot handle it.

.

Jungkook’s relationship with you could be documented by a series of self-inflicted, awkward moments—courtesy of Jeon Jungkook himself. To be fair, it’s not exactly your fault he could never get through anything involving you without tripping over something, stumbling into something, crashing against something or just doing something in front of you that constantly contradicted the cool, smug, collected facade he had spent years trying to build and maintain.

The worst part of it all is that the nerves that gathered together at the mere thought of you is not something he could take out of his system by dating other girls—the gender isn’t the problem. It’s just you.

God, the journey of insanity and embarrassment he’s had to go through because of you—and you don’t have the slightest clue.

Keep reading

Undertale

- Sans, along with Alphys, became Gaster’s apprentices
- Sans was 16, Gaster was 25
- And Sans developed the biggest gayest crush
- Gast had been his idol for all five years that he’d been the Royal Scientist
- Sans’ admiration turned into attraction the very first time they met
- In his thesis papers, Gast had always sounded so formal and stuffy
- In person, Sans quickly learned that he’s an adorably anxious dork
- As well as tall and cute and god he has such pretty eyes
- Gast never noticed the crush because firstly, Sans was underage
- His feelings towards his apprentices were purely platonic, though he still loved them both very much
- But he was also too busy pining over Asgore
- Who turned Gaster down because he was still in love with Toriel
- Who wanted nothing to do with her ex-husband ever again
- So pretty much no one is happy
- Sans pushed his feelings down and pretended they didn’t exist
- And for a long time, he thought he’d gotten over it
- But when Gaster died, he realized he’d been terribly wrong
- No one remembered Gaster had ever existed
- Except for Sans
- Even he forgot sometimes
- This is why he hid that picture of him, Alphys, and Gaster posing together in front of one of their projects
- And wrote ‘DON’T FORGET’ across it
- It’s the only picture of Gaster left
- He’s disappeared from everything else, yet somehow this photo has remained untouched
- Sans worked tirelessly to bring his mentor back: Resets, Saves, time travel, opening the Void
- Nothing ever worked
- It was a huge slap in the face, albeit an enormous relief, when Gast suddenly popped back into existence as Frisk broke the barrier
- All those emotions Sans had been trying to repress return at full force
- But now is not a good time to act on them
- Gaster is severely traumatized, scared, and in great need of a friend
- And Sans is there
- It’s possible that something more could develop, they’re both adults now
- They’ve endured countless Resets, watching helplessly as their timeline was destroyed over and over again
- Gaster cried every time Sans was killed in the judgment room
- It’s not exactly something they can bond over, but they do help each other heal from their respective experiences and grow closer because of it

Underfell

- Sans thinks Gaster is the biggest asshole ever to exist
- And he’s not wrong! But he can’t bring himself to hate him
- They have a certain amount of respect for one another
- In this universe, Sans never took an interest in science
- He devoted all his time to protecting Papyrus
- But as they aged, it was easy to see that Papyrus didn’t need protecting anymore
- While still ridiculous and overdramatic, Paps is strong enough to defend himself
- Their roles switch, now Sans is the one who needs help
- His HP is pathetically low, his attacks barely do any damage, and he has no idea what self care is
- It’s a miracle he’s survived this long while also raising a child
- He and his brother get into an argument
- Sans is sick of being treated like he’s helpless
- Papyrus insists he’s only trying to do what’s best, but his rebuttals are a little…loud
- When he’s tired of getting screamed at, Sans storms out the door to take a walk and cool down
- It’s the first time he’s been out on his own in months
- Of course, he’s almost immediately attacked
- Things are looking grim when Gaster happens along and blasts the fuck out of Sans’ opponent
- He normally wouldn’t interfere, but Sans looks awfully young
- Gast will never admit that he hates to see children in pain
- Sans doesn’t even have time to say anything before his savior walks away
- Deciding not to push his luck, he returns home and soon forgets about the whole interaction
- They meet again a few years later, when Papyrus has made it into the Royal Guard
- Sans accompanies his brother to a sparring practice, and it just so happens that the king and his Royal Scientist are taking a walk through the courtyard
- It takes some time before Sans works up the courage to approach Gaster
- But once he does, they form an unsteady acquaintanceship
- Wouldn’t exactly call it a friendship, more like a ‘I have no urge to kill or maim you’ sort of thing
- Things don’t get real until they get drunk together
- Gaster would never stoop so low as to drink socially
- Except this time he went to visit Grillby and got roped into it
- It’s late, the bar is empty, and Sans starts to let some things slip
- They’re discussing Papyrus, and a very drunk Sans tells the whole story of their childhood
- Their parents had been neglectful, so Sans scooped up his baby brother and took off at the first opportunity
- They’d barely managed to survive on their own
- Gaster, being not so drunk, is stunned
- There are obvious parallels to his own past
- But he hadn’t been able to save his little brother before running away
- Sans ends up blacking out with no recollection of the night, while Gaster never forgets what he was told
- In some miraculous twist of fate, Gaster feels legitimate empathy for Sans and begins to care about him
- But outwardly, he’s still a jerk
- He just doesn’t know how to be nice lmao

Underswap

- Gaster sits on his boat, patiently waiting for a passenger
- And along comes this bright blue, 4 foot blur that appears out of nowhere and hops on board
- Gaster is briefly startled before realizing it’s just a smol, hyper skeleton
- He asks for a destination, but it turns out that Sans just wants to talk
- Nobody knows much about the Ferryman
- He’s mysterious, cryptic, and not all that social
- So naturally, Sans is determined to befriend him
- Gaster humors him
- He takes Sans on rides and endures the endless chatter
- They have some nice conversations, though it’s mostly Sans babbling about various things while Gaster replies with ‘hm’s and ‘interesting’s
- Sans asks all sorts of questions about Gaster’s life, his job, his favorite color, whether he prefers vanilla or chocolate nice cream- but he doesn’t get many answers
- It takes a while before Gaster starts using full sentences
- And soon, he’s asking questions in return
- He’s curious to know why Sans wants to be a guard so badly
- For the first time since they’ve met, Sans doesn’t have anything to say
- He goes quiet for a while
- Gaster, feeling guilty for bringing him down, hastily apologizes and offers to help him train
- Sans bounces right back to normal and tackle hugs him, immediately accepting
- Be careful, you’ll break the old man’s back
- The training turns out to be harder than Sans expected
- Rather than focusing on attacks, Gaster prioritizes defensive maneuvers
- Sans has trouble keeping up
- Dodging Gaster’s magic is like a hellish game of dodgeball where the other team has fifty people and you’re on your own
- And the dodgeballs are actually knives
- Sans gradually improves
- Very gradually
- Gaster’s not sure if Sans could ever make it as a guard, but supports him all the same

Outertale

- Sans is a servant at the palace
- He’d tried to land an internship at the laboratory, but his commoner status destroyed any chance of that happening
- Seeing as no one else has the patience for it, he’s been assigned as Gaster’s personal assistant
- It’s a very…demanding job
- He has to sacrifice countless hours catering to Gaster’s every whim
- This includes fetching his slippers, writing letters, bringing his tea, telling him if he looks good in the outfit he’s picked out (he always says yes, regardless of how tacky Gast’s entire wardrobe is)
- Sans never says much unless he’s asked to speak
- But Gast isn’t that shallow
- He pays him well for the overtime, gives him presents on holidays, asks about his personal life
- Gast loves hearing about Papyrus
- He’s actually a bit jealous
- Sure, he’s got money, but Gaster never knew his family
- He was taken in by Asgore as a baby, shortly after his parents died
- He wants what Sans has
- Over time, they begin to treat each other like brothers
- Gaster is older, yet Sans is the more mature one
- ‘you do not need another cape.’ ‘But I only have seven!’ ‘dings. no.’
- Gast eventually gets to meet Papyrus
- And is horrified by the conditions he and Sans are forced to live in
- He’s never been to the poorer part of the city before
- Though Sans strongly argues against it, Gast insists that they come live in the palace
- There are plenty of rooms to spare
- And after a brief conversation with the king, there are two new princes in the court
- Asgore loves adopting children okay

Mertale

- Gaster is a bit of a recluse, even among his own people
- He’s sort of like a hermit who’s harmless but rarely seen
- When he does mingle with the public, it’s usually because he’s bored
- His curiostiy often gets him into trouble
- While wandering around in search of something to do, he sees a skeletal mermonster nearby
- And so, naturally, he follows him
- Sans has the distinct feeling he’s being watched, but no one is in sight
- Gaster makes it into a game of sorts
- He sees how close he can get without being noticed, completely unaware that this it’s creepy
- He thinks it’s all good fun!
- Sans is starting to think he’s gone paranoid
- It becomes a daily activity
- Eventually, Gaster gets bored of just watching and finally reveals himself
- He walks right up to Sans and offers him a shiny rock
- Sans isn’t sure whether to smile or run for his life
- He tentatively accepts the gift and, with it, Gaster’s offer of friendship
- Instead of meeting with him like any normal person would do, Gaster likes to visit Sans’ home in the dead of night and poke him until he wakes up
- Or ‘borrow’ some of Sans’ belongings so he’ll come to Gaster to get them back
- It’s not long before the poor skel is exhausted
- Putting up with this takes a lot of energy
- But he knows Gast’s just…eccentric
- And he means well
- So Sans does his best to be a good friend, no matter how exasperating it is

wakeupontheprongssideofthebed  asked:

How would a character (with military training) deal with getting flash-grenaded? If they saw it thrown into the room, would they have time to recognize it, turn away, and cover eyes/ears? Would this help mitigate the effects of the flash-grenade? If not, how do they recover the quickest, minimizing their own vulnerability?

Grenades in general are fickle little beasts. You can have all the training in the world on them and they’ll still probably surprise you now and then. They’re more likely to dud than traditional grenades (for some reason) so there’s always that hope.

The M84 flashbang or stun grenade is supposedly supposed to go off within about one and a half to two and a half seconds after deployment. When an object is falling/traveling to a location, those miliseconds can be really critical. You might have that split second or two to react or you might have no time at all. It’s really up in the air. 

If you’re being flashbanged outside, that’s better odds for you. If you’re being flashbanged in a closed environment, there’s very little you can do to avoid the effects completely; the best you can do is make efforts to not be permanently disabled from it. Flashbangs are considered non-lethal, but they’re most certainly not non-damaging. There’s a misconception that flashbangs are mostly harmless and are only used to distract, (thanks, CS:GO) but actually they can cause permanent hearing damage/deafness/tinnitus (ringing in the ears) eye damage, brain damage, limb loss, severe burns, and in the right circumstances they can straight up kill someone. Flashbangs caused fires during the 1980 Iranian Embassy Siege in London, and there’s been cases of people losing limbs to close contact with flashbangs.

Hubby remembers flashbang training better than I do so the rest is all basically his doing. 

In addition to its titular “flash,” flashbangs work by releasing a wave of concussive force, basically a wave of high pressure. This is why you can’t really “avoid” a flashbang in a closed environment because there’s no defensive maneuver you can do to avoid pressure. 

The most important thing to remember when being flashbanged is that you open your mouth. Flashbangs go off at about 170 decibels, which is 20 decibels more than the amount needed to rupture your eardrums. The chart I saw said that a jet taking off 25 meters away at 150 decibels would rupture your eardrums; imagine 20 decibels more than a jet engine taking off five feet from your head. 

There is nothing you can do as a person to protect your ears from this. The pressure will affect your ears no matter what, so your body needs to both release the pressure and try to recover equilibrium after getting hit by the wave, because the blast will disturb the fluid in your ears (the stuff that maintains your sense of balance) and make you all wibbly-wobbly fuckity-uppity. If your mouth is closed and you cover your ears or plug your ears, your eardrums will be very wrecked and you may be brain-damaged as a result of all that concussive force having no escape route. 

The flash of a flashbang basically turns on all of your photoreceptors so that your eyes are just like, 100% all the light, so the flash seems more intense and blinding. Even closing and protecting your eyes, your eyes are still sensitive to pressure, so if the flash doesn’t get you it’ll still send a wave of concussive force through your face and your eyes will still be like “why.”

Hubby says if we were to encounter a flashbang, we should cover our eyes, face away from the grenade, and open our mouth. Since there’s nothing we can do about our ears and plugging them would actually make the aftermath significantly worse, at least this will prevent major damage to your eyes, even though they’ll still be affected. Depending on proximity you may be deaf for a few seconds to a few minutes, although depending on eardrum damage your hearing might never fully recover. In an enclosed space you’ll probably be bleeding from the ears. Even if the flashbang goes off in another room, you might avoid the blinding effects but the concussive force would still hit you and at least disorient you/make your ears ring. Even if you took cover like behind a wall or something, you’ll still be affected, although not as severely. (fun fact: indoors the flashbang can blow out windows)

Your eyesight should return within a minute but it’ll be not very good for about/up to an hour after contact. You’ll be so stunned, blind, deaf, and off-balance that you honestly might not be able to do…anything. I don’t think there’s actually anything you can do to recover quickly from a serious flashbang encounter. Equilibrium is so incredibly important and having been stripped of that you can’t walk, run, crawl, climb, possibly even hold your weapon.

Obviously the actual effects depend on the proximity, the enclosed space, the soldier themselves, like…too much to count. You might be lucky enough to be up and moving again in a few minutes or you might be out for the count. Flashbangs are damn dangerous. If your character gets flashbanged and needs to be moving again quickly, either they need to be 

1) Outside, several meters away, preferably behind cover
2) At least a room away from where the flashbang went off

I hope this is all helpful information! I’m sorry it took so long for me to answer this question.

-Kingsley

Was this post informative? Entertaining? Eye-opening? Then consider supporting SPC Kingsley on Patreon!

Temptress

( suggested by @yamiyoukaipao and @rabbit-kinder )

partial role-reversal AU, Roxanne is a supervillain and Megamind is a hero

T rating, (brief language, sensuality)

Megamind/Roxanne

AO3  |  FFN


“Come on, buddy; hurry up,” Metro Man’s voice comes through Megamind’s earpiece.

“Shut up, Wayne; I am trying to concentrate!” Megamind hisses back, up to his elbows in the circuitry of Temptress’s bomb, attempting to figure out how to stop it from exploding without, hey, making it explode.

“This is taking too long; hurry up; you gotta go after her; she’s gonna get away again—”

“Yes, well, excuse me if I’m less worried about that than the possibility of exploding and dying a fiery death—”

(red wire, red wire, another red wire; why are all of the goddamn wires red; why does Metro City’s supervillain have to be so damn smart; now he has to trace each wire back to its origin to figure out which one is which—)

“What are you, afraid she’s going to kiss you again?” Wayne asks. “Don’t know what you’re so freaked about; it’s not like her powers even work on you—”

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the-awesome-cabbage  asked:

Thoughts on an AU where David obtains legal custody of Max / adopts him from a bad home?

OH MY GOD that is my favourite camp camp au

I just love the idea of parental David stepping in when he realizes that Max’s bad behavior is just a defensive maneuver that he uses to keep himself safe, and tearing into Max’s crap parents (if they’re alive, I’ve seen ones where they had died that I LOVED) and then taking Max in and Max slowly adjusting and warming up slowly and them spending the holidays together and Max starting school again and Nikki and Neil coming over and UGH

I just really love it lol, what do you guys think about it?

Thanks for the ask :)  

Downfall [19]

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 8,784

Genre: Assassin AU

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21


The week following the disappointing outcome of the Gimpo Airport mission passes by in a blur. The days elapse in a jumbled mess as if you’re watching scenery shoot by from within a speeding vehicle, but once the brakes are applied and the dust settles behind you, you’re able to organize your thoughts on the events that have occurred.

The first few days were utilized to their full potential as your team vigorously flushed out the rest of the points of interest that Taehyung had marked on the map. The locations were scoped out with the utmost speed since you only had a limited time frame to act. You knew it wouldn’t take long for the enemy to catch on, but you didn’t expect to have already exhausted your upper hand so early in the game.

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“Give me your best shot, Tater Tot.”

“Give me your best shot, Tater Tot,” Kent Parson says across the face-off circle. 

Alexei has been living in the US for almost two years now, and he likes to think he’s been making headway in becoming fully fluent in his adopted second language.  He may still get tripped up on pop cultural references and nonsensical idioms, but even on his first day in the States, those words he would have understood.  In fact, those were the first words he ever learned in English, aside from the the odd Anglicisms naturally adopted from such a massive exporter of pop culture as the United States.  Because Alexei has had those words imprinted across his chest since he was eleven years old.

“Give me your best shot, Tater Tot,” says Kent Parson, Alexei’s soulmate.  


He has approximately half a second to digest what just happened before the referee drops the puck and play resumes at a blazing pace.  It is only years of muscle memory and diligent practice that allows Alexei to slam his stick after the puck with only the smallest hesitation.  It’s enough for Parson however, the man is dazzling on the ice, he snags the puck and passes it with precision to Graham, neatly giving the Aces possession when the Falconer’s are still scrambling to make up the point difference in a 2-1 game.

“Did Parson just call you Tater Tot?” his linemate Spencer asks incredulously, flying by in a flurry of defensive maneuvers.  Alexei is quick to follow after, but not quick enough to stop Parson from looping behind the net to score on pass from Graham.  The fans around them groan in unison as Parson is swept up in a hug by his teammates. Alexei grudgingly acknowledges that it was a splendid bit of skating, as he slides back to the bench to change shifts before the next puck drop.

“You ok, Alex?” his Captain asks, leaning into his shoulder briefly to get his attention.  Zimmermann has sixth sense for sorting out when his players are a bit off, one of the many attributes that make him such an exemplary leader.  “Yeah,” he replies gruffly. He knows he’s behaving a bit oddly, he’s usually the first on the bench to cheer on his fellow Falcs (often bellowing at a volume loud enough to be heard in the reserved boxes), but he just met his soulmate - the person he’s been eagerly waiting for ever since his parents explained the writing along their shoulder blades. So instead of exuberantly yelling as his team regains possession, he’s reeling that the universe has revealed his ideal partner and it’s Kent Parson.  The man is sitting only a few feet away, separated by a wall of plexiglass and overly large hockey players.  Stretching upward, craning his neck, he can barely make out the top of Parson’s helmet.   

Alexei briefly considers confiding in Jack, after all, if anyone would be able to tell him more about his soulmate, it would be Jack Zimmermann, whose boyhood orbited hockey and Parson in equal measures.  But the moment passes in the brisk rush unique to hockey games, and he and his line are back over the boards and in a mad scramble for the puck.

It’s easy to focus on the ice. The scrape of a hard stop, his stick connecting with rubber, pushing hard to shove a player into the boards long enough for his team to retrieve the puck.   He wouldn’t have made it as far as the NHL if he wasn’t capable of focusing when it’s his time on the ice.  But despite the familiar comfort of the game, he can feel how much his equilibrium has shifted, like stepping onto dry land after months at sea.  

Kent Parson.

Captain of the Las Vegas Aces, Stanley Cup winner, current point leader in his division, his accolades are many. Parson is a dazzling skater, he has an ebullient personality in general but the man seems to sharpen when he’s on the ice, all determination and and drive and focus. He is entirely centered when he is laced into his skates.  Alexei spends the rest of the third period biting back words, and he know his teammates are looking at him strangely, for him to skate practically mute is an anomaly of the highest order.

He can’t help it, his instincts are screaming at him to close the space between him and Parson, he’s swallowing compulsively as if trying to bury the words deep in his gut.  He’s not sure what is holding him back, by all rights he should be ready to sweep the man up and yell his happiness for all to hear.  The middle of play during a professional hockey game is hardly the place he thought he’d be meeting his partner, and Alexei wonders if it wouldn’t be quite fair, really, to distract Parson as he’d been distracted at the face off. He tries to tell himself to focus on the game, that there will be time enough to figure out his response later.  

Parson is almost entirely covered in his gear and sweater.  Still Alexei can’t help hoping for a glimpse of bare skin, but the only skin visible is the man’s face and part of his neck, unlikely spots for imprints.  If his location matches Alexei’s it will almost impossible for anyone to see it while they’re in the middle of the game, but he’d love to have some kind of hint of what he’s eventually going to say to the man.

He knows it’s not unusual for soulmates to have imprints on disparate body parts, but he’d always found it romantic when partners shared a location. He thinks looking forward to finding his imprint on Kent.

They manage to score again late in the third, but can’t manage to pull ahead enough to tie it. The game finishes 3-2, much to the disappointment of their home crowd.

Lining up the shake hands with the Aces he feels a pull deep in his gut, anxiety flaring as he nears Parson.  This man is a stranger to him. He sees Jack tap gloves, congratulating Kent and awkwardly thumping him once on the helmet before continuing down the line.  And then it is the two of them. Alexei reaches out a hand, and looks up into blue eyes, cold and bright, and the moment passes. Parson moves on, chirping the men behind him as he moves further down the line.

“Hey, Tater,” Spencer says from behind him, “What’s the hold up?” He nudges him gently with his stick to keep him moving.

“Sorry,” he mutters, before reaching out to the next player. He just couldn’t do it, he’s felt a sting of recognition looking into those eyes, his mind blanked, losing the moment like water through his hands.

……………………………………….

“Oh my god Tater. I can’t believe you finally have a hockey nickname and it came from Kent Parson.” Snowy is moaning when they get back to the locker room.

“I don’t understand, is tiny potatoes, yes?” Mashkov asks uneasily, not getting why everyone in the locker room is beaming at the name.

“Dude, it’s pun. Potatoes, tater, Mashkov, like mashed potatoes?”

Ah, that does make sense. He feels his face fold up involuntarily into a smile.

“See there! He does remember how to smile.” Spencer says, red curls specularly ruffled after pulling his sweater over his head.

“What’s wrong Tater, you’re usually the one cheering the rest of us up.” Snowy asks, bend over undoing his laces.

“Is…complicated.” Alexei says, unsure if he should elaborate. He likes his team, he knows in most circumstance they would be thrilled to know that he met his soulmate. He knows they would chirp him endlessly over having met his soulmate in the middles of a hockey game, would give him wild suggestions for what his own first words should be to Kent. But that’s part of the problem, his soulmate is not some stranger to all of them, it’s Kent Parson, complicating things immensely. For one, he’s the captain of the team they narrowly lost to only minutes ago. Second, their own captain has a murky, unspoken past with the man, with hints that the two parted ways less than amicably. Alexei doesn’t know where the two men stand. It’s only his own first year with the team, he hardly wants to shake things up with his captain.  So he’s getting undressed in a locker room feeling unsteady, wanting to reach out to his team but uncertain of his reception, with a half formed soulmate bond to a man who is likely getting ready to fly to the other side of the country.  He’d pictured meeting his soulmate and feeling nothing but overwhelming happiness, not this muddle of confused thoughts.

“We are going out tonight?”  He asks the room at large. “I need a drink.”


A thing I’ve been working on, sort of an alternate path for Don’t Speak Before We Say Too Much.  I’m a little bit stuck on whether to continue angsty or fluffy as I have ideas for both. It is surprisingly difficult to write from Mashkov’s POV and also continue in an angsty vein. 

TTB -- Training

Title: Touch the Butts Hobbit Edition—Training

 Summary: You were a simple office worker, until a twist of fate sends you tumbling into Middle Earth and into the Company of Thorin Oakenshield.  You don’t know what to expect, you don’t know if you will survive, but you have this feeling that there is a great love story in the making.  But who will be the one you are destined to be with?  Make your choice and Touch the Butts.  

 Warnings: Language. Innuendos of a sexual nature. Flirting.

 Start From the Beginning

Originally posted by tinysofia

“Shit!”  You hissed as your sword slipped from your grip again.  Your fingers were sore, your back was sore, everything was just sore, and this wasn’t helping matters much.  

“You gotta keep a hold of it!”  Dwalin scolded for the second time.  

“I’m trying!” You bit back as you bent over and retrieved your sword.  Today was your first day of training and Dwalin decided to start with how to properly hold and grip your sword.  The company helped you decide on a weapon, many of them letting to test out with their own weapons before deciding.  

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On the Third Day of Crackmas...

This piece of trash is giving you some LadyNoir kind of~ Have some baby shenanigans! I’ve had this akuma idea in my brain for a while, and I was going to include it in LC at some point, if anything as a bonus story, but it’s just silly enough that I turned it into a crack. You’re welcome. I bring you: Toddlers and Miraculouses!

Day 1 Day 2

FF | AO3


As time wore on, Ladybug and Chat Noir had grown accustomed to akumas popping up in the middle of the day and interrupting their daily lives. It came with the superhero territory. Most battles followed the same routine, but on certain occasions, the akumas managed to surprise them. Today was one of those days that they found themselves presented with a series of odd circumstances as the akuma was a rebellious adult who refused to grow up, and as a result, he was blasting people with his age ray, leaving government offices in the hands of infants. Naturally, Ladybug and Chat Noir were hot on his tail when Chat pulled a classic defensive maneuver – leaping in front of Ladybug to offer himself as a human shield from enemy fire.

“Look out!” He called as the blast zapped him.

“Chat Noir!” Ladybug gasped as he shrank down, and a little boy blinked back up at her. “Aww…are you okay?”

“Purrfectwy fine, ma wady,” He affirmed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you back to normal soon,” She promised, squatting down so he could climb on her back.

“Can we get ice cweam on tha way?” He requested as she straightened up and reached for her yoyo.

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if a horse starts extending its proboscis towards you, don’t panic, puff up your chest, and start screaming at it as loud as you can. horses are easily spooked and this defensive maneuver will either lead to its atoms collapsing or the horse trampling you with its 15 distinct three-toed hooves. 

so like. a 50/50 chance of survival.

TTB--A Great Need

Title: Touch the Butts Hobbit Edition—A Great Need

 Summary: You were a simple office worker, until a twist of fate sends you tumbling into Middle Earth and into the Company of Thorin Oakenshield.  You don’t know what to expect, you don’t know if you will survive, but you have this feeling that there is a great love story in the making.  But who will be the one you are destined to be with?  Make your choice and Touch the Butts.  

 Warnings: Talks of Violence.  Talks of Danger.  Language. Slight Angst.

 Start From the Beginning

Originally posted by ungoliamt

Dumped into the middle of nowhere, in a world you didn’t know or understand, with a bunch of dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard who spoke in riddles.  That’s your life, and you have come to terms with it, you were actually enjoying it for a while…until this moment.  And yes, you did blame Fili and Kili for the entire thing!

“We should sit on them and squash them into jelly!”  One of the trolls said as you tried to wiggle your hands out of the rope bindings.  You know for such giant ass creatures, they could tie some fantastically marvelous fucking knots with this tiny rope! As you tried to free yourself, you couldn’t help the small sound of discomfort that left your mouth as the rope pulled on your skin, burning it and probably tearing away the outer layer of your skin. If the result was freedom, it was a sacrifice you were willing to make.  

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anonymous asked:

Some reasons Keith is actually Amy Santiago: 1) probably has a binder on defensive maneuvers, 2) also has a binder on offensive maneuvers, 3) his things are very organized because a messy space does not a good evasion tactic make, 4) cannot cook at all and survives on microwaveable meals and salads, 5) really wants Shiro/Raymond's approval, 6) very competitive, 7) in love with Lance/Jake. ~ AKA

i love this to death. i love you kinkshaming anon. i am so glad i am here and alive to see these peraltiago/klance comparisons. this is the best day of my life