defeat is a state of mind

Procellarum.

It is to my sadness I can’t do this with a light heart. However since this Demon Lord is more like a Defeated Lord, I decided to do this. Because did I mention the only times I choose to take up responsibility is to feel useful?

Yes there are dark, dark corners in the Demon Lord’s mind. So dark you can’t see.

Anyway. I believe I mentioned the hopeless state my laptop is in. And I also believe I mentioned I may do a mini activity to give Kai more time to think of the next one. And my finals are next week so I will not be around often, so to keep people occupied…

So why not now? 

Ah don’t worry, it isn’t much. It’s an extension of your self-introductions.

I noticed my beloved procella was able to talk to each other more because of the self-introductions. Good. That was what I was aiming for. All according to plan.

And I thought, while I was commenting on your posts, that I shouldn’t be the only one commenting…should I?

Thus, a new idea was born in the Demon Lord’s mind. I’m sure you can guess it already…

Remember the lovely, honest self-introductions you did? Of course you do. You all grappled with it, some of you hesitated, some of you were embarrassed…fufu.

In order to harness more human potential - I mean, in order for everyone to get to know each other better, well, do the same thing as your leader.

@tsukiuta-obsessed @judaiteitoreokou @kirakirafairyprincess @minazukirui-pluviawaltz @stupendouscollectionkoalafan

Choose 2 people’s self-introductions to comment on. 

For the first person, you can choose anyone. Even me if you wish to.

However the second person can’t be someone you know well. if you know everyone well, then choose the one you know the least well.

So for example, Kai can’t choose Iku because Kai knows Iku well. You and Yoru can’t choose each other because they know each other. Rui I’ve noticed you’ve been talking to Yoru and Iku so you can’t choose to comment on their self-introduction. Choose someone like Kai or You instead. Yes I remember and have observed who knows who well…super memory is useful in times like these

So just to be clear, here are the people you can’t choose to comment on the self-introductions for, for the second person..

Kai: Iku

You: Yoru, 

Rui: Iku, Yoru

Iku: Rui, Kai

Yoru: You, Rui 

Everyone: Shun 

Nope you’re not allowed to cheat by using me. Ah but you can comment on my self-introduction if I’m the first person~  

By the way by comment I would prefer reblog, but if you’re shy i suppose I could allow a comment in the notes…if it’s reblog it’s to your free will how long you want to carry on the conversation for (if the person chooses to reply) 

So that’s the single rule of this game - I mean, bonding activity. If you break the Demon Lord’s rule who knows what might happen? You may have to do more…fufufu.

In the meantime Kai @tsukiuta-obsessed will think of the next activity for Procella. I will be occupied because technology hates me so take care of Procella, Kai.

Homestuck Pool Party Headcanons

John: Canonballs in IMMEDIATELY, he is yelling and he is fucking excited move out of the way this boy is coming through!! Also, because he has a breath aspect I am 413% certain that he can stay underwater for indefinite amounts of time and you can bet your ass he’s going around grabbing people’s feet to freak them out. He and Terezi have a contest to see who can make the most people jump, I will not say who wins I will only say that it is unfortunate for everyone involved. He and Dave are an unstoppable chicken team, they have never lost and will do Whatever It Takes to make sure that remains true.

Dave: Is just chillin, he cares more about keeping his shades dry than swimming around. He will go hard as hell in Marco Polo tho, if you thought he was too cool to jump at the nearest person faster than the speed of light you were wrong buddy he will do what it takes to WIN. Also, when he is the Marco he will (unfairly) target Karkat. This is frustrating. “I’m not even being that loud” Karkat protests for the umpteenth time Dave tags him. “Bullshit” everyone else says, but there’s still a rule that Dave can’t tag Karkat more than five times in a row because really Dave we know you love hearing him yell but Enough Please.

Karkat: Is Bad At Marco Polo. He is so loud. My son. Please. Is very hesitant to get into the water at first bc he’s sensitive to the cold and would rather angrily sweat than deal with the initial shock of getting in. Dave will patiently chill nearby until Karkat is ready, or Dave decides that Karkat is ready in which he will absolutely drag him in. Karkat does not know how to swim so he won’t go past the shallow end, and considering how short he is, uh, that’s not very much of the pool. Dave has to carry him sometimes which he complains about A Lot but secretly kind of likes it whoops. Karkat and Sollux are the shittiest chicken team, Karkat is too afraid of falling in to have any sort of effective strategy and Sollux is like “Karkat just push him” and sort of plows into the other team which just leads to Karkat screeching and nothing gets done.

Roxy: LOVES SWIMMING WITH HER FRIENDS!!! Real people?? That she’s hanging out with?? And you KNOW she’s excited to wear that cute as fuck bikini she alchemized months ago ‘just in case’ ;) ;) ;). After years of knowing Jane and her silly prankster shenanigans, John will absolutely not get the drop on her no sir, he tries to grab her foot she will raise that leg and pull the boy out of the water and give him the Mom Look™. This is war. John will not win. She loves being with Jane and Roxy and her boys!! She is just full of so much love it’s incredible. She deserves this so much.

Calliope: Doesn’t know much about swimming or why humans (and trolls ish) find it so enjoyable, but Roxy is excited so she is too! Interestingly enough, cherubs Do Not Float. Roxy is waving a nervous Callie into the pool and she’s coming down the ladder and once it gets to her chin everyone expects her to do something but no, she makes it to the bottom of the pool and just walks like normal over to where Roxy is. The water level comes up to just below her nose and she has to tilt her head back to speak. “Like this?” She asks excitedly, ‘uh,,, yeah,,,like that’ everyone responds nervously, giving big smiles and thumbs up because they don’t want to disappoint her.

Jade: A master swimmer, she and Jake grew up on an island in the middle of the goddamn pacific my girl knows how to GO. No one realized how fucking ripped Jade was. Jade is ripped as heck. She’s got back and shoulder muscles like an absolute goddess and everyone is like holy shit? Jade? Have you been benching pumpkins all these years? She likes chilling with Jane and Roxy and Calliope because she has been longing for some gals to hang with forever. Not that she doesn’t love Rose, she does, it’s just, they have such differing personalities and anyways it’s kind of hard being around her and Kanaya bc they’re so cute it makes your teeth hurt.

Rose: She and Kanaya have matching floppy sun hats, they love laying out in the sun because Kanaya is a little nervous around water thanks to a certain sea-dweller *cough* eridan *cough*. Rose doesn’t mind, her swimsuits are more for show than swim anyways. She’s got some really cool and intricate goth-y ones and some nice lighthearted pastel ones, an orange and yellow fancy one-piece and a frilly lavender one. Rose has a new appreciation for sunlight but still religiously applies sunscreen because a home girl may be immortal, but fuck if she is gonna deal with any nasty sunburns after defeating the fucking embodiment of evil.

Kanaya: As previously stated, very nervous around water, but so so happy to be in the sun?? It’s not as bright as the one on Alternia which is fine because that means her troll friends can enjoy it too, but she’s literally just so happy to be around people that enjoy the sun the way she does because she’s felt wrong and different about it for years and she finally found someone that understands her ahhshshsjs. She designs all of Rose’s swimsuits and loves seeing her wear them. When it gets dark out, she likes to turn on the glow a little and all these cute little furry wingbeasts will flock to her?? “Those are moths” Rose tells her. “These are my children now” Kanaya pats Rose’s arm, they’re her children too because that’s how human marriage works she’s pretty sure

Dirk: Is so awkward oh my godddd, a little uncomfortable in his body actually? This boy might have muscle but he is all arms and legs and doesn’t know what to do with them because he’s never fuckifnfnfn been around people before. Doesn’t say “Marco” during Marco Polo, he just listens. Breath too loud? You’re tagged. Splash a little? Tagged. Move? Tagged. He’s never Marco for more than two minutes because he’s so in tune with his reflexes that no one even stands a chance. With Jake on his shoulders, they make a decent chicken team, but they’re too worried about each other to be effective. “You okay up there?” He wants to make sure. Someone is tipping Jake over oh no get him off my shoulders is he okay, oh he’s fine, yes I know how the game works Roxy, no Rose why don’t you get in the pool and do a better job before you come for me like that. Rose and Kanaya, in an extremely rare occurrence, do get in for a round of chicken. They beat Dirk and Jake almost immediately. They return to the deck. This never happened and we don’t speak of it.

Jake: Is bad at Marco Polo, he’s an amazing swimmer but he’s not…quiet. After growing up on that island, fighting and swimming, Jake is also Ripped as Heck. Dirk blushes his fucking ass off the first time he sees Jake shirtless. Jake acts all clueless like oh? What’s wrong Dirk? Is something the matter? But he knows exactly what he’s doing and if he’s subtly flexing in front of him, well. That can’t be helped. He may suck during chicken with Dirk, but with Jade on his shoulders? Hoo boy, they give Dave and John a run for their money. He is also John’s favorite to grab the feet of because his reactions are always so over the top with his phrasing. “Horsefeathers!” He grabs at his foot in panic because his first thought is it was one of the monsters from his island, then he sees it was just John who is laughing his ass off because, horse feathers? Really? “I say,” Jake huffs indignantly even though he’s smiling now. “Warn a fellow!”

Jane: Looks rockin’ in her swimsuits because she’s wearing the whole high waisted pinup style ones and?? She’s super gorgeous? Roxy makes sure to tell her that every five seconds just in case she forgets. She and Roxy make a decent chicken team, usually they’re laughing so hard by the end of it that whoever was on top can’t do anything and they fall off because they don’t care about winning they’re just having such a good time. She and Roxy take turns carrying Callie around when the water gets too deep, not that Callie needs to be above the water per se as she seems to have no trouble breathing, but it just makes everyone a little more comfortable and anyways Callie loves it.

Terezi: Killer at Marco Polo for obvious reasons, sometimes she gets tagged on purpose just to show off how quickly she can find people. The only person she’s never been able to get is John, he uses his windy powers to obscure his scent so she can’t “see” him. He is her Marco Polo white whale. One day, John, one day. She and Vriska are terrifying during chicken, Vriska will plow full speed towards the opposing team and Terezi is ready to Throw Hands. The most intense games are between them and John and Dave, both John and Terezi are on top and they fuckin battle it out so hard that Dave and even Vriska start to get nervous on the bottom.

Sollux: Says the water feels slimy. “No shit,” Karkat tells him. “It’s water you fucking shitstain.” Sollux cheats during chicken by using his psiionics to keep Karkat on his shoulders which only makes Karkat mad because he’s terrified of falling in and holy shit Sollux I don’t care what you think your powers are doing I’m gonna fall in fuck fuck fuck. “No I got you” Sollux assures him. He does not. Karkat is not got. Oh well. Sollux mostly likes chilling on inner tubes, plural. He has a blue one and a red one because he’s too tall to fit in just one. “Get a bigger inner tube” Karkat complains. “Perhaps get one of those long, recliner like ones?” Kanaya suggests. No. Sollux will use two inner tubes. He will make the sacrifice of comfort for his aesthetic.

Watching Betty put the black hood on was so incredibly intense, but I think what was even more haunting was watching the total psychological breakdown she experienced throughout the entire episode. The way the Black Hood manipulated her, pushing her further and further into darkness, all culminating into her actually naming the next victim: it’s perverted and deranged and… absolutely brilliant television writing. We watch Betty start out resistant, pushing back at the Black Hood’s every command, finding ways around his rules and determined to defeat him. And then, bit by bit, she begins to give pieces of her life to this mysterious voice, all in the hopes that her small sacrifices will lead to a greater reward. But with every piece she gives, you can see her mind start to falter, watch her mental state begin to become corrupted. Slowly, Betty is starting to understand the Black Hood. She’s resisting, but the sins of the people around her are only becoming more and more evident, and the Black Hood’s influence is corroding her sense of justice versus punishment. You can see the mental wear all of this is taking, and the mere fact that she could even produce a name for the next victim (something she certainly never would have done at the start of the episode) is further proof that the Black Hood is totally and completely confusing Betty’s sense of right and wrong.

She may still be Betty Cooper, but she’s different now. She’s tired, afraid, and angry. And as much as she argued that they are nothing alike, she and the Black Hood have more in common than we’d all like to admit.

How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

#Haughtass vs. #Top Shelf Ass

Waverly: “I don’t like the new Purgatory police uniform pants…I really miss seeing your amazing butt in those khakis.”

Nicole: “Sorry, but if you don’t like them you could always take them off ;).”

Wynonna: “First of all, ew, don’t say stuff like that in front of me. Secondly, if you want to look at amazing butts, may I remind you that I have a top shelf ass, which I bet is better than Haught’s.”

Waverly: *Cringes* “Uh…no I’m not going to do that.”

Nicole: “Plus that part at the end is not true!”

Wynonna: “Oh, really? Let’s compare right now.”

Nicole: “Yeah that’s not fair, you’re wearing leather pants and I’m stuck in this uniform.”

Wynonna: *Grabs extra pair of leather pants* “Fine, put these on.”

~~~2 minutes later, Nicole walks out of bathroom in leather pants~~~

Waverly: *Jaw drops and is trying very hard to not pass out*

Wynonna: *Takes a swig of whiskey* “Well Haught damn, I’ll admit defeat this time.“

Waverly: "I’ve never wanted to be a pair of pants so badly. I said that aloud didn’t I. Well I don’t think I care anymore wow you look great and” *Starts rambling*

Nicole: “Is she…okay?”

Wynonna: “Goddamit Haught is there a Terms & Conditions for being gay that states Useless Gay Trance Mode will be activated everytime something like this happens?”

Nicole: “No…” *Remembers how she reacted to Waverly cheerleading and other things* “Actually never mind yes.”

coffee and hot cocoa

Originally posted by lovingluke

word count: 1.8k

warnings: swearing most probably :) & cheating

summary: you and your best friend, Calum, share a cup of coffee and you accidentally spill about how you think your boyfriend treats you like shit. 

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Skulls and Roses 💀 🥀 (Part Four)

Jeon Jungkook

TATTOOIST AU!  COLLEGE AU!

The best way to get someone to like you is by getting kicked out of the dorms and having to live together. 

Part One Part Three

Originally posted by mrspreadinglegsjungkook

“I’m not wearing that,” you cross your arms and shake your head for the millionth time.

“It’ll get you more tips!” the manager wiggles the skimpy outfit in front of you and smiles goofily at you, hoping that his enthusiasm and cringey aegyo would somehow make you change your mind.

You scoff in disbelief and cradle your cheek. “Oh really? Does it come with a pole? Cause I’m fucking certain that if I wear that people are going to think I’m a stripper.”

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Devil Side-Chapter 23

Summary: Bucky wakes up in his hospital bed and Steve breaks the news. Bucky POV

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Violence, reference to a kidnapping. mortal wounds. Super Angst. 

Word Count: 1143

Bucky Pov.

He woke slowly to the sound of monitors beeping. The stiffness in his muscles was intensely painful. A dull ache burned beneath his clavicle and lower ribs. His head was foggy with the number of painkillers the nursing staff had pumped into him. The serum burned through the medication in record time, forcing the nurses to up the doses they gave him.

It didn’t stop him from remembering.

Tears prick the corners of his eyes and roll silently down his cheeks. His baby. His sweet little girl. He failed to protect her.

It was his one task as a father. Protect your child.

He turns on his side, ignoring the painful pull of his stitches. He brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs. He shakes violently with the force of his sobs. Every tear a jarring memory.

Flashback:

He knew instantly something was wrong. The park was too quiet. There were no families. No playing children. He curled his metal arm around Reyna protectively, trying to discern figures in the tree line. He could see nothing. All he could here was the crackling of twigs underfoot as whoever was watching him shifted position.

He chose not to fight. He chose to run. A firefight or knife fight could easily get Reyna killed.

He turned his back on the tree line and held Reyna close to his chest. He walked slowly to the entrance of the park, his senses on high alert. He kept his cool, noticing how even Reyna stayed uncharacteristically quiet as they moved. He counted fifteen pairs of boots behind him. His adrenaline spikes. He shifts Reyna from his metal arm to his flesh arm, and rolls his shoulder, working out the kinks in the metal. He stops and readies himself.

His attackers stop behind him.

Bucky grimaces and gives his daughter a kiss on her forehead, brushing a thumb over her cheek. “It’s gonna be okay,” he says gently.

Her big blue eyes look sadly up at him, and not for the first time Bucky wonders whether children understand more than they let on. She always seems to understand exactly what he’s saying.

“Hand over the lass if you please, Sergeant Barnes.” The thickly accented voice is vaguely familiar.

Bucky tries to place it but draws a blank. Turning slowly to face the nameless man, he sneers, “I suggest you and your lackeys take a long walk over a short cliff, pal. You ain’t laying a filthy finger on my girl.”

The man in front of him smiles. The sharp sting of a taser whites out his vision. When the pain stops Bucky roars in anger, but he’s remained on his feet. When Reyna whimpers and pats his cheek as if to ask if he’s okay, he clicks his next from side to side and kisses her hair.

A deadly smile painted on his lips when he turns his gaze back to the group. “Alright you, bastards. Come and get me!”

***********************

“We’re gonna get them back, pal,” Steve says softly from behind him.

Bucky frowns. He hadn’t known Steve was back. Bruce must have recalled them from the mission they were on. His mind goes blank for a second before he dares ask the question, “Them?”

“Reyna and (Y/N),” Steve says slowly.

Bucky’s heart turns to ice. He sits bolt upright in his bed, his eyes wild with horror. “Whaddya mean?”

Steve’s face pales, his eyes widening as he realizes his error. He swallowed once, twice, before he sighs in defeat. “(Y/N) was taken last night. She emailed me the list the of demands the kidnappers sent. They wanted her, and only her. If she handed herself over to them without a fight they would return Reyna within five hours.”

“No,” Bucky states, ripping his IV line from his arm. He throws the covers off his body and gets shakily to his feet. He falters briefly before stalking out of his hospital room, nearly ripping the door off its hinges in his haste.

His mind repeats no over and over as he stalks the halls of the tower. He screams your name. His heartbreaking further with every passing second.

No one stops him. They let him pass, their heads bowed in silent mourning. They understood. They had all lost someone in the line of duty. It came with the territory, unfortunately. Still, it didn’t make it any easier to watch a fellow agent break as they realized someone close to them had been taken from them.

Tony steps in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. Natasha is standing beside him, her eyes dull and red-rimmed. Steve is behind Bucky with Bruce, having followed him through the tower. They all approach him without saying a word, laying hands on his shoulders, lending support, and comfort. They were all broken.

All except Tony, who seemed more hopeful than grief-stricken.

A few moments pass before Tony speaks, giving his friends time to process the events before he told them what he had found. For once the sass is missing. “She swallowed a tracker before she left the tower,” he says quietly.

Four heads snap to stare at him in disbelief.

“We can track her?” Steve asks, his words almost running together in his excitement.

Tony nods, a wide smile on his face. “F.R.I.D.A.Y calibrated her exact position five minutes ago. I was on my way to tell you when I ran into Nat and Barnes.”

“We need a plan,” Nat interjects.

“If there ever was a time for a code green this is it,” Bruce supplies.

“We need back up. I’m not risking anyone. We go with a full guard.” Steve agrees.

“I’ll fire up the Iron Legion.” Tony adds.

“Boss, you have a call from a downtown fire chief. A child matching Reyna’s description was left at their door thirty minutes ago with a note pinned to her chest. They want identification,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. informs Tony.

“Is she alive?” Tony asks sharply.

“Not a scratch on her,” she replies.

“Send me the exact location.” Tony turns his attention to Bucky, who had gone a sickly grey color. “Barnes,” he says while snapping his fingers in front of Bucky’s face. “Barnes!” he yells.

Bucky startles and focuses on Tony.

“You gotta keep it together, tin can. Your kid and your girl need you. You can’t afford to freak out. Bury it and sack up!”

Bucky inhales shakily. He pushes down the fear and horror, squares his shoulders, and sets his jaw in a hard line. “I need guns,” he says slowly.

A stray agent pipes up beside him. “How many, sir? I’ll prepare your tactical gear.”

Bucky stares at the woman contemplatively, then nods to himself.

“All of them.”

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Thesis on Morgoth and Sauron and their roles as Dark Lords (Part 1/4)

For my Tolkien project, I decided I was going to explore the dynamics of Morgoth and Sauron and see if I could make an estimate as to whether or not one was more effective as dark lord than the other. I did this in regard as I would not be able to debate whether or not one was more powerful (seeing as the Valar are higher beings then the Maiar, and seeing that Melkor was the eldest, he of course is indisputably stronger than Sauron).

However, just because you’re more powerful doesn’t always mean you’re more effective. We see this all throughout history in examples where generals themselves might not be very capable in battle but are able to gain mastery by being clever strategist. Therefore that inspired me to research if one could argue whether or not Morgoth or Sauron came closer to accomplishing their goal—dominion over Middle Earth (or Beleriand).

I did this by looking at a few key characteristics—longevity of rule (but more importantly, what was achieved), servants (those who served under them and attributed to their victories), their primary enemies (or the state of those they fought against), as well as their defeat (and what caused the finale fall). Then I concluded with their legacy and the impact they have throughout the legendarium.

 

General Disclaimer

  • I am not at all an expert, just a very passionate individual in Tolkien’s lore. Therefore some of what is stated throughout this essay may be based upon faulted research and weighed heavily by personal interpretation and opinion. So please do keep such in mind. Most of the information here was found within The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, The Unfinished Tales, as well as Tolkien Gateway and Wikipedia.

 

Longevity of rule

  • Important note to make here. Just because you are in power for a long majority of time doesn’t necessarily mean you used that time wisely. I’m sure most of us are very familiar with procrastination. Therefore I did not look simply at length of ‘reign’, but more so the accomplishments (and losses) experienced throughout the span of their rule.

 

Morgoth

Approximately 590 years (Years of the Sun)

  • Melkor is incredibly hard to estimate the exact length of time he was in power. This is because the majority of the Valian Years are left without date. The first primary experience of time is with the Years of the Trees, but even then how time is recorded will be drastically different when the Valar raise the sun and the moon
  • Therefore it is often argued as to whether or not the First Age is the longest or shortest of ages. If you try to make an assumption over the span of the Valian Years and couple it with the First Age, you are left with it being nearly 50,000 years in length. However, if you are to attribute the First Age with the rising of the sun to the defeat of Morgoth, it is around 590 years.
  • I took liberties here and for the sake of sanity, decided to account the beginning of Morgoth’s dominion in Beleriand being with the awakening of man and therefore the rising of the sun, equaling more so to the 590 years it would take until he is defeated. However, anyone can argue that his reign could be anywhere between 50,000 to 590 years, give or take a few.

Sauron

Approximately 6,462 years (Second to Third Age)

  • Sauron is easier to calculate in terms of authority than Melkor, seeing as recorded dates were more of a thing when he was around. However, it is still slightly difficult, as Sauron’s reign tended to act like that of a heartbeat; having its occasional rises and falls. Therefore to give one total of years in power is a little vaguer, seeing as he came and went throughout the second and third ages.
  • However, he was still present in Middle Earth for around 6,462 years (from the start of the second age to his eventual fall in the third age). Therefore that is the timeline I am going to associate with his rule. You could deduct 500 years, seeing as it wasn’t until S.A. 500 he began to rise in might in Middle Earth following the end of the First Age. You could also deduct years from the duration of his defeat in the Battle of the Last Alliance of Elves and Men as well as the time spent as being the Necromancer in The Hobbit.
  • But as I did so with Morgoth, I decided to take some liberties and simply to go with the start of the Second Age to his fall in the Third, seeing as he was still a threat for 6,462 years. However, this to can be reasonably debated and argued.

 

Accomplishments and Losses

  • Like stated, longevity doesn’t accredit to a successful reign. Therefore it is important to understand what each individual did in the time that they were given. However, it is also important to note: Just because you accomplished a lot, didn’t mean these accomplishments had long lasting effects or were of any significance in the long run. Losses themselves may even outweigh what was accomplished in terms of being effective or attributing to the finale victory.

 

Morgoth

Major Accomplishments

  • Destruction of Arda (V.Y. Unknown): Known also as the First War. Melkor assaults his brethren and disrupts the ordered symmetry they seek to build within Arda, causing cataclysmic events and shaping much of the geography
  • Destruction of the Two Lamps (Y.L. 3450): Melkor destroys the two lamps, ending the Spring of Arda
  • Destruction of the Two Trees (Y.T. 4995): Known also as the ‘Darkening of Valinor’ Manwe hosts a festival in Valimar to heal the feud of the Noldor. Melkor and Ungoliant destroy the Two Trees.
  • Capturing of the Silmarils (Y.T. 4995): Morgoth assaults and kills High King Finwe and steals the Silmarils. Feanor becomes High King and his sons swear an oath against Melkor and he is renamed Morgoth. The Noldor depart from Valinor, and the First Kinslaying occurs with the slaughtering of the Teleri and the sieging of their ships
  • Doom of Mandos (Y.T. 4996): Noldor are banished from Valinor and face great doom
  • Fall of Man (F.A. 60-c. 200): Morgoth is absent from Angband, after discovering Men. Persuaded by Melkor, Men stop worshiping Eru and turn to evil but some revolt. According to legend, Men now lose the gift to die at will as the result of divine punishment, and are doomed to lead short-life spans at the end of which death takes them by force.
  • Curse of the House of Hador  (F.A. 472-500): Morgoth chained Húrin to a chair on the slopes of Thangorodrim for not revealing the location of Gondolin, and from there– through Morgoth’s sorcery– he could watch the tragedies that would befall his family and the curse destroy his children, Nienor and Túrin.
  • Fall of Gondolin (F.A. 510): Gondolin, the Great Hidden City of Turgon and the Noldor, was betrayed by Maeglin and sacked by Morgoth’s forces. Resulted in the deaths of Turgon and the Lords Glorfindel and Echelion, but the defeat of Gothmog as well. Tuor and Idril escape.

Conclusion

  • Many of Morgoth’s accomplishments were ineffective in the longevity of Middle Earth. While Morgoth became close to victory after the Fall of Gondolin, much of what he achieved was often worked around.
  • When Melkor raised Arda, the Valar rebuilt it, when the lamps were destroyed, the Valar built the Trees, when the trees were destroyed, the Valar raised the sun and the moon. When the silmarils were stolen, only Feanor and his sons rallied an oath against him and such resulted in their own doom.
  • Morgoth’s curse and the fall of Hador had little impact in Morgoth’s overall goal of conquest. It was very much an issue of personal spite and achieved only the demise of one household.
  • However, the Fall of Man and Gondolin could very well be considered long lasting achievements. Men wouldn’t be restored until Numenor, and even then only a selected were given the longevity of lives. Gondolin allowed for Morgoth to draw close to a finale victory and was, in all terms; a success.
  • Therefore, only two of his eight achievements supported his overall goal.

 

Major Losses

  • Intimidation of Tulkas (Y.L. 1500): Tulkas arrives, the last of the Valar to descend into Arda. Melkor flees from him and hides in the halls of Ea
  • Siege of Utumno (Y.T. 4590): The Valar march to war against Melkor on behalf of the Elves and lay siege to Utumno in 4592. Known as the War of the Powers
  • Chaining of Angainor (Y.T. 4599-900): Melkor is captured, and bound in the great chain Angainor, Utumno is destroyed. Melkor is taken to Valinor in chains and sentenced to serve a term in the Halls of Mandos for three ages and then later freed from his sentence by Manwe.
  • Betrayal of Ungoliant (Y.T. 4995?): Melkor withheld the Silmarils in his right hand, having desired them too greatly to allow the Great Spider to devour them. In response, an enraged Ungoliant wrapped Melkor in her webs, and poised to devour him as punishment for his perceived betrayal. Having grown far larger and stronger than before by absorbing the light of the Two Trees, the Gloomweaver would have killed Melkor had not his cry of desperation been heard by his Balrogs, who took flight and saved their master
  • Siege of Angband (F.A. 60-455): Battle of Dagor Aglareb, the Noldor defeat Morgoth’s forces and start the Siege of Angband. Known also as the “Long Peace” it lasted hundreds of years in the early expanse of the First Age when the Noldor sieged the fortress of Morgoth. It was a time of plentitude, peace and happiness for Elves and Men and was when the Noldor reached the peak of their power. However the siege was not complete and Morgoth was able to send out forces through secret passages from the towers of Thangorodrim.
  • Battle of Fingolfin (F.A. 456): Fingolfin challenges Morgoth to single combat and is slain but cripples Morgoth in response for the remainder of the First Age.
  • Quest of the Silmarils (F.A. 466): Beren and Luthien come to Angband and achieve the Quest of the Silmaril by gaining a silmaril from Morgoth’s iron crown. They return to Doriath but Carcharoth ravages the land.
  • Slaying of Glaurung (F.A. 499): The first worm of Morgoth is slain by Túrin though later results in the death of he and his sister Nienor.
  • War of Wrath (545-587): will be discussed in The Finale Defeat (stay tuned for section 4)

 

Sauron

Major Accomplishments

  • Lieutenant of Angband (Y.T. 4599): Destruction of Utumno. Sauron escapes capture and remains in Angband, breeding orcs and trolls for Melkor
  • Corruption of Tol-in-Gaurhoth (F.A. 455-465): Finrod’s fortress of Minas Tirith is taken by the forces of Sauron; Tol Sirion is renamed Tol-in-Gaurhoth, “Isle of Werewolves”. Beren sets out for the Quest of the Silmaril. Receives the aid of Finrod Felagund. Here they are imprisoned in Tol-In-Gaurhoth following the duel or duelet of Finrod and Sauron. Finrod is slain by a werewolf but Beren is rescued by Luthien.
  • Creating the Rings of Power (S.A. 1200-1600): Sauron seduces and deceives the Noldor in Eregion in the guise of Annatar but Gil-Galad and Galadriel mistrust him. The Noldor under Celebrimbor are instructed by Sauron, and begin forging the Rings of Power. Sauron forges the One-Ring in secret and completes the building of his fortress Barad-dur. Celebrimbor begins fighting Sauron
  • Fall of Eregion (S.A. 1697): Eregion destroyed ending one of the last great elven strongholds in Middle Earth and Celebrimbor is slain, thus ending the line of Feanor. The doors of Moria are shut and Elrond establishes Rivendell in secret.
  • Fall of Númenor (S.A. 3255-3319): Ar-Pharazorn the Golden weds his first cousin Miriel, and seizes the throne of Numenor. Ar-Pharazorn sails to Middle Earth and takes Sauron captive. Sauron is taken prisoner to Numenor but begins corrupting the Numenoreans and becomes court advisor to Ar-Pharazorn. Sauron establishes himself as High Priest of Melkor, the Faithful are openly persecuted and sacrificed to Morgoth. Ar-Pharazorn sets foot on Aman.
  • Atheism in Númenor (S.A. 3300): Sauron convinces the Numenoreans that Eru was a lie created by the Valar to keep the children of Arda complicit. Melkor was then the giver of freedom, for he wished to empower man and not chain them as the Valar desire. Atheism = a disbelief in Eru as the Valar were not true ‘gods’
  • Recovery of the One-Ring (S.A. 3320): Gondor founded, Sauron returns to Mordor.

Conclusion

  • Sauron’s accomplishments were dramatically more long lasting within the longevity of Middle Earth then that of Morgoth.
  • The creating of the Rings of Power would continue to cause numerous incidents of greed, war and temptation, lasting well into the Third Age until his finale defeat. Those that wore the rings were bound to them and twisted into creatures called Ringwraiths, whose fates would forever be depended upon them. Those that possessed the One-Ring would find themselves becoming mad on its power and some even had to take leave to Valinor in a hopes to recover from its taint
  • Eregion was considered one of the last great elven kingdoms in Middle Earth, alike to the glory of those in the First Age. Upon its fall, nothing of similar power would be created by the elves in Middle Earth beyond those of pocket realms held by lords and ladies.
  • Much of the same, Numenor was considered to be the greatest kingdom of man and nothing in its likeness would be found in Middle Earth again. Upon its fall, Valinor was removed from the earth and Arda itself became round and foreign.
  • Lastly the recovery of the One-Ring allowed for Sauron to grow in malice and might once more, and he would return twice again to lay siege to Middle Earth.
  • Therefore five of his seven accomplishments attributed to his succession towards domination and the former two allowed for Sauron to gain much needed experience before allowing his aggression to stretch outward.

 

Major Losses

  • Humiliation of Huan (F.A. 465): Sauron takes the guise of a great wolf and attempts to overpower the hound Huan. However, he is gravely wounded and his forms stripped of him and he flees in the disguise of a bat and is not seen for the remainder of the First Age. This allows for Beren and Luthien to succeed in the Quest of the Silmarils (see Melkor’s Losses)
  • Rejection of Eönwë (F.A. 590?): After the War of Wrath, Sauron adopted a fair form and repented of his evil deeds in fear of the Valar. Eonwe then ordered Sauron to return to Valinor to receive judgement by Manwe. Sauron was not willing to suffer such humiliation and fled and hid himself in Middle Earth.
  • Forging of the Three Rings (S.A. 1590- T.A. 3021): Celebrimbor forges the Three Rings in secret. Would later be possessed by Elrond, Cirdan/Gandalf, and Galadriel. Known also as Narya (Ring of Fire), Nenya (Ring ofWater) and Vilya (Ring of Air)– preserved the beauty of Elven lands and would ward off Sauron’s power and influence throughout his return in the Third Age.
  • Minastir’s Navy (S.A.1700): Tar-Minastir (11th King of Numenor) sends a great navy to Lindon. Sauron is defeated and his forces retreat from the coasts of Middle Earth.
  • Fruit of Nimloth (S.A. 3280): The White Tree of Gondor is said to be tied into the fates of men and should it be burned or destroyed, their empires shall fall. Isildur steals a fruit from Nimloth, the white tree is burn in Sauron’s temple thereafter. Later given to Aragorn and replanted in the Third Age following Sauron’s defeat.
  • Drowning of Númenor (S.A. 3319): Ar-Pharazorn sets foot on Aman; the World is Changed. Aman and Tol Eressea are removed from Arda. Numenor is drowned and the world is made round. Elendil and his sons arrive on the shores of middle earth. Sauron is removed of his fair form.
  • the Last Alliance of Elves and Men (S.A. 3441): Elendil and Gil-Galad face Sauron in hand to hand combat. But they perish, though Isildur takes the shards of his father’s sword Narsil and cuts the One-Ring from Sauron’s finger. Sauron’s physical form is destroyed and Barad-dur is razed to the ground. Many elves depart to Valinor thereafter.
  • The Fellowship of the Ring (T.A. 3018-19): will be discussed in The Finale Defeat (stay tuned for section 4)

 

Overall Conclusion

  • This is not at all a professional essay and therefore it may be founded upon faulted information and heavily weighed by personal opinion. However, in concerns of longevity of rule but more importantly, of accomplishments; Sauron succeeded more towards his goal of dominating Middle Earth and the free people found within. His achievements possessed greater impacts in the longevity of Middle Earth. For more on Sauron in the Third Age, please wait for section 4 which will discuss The Finale Defeat.
4

My name is Annie Claire Sawyer and two years ago I died. But in so many ways, that’s when my life began. In the company of horrors, I learnt about friendship and loyalty, sacrifice and courage. Humanity isn’t a species, it’s a state of mind. It can’t be defeated - it moves mountains, it saves souls. We were blessed as much as we were cursed. In this little enclave of the lost, I witnessed the very best of being human.

My beauty (Tyler x FemReader) fluffy aghast

Originally posted by crankityler

(( gif not mine - WHY IS HE CUTE THOUGH ))

(A/n): WHY IS HE SO CuTE

Request:  Tyler imagine with a plus size reader and Tyler is insecure of his scars from surgery but she comforts him? (I love you blog even tho I’m new your like one of the few Tumblr’s who write for Tyler ) -bunny

Warnings: sad cuteness

_____

Someday’s were all for you. They pushed you forward to enjoy yourself and take time to see the beauty that truly was all around you.

They enveloped you in a warmth and pushed away your foreboding. They made you feel good about who you were.

Today was one of those days for you.

The air in the house seemed warmer, the lights seems brighter and everything seems more fragrant. A lovely day.

What was even better, was that you and your beloved were alone in the house for the whole day. Mark and Ethan, Amy and Kathryn all took time- either together or separately- outdoors.

Just you and Tyler.

So for this day, you decided a movie and cuddling was best.

“Tyloooorrrr~!” you called jokingly, swinging around one of the railing posts that outlined the stairwell. You fixed your gaze upward and called again “Tylooor!”

No direct answer was given to you.

Huffing a sigh, you pulled up the legs on your baggy sweats and jogged up the steps. At the top, you stopped for a moment, and looked left. Down to Tyler’s bedroom you walked.

“Ty?” you asked softly, knocked in a gentle manner as you entered his dorm.

Inside, you were confronted with the sight of Tyler huffing out small sobs.

Only small ones.

“Tyler-?” you rushed to his side almost hesitantly. In a collective gentle movement, you placed a solid hand on his shaky back and bent down slowly.

“What’s up, waterbug?” you questioned in a cute tone. Concern, you were sure, was written underneath your words.

“(Y/n), do I disgust you?” Tyler laughed.

Surprise quickly flushed through you. You opened your mouth but couldn’t speak.

“Because I disgust myself.” he finished with a quaint, sad hiccup.

“Tyler–”

“I really, really do…” he went on, looking down in dismay. His voice seemed to falter in a type of sad defeat.

“I see my scars everyday, and everyday they look back at me in hatred and unforgiving resentment.”

“Hey, don’t thi–” you were trying to make him stop. But… he needed to tell you what he thought.

“They aren’t even my fault! It’s not my fault I almost died-! It’s not… is the price for life a disgusting appearance?”

Tyler sounded broken and run down. What he wanted was closure, what he needed was reassurance.

“You are not disgusting,” you finally stated as a fact.

“you are lovely.”

So many words could have crossed his mind before Tyler could actually understand what you were trying to say.

“But…” he spoke.

“Look at me, Tyler.”

He did. The male looked at the one person he loved so much. As his partner, his best friend, his one and only.

“I don’t always love how my muffin top is visible through some shirts. I don’t always love how my thighs and calves completely touch. I don’t always love how my cheeks are a little chubby.”

You listed off your own insecurities in the face of Tyler’s.

“You don’t have to love your scars all the time either. But they are apart of you now. They show how much you fought to keep your life- they tell people your survival story.”

Your words seemed to sink into Tyler’s mind and more importantly; Tyler’s heart. He had to admit, you were right.

Maybe he didn’t love what he looked like twenty four seven- and that’s okay.

You continued and finished with “The best thing now is… we are both healthy- and healthy together.”

It was making sense to him. The tall male looked into your eyes for one long minute. Simply thinking about everything this conversation meant to him.

In one, fluid motion, he reached up and cupped his warm hand around your soft cheek. Tyler pulled you down in a desperate kiss.

He needed to feel you- to know that this wasn’t all for nothing.

You let your own hand hang off his arm, kissing Tyler back with as much passion as you were receiving.

Everything was definitely warm; filled with love.

“You are my beauty, you know that?” Tyler whispered as he pulled back “And my life saver…”

You smiled at him and bumped your forehead into his.

“Tyler I was thinking that we could watch a movie and cuddle today?” you asked him joyously, enjoying staring into his captive blue eyes.

“Sure~” he released you and stood up “Which movie, my love?” The brunette pondered in his deep voice. Some tears were wiped clean with the back of his large hand.

Nothing could stop the matching dopey smiles that slid onto both of your faces.

“I was thinking Beauty and The Beast.

_____

(A/n): it ain’t easy

bein’ cheesy

Change of Heart

Draco had hated the holidays. Absolutely dreaded them. Everyone he knew had put on a fictitious act in light of holiday cheer. It all made him sick to his stomach to just think of how everyone was just so happy. He hated the Christmas carols, the smell of pine trees and cinnamon, the glimmering colorful lights, and the god awful snow. Everyone he knew had turned sappy, even his parents seemed to fall victim to the outrageous exuberance of festivity.

You on the other hand were the exact opposite. You adored the carolers, became elated at the smell of cinnamon and pine trees, marveled the sparkling lights, and trudged happily through the snow. You loved that everyone seemed to forget the outside world and spend time with their loved ones. It was a time where people were just giving. 

Blimey, [Y/N].” Draco sneered at the sight of you covered in a mess of tinsel. “What is all of this?” He snapped. 

Turning around, you tried to free yourself from the entrapment of tinsel. “I thought I could help the house elves decorate, you see.” You happily cheered. “I find that they don’t exactly have the Christmas decor down pat.” 

He stormed towards you, yanking the decorations off from your body, spinning you in the process. “Degrade yourself to their level, eh? Pathetic, [Y/N]. Absolutely pathetic.”

You crossed your arms, you hated that Draco always became more sour during the months of December. “Draco,” you tested. “I do understand that you find this month to be particularly a load of rubbish but can’t you go one second without being a darn wet blanket about it.” 

His eyes squinted towards you, “I don’t see one good thing about this holiday. It’s all a load of hogwash.” 

Sighing, you grabbed his hand and laced them in between your fingers. “Do you love me?” 

Draco was taken back, the reason why you two worked so well as a couple was because there was never a reason to question it. The two of you had never made anything official, it just being known that you had no one in mind other than Draco and vice versa. Draco would wave off any girl that’d throw themselves at him because you were all that mattered to him. You understood everything about him without him ever trying to explain himself. It was a beautiful kind of relationship. 

“You know I do.” Draco stated, firmly.

Leaning forward, you pecked his lips. “Then let me show you why you shouldn’t be a git about Christmas.” Wrapping your arms around his neck, you smiled sweetly towards him. “Please, Draco.” You purred.

His expression was a mix between pain and defeat as he gently unhooked your arms from his neck. “Fine.” 

Squealing, you kissed his cheek. “I promise you’ll never be the Grinch ever again!”

“A Grinch? What in blimey is that, [Y/N].”

Smirking, you shook your head. “Never mind that.” You linked your arm through his and leaned your head on his shoulder as you guided him towards the fireplace. “Prepare to have a change of heart, love.” 

Watching as you grabbed a handful of floo powder, he couldn’t help but smile. Perhaps he could have a change of heart. Afterall, he would be spending it with you. 

i’m not the only one (two) - bucky barnes

Originally posted by buckingoffthebed

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: Bucky knows exactly what he’s done to you, and realizes you deserve a whole heart again. Part Two to “I’m Not The Only One”

Requested: yes (anon)

Warnings: language

Words: 1615

Here’s part two to “I’m Not The Only One”! This is low key sad but I hope you all like:)

PART ONE

Masterlist

______________________________________________________________________________

You’ve been so unavailable, now sadly I know why. Your heart is unobtainable, even though Lord knows you kept mine. You say I’m crazy, ‘cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done. But when you call me baby, I know I’m not the only one.  

Your eyes stared vacantly at the beige colored wall in front of you, arms folded over one another in front of your chest, knees crossed and lips formed in a thin line. Every feeling you once had, every emotion displayed across your heartbroken features, was all void. Your face showed complete and utter emptiness at the situation occurring around you. Your heart no longer swelled at the thought of him anymore, your stomach no longer filling with butterflies as his blue, piercing eyes gazed into yours. The love you once felt was masked over in complete animosity at your once husband. His blue eyes that stared into yours were now filled with guilt and sorrow at what he had done to you.

The void feeling was taking over immensely second by second as you sat in full silence, while Bucky was weaving in and out of rooms, collecting his belongings as tears escaped his eyes.

“Get out!” you screamed, the tears running in streams down your flushed face. Your heart was tearing each second, no longer wanting to look at the betrayal sprawled across his features.

Bucky reached for you daringly, his hand slightly coming in contact with your arm. You feel the zap hit up your arm at his soft touch, your brain cursing you for feeling that way towards the betrayal, “Y/N..”

“No, Buck! You had your chance and you fucking ruined it!” you cut him off, screaming at the top of your lungs. Your body moved, shoving him weakly. You felt the feelings start to rush out of you an throughout your veins as the conclusion was coming to and. Your mind took over with nasty, aching thoughts of Bucky and some other mistress, him kissing her and holding her the way he used to hold you.

Her lips would suck on his neck and she would get o hear his throaty moan, the energy of his love radiating off of him onto her as they made love to one another. This ignited your fists to bang against his strong chest, tears falling all around you as he repeatedly hit him with all the hurtful memories he’s caused upon you for the past couple of months.

His eyes shut tight, the pain flooding his demeanor, allowing you to take out all of the pain you had allow build up inside of you for such a long time, out on him. As you hit against him numerous times, the pain he was supposed to be enduring was just a facade of memory. His body was built in complete nothingness, he couldn’t feel his own pain anymore, he could only feel yours.

I have loved you for many years, maybe I am just not enough. You’ve made me realize my deepest fear, by lying and tearing us up.  

As your mind carried itself back to your quiet state, you heard Bucky make his way back into the room from behind you. You didn’t know whether to turn around and approach him about what would dare to happen next, or to painfully sit in more continuous silence and watch him walk out the front door, leaving you forever.

“I, uh, I think that’s everything,” you heard Bucky speak behind you, the ache and discomfort laced through his voice ringing in your ears. Your brain rallied the types of options you had to act on for several painful minutes before coming to a conclusion.

You heaved a sigh from between your tight lips before turning around slowly, arms still crossed across your chest, and looked to see Bucky. His arms were holding numerous bags and suitcase on the floor . A black hat adorned his head of soft brown hair, while the jacket with the stench of perfume lied across his suitcase as a drape. You dared to look him in the eyes for a split second, your Y/E/C eyes, cold and unfamiliar gazed into his now dark, saddened blue orbs for a meaningful last time. You felt your blood run cold as realization hit you like a truck.

This was it. Your husband, the once love of your life, was leaving you. Not out of his doing, but because you told him. You couldn’t bare the thought without him, but you had to. He played with your emotions for months on end, sending your once unbreakable vows with the wind. Once broken, they were gone forever.

You didn’t even get up, you just stared at him for what felt like several minutes. The energy between the two of you now dead, nothing flowing excitedly through your bodies anymore. The love, adoration, emotion, was all gone, and never to return.

You ran your stare all around his body and situation before coughing the lump out of your throat and muttering scratchily, “Good,” your voice sounding sour and intense towards him. You felt Bucky tense at your state and you shifted slightly in your position, though your manner not changing for a split second.

Bucky dragged his belongings to the door, stopping to look at your once more, muttering, “I’ll, uh, I’ll call our lawyer tomorrow, get everything sorted out,” he answered, his voice sounding shaky and defeated as the talk of divorce abruptly flew its way into the conversation. You instantly felt your insides shake and your eyes shut tightly as the intention of divorce.

The word sounded so vague and foreign to your mind, never once thinking that it would cross into your path ever in your life. Your eyes still shut, you shook your head slightly, the feeling of him leaving you for forever crawling its way back up and into your heart. The familiar tears slipped through your shut eyelids and dropped themselves on to your flustered, and already damp cheek.

Bucky saw your immediate change of demeanor, his mind debating whether to walk out now and leave you be, or to attempt to soften the situation he’s already caused. He set down his belongings next to his suitcase on the floor, wondering what his next move would be. He carefully watched your painful figure silently sob at his previous statement. He walked behind you sitting on the couch, leaning down, his hands pressed against the back of the couch. His veins pumped with depression and guilt, his features softening as he stared down at your weakened state, regretting every painful, heartbreaking thing he’s ever done to you. He leaned down, hands pushing down on the couch, whispering softly next to your upset figure.

“Shh, please don’t cry. This is what you need. I don’t deserve you anymore, beautiful,” he whispered, reaching over and tucking your hair behind you ear softly.

You opened your eyes at the sound and feelings of his scratchy voice next to your ear. You quickly looked over and stared into his eyes, his pink lips quivering at the sight of your bloodshot orbs gazing into his for what he knows will be the last time. The next thing he did took you by surprise, your breath catching in the back of your throat.

He leaned down above you, placing his chapped and shaky lips against your flushed face, kissing your forehead gently. All the pain and hatred for what he’d done was still evident, the feeling of his now unfamiliar lips against yours causing your mind to rewind back to the times he was yours, and never anyone else’s. After a few seconds of pure pain, he pulled back slowly, the spark of what you once had, was gone.

Bucky’s lips turned up ever so slightly at you before nodding his head in a knowing demeanor at you, eyes down-casting in silence. You watched as he picked his things back up, draping the jacket over his shoulder before turning away from your painful figure and facing towards the one thing that separated you and him from now on. Your eyes scaled his actions, opening the front door, careful not the drop any of the belongings he was holding in his hands.

The dead energy picked up a little as his saddened blue eyes locked with yours, turning around to face you once more. He gazed at your weary state, his mind telling him to leave you for good, to set you free of the heartless emotions he put you through for months, and allow you to live your life without him, and without the heartbreak.

“I hope you find someone who loves you endlessly, and never hurts you the way I did, Y/N,” he said to you, nodding at your figure slightly before giving you one last arduous glance. Your heart slowly pieced itself back together as you followed Bucky’s unfaithful glance out the door and somewhere you would never know.

You could still feel the pain carry its way from him to you countless times as he made his way from you, before latching on to him for good, and leaving you to be set free, and your heart to learn to mend itself back together.

You say I’m crazy, ‘cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done. But when you call me baby, I know I’m not the only one. I know I’m not the only one, I know I’m not the only one. And I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, no, I know I’m not the only one.  

____________

TAG LIST: @kaylaleslie1120 @alexelaineburke @5-seconds-of-sarcasmm @isnow-0r-never @samsfabuloushair @lunastarwatcher @2hip2bsquare @pixiedust-and-weasleys @random-fandom-lady  @chipilerendi @missidontknowwhatimdoing

So this has been bothering me for a while...

If the elder pines twins were born sometime in the 1950s and this picture was taken in the 1960s… How is this photo in colour? Colour photography didn’t become the most used form of photography until the 70s, and I doubt Filbrick “He was our ticket out of this dump!” Pines had money to spare on somehow getting a colour camera just to take a picture of the twins.

My point is, how is this photo in colour? 

@a-million-chromatic-dreams suggested that Ford might have taken this picture off of another Ford where colour photography was common back then. (This happens in her fic The Problem with Time, you should read it if you haven’t!) This works, but I wanted this picture to be from Ford’s home dimension. So how could I explain it?

After some more digging, I found out that people used to hand colour black and white photos with watercolour, oils, acrylics, all types of paint (Overpainting)! I found this example of an overpainting and I think it looks pretty similar to the Stan o’ War Picture ford kept.

Of course, its a little brighter in canon, but that might just be the artstyle of the show. Now I can’t get the imagine out of my head of Ma Pines hand painting the picture (the same day she got it printed) she took of her favourite boys while the Stans play in the background. It’s so cute!! After this thought, my mind wandered over to WHY each of the Stans have their respective coloured pictures (presumably overpainted by Ma Pines).

For these two pictures, I like to think that Ma Pines gave them to each Stan as a gift during their last year of highschool. Stan got one of them boxing (since Stan was definitely more into boxing than Ford) and Ford got one with the whole family. I think it’d be really sweet of her to do this for her sons!

as for the original picture, the Stan o’ War one, I imagine that sometime during college or (more likely) early into his years in Gravity Falls, Ford went to visit his parents. Filbrick might’ve felt glad that Ford didn’t speak to Stan anymore, but Ma Pines still wanted them to reconnect. Ma Pines gave this photo to Ford as a way of trying to remind him of the good times with his twin and get them to rekindle their relationship.
Ford took the photo, but angrily told her that he “ruined” his life and that he wanted nothing to do with him (despite what he says in the journal… Ford just admit that you want to hang with your bro again). After that visit, Ford never visited his family again (if this happened while he was in GF, he would soon meet bill. Maybe he visted his parents to clear his mind?). He shoved the photo in a book somewhere and forgot about it.

Not completely though… as after he found out about Bill’s betrayal… That picture was his lifeline. It grounded him and reminded him that he had a life outside of the torture that was the current state he was in. He could and would defeat bill. He kept it on him at all times, and cherished it before and after the portal incident.

In 5 Years Time (Calum AU)

Hi y'all! So I decided to write a full length AU based on this short blurb I wrote last week. This is honestly one of my favorite things I have ever written so I hope y'all like it! 

(P.S. if you want an added effect have Haley Reinhart’s cover of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” on hand. I’ll tell you in the story when to play it.)


Word Count: 2,735

Warnings: None


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time I saw him was on campus.

I was walking to the big lecture hall for my anatomy class and I saw him walking towards me. I thought to myself that he was very attractive with his ripped black jeans and his bright red Nike shoes, but I wasn’t interested in any boys. I wanted to focus on school, so I avoided his gaze and I kept walking.

The next time I saw him was the next semester in our shared psychology class.

He sat down right next to me on the first day and introduced himself as Calum Hood. He was still just as attractive as he was that first time I saw him. His hair was a mess of dark curls, but he covered them with a plain black snapback in an attempt to tame them. He had tired eyes that looked like they longed for sleep, but on this 8am Monday class, everyone else was tired as well. I sat through the entire hour and a half long lecture sensing that his eyes were on me. He would pay attention to the professor for little bits at a time, but his gaze would always return to me eventually.

“Would you want to go on a date with me sometime?” He asked at the end of that very lecture, his brown eyes staring into mine hopefully.

“Sorry, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.” I said as I left the classroom in a hurry, not wanting to stick around to see his defeated expression. The next time we had class was on Wednesday, and Calum sat down right next to me once again.

“I know you don’t want to go on a date with me, and that’s fine,” he stated as I finally looked over at him.

“but, can I at least get your name?”

“Y/N.” I replied with a small smile. I wanted to be friendly, but not so friendly that he thinks I’m going to change my mind. I’m not going to.

“Y/N,” he repeated.

“It’s nice to finally have a name to the face.” He smiled and swiveled in his chair to face forward and opened his notebook to get ready for the lecture. He had a very nice smile. His eyes seemed to light up and crinkle in the corners when he smiled at me. You don’t want a relationship. I had to remind myself. I was finding it quite hard to remember that when he was around.

Over the next few months we had struck up a friendship together. It had taken him a bit to break down my walls, but I eventually let him in. He had become one of my best friends. I knew I could tell him anything without judgement, and he knew he could do the same with me. The best part about Calum though was that after that first time he asked me out and I said no he never pursued it any further. He knew that’s not what I wanted and he respected that, so I was ever so surprised when he tried asking me on a date again 6 months into our friendship.

“Okay.” I told him.

“Really?” he asked surprised. I nodded yes to him and he engulfed me into a bone crushing hug. I didn’t really know why I had agreed to the date when my feelings on the matter hadn’t changed at all. Sure we almost had slip ups sometimes, his hand grazing mine before quickly pulling away or me thinking late at night about what it would be like to call Calum more than a friend, but I still didn’t want a relationship, at least I thought I didn’t, but when I saw him standing there completely vulnerable and nervously asking me on a date, my heart said yes without permission from my head.

“I’m so happy you said yes. You won’t regret it!” Calum said as he rushed out of my dorm room.

In the days leading up to our date I kept going back and forth on whether or not I should call and cancel. I wanted to cancel, I really did, but whenever I picked up my phone and saw his contact name all I could think about was how his whole face lit up when I said yes and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t crush him like that. Internally, I knew that it was wrong. I was going into this date with the intentions of not carrying on a relationship, and he was thinking a relationship was a strong possibility for us. Canceling would have been the right thing to do, but whenever I tried a small part of me would scream no, and curiosity eventually got the best of me.

So there I was on a Friday night, sitting on my bed and waiting for Calum. I had the door to my dorm propped open so I saw him as he walked up, but he knocked on the door twice anyway.

“Hey,” he smiled shyly.

“you look great.” he said as he stepped farther into my dorm until he was right in front of my bed. He extended his hand to me and I took it as I stood up.

“You do too.” I told him, a bright pink blush spreading across his face. And he really did. He was wearing his usual black skinny jeans and a dark blue and gray checkered flannel, but he somehow managed to make even the simplest of things look magnificent.

“You ready to go?” he asked me. I nodded yes to him and we strolled out of my room hand in hand. I kept thinking that I shouldn’t be holding his hand because I didn’t want to give him the wrong message, but I couldn’t help but notice how soft and warm his palm was and how perfect my hand felt resting in his, so I kept it there. I kept it there until we got to his car and I was forced to let go.

We didn’t say a whole lot on the car ride, just our normal banter, but the air had a different feeling to it than it normally did when we were together. It took me a few minutes to figure out what it was but then it hit me: I’m nervous. I couldn’t help but wonder why. Why was I so nervous around Calum? The same Calum that I’ve been best friends with for the past 7 months. The same Calum that has seen me in my most embarrassing moments, so why was I choosing now to be suddenly self conscious? When I looked at Calum I could tell that he felt the same nervous energy that I had. He was fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt with one hand and drumming on his steering wheel with the other when he normally didn’t do that.

“Why are we so nervous?” I laughed.

“I have no idea.” Calum replied, his tense shoulders relaxing with the relief of me mentioning it first.

“So lets not be nervous anymore then.” I shrugged.

“Agreed.” he nodded as he pulled up to my favorite Italian restaurant. He laughed when he noticed my excitement.

“I know how much you love their homemade spaghetti sauce.” Calum said. I really did love the sauce. Some of mine and Calum’s fondest memories were made while laughing and eating takeout on the floor of my dorm room with this very spaghetti sauce dripping down our chins.

We got seated at my favorite table. The table was right next to a stone fireplace with twinkly string lights hanging from the mantle. Quite a romantic spot.

“I’m gonna admit I was really surprised you agreed to go on this date with me.” Calum said.

“Honestly, I’m a little shocked I said yes as well.” I replied as I unwrapped my silverware from the thick black napkin.

“But I’m glad you did.” Calum said as he looked straight into my eyes. I can’t lie to him.

“I always have a good time with you Calum, but I have to be honest,” I started.

“I’m still not looking for anything super serious right now.” I looked at him to see his reaction and he just smirked at me and picked up his water glass.

“We’ll see about that.” I heard him mumble as he took a drink.


And we’ll see we did.

The rest of that night ended up going really well, so well that he kissed me in front of my dorm room door and I didn’t pull away. I sunk closer into him. I savored that moment. During that kiss was when the realization hit me that I didn’t want to spend any more time pretending that I didn’t want to be with Calum when I clearly did. I spent so much time fighting with myself trying to decide what I wanted that I didn’t realize he had been standing in front of me for the past 7 months. I fell head over heels in love. Any moment not spent with Calum was a moment wasted in my book. We were the big couple on campus and we weren’t afraid to let people know it. We were in bliss, but that all changed as graduation day approached.

We had been in relationship heaven for two years before we realized that we weren’t going to work. Calum wanted to move to Los Angeles to pursue his music production career and I wanted to stay in my hometown to remain close to my friends and family. We were so caught up in each other that we hadn’t thought to ever sit down and have a real conversation about where we were headed in life and, unfortunately, that was in two different directions.

“I’ll always love you, Y/N.” Calum said to me on our last night together.

“Goodbye Calum.” I said to him as he walked away from me, his bags in his hands and his head hung low.

That was the hardest moment of my life.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 YEARS LATER

I couldn’t believe it was really my wedding day. It had been a long time coming, but when those double doors opened and I saw all my friends and family sitting there, and most importantly when I saw Calum standing at the end of the aisle, I knew it was all worth it.

Let me explain.

Yes, Calum and I had broken up after college graduation. About a year after our breakup, Calum and I reconnected while he was visiting home for the holidays. It ended up being a very drunken night where we both confessed we were still madly in love with each other. We decided we wanted to give our relationship another go. After the holidays, Calum went back to LA and I stayed at home and we tried the whole long distance thing for about 5 months before I realized that it wasn’t going to work for me, so I moved to LA. It took me awhile, but I had realized that yes, I wanted to be close to my family, but Calum was my family too, and without Calum in my life my family didn’t feel complete. So fast forward two years and Calum proposed in our hometown in front of my whole family on our anniversary, and fast forward one more year and here we are: on our wedding day.

“I remember the first time I saw you.” Calum said nervously when he started his vows.

“You were walking to class wearing those ratty converse that you still even now refuse to throw out, and you had your head down and were refusing to look up at me.” Calum was speaking quietly so they pulled out a microphone from somewhere and held it up to him as he mumbled a ‘sorry’ in apology.

“And then when I saw you sitting in my psychology class that first day I knew that if I didn’t take a chance and sit next to you that I would regret it for the rest of my life.”

“And boy, am I glad that I took that chance.” he chuckled as everyone else laughed along with him. He continued on with his vows, some things he’d say would make me tear up and some things would make me embarrassed that he chose to even say them.

“I also remember you that day when you saw me walking to class.” I began, Calum with a confused look on his face. I’d never before told him that I too took notice of him that day.

“I remember seeing those red Nikes of yours walking towards me,” I said while gazing into the love of my life’s beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

“and I knew from that moment that I was screwed, and that you were going to be someone special to me.” Everyone in the crowd let out collective ‘aw’s’ as tears started to well in my eyes.

“You’ve been my best friend for 7 years now, and I wholeheartedly believe that there is no better man for me out there than you, Calum.” I said with a few tears finally escaping my eyes. Calum brought my hand up to his lips and pressed a chaste kiss to the back of it. The rest of the ceremony seemed to move so slowly until the moment finally came that I was waiting for.

“And now announcing, for the first time, The Hoods!” Our friends and family cheered us on and wiped tears from their eyes as Calum grabbed me by the waist and kissed me deeply. He dipped me down with one arm while the other arm shot into the air in a victory fist pump, his lips still locked to mine throughout it all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before I knew it, we were at our reception mingling with all of our guests. I was talking with my grandma when I realized I hadn’t seen Calum in a while. I told my grandma I would visit with her again later and started looking around for him. It was almost like he could read my mind because right then I saw him walk back into the reception room with my tattered up converse in his hands, his suit jacket slung over his shoulder, and you’ll never guess what on his feet: those damn red Nikes.

“I had Ashton go and pick these up for us quick.” He said as he approached me, a huge grin on his face.

“I thought it would be a good touch for our first dance together.” Calum said as he kissed me on my cheek and handed me my shoes. I had just enough time to slip them on my feet before I heard the DJ announce that it was time for our first dance together as a couple. We headed to the middle of the dance floor hand in hand, a soft ring of light illuminating us. Haley Reinhart’s cover of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” ( side note: start playing the song now for an added effect) started playing as Calum took my hand in his and pulled me closer to him, swaying back and forth with the beat.

“I still think this song choice was a bit cheesy.” He grinned at me as he spun me around before bringing me back close to his chest.

“It relates to us though.” I said.

“No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t help but fall in love with you.”

“You and those damn red Nikes.” I laughed lightly as I looked down at the shoes currently on his feet. He laughed with me.

“It’s crazy because two days ago I was kissing my fiancé and now I’m kissing my wife.” Calum thought out loud as he brought his face down to mine and captured my lips in another sweet kiss, our reception guests cheering once again.

“You know, I think about what you said on our first date about not looking for anything serious a lot.” Calum looked down at me, and I looked up at him with a look of confusion on my face.

“You weren’t really looking for anything serious, huh? Well how’d that work out for you?” He asked with a goofy crinkly eyed smile on his face.

“It worked out great. I have you, don’t I?”

An interesting observation has been on my mind ever since Sonic’s reappearance in the manga (ch78).

First of all, Sonic was nowhere to be seen at this point in the webcomic, so his inclusion was a pleasant surprise! Especially since there’s still much we don’t know about his character or background, anything that further fleshes him out (and his past’s mysterious ties to Flash) is damn welcome indeed. Him falling to temptation by eating the monster cell came as a shock to many, because at this point, Sonic’s sense of pride in his skills and craft seemed too high for him to ever accept such a lowly deal – aka a cheapened shortcut to power. Thankfully he outright refused to join the other two ninjas’ monster scheme, but when it came to himself and his personal feelings concerning Saitama, we got THIS:

Like, damn. That’s some pretty heavy stuff. D: Apparently all his training to overcome his psychological trauma in ova3 wasn’t even enough progress to get out of his funk. He’s STILL been brooding all alone in his decrepit hide-out, festering in this dark mindset ever since. It seems his defeat to Saitama, the ultimate blow to his pride, was THAT much more severe than previously thought. If, after all this time, he considers all his progress, pride, and state of living essentially DEAD because of Saitama (holy shit). Sonic’s been absolutely shattered, thinking he has nothing else left to lose. Willing to give up even his humanity, willing to do anything to gain the power necessary to defeat Saitama once and for all.

…Wait a sec, now where have we seen that kind of drive/mindset before?

…I simply cannot imagine…ever approaching Master’s strength.” Yup, Genos. :’) Willing and prepared to do anything to become stronger. But! There are some important distinctions between him and Sonic.

Sonic has worked as an assassin and mercenary, who’s not above killing people, so his moral alignment is essentially gray. Therefore his susceptibility to be swayed to accept a monster cell (at his lowest and most vulnerable state of mind) is not completely out of left field. Meanwhile, Genos has been working on the path of justice, revenge, and ultimately, on the path towards becoming an earnest and honorable hero. Who has already chosen to give up a huge portion of his ‘humanity’ once he became a cyborg.

However, the most important distinction and contrast between them is how both of them have changed mentally after meeting Saitama:

  • Sonic, once prideful and spirited, has become dark, brooding, lost and self-destructive after meeting Saitama.    
  • Genos, once dark, brooding, and literally self-destructive before meeting Saitama, has become brighter with newfound hope and a better path worth living for now.

Narratively, I find THAT contrast in how these two characters have been inversely affected and changed by Saitama’s influence to be completely fascinating. The way Saitama continues to affect the people he meets in the story, both negatively and positively, remains an interesting draw to the series as a whole. :)  

Torn (Seth Rollins x Reader) Part 2/2

Part 1

Do not post this story without my consent (on any site or platform), under any circumstance, unless I specifically told you that you could. Thanks!

A/N: Hey babes! This took me way longer than expected, and it is WAY LONGER THAN EXPECTED. But oh well. This is the second and last part of this fic, and I sure hope it lives up to the reaction I got from the first one (crossing my fingers). Leave me a comment if you did enjoy it, I loooooove them so much I cry. Also, sorry if I forget to tag anyone, I’m really bad at it. Hit me up if you want to be part of my tag list though!

Also, the gif I used is kind of misleading, even if there is smut. It’s just way fluffy. I just… the gif… I… yeah.

Warnings: Swearing and fluffy smut.

Word count: 7356 (oops)

Tags: @hardcorewwetrash @imagines–assemble @imagineall-the-fandoms @insearchofsunlight @blondekel77 @thiickreigns @m-a-t-91 @valeonmars @littlemissava13 @nuroxic @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @superrezzy00 @momis30 @laochbaineann @alexispoo @taryndbiase @ehvil7 @shadow-of-wonder @ringsidexdreaming @wrestlewriting

Enjoy!

Originally posted by thearchitectwwe


Do you sometimes get the feeling you’re always coming back to the same place? You’ll think you’re moving forward, but really you’re going in circles, bringing yourself back over and over again. It can be frustrating, but I think, sometimes, it’s the universe giving you a second chance. Maybe, just maybe, it’s telling you to get back to the beginning to look for a better end.

Keep reading

Title: like broken glass
Summary: UA where the final battle between Sasuke and Naruto ends with the latter dead, Sasuke wrestling with the knowledge of his victory, and Sakura’s hope finally crumbling at last.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto.
Rating: M (for semi-graphic violence)
A/N: I had the idea, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to write it because it’s so intensely, intensely angsty. And tragic. LIKE INTENSELY TRAGIC (as in multiple character death). And it’s just not the type of thing that I typically have any desire to write anymore. Anyway, this was intended for ssmonth but I never did get the motivation or desire to really write it out until now. Enjoy?


She felt like she couldn’t breathe when she finally reached the Valley of the End’s shattered grounds. They’d made such a mess of things, having long destroyed the two statues of their ancestors and the great rock walls—but it was the sheer quietness of the scene that unsettled her the most.

There had been hope in her heart when the sounds had subsided on her way to find them, faith that Naruto had finally won Sasuke over to the light again. But when she stood there at the edge of their battle site, feeling cold dread twisting in her stomach, Sakura couldn’t help herself from shaking.

Something was wrong.

Her wide, green eyes scanned the ruined field, searching for any sign of life. Uneasiness settled in more firmly when she found nothing. Hands clenching, she willed herself to keep calm as she resorted to sensing chakra instead.

A faint pulse ahead had her heart skipping a beat. Sakura didn’t waste a moment before sprinting off, the heavy weight of anxiety lifting from her shoulders as she leapt from piece to piece of statue wreckage. It wasn’t until Sasuke appeared in her line of vision that her stomach dropped once more, suddenly realizing that she couldn’t feel the source of another chakra.

She couldn’t feel Naruto.

Keep reading