deep dish crust

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anonymous asked:

How can you eat deep dish pizza it's like 80% soft bread

Not when u cook it right
Chicago deep dish and crispy thin crust are the best kinds of pizza and NYC can keep their soggy foldy cardboard

Pizza Topping Language

You may be aware that, in the Victorian era, there was a whole secret language of flower-arranging. You could send a specific message - sentiments like “I will forever be true” or “I feel betrayed” - to your loved one by ordering the right kind of bouquet. (There are a variety of lists online of coded flower meanings, but the most comprehensive one I’ve seen is here.)

As a communications protocol, it’s somewhat impractical - depending on which source you consult, some flowers can have different meanings, and there are several plants listed that are not flowers, or that would be very unlikely to be stocked by your local florist. Still, though, the concept is intriguing enough, and it occurred to me that we may be able to do something similar with another customizable, deliverable gift… pizza.

So this is my proposal for the secret language of pizza toppings. Wherever possible, I tried to bring over the same meanings of edible plants in the flower language. Obviously, this whole concept is just for fun - by all means, when ordering or making pizza for someone, their taste preferences and dietary needs should take priority!

  • alfredo/white sauce - purity, innocence
  • almond - hope
  • anchovies - confidence, self-assuredness
  • apple - temptation
  • artichoke - complexity
  • arugula - timidity, fear
  • asparagus - grief, sadness, mourning
  • avocado - ego, narcissism
  • bacon (Canadian) - don’t worry, eh.
  • bacon (crumble) - let’s be naughty
  • bacon (strips) - let’s indulge
  • bacon (turkey) - let’s indulge, in a sensible way
  • basil leaves - good wishes
  • BBQ sauce - toughness, badassery
  • beetroot - indelible mark, your touch has changed me
  • brie - Your well-being is important to me
  • broccoli - I will be there for you
  • cabbage - money, financial stability
  • calamari - entanglements
  • capers - schadenfreude, gossip, let us take pleasure in another’s misfortune
  • capicollo - security
  • cauliflower - I will be responsible
  • caviar - my life is full, I have many things.
  • celery - obligation
  • cheddar/cheese sauce - Your pleasure is important to me
  • chicken - uncertainty, life is uncertain
  • chorizo - you are strong and will see it through
  • cilantro - I can appreciate what others do not.
  • clams - erotic love
  • corn - let’s share!
  • crust (deep dish) - my feelings are sincere and meaningful
  • crust (flatbread, thin) - let’s not take anything too seriously
  • crust (gluten-free) - I will take care of you
  • crust (regular white) - enjoy yourself
  • crust (whole wheat) - be nourished
  • dairy-free cheese substitute - I care about your needs
  • donair meat - artifice, insincerity
  • duck - imminent danger!
  • egg - fertility, pregnancy, babies
  • eggplant - optimism for the future
  • feta/goat cheese - I respect your beliefs/traditions
  • fig - argument, debate
  • garlic - wit, humour
  • gold leaf - I will give you money.
  • ground beef - stability, a stable foundation
  • ham - do not worry
  • kielbasa - all is well
  • kale - physical health
  • leeks - I have been hurt.
  • lobster - luxury, extravagance
  • mayonnaise - ingenuity, rejection of conformity, let’s try something new
  • meatballs - mobility, keep moving
  • mozzarella - you are important to me
  • mushrooms (enoki) - I see what others do not.
  • mushrooms (portobello or similar) - big secrets, hidden knowledge
  • mushrooms (truffle) - I have the key.
  • mushrooms (white) - I want to speak to you, I have something to say.
  • olives (black) - peace, we do not need to fight.
  • olives (green) - peace, tranquility, untroubled by the world
  • olives (kalamata) - peace, invincibility, we have defeated all challenges
  • onions (green) - growth, improvement
  • onions (red) - things will get better
  • onions (white) - healing, restoration
  • parmesan - completeness, let’s get this done
  • parsely - feast, festivity
  • peaches - perfect beauty, you are flawless
  • pears - affection, tenderness
  • peas - kinship, we are alike
  • peppercorns/black pepper - permanence, eternal love
  • peppers (banana) - I want to spend more time with you
  • peppers (green) - let’s have fun
  • peppers (jalapeño) - let’s get together
  • peppers (red, roasted) - pleasure
  • peppers (yellow/orange) - joy
  • pepperoni (NY style) - you will succeed
  • pepperoni (traditional) - I wish you well
  • pesto - rarity, scarcity
  • pine nuts - pity
  • pineapple - perfection, you’re perfect just the way you are
  • potato - benevolence
  • prosciutto - safety
  • provolone - you are an important person in my life
  • ricotta - your opinion is important to me
  • roast beef - dignity, pride
  • salami - you did it!
  • sausage - strength, endurance
  • scallions - I want more.
  • seaweed/nori - exotic, foreign, I am in a new world
  • shrimp - small pleasures
  • smoked salmon - I have experience.
  • Spam - freedom
  • spinach - happiness
  • steak - pride in accomplishments
  • sweet potato - charity, generosity
  • swiss chard - reticence, I am unsure
  • tofu - I don’t know how to interact with you
  • tuna - I know what I’m doing.
  • turkey - foolishness, stupidity
  • tomatoes (fresh) - the beauty of youth
  • tomatoes (sundried) - beauty in maturity
  • tomato/marinara sauce - I see you, I recognize you
  • venison - self-sufficiency
  • walnuts - intelligence, I have a plan.
  • zucchini - I will not hesitate
Deep Dish Pizza with Cheese-Filled Crust

If you love pizza, if you are one of those people who can eat pizza all-day every-day, and if you believe that pizza is the best food ever invented, then this is for you!

I make pizza every week for my family, but today I wanted to take my pizza to the next level.  Pizza is so easy to experiment with.  The list of toppings is endless, an array of cheeses and sauces. Then there is the thickness of the crust…

When I pulled this pizza out of the oven even I was amazed!

Ingredients:

4 ½ cups organic non-bleached all-purpose flour

2 cups warm water

4 ½ teaspoons yeast

1 teaspoon sea salt 

2 cups Daiya mozzerala cheese

1 ½ cups for the crust and ½ cup for the topping

½ cup chili sauce (Organicville)

Assorted toppings

Method:

In the bowl of your stand mixer, add yeast and warm water; let sit 5 minutes.

Add 2 cups flour and salt and mix on medium speed for 1 minutes.  Add remaining 2 ½ cups flour.  Continue mixing for 3 minutes.  The dough should come clean from the bowl while mixing; you can add more flour if needed 2 tablespoon at a time. Cover the bowl with a clean kitchen towel and let rise 1 hour. Lighlty butter a cast iron skillet.  Remove the dough from the bowl and place in skillet.  Using your hands spread out the dough while also pushing the dough up the sides.

Place the cheese around the edges.  Fold over the edges while at the same time pulling the dough back up the sides.

Spread out the sauce; add cheese and your toppings.

vegan foods at the store
Breakfast (Dry)

All-Bran
Apple Jacks
Cap’n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch
Cinnamon Crunch Crispix
Cinnamon Krunchers
Cinnamon Life
Cocoa Rice Krispies
Complete Oat Bran
Complete Wheat Bran
Corn Flakes
Corn Pops
Crispix
Frosted Flakes
Fruit Harvest
Just Right
Life Cereal
Mueslix
Nature’s Valley Granola Bars (Brown Sugar)
Quaker Apples and Cinnamon
Quaker Cinnamon and Spice
Quaker Date and Walnut
Quaker Oatmeal (Raisin)
Quaker Raisins and Spice
Raisin Bran
Reese’s Puffs
Rice Krispies

Beverages

Alpine Spiced Cider
Ghirardelli Hot Chocolate (Chocolate Hazelnut)
Ghirardelli Hot Chocolate (Chocolate Mocha)
Ghirardelli Hot Chocolate (Double Chocolate)
Ghirardelli Hot Chocolate (White Mocha)
Ghirardelli Sweet Ground Chocolate (Baking Cocoa)
Hershey Syrup (Chocolate)
Hershey Syrup (Strawberry)
Kool-Aid Drink Mix
Nescafe Ice Java Iced Coffee Syrup
Nestlé Nesquik Syrup (Chocolate)
Nestlé Nesquik Syrup (Strawberry)
Nestlé Nesquik Syrup (Very Vanilla)

Candy

Airheads taffy
Blow Pops
Brach’s Cinnamon Hard Candy
Brach’s Root Beer Barrels
Brach’s Star Brites
Chocolove Dark Chocolate bar
Chocolove Cherries and Almonds Dark Chocolate Bar
Chocolove Crystallized Ginger Dark Chocolate Bar
Chocolove Orange Peel Dark Chocolate Bar
Chocolove Raspberry Dark Chocolate bar
Chick-o-Sticks
Cry Babies
Dots
Dum-Dums
Fruit By the Foot
Hubba Bubba bubblegum
Jolly Ranchers (lollipops and hard candy)
Jujubees
Jujyfruits
Laffy Taffy
Lemonheads
Mambas
Mary Janes (regular and peanut butter kisses)
Panda Licorice
Smarties (U.S. Brand)
Sour Patch Kids
Super Bubble
Swedish Fish
Sweet Tarts
Zotz

Snacks

Bremner Wafers
Cracker Jacks
Famous Amos Sandwich Cookies (Peanut Butter)
Ferrara Wafer Swirls With Chocolate
Fritos
Grandma’s Peanut Butter Sandwich Cremes
Hain Apple Cinnamon Rice Cakes
Herr’s Salsa and Lime Tortilla Chips
Keebler Animal Crackers
Keebler Club Crackers
Keebler Vienna Fingers
Kettle White Popcorn
Kool-Aid Gels
Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies
Lance Capitain’s Wafers
Lance Choc-O Cookies
Lance Peanut Bar
Lance Sugar Wafers (Strawberry Creme)
Lance Sugar Wafers (Vanilla Creme)
Lay’s Blue Corn Chips
Lay’s Potato Chips (Natural Country Barbecue)
Lay’s Potato Chips (Thick Cut Sea Salt)
Lay’s Stax
Lay’s WOW! Potato Chips
Lay’s Yellow Corn Chips
Lundberg Brown Rice Cakes
Manischewitz Whole Wheat Matzo, Unsalted Matzo, and Savory Garlic Matzo
Melba Toast (Rye)
Melba Toast (Sesame)
Melba Toast (Wheat)
Microwave popcorn (minus the real butter flavor)
Mission Foods Pre-Cut Unfried Tortilla Chips and Strips
Mission Foods Pre-Fried Tortilla Chips and Strips
Munchos
Murray Southern Kitchen Iced Oatmeal Cookies
Nabisco Ginger Snaps
Nabisco Original Graham Crackers
Nabisco Spiced Cinnamon Cookies
Nabisco Teddy Grahams (Chocolate and Cinnamon)
New York Flatbreads (Everything and Garlic)
Nutter Butter Bites
Peanuts, sunflower seeds, almonds, cashews, and Pistachios
Pretzels
Quaker Apple Cinnamon Rice Cakes
Ritz Regular Crackers
Ritz Roasted Vegetable Crackers
Salsa
Snyder’s Pretzel Chips (Garden Veggie)
Snyder’s Pretzel Sticks (Pumpernickel/Onion)
Soy Crisps (Barbecue, Deep Sea Salt, Garlic Onion, Salt and Vinegar, and Apple Cinnamon Crunch flavor)
Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos
Stacy’s Pita Chips (Baked, Cinnamon Sugar, Pesto and Sundried Tomato, Taxarkana Hot, and Tuscan Herb)
Sun Chips Original flavor
SunSpire Organic Dark Chocolate Almonds
Toasteds Crackers (Sesame and Wheat)
Tostitos Bite Size Rounds Tortilla Chips
Tostitos Blue Corn Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips
Tostitos Crispy Rounds Tortilla Chips
Tostitos Dipping Strips! Tortilla Chips
Tostitos Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips
Tostitos Scoops Tortilla Chips
Baked Tostitos Scoops Tortilla Chips
Tostitos Multigrain Tortilla Chips
Tostitos Natural Blue Corn Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips
Tostitos Natural Yellow Corn Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips
Town House Original Crackers
Trail mix
Triscuits Wasa Crispbread (Multi-Grain)
Wheat Thins (Original, Multi-Grain, Reduced Fat, and Sundried Tomato and Basil)
Zesta Original Crackers

Condiments

Arnold Premium Seasoned Stuffing
Betty Crocker Bac-o’s Bacon Flavor Bits
Brianna’s French Dressing
Brianna’s Poppy Seed Dressing
Brianna’s Santa Fe Blend Dressing
Campbell’s Franco-American Mushroom Gravy
Classico Pasta Sauces (Roasted Garlic)
Classico Pasta Sauces (Spicy Red Pepper)
Dona Maria Mole
El Paso Enchilada Sauce
Girard’s Champagne Dressing
Girard’s Italian Dressing
Girard’s Original French Dressing
Girard’s Raspberry Dressing
Hunt’s Manwich Sauce
Kame Marinades (Red Chili)
Kame Marinades (Sweet Teriyaki)
Kame Marinades (Thai Coconut)
Kame Marinades (Wasabi With Ginger)
Kellogg’s Corn Flakes Crumbs
Knorr Red Bell Pepper Pesto Sauce Mix
Kraft Balsamic Dressing
Kraft Catalina Dressing
Kraft Classic Italian Vinaigrette Dressing
Kraft Creamy Italian Dressing
Kraft Fat-Free Italian Dressing
Kraft French Dressing
Kraft French Fries Seasoning
Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Onion)
Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Onion Mushroom)
Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Vegetable)
McCormick Bac’n Pieces
McCormick Spaghetti Sauce Mix
Newman’s Light Balsamic Dressing
Newman’s Light Italian Dressing
Newman’s Light Raspberry and Walnut Dressing
Newman’s Olive Oil and Vinegar Dressing
Newman’s Red Wine Vinaigrette and Olive Oil Dressing
Newman’s Regular Balsamic Dressing
Old El Paso Taco Seasoning Mix
Peanut Butter & Co. White Chocolate Wonderful
Pepperidge Farms Cubed Herb Seasoned Stuffing
Prego Mushroom Pasta Sauce
Ragu Pizza Sauce

Baked Goods

Arnold’s Carb-Counting Multi-Grain Bread
Arnold’s Jewish Rye Bread
Arnold’s Potato Sandwich Rolls
Arnold’s Sesame Sandwich Rolls
Arnold’s Stone Ground Whole Wheat Bread
Arnold’s Wheat Sandwich Rolls
Cobblestone Mill Hoagie Rolls
Cobblestone Mill Jewish Rye Bread
Cobblestone Mill Kaiser Rolls
Cobblestone Mill Onion Rolls
Cobblestone Mill Party Rolls
Cobblestone Mill Pumpernickel Bread
Cobblestone Mill White Sub Rolls
Cobblestone Mill Whole Wheat Bread
Dutch Country Soft Potato
Dutch Country Whole Wheat
Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies (Apple)
Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies (Cherry)
Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies (Peach)
Kroger Bread
Little Debbie Cake Donuts
Pepperidge Farm Dark Pumpernickel Bread
Pepperidge Farm Rye and Pumpernickel Swirl Bread
Thomas New York Style Bagels (Blueberry)
Thomas New York Style Bagels (Cinnamon Swirl)
Thomas New York Style Bagels (Everything)
Thomas New York Style Bagels (Plain)
Thomas Toaster Bagels (Cinnamon Raisin)
Thomas Toaster Bagels (Plain)

Refrigerated and Frozen Foods

Anne’s Flat Dumplings
Athens Phyllo Dough
Athens Phyllo Mini Shells
Calaro Guacamole
Edy’s No-Sugar Bars
Edy’s Whole Fruit Bars
Fleischmann’s Light Margarine
Food Lion French Fries
Food Lion Hash Browns
Food Lion Restaurant Fries
Food Lion Seasoned Curly Fries
Food Lion Shoe String Fries
Food Lion Steak Fries
General Mills Italian-Style Vegetables
General Mills Roasted Potatoes With Garlic and Herbs
Luigi’s Italian Ice
Minute Maid Frozen Lemonade Bars
Mrs. Smith’s Deep Dish Pie Crust
Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry Sheets
Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry Shells
Pillsbury Cornbread Twists
Pillsbury Turnover (Apple)
Pillsbury Turnover (Cherry)
Piñata Flour Tortillas
Safeway Whipped Cream (Canned)
Simply Potatoes Diced Potato With Onion
Simply Potatoes New Potato Wedges
Simply Potatoes Shredded Hash Browns
Smart Squeeze Fat-Free Margarine
Smuckers Uncrustables Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly
Smuckers Uncrustables Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam
SuperPretzel Baked Soft Pretzels

Baking

Aunt Jemima Coffee Cake Mix
Aunt Jemima Whole Wheat Pancake/Waffle Mix
Betty Crocker Bisquick
Fred Meyer Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
Ghirardelli Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix
Green Giant Cream Style Sweet Corn
Hodgson Mill Bran Muffin Mix
Hodgson Mill Caraway Rye Bread Mix
Hodgson Mill White Bread Mix
Hodgson Mill Whole Wheat Gingerbread Mix
Jello-O Instant Pudding (Banana Creme)
Jello-O Instant Pudding (Chocolate)
Jello-O Instant Pudding (Lemon)
Jello-O Instant Pudding (Vanilla)
Keebler
Kraft Baker’s Angel Flake Coconut
Martha White Pizza Crust Mix
Old El Paso Taco Shells
Thai Kitchen Noodle Bowls (Pad Thai)
Thai Kitchen Noodle Bowls (Roasted Garlic)
Thai Kitchen Noodle Bowls (Thai Peanut)
Tropical Source Dark Chocolate Chips
Uncle Ben’s Cinnamon and Raisin Rice Pudding Mix

Staples

Betty Crocker Hash Brown
Campbell’s Franco-American Mushroom Gravy
Campbell’s Tomato Soup
Del Monte White Corn Cream Style
Healthy Choice Country Vegetable Soup
Hormel Chili
Hunt’s Manwich Sauce
Knorr Red Bell Pepper Pesto Sauce Mix
Kraft “It’s Pasta Anytime” Spaghetti With Marinara
Kraft French Fries Seasoning
Kraft Snake ‘N Bake (Hot/Spicy Coating Mix)
Kraft Snake ‘N Bake (Original Chicken Coating Mix)
Kraft Snake ‘N Bake (Original Pork Coating Mix)
Kraft Taco Bell Taco Dinner
Lipton Beefy Onion Soup
Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Onion)
Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Onion Mushroom)
Lipton Recipe Soup and Dip Mix (Vegetable)
Manischewitz Sweet Potato Pancake Mix
McCormick Fajitas Seasoning Mix
McCormick Hot Seasoning Mix
McCormick Mild Chili Seasoning Mix
McCormick Original Seasoning Mix
McCormick Pasta Salad Vinaigrette Dressing Blend
McCormick Sloppy Joe Seasoning
McCormick Spaghetti Sauce Mix
Mission Foods Corn Tortillas
Mission Foods Flour Tortillas
Mission Foods Taco Shells
Mission Foods Tostadas
Near East Roasted Garlic & Olive Oil Cousous
Near East Spanish Rice Pilaf
Near East Toasted Almond Rice Pilaf
Near East Toasted Pine Nut Couscous
Old El Paso Enchilada Sauce
Old El Paso Fat-Free Refried Beans
Old El Paso No-Fuss Fajita Dinner Kit
Old El Paso Taco Seasoning Mix
Progresso Soup (Hearty Tomato)
Progresso Soup (Lentil)
Progresso Soup (Tomato Basil)
San Giorgio Pastas (Angel Hair)
San Giorgio Pastas (Elbow Macaroni)
San Giorgio Pastas (Rigatoni)
San Giorgio Pastas (Rotelle)
San Giorgio Pastas (Spaghetti)
Simply Asia Sesame Teriyaki Noodle Bowl
Swanson Vegetable Broth
Top Ramen (Oriental)
Uncle Ben’s Lemon & Herb Rice
Uncle Ben’s Long-Grain Rice
Uncle Ben’s Mexican Fiesta
Uncle Ben’s Oriental Fried Rice
Uncle Ben’s Spanish Rice
Uncle Ben’s Wild Rice
Zatarain’s Black Beans & Rice
Zatarain’s Black-Eyed Peas & Rice
Zatarain’s Dirty Rice Mix
Zatarain’s Gumbo Mix With Rice
Zatarain’s Jambalaya
Zatarain’s Red Beans & Rice

Bacon Swiss Quiche

Ingredients:

1 (9-inch) deep-dish pie crust in tin
12 slices bacon
1 cup shredded Swiss cheese
4 eggs, beaten
1 ½ cups half-and-half
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon white sugar
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper


Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).
Place bacon in a large skillet, and fry over medium-high heat until crisp.
Drain on paper towels, then chop coarsely. Sprinkle bacon and cheese into pastry shell.
In a medium bowl, whisk together eggs, cream, salt, sugar and cayenne pepper. Pour mixture into pastry shell.
Bake 15 minutes in the preheated oven. Reduce heat to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C), and bake an additional 30 minutes, or until a knife inserted 1 inch from edge comes out clean. Allow quiche to sit 10 minutes before cutting into wedges.

Back to Ostara, the Spring Equinox

Pizza for signs
  • Aries: Meat lovers
  • Taurus: One doesn't simply make a Taurus choose one type of pizza
  • Gemini: Hawaiian
  • Cancer: Greek
  • Leo: Bacon and Sausage
  • Virgo: cheese
  • Libra: Extra cheese with cheese sprinkles and cheese stuffed crust
  • Scorpio: Deep Dish
  • Sagittarius: Thin crust
  • Capricorn: Pepperoni
  • Aquarius: Buffalo Chicken
  • Pisces: BBQ Chicken

anonymous asked:

Do you find curvy women attractive?

Bodies are kind of like pizza.
There’s big slices. Small slices. Slices with toppings. Plain cheese.Thin crust. Deep dish. Stuffed crust. Slices with the perfect ratio of cheese to sauce. Slices that the cheese falls off and you gotta pick it up and put it back on. Those lil burnt cheese bubbles.

I really fucking love pizza. 

7

I bet I’ve made more than three hundred pizzas over the years. I’ve given that number some thought and just asked my husband for his opinion – he thinks that sounds high. So okay, maybe two hundred pizzas. Thick crust, medium-thin crust, cracker-thin crust, deep dish, Chicago-style deep dish, you name it. I’ve used white sauce, pesto, and homemade pizza sauce. Toppings have included fresh veggies from the garden, sausage, pepperoni, olives, artichokes, chicken, etc., and a whole variety of cheeses. You get the idea – we eat a lot of homemade pizza around here, but surprisingly, I hadn’t ever made a calzone.

Several days ago I picked up some fresh, whole wheat pizza dough from my grocery store’s deli and couldn’t make up my mind what to do with it. The dough stayed in the refrigerator for two days before I decided that the time had come to wrap that dough around some fillings.

Supposedly, depending on what you read, a traditional calzone does not include sauce. Interesting. After more reading, I came up with a plan. I got the cold dough out of the refrigerator to let it come to room temperature and then headed back to the store. I then divided it into two pieces and assembled my fillings. I decided to add spinach to the whole milk ricotta, even though I didn’t find a single recipe that included spinach.

The pictures tell the story. I baked these two, gorgeous calzones in a 425 degree F oven for about 20 minutes. After they had cooled for ten minutes, I cut them and we dipped the pieces in homemade marinara sauce. I have more prosciutto, mozzarella, and ricotta cheese in the refrigerator – plenty enough to make more calzone over the next few days. They were so good, no one will object.

Hover over each picture for captions.

3/12/15

i like the simplicity
of buying tshirts
by the bag

six at once

like tearing the biggest limb
off a banana tree

and wearing it for a week straight

last night my eyes
were so heavy
but i was too busy to sleep

watching a video of a man
sitting in his suv at 11am

so he could be first to review
little caesars new
bacon wrapped crust deep dish pizza

i was talking to someone on the internet
and the notifications kept chiming
but all i could do was stare
and covet his enthusiasm 

about life and pizza and
bacon as he zoomed in 
on each greasy brown particle

and danced his saintly dance

Don’t Assume I Hate My Plus Size Body, please and thank you.

Something happened last weekend that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. 

I’m thick and curvy with a big butt and a Rack. Capital R, Rack. 

I went bridesmaid dress shopping last Saturday. My fellow wedding party peeps are thinner than me, between size 2-6. I had been secretly dreading the shopping date because I knew I would have to try on sample dress sizes that couldn’t move past my posterior. When you’re surrounded by people who seem to (or you assume would) move through life (or rather, shopping) with such ease and effortlessness, it’s disheartening.

So, in advance, I accepted this fact; that most likely nothing would fit me and kept repeating a mantra inside my head: ‘It’s just a sample size, you look great in jeans…’ 

Standing the closet size change room, I zip up the back and get stuck halfway. It’s not a keyhole cut out in the back, it’s my flabby rolls that prevent it from going any further. 

We all choose dress styles, I’m pleased with my choice though I wonder if the exclaims of ‘you look good’ are more to make me feel included than they are truth. 

Now it’s time to get our measurements taken so we can find the right size. I’m last in line. I’m wearing a loose, thick knit sweater so the woman with bad skin who is fitting me asks if I don’t mind stepping back inside the closet fitting room to take off my sweater for a better fitting. I don’t mind. She pulls the door, leaving it ajar. 

I wonder what sales lady thinks of my ample bosom and round Winnie the Pooh belly. 

She wraps the tape measure around my chest and calls out a number to the sales lady taking down the measurements with a clipboard. 

She faces me and,’oh!’. 

She has the expression of someone who just knocked over the salt at the dinner table. A faux pas that incites a knee jerk, ‘oops!’ reaction. 

‘Sorry.’, she says. 

Sorry. She said sorry. She said sorry because she yelled out my measurement at the same volume that she did when fitting a size two. She said sorry because I, being large, or rather extra large, would feel embarrassed by my friends knowing what size I am. She said sorry because fat = ashamed. 

‘That’s okay.’ I say back truthfully, ‘I don’t care.’ 

She takes the next measurements, quietly passing on my hip size like a secret. 

As we leave, I start stewing with resentment. 

The confusing anger that this incident brought on sits with me over the next week or two, like the time I ate five slices of deep dish, thick crust pizza in a row.

Fuck you, fitting lady. Do not assume I feel bad about how I look. I don’t and I don’t think I should. Do not assume my friends would feel bad for me. Because they don’t. 

I don’t feel bad about my size. And I don’t need to be made to feel bad. If I don’t feel bad about how I look, then why would my friends? 

If you, fitting lady, feel bad about how I look, then feel free to think it but keep it to yourself.