She had a desire to leave the past behind her and, as she said to herself, to begin afresh // Henry James.


Ill forever remember the feeling i felt inside me when i heard her voice for the very first time. It was like flowers were growing with pretty pretty butterflies flying arund them deep inside my gut. I hadn’t felt anything like it ever before. Her voice was so calming to my oh so hectic life. She was just a phone call away from a horrible day. Hearing her voice was so calming that i needed it more and more, it was like an addict getting their fix, and my fix was her. Seeing her for the first time was a whole different ballgame. Her hands felt like silk. Soft and so small but so strong, holding on to mine with so much love between the two of us. The storm was brewing. It was cold, the air was so crisp in my lugs. I felt so honered to be breathing the same crisp air as her. Her hug was so comforting it felt like home, even though i was miles and miles away from what i thought home was. I quickly realized home wasnt anywhere that she wasnt. We began to grow together as one. She was the fire burning within my soul, and she lit it so well. I loved her more than anyone else in the world. I never really knew if she knew just how much i adored her life, maybe i never will, But i do know that we wrapped up into one another like we were made for each other with each individual ingredient. Nothing felt so perfect, Nothing matched me so well. She felt so right.  I’d never felt this way before. Forced to be torn apart, Seasons changed and so did we. Leaves falling everywhere, We fell times three. We fell into holes we werent sure we could escape from. Constantly questioning how we fell so deep into these holes we just filled up with concrete promises the day before. I kept falling and so did she. 
I can no longer see her. 
I can no longer feel her. 
I can no longer hear her. 
But, my body still aches for her every day. My heart still screms out for her with it ripped out and beating on the floor. It was her. Its always been her. 
My bones feel so fragile, like they could break at any moment. My stability was her. My mind filled with explosives, blowing off the top. Sitting in this empty room begging myself not to rot. I needed a dose of her, but my supply was all out. 
My heart is black, but not for her. Shes dug herself so deep inside my heart making it her cave. With my eyes hazy and leaking i stare into the moon, wondering if she feels me like i feel her, when shes looking too. She is home, but where is she? I need to go home.