defective product

Defective product.

Customer: “Hi, can I speak to a manager?”
Me: “You are speaking to one. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Look, so I bought these shorts two years ago and they keep shrinking every time I wash them. Can I switch them for a new pair because they’re like, the same thing but newer? Your shorts are defective.”
Me: “…I’m sorry, but that item doesn’t even exist in the computer anymore. Unfortunately for a product that old that’s been washed and worn there’s nothing we can do.”
Customer: “But they’re DEFECTIVE because they SHRUNK! Why can’t I just get a new pair? They don’t even fit me anymore, I need a new size!”

Your laundry incompetence is not a defect, and neither is your body changing with time.