deer head

October |

Every month I find it helpful to intentionally pursue what God would have for that month. In July, it was rest. In August, it was wisdom. In September, it was trust. 

In October, I am seeing His heart as my perfect First Love, which casts out fear. This month I feel Him drawing me into deeper intimacy with Him in order to still the deep fears of my heart I saw rise to the surface in September. 

“No need to be frightened by intimacy; just throw off your fear and come running to Me" Steffany Frizzell-Gretzinger, ‘Out of Hiding,’ from The Undoing.

instagram: @athenagracee / fujifilm XT1 / vsco film

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.