dedicated to the emotion i was feeling half an hour ago

blue orchids

hanahaki & soulmate au (reposted)

pairing: jungkook | reader
genre: angst and a sprinkle of fluff
word count: 18.748
warnings: implied smut
disclaimer: I do not own the hanahaki disease concept.

I am immensely thankful for the talented people who have created art / edits for this story: x, x, x, x, x, x ♡ also, make sure to read moonlight (drabble from jimin’s pov) and home after rain (short sequel) after reading this story. enjoy!


You were eighteen years old when Jimin’s name showed up on your hand.

The day is fresh and clear in your memory: early December, the winds stronger than ever as they threatened to pierce through the windows of your room, hints of snowflake dancing in the air as the first snowfall augured an even sharper winter. There was a smile on your face that didn’t match the unrelenting coldness of the month, and even though the night was falling and the air felt icy on the tips of your fingers, there was only warmth in your chest as you went through the pictures of your phone.

Pictures of you and Jimin drinking hot chocolate, of clumsy iceskating, of funny faces that made you laugh out loud in the quietness of your bedroom. The feeling sparking in your chest could be considered somewhat dangerous— after all, you were just a girl that didn’t have any marks on her skin, a girl whose fate was yet to be decided. Something as enigmatic as love could be a treacherous thing, too risky for someone that couldn’t decide their destiny on their own.

Keep reading

Relief

I just wanted to give Emma a break from her batshit-crazy life and a chance to cuddle on the couch with her husband, but I ended up giving her a cold with a side of angst.

Takes place shortly after the Final Battle.


She’s sick within a week.

Truly nothing serious, but thoroughly miserable nevertheless; she’s put her body and her nerves through too much lately, and now she’s paying the price. Naturally, Killian acts as though she’s dying and given the events of the past few months, she tries to be sensitive about it. He does come from a world where a fever and a sore throat very well could have been the beginning of the end. And, of course, there’s the fact that she very clearly did die (or at least came close to it) right in front of his eyes not even ten days ago.

In a way, it’s a relief. She can’t even think of the last time that she’s been free of gut-sickening adrenaline long enough for her body to succumb to simple illness.

It’s a relief to feel run down and beat up when the cause isn’t some malevolent magical force trying to wrench her away from the people she loves. She’ll take this any day when it means getting to wake up to her husband who still looks at her like she’s the most beautiful goddamn thing he’s ever laid eyes on despite the fact that her eyes are swollen and she can only breathe through her mouth.

Keep reading

The Meaning of Love

Summary: Phil Lester is an intern at the British Society of the Prevention of Cruelty to Neko – an organisation that focuses on rescuing abandoned or mistreated neko and rehabilitating them for re-adoption. He can’t say he fully agrees with the way many neko are treated, but in a world where they have no rights Phil has to agree that being someones pet is the best option for them. Then neko #504 is brought into the shelter and Phil finally realises just how alike humans and neko are.

Genre: Angst, fluff, a little smut, lots and lots of feels

Word count: 17,260

Warning: Mentions of past physical/sexual abuse

Notes: I got a couple of prompts asking for a neko!dan fic so I started writing one and this monster happened. I ended up writing and editing all this in less than three days and honestly, I’m proud of this.

You can also read on AO3 here.

Keep reading

When War Runs Deep [m] (ft. Yoongi) Prologue

Originally posted by gwiyongie

→ angst, implied smut, vampire/war!au 

→ when a forbidden relationship between the general’s daughter and a vampire used as a military tool takes place during the war. 

prologue: “I know” | 01 I swear on my honor | 02 “Marry me” [M] | 03 Freedom doesn’t exist | 04 On the Other Side

basically I watched howl’s moving castle and I’m also a vampire au hoe and I was sad I didn’t get to post anything for yoongi for his bday so this is the brainchild that was birthed in less than half an hour sorry


But as you wind your arms around his neck and press your trembling lips to his, you let yourself indulge. You let yourself be selfish for once, to live without thinking about the consequences and to live without thinking about anyone else except yourself and this man you have come to love more than yourself.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Do you agree with Linkspooky meta about chapter 125?

Drawing me into the tumblr drama, eh, anon? Because we have very different interpretations of the overall trajectory the series is going to take, our views are naturally inimical, and I don’t really want to start anything that might be considered ‘beef’, because you see…

But you did ask, and fandom’s full of debate, right? Because it’s quite a lengthy meta and I want to provide a sufficient rebuttal, this post is pretty comprehensive and/or exhaustive.

Along with theme-related disagreements, there are two major things in the meta that I take issue with: 1) It presents a lot of assumptions as fact without making the case for them, and 2) It expects Ishida’s moral system and values to match the analyst’s own, even if there isn’t any evidence for it. I’ll be coming back to these two here and then. 

Early on in the meta it makes the argument that the final panel is unlikely to be a 19 because usually reversed Tarot are simply presented as upside down in the manga whereas this one is mirrored. But later, it goes on to argue the case for it being a 16, even though no matter how the image is moved, the 16 will remain in the wrong order, whereas at least in a mirror a 19 can clearly be made out. For that reason I would definitely say a 19 is more likely and could possibly even reflect (lol) Kaneki and Touka’s parallel development.

“Sex isn’t really a net positive or a net negative, it’s just neutral”

This is really just a personal opinion stated as fact, and ignores the very real and very powerful emotional charge of 125. Such an objective view is far from universal, and in many circles sex is triumphed as the ultimate form of love, which, I think, is closer to what Ishida’s view is, judging from the care and dedication he took to drawing 125. And again:

“having sex doesn’t really resolve any of Kaneki and Touka’s issues” 

This reduces the act to just a quick shag without acknowledging the clear emotional significance of the experience for both the characters, proved both in the chapter and beyond it. Sex does really resolve their issues when both of their issues revolve around the need to be loved. The comment is a subtle reductio ad absurdum which tries to instantly dismiss an argument without really fighting it.

“Having sex, or advancing their relationship might solve their relationship arc, but it’s tangential to their individual character arcs.”

Again, it underplays 125′s significance and the enormous impact a sexual-romantic relationship can have on one’s character - it seems like it’s trying to clinically separate the two when, the way I see it, the relationship arc has become a major part of their individual characters now. Just look at the ending narration for Ch 131: “A reminder that the two of them were once two”, i.e. they are now one.

“Kaneki isn’t really experiencing a happiness of his inner spirit though, considering he started crying in the middle of sex and could not explain why.”

This is another example of stating assumption as fact. I really don’t why everyone assumes crying has to be a negative thing when tears of joy are a well-established concept. He leans into passionately kiss Touka right afterwards, so why do people assume his heart isn’t in it? I would argue that he does explain why, but chooses not to do so with the unreliability of words, but the certainty of action in the kiss. And again, with evidence from recent chapters, he’s clearly drawing strength from his relationship with Touka in trying times for him.

“There’s also the fact that they’re having this sex in the darkness, with black borders around the panels and constant cut to black. I hope this makes a good case for why I think the sun isn’t exactly the perfect fit for this scene.”

Not really, because the final page of the chapter is bathed in light, specifically for the sake of showing the illumination in their lives, the way I see it. Furthermore, the panel specifically makes use of that darkness to make it seem as though light is emanating from Touka over the naked Kaneki, strongly paralleling the Sun Tarot.

The darkness does in fact serve one of the purposes the meta argues for - to close them off from the rest of the world. But even then the interpretation of that feature feels unnecessarily cruel. It goes on to argue that Kaneki and Touka are being selfish for forgetting the troubles of the outside world for this one brief moment. Considering everything they’ve been through, and all the incredible effort they’ve put in (and are still putting in, as the following chapters prove), to punish them for relaxing for a few hours just seems brutally unfair. Like yelling at Churchill for pouring a brandy in his room after a day hard spent towards the war effort. If this was just sex for the sake of distraction, then why dedicate a whole chapter to it? Why focus so deeply on the strength of the emotions involved, and why portray it so beautifully? As we have seen from the following chapters, no-one has suffered as a result of their actions, Kaneki and Touka are still working diligently for the future of the Ghoul, and in fact this experience has strengthened Kaneki’s resolve to fulfil his duty as the One-Eyed King rather than undermined it.

That white hair is Giri, not Ninjo. Kaneki stuck his head in the sand as Haise and wilfully rejected the greater concerns of the world as the Black Reaper, but his sense of duty now is stronger than ever by working in tandem with his feelings rather than against them. Having one night of relaxation with a loved one is in no way a neglectful failure of duty, especially when it’s only improved his work ethic.

The next part doesn’t really make much sense to me:

“In a way it’s an unequal love because Touka can never value Kaneki the way Kaneki wants to use her, as a reason to live, as a symbol for all the good things that make life worth living.”

Yet not that long ago I was arguing against a meta by the same author claiming Touka had an unhealthy and unrequited fixation with Kaneki. Touka definitely wants to be a source of support to Kaneki, but that’s because she wants to return the favour for how he once supported her, knowing how much of a difference it makes first-hand. What we’re seeing with Kaneki now is not all that different to what we were seeing with Touka back in the original manga’s first half, and as such, it is both equal and balanced. I’ve just seen so many stretches from people trying to find ways to claim their relationship is unhealthy, when there’s barely been any circumstantial evidence to suggest that, let alone definitive. If you’re shooting from a tragic axis, then focus on all those death-flags in recent chapters instead - even though I think they’re red herrings, they’re at least more substantial than this ‘toxic love’ angle I keep hearing about.

“That being said, defining yourself entirely by the relationships you have in your life and trying to keep them around is in and of itself a flaw.”

And see, this goes back to my major issue #2 with this meta. This is just a personal opinion. There really has been very little in the manga to suggest that Ishida thinks the same. I hear this statement like it’s a given truth, but really Tokyo Ghoul has been much more focused on finding the right people to rely on than giving up on them altogether. The concepts of both :re and Anteiku are heavily lauded by all upright characters in the series and by the series itself; both Kaneki and Hinami’s lives going off the rails upon leaving them and various troubled lives finding peace within them – Yoshimura, Amon, Akira, and pretty much all of Goat. These two cafes are founded on the story’s very heart, the current series even being named after the latter, and they are institutions that represent community and family, not strong-willed independence. Both Touka and Kaneki have been punished for trying to take that latter route and are now only now feeling something close to peace because they have embraced the former. The whole struggle between Humans and Ghouls exist because they reject interspecies relationships and stubbornly persist on their own path and their own way of being. So for that reason, I highly doubt Ishida shares the same individualist outlook, whether you consider that to be personally right or not. His sympathies, and those of the series, lie on a more communal and social axis – a kind-of “power of friendship” for adults, acknowledging the rocky roads that relationships can go down, but for the sake of both parties, insisting that they’re worth preserving nonetheless. Tokyo Ghoul triumphs ultimate interpersonal understanding over individual integrity as the way forward for societies and ourselves.

“At it’s core it’s a struggle of people from two different worlds trying desperately to connect.”

This bit I agree with! Touken is a microcosm of Ghouls and Humans trying to understand each other. Only because to me the relationship seems so clearly positive, I take that as a symbol of hope for the triumph of peace between Ghouls and Humans as has been the goal from the series start. :re is not the same story as the original was and so is free from its trappings of Tragedy; making it possible to view its developments under a very different, and in my opinion more precise, lens.

“Re: and Anteiku before it was a place where both of them were sheltered and allowed to be mostly innocent to the world.”

No, not really. Touka dealt with her father being killed and lived on the streets as a predatory Ghoul before coming to Anteiku, and even when she was there she became embroiled in Investigator-killing and various loved ones put at risk of death. During Kaneki’s time at Anteiku a loving mother was murdered before his eyes, he fought a Dove who detested his very existence, he was almost made into a meal twice by an insane cannibal who pretended to be his friend, and he was kidnapped and tortured for two weeks. In no way can they possibly be considered to be innocent to the world during their time at Anteiku, and the claim holds even less water when referring to :re after everything they’ve been through in the first series. It’s an attempt to paint Anteiku and :re in a negative light when there really isn’t one.

“At some point theoretically the idea is that Touka and Kaneki will decide for themselves what they view as right and wrong, rather than following simply what Yoshimura or Arima told them, or endlessly substituting new parental figures to guide them.”

This is again a substitution of the analyst’s own rhetoric over Ishida’s concepts. Yoshimura’s ideology has no need to be replaced, because the story has only ever lauded his stance, and Touka is clearly benefiting from following his ideology (calmer, wiser, gentler) as well as providing a positive influence to others (through creating a home for them in :re). Yoshimura’s legacy ought to be honoured and not simply thrown away because it’s not Touka’s original idea; no ideologies really are original - you pick up everything from somewhere. Touka has chosen of her own will to adopt Yoshimura’s ways because she has seen firsthand the good it can do people. She’s not blindly obedient - she is capable of thinking otherwise and disagreeing with Yoshimura, as she did plenty in the original series, concerning how to deal with the Doves, Kaneki’s kidnapping, and his decision to save Touka from the Anteiku Raid - so why should her growing respect for his ways now be childlike deferral? Kaneki likewise has his own reasons for continuing Arima’s legacy, as Ishida has taken care to point out for us:

Kaneki is equally capable of turning against his mentor as he demonstrated when he physically fought against Arima. Respecting and adopting other people’s ideas is no great sin if it appeals to your already present sense of right and wrong, as is the case with both of these two. As for the parental figures part, that returns to the “finding the right people” argument I made earlier. Young people have a natural need for an older generation to guide them as they come into their own, as they have now. Demanding that they leave that hole in their heart empty as they continue to make poor, uninformed decisions is like telling a child to skip high school and go straight to work. Both Yoshimura and Arima have made a great contribution towards these two finding their own identities, and towards a huge and necessary step in resolving their parental issues before they can pass into life’s Adult Stage. 

“Surely she did that because she wanted to love a man, yet you say she wanted to be loved. It’s a good summary of their relationship and the tragedy of Touka’s own self conflicting selflessness.”

I agree with the Adam and Eve stuff as they will effectively be the parents of the new world of the Half-Ghoul ideology, but not the conclusion drawn from Eto’s speech; isn’t the point that she wants both? To love and be loved? Isn’t that exactly what Touka has received?

“Characters consciously wanting to change but being unable to do so is basically the theme of the past ten chapters.”

…But they have changed. In the past ten chapters before 125, and the chapters after them, characters have been addressing their past mistakes and moving beyond them. Their core desires may remain the same but that’s what makes them them. That’s what good, realistic character development is; to change their behaviour and their outlook without ever changing them into a completely different person. Amon has moved past his grudge against Ghouls and even the specific Ghoul that killed his mentor, and hopes to create what is a truly righteous world; Akira has come to drop her father’s vendetta and understand Ghouls as people; Urie is placing his morals above his position in the CCG; Saiko has finally decided to make a stand; Takizawa has found purpose and selflessness in his life once more along with something like a reason to live;and finally, Kaneki and Touka have talked over their relationship that has thus far been fraught with misunderstanding and reaped their reward, finally discovering the love that both of them have been searching for. That’s what makes this the Sun Arc of revelation. They don’t need to become different people, they just need to become the best versions of themselves. 

Then there’s the rest that I can mostly skim over (haven’t read Berserk yet so I haven’t looked too deeply into that segment, but I will say that inspiration =/= exact paralleling):

16 for Tower: 

I’ve already made the case for the Sun and I don’t really see what would be the point in doing the Tower again when we’re already long past that point in the Fool’s Journey. The Sun has much more appropriate timing.

Tsukiyama’s betrayal: 

Impressive analysis of Tsukiyama’s aesthetic/emotional divide, but considering how chill and even excited Tsukiyama was to hear about the Touken marriage, I think the fandom has collectively misjudged the nature of Tsukiyama’s feelings towards Kaneki. He’s already moved past his obsessive stage in the Rose Arc, and now I think, rather than wanting Kaneki all to himself, he just wants to be his friend because most of his other friends are now dead (a comedic omake doesn’t suggest any truly deep emotion on Shuu’s part). And I don’t think that’s an avoidance of reality. Goat was about bringing people from all corners together past their grudges to form a cohesive unit dedicated to creating a better world.

So Tsukiyama’s forgiveness of Kaneki seems to have been the mature thing to do, similar to Amon forgiving Touka, because they all share the same real enemy: the world - the egg they must shatter. Tsukiyama ending his emotional isolation by joining Goat is thus a positive emotional development his character, and so I highly doubt a betrayal. I think Furuta uttering Shuu’s alias was more of a hint to his identity as Souta than any kind of foreshadowing, and Shuu throwing open the door on Kaneki and Touka is due to him being Kaneki’s second-in-command rather than any symbolic reason. 

Hinami will also not defect. I’m concerned that the meta considers Hinami joining Aogiri a positive development for her character and her joining Goat to be negative. Joining a sadistic Ghoul terrorist organisation is never a positive development for anyone’s character, and indeed the narrative punished her for that decision. Aogiri did teach her strength, yes, but Goat allows her to use that strength together with her kindness. Just as it is made very clear that Kaneki was wrong to leave Anteiku, so it is made clear that Hinami was wrong to join Aogiri - the kind of isolated rebellion the analyst prefers is not considered favourably by Ishida, who has consistently championed the benefits of community, teamwork and understanding above the follies of reckless self-destruction. 


So yeah, that’s my two-cents where that’s concerned. Sorry for the delay btw anon, but, uh, you can see why.

For A Reason

Woozi “Don’t Listen in Secret” Songfic

Word Count: 2448

Genre: Angst 


open this by yourself at home. -yjh

The box in your hand suddenly felt like it weighed two tons as the six words on the sticky note sent a flurry of emotions and thoughts running through your head. You only knew one person with the initials YJH and you hadn’t interacted with him in any way for months.

You and Jeonghan had been extremely close before and he was the brother you’d never had, but you’d cut off contact with him and all his bandmates after you broke up with their shining Vocal Team leader, Woozi, last September. To be completely honest, you’d officially cut out everything other than work after the break up.

While you’d valued your relationship with the boys of Seventeen and your few other friends, the break up showed you that you didn’t value them as much as you thought you did. You discovered that working in an industry where your future was never certain meant that you had to put your career above anything else, and so did they. It was a wonder your relationship lasted as long as it did now that you looked back on it.

“Let’s go,” your manager’s voice called, saving you from the trip down memory lane that you really didn’t need in the middle of promotions. You tucked the box into your bag which you slung over your shoulder before you followed your manager out of the building and into the car for the ride to the broadcasting station.

It wasn’t until six hours later that you finally had some time to yourself. You wandered into an empty practice room and sat down to open the box that’d been in the back of your mind all day. You gently pried the lid off of the small box to find a single USB inside with another sticky note attached to it.

thought you should hear this… -yjh (PS we all miss you)

You tried to ignore the last few words on the sticky note and pulled the USB out of the box. Your hands repeatedly turned the USB over as you contemplated looking into its contents. However, curiosity got the best of you and you went to grab your laptop, trusting that Jeonghan’s would be true and that this was something you needed to hear.

The USB turned out to hold nothing but a single file titled track21_guide.mp3 that was 3:57 seconds long. Jeonghan had sent you a song and you’d be willing to bet money that it was a song Woozi wrote. Did you really want to listen to the track?

It’d been about two months since the break up and that time had been one where you’d thrown yourself into work once again. You’d definitely thought about Woozi and reminisced a few times, but what good was it to stir up old feelings again. The complicated feelings that a relationship brought had no place in your busy life in the middle of your promotions and you didn’t need anything to ruin that. Yet, you trusted Jeonghan, even after a while without contact and you knew he only wanted the best for you and you made up your mind to give the track a listen despite not knowing what to expect.

Taking a deep breath, you hit play and a simple piano melody started escaping your laptop. The track wasn’t complex, just a single piano so far, but it set the mood and grabbed your attention with the first few measures. The notes and chords were calm and soothing, but at the same time they were so melancholy. This wasn’t like anything you’d heard from Woozi before, but before you had the time to be surprised about the new music style, his voice spread through the room.

“We’re growing apart, then we just need to hold on
All I needed to do was hold on so we wouldn’t grow apart”

And it hit you.

Jeonghan thought you needed to hear this for a reason and now you knew why. You were only about 30 seconds into the song, but you knew. This song was about Woozi and you.

Whether he wrote it for you or not, it was still about the two of you.

Woozi always had a way with words and the realization hit you in the face once again in those few seconds. Somehow, Woozi had summed up your relationship, and everything that went wrong with it, in those few words.

At the time, you’d felt so many emotions and it had all been so complicated in your head, but listening to Woozi’s voice, you realized it’d been that simple all along - neither of you fought to hold on.

His voice continued to flow out of your laptop’s speakers and your mind threatened to take you back in time to relive the memories of your relationship and the break up.

“We should break up.” The words you’d thought about for the last month left your lips as you stared at his back from your spot on the couch behind him. You’d been sitting there in silence since you walked into the studio and you needed to say something.

“We should,” were the words that left his mouth as his eyes finally left the monitor in front of him and he turned around in his swivel chair to face you. There were bags under his eyes from lack of sleep and you could see the hint of stubble starting to grow in, signaling to you that he hadn’t gone back to the dorm last night. His face was covered in signs of all nighters like it had been the last few times you’d seen him.

You thought back and the last time you could remember his face being cleanly shaved and fully rested was the day he’d been on a V-Live two weeks ago. Since then, he’d locked himself in the studio every day and went home at 9am for a two hour nap and shower before coming right back. He was dedicated to his work and he was going all in like he always did. The sleepless, and probably also foodless, nights weren’t new to him and this fact wasn’t new to you either. In fact, his dedication to his craft was one of the reasons you fell for him.

You’d fallen in love with the person that was willing to give up sleep to create better music not only for himself, but for his teammates and fans. You fell in love with the person in love with his job. You fell in love with the person who stepped up to responsibility and not away from it, even if he felt burdened by it, because he was doing it for people he treasured. You fell for the person who put that work before himself. His selfless dedication to his work was one of the biggest reasons you fell in love, and now it was one of the biggest reasons you knew you had to break up with him.

His work was always going to be first for him. The sheer number of fans and teammates expecting that of him along with his sense of responsibility guaranteed that. You would always be number two on his list of priorities.

But you couldn’t blame him since you were the same way.

In the last month, you’d had one date with him and while you weren’t expecting daily meetups with both your busy careers, this wasn’t what you wanted out of a romantic relationship. The date had been at the cafe by your company building and had been cut short when you’d gotten the call to practice. The two of you had promised to reschedule before parting ways, and yet, that never happened.

Neither of you reached out to reschedule and both of you focused on your work because that was  reality. As much as you enjoyed your times together, your careers always came first. You were thrown into TV appearances and music shows while he was thrown into the recording booth for hours on end.

Sure thoughts of him roamed your mind in between broadcasts or in car rides to the company building after schedules, but you never pulled out your phone to tell him you’d thought of him and instead used the time to practice your song one more time or sleep that extra ten minutes to build up energy for the recording you had in half an hour. You loved him and he knew it. There was no need to constantly tell him when you were both busy with your lives. Anything to solidify your future and relevance for one more day seemed so much more crucial than talking to your boyfriend for an extra two minutes. Coming up with one more imitation of another a cartoon produced more tangible results than another “did you eat?” text to your boyfriend.

You didn’t know when this sort of mindset first set in, but it was there and one day, you noticed that Woozi wasn’t in your frequently contacted list anymore and that your last real conversation about anything other than work had been a week ago when he’d told you about Mingyu’s need to beat him at PES at least once and you’d told him about your manager’s obsession with PES in return. The last time you’d seen him had been in his studio as well and you’d just sat in his studio writing your lyrics as he worked on the Seventeen album, the two of you in silence the whole time and the only interaction that day being a distracted hug goodbye.

And that was when you realized it - your relationship wasn’t a relationship anymore.

Well, it was.

But at the same time, it wasn’t.

Something wasn’t right and you knew exactly what it was - and you didn’t know what to make of it. It felt weird to think about breaking up with a man you hadn’t fallen out of love with, but staying in a relationship that wasn’t a priority and just a relationship in name felt just as weird.  Hearing him agree with the words that came out of your mouth, you knew he’d recognized it too. The only problem was that neither of you were willing to change the order of your priorities. The work that gratified thousands, even millions of people would always come before your personal life. That was the life you’d chosen when you decided to be an idol as a career and there was no going back.

It wasn’t an issue of wanting to break up, but a case where you should break up.

And maybe that was worse, but that had been it. You’d experienced the world’s most anticlimactic breakup. There’d been no shouting and no tears, just a mutual understanding that it didn’t logically add up to continue - simple as that. Not much had changed after the breakup other than you slowly losing contact with him and his bandmates completely as you continued to focus on your career and not a tear had been shed over him throughout that time.

You still loved him.

That was a weird thought to think about since you seemed to love work more, but that sentence was never untrue. You still loved him.

You still admired his leadership and found his eye smile adorable whenever you saw it on tv. His name was still the first thing that came to mind whenever you saw anyone spinning a pen in their hands. You still had his number memorized by heart. Maybe to others being in love and not acting on it was a dumb thought, but to you it was the most logical decision and all you knew.

With that thought, you realized the music had turned off and the song had ended. The only thing you could recall from the song were the first two lines and you’d missed the rest in your thought tangent. Snapping out of your reverie, you shook your head and tried to gather your thoughts. Nothing had changed since then other than another album having been added to your discography as an idol. There was no need to get this invested into a random guide track.

Maybe you were reading too much into it. The person who didn’t have time to set up a date with you probably didn’t have time to write a song for you. Jeonghan was probably just being the swindler he is. This was probably just an album spoiler and his way of trying to get into contact with you again since he’d been the member you were closest with after Woozi.

Right?

But while those thoughts ran through your head, you knew deep down that they weren’t true. Jeonghan was too much of a worry wart to send you something like this for a reason as simple as that. This song was for you and you were supposed to hear it.

Realizing that you’d missed most of the song in your little flashback, you steeled yourself for whatever the song might bring and you hit replay, forcing yourself to pay attention to the lyrics this time around.

The beginning was the same and you felt the same unique and unnamable emotions wash over you again. Was it regret? Emptiness? Acceptance? You didn’t know what it was, but you could feel it.

The piano continued to be prevalent in the song as it progressed until it faded out and the drums came forward. You listened to the lyrics as the song progressed and with every word Woozi sang, your thoughts grew more jumbled as you tried to sort out your feelings and why he’d written this song. Every word in the song was tailored to you and knowing that fact only furthered your list of thoughts you didn’t need at 3AM before a music show.

“You have to hear this song.
Don’t listen to this song and act like you didn’t hear it.
Can you please come back if you hear my heart?”

Each lyric combined with the raw emotion in Woozi’s voice washed over you and asked one question of you - could you go back?

The temptation to answer that question with a yes was definitely there, but you knew the reality. The words in the first verse would always ring true - it’s not as easy as it sounds and the sad reality was that both your priorities remained the same.

You knew what your answer to Jeonghan’s unspoken question was and as the last notes of the song rang out through the room as you grabbed your phone to message him: It’s over for a reason.

Written by Admin Sea

Classic

Ok, so @magicaldestiny was SO KIND to let me off the hook for her birthday fic while I was drowning in Spacedogs stories. So I would like to thank her for that and say….LOOK! I remembered to do the thing, months later. Please forgive the lateness - as well as how incredibly sappy this is m’dear. 

         Will pulled the blanket around him, trying to control the shivers that wracked his body.  This was worse than the cliff - worse than the sound of his skull rattling as Jack screamed for Hannibal to stop the saw. Will let himself loll to the side, head thumping weakly on the arm of the sofa. Through half-closed eyes, Will saw calf-leather loafers shuffling toward him.

         “If you were planning to kill me again, now would be a great time,” Will moaned, letting his eyes fall closed. He heard the clink of a tray as it settled on the coffee table before he felt himself being pulled upright and settled against a warm, solid mass.

         “I wouldn’t dream of killing you,” Hannibal murmured in Will’s ear, offering him a steaming cup of tea. “Unless you wipe your nose on my hand loomed throw again.”

         “I apologized for that.” The tea smelled of ginger, Will gulped it down.

         “Hmmm, and yet the stain remains.”

         “You know you actually gutted me, right? Like, my actual innards spilled out.”

         “I regret that more than you’ll ever know.” Hannibal sighed, pressing a kiss behind Will’s ear. “I’m sure the floors had to be refinished. They were original to the house.”

         “If I wasn’t three seconds from dying, I’d smack you.”

         “Don’t be ridiculous, Will. You’ve got hours before dehydration would even seriously threaten you.” Hannibal held up a bowl of soup and made Will swallow a few spoonfuls. “There, I’ve just bought you another half hour, at least.”

         “Did Hopkins ever talk to you about bedside manor?”

         Hannibal smirked. “I’ve never had any complaints.”

         Will sneered. “Sex puns? When I’m too weak to defend myself? Have you no mercy?”

         “None.”  Hannibal fed Will a few more swallows of soup before setting the bowl on the table. “Now, how shall we wait out this illness? I could read to you? Perhaps play something?”

         Will opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. Hannibal frowned.

         “What?”

         “You won’t want to do it.”

         “I would have thought after the incident in Pallentine Chapel, you’d know there is very little I’m not willing to do to and for you.”

         “For the last time, if I had known that goddamn nun was watching us, I wouldn’t have-”

Keep reading

This little (SPOILERY, SPECULATION) drabble thing is dedicated to my freaking out and time zone buddy Selina @captainwiley . Because we love to kill ourselves with feels and never go to sleep on time. ❤️

~1000 words

He’s nervous. More nervous than he can remember being in his two hundred plus years. He remembers the time before his possible designation as lieutenant. The memory of bringing Milah on the ship for the first time is still clear in his mind but the nerves he felt back then were child’s play in comparison to the knot in his stomach, the slight tremble in his hand, the dryness in his throat he is feeling right now.

It’s strange because at the time those things felt so determining. For a while, he thought being the obedient lieutenant of his captain brother was his duty, his calling, the thing he was going to be the rest of his life. Then it seemed as if he was going to succeed in running away with Milah, as if he was going to manage to spend the rest of his life sailing across the seas with her. Life intervened each time, tore his plans apart time after time, crushed his hopes and broke his heart until a pile of shards was left.

So much heartbreak and yet… she has managed to glue everything back together and to make him believe again.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

“My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?”

“M'home darlin”

You almost didn’t hear your lover enter the room, with the loud sizzle of the frying pan, but he greeted you anyway. He showed you his smile with his head on your shoulder as he asked about your cooking.

“Nothin’ really. Just a lil’ but of chicken and sauce.” You smiled while shifting the pan. He was awfully close to burning those knuckles of his as he lingered over you.

“Smells like heaven.”

The small compliment earned a giggle.


“M'gonna take a shower love. Keep it hot fo’ me alright?” 


You went to nod in acknowledgment, but his footsteps were already traveling up the stairs with his fading voice.


It had been a few minutes at least, enough for you to stir a bit of veggies in a mixing bowl for the platter. The bowl was a bit impractical, as a fancy gift from your mom with its ridges and jewels, but you supposed it would work anyways.
You mind wandered to Harry, like it always did.


Harry and his towel draped effortlessly around his damp torso. Harry and his smile that welcomed you every time the two of you shared a kiss. Harry and his large hands that melted away your worries in the midst of a stressful night. Harry and the way-


A startling bing broke your train of thought and you jumped at the sudden noise. Harry left his phone here you guess. 


The call lingered though, with a cute little chirp afterwards that signaled a new voicemail. The phone vibrated again. And again. And a fourth time. Distracting you to the point were you almost didn’t notice the almost burnt vegetables simmering in smoke.


Hastily, you scrambled to whisk away the fumes, but not before taking a curious and somewhat annoyed glance at the illuminated screen.
Who on earth would be calling him so much?


About ten notifications lined the phone, most of which were congratulations from people regarding his SNL appearance, sprinkled with a bunch of names you really didn’t recognize. Jeff, Matt, Grimmy. You knew that one, but you supposed they were all just friends.


So why did you heart feel like it was going to explode when you saw the name “Leslie”?


You knew to stop. You knew that Harry was a well known guys and friends were friends and he’d never, ever do anything to hurt you. You knew that your heart was screaming to take a look and your brain was overreacting. You also knew that Leslie was a girl, and girls have a tendency to fawn over your boyfriend. You knew.


It was nothing, but was it something? What did she want with him that was important enough to call him and then text him three different times?
Your brain spun just thinking about the answers. Who was she?


The short bits of words that showed on the lock screen confused you. Things like “Congrats babe!” and “Absolutely stunning. Hope I’ll see ya soon!” The praise and admiration; all working a furrow of frustration between you brows because your gut wrenched with a sickening feeling.


Harry had talked to you about this. The constant swarm of publicity around whoever he was hanging out with for the night. You remember that night, it was foggy yes, but it was the night you two made it official. He had explained everything: the fame, the fans, the pressure, the distance, the paparazzi, and the commitment. That night he had warned you that jealousy wouldn’t work in a relationship like this. Ever since, you were dedicated to making sure that you felt confident in the love you two had, and he made sure to show you that. He warned you.


“S'it done love?” Harry calls from his descent down the stairs. When he hears no reply, something is up.


You were happy just half an hour ago, so what the hell happened?
It was childish. Petty. Absolutely horrible.


But your bitter and snarky answer came out nonetheless.


“My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?” The words were short and cold, and all the food’s heat seemed to dissipate from the room entirely. 


It wasn’t nice when you faced a cold shoulder to him. It also wasn’t nice when he asked what’s wrong and your lips pursed into a straight, jealous-infused line.


“Nothin’ Harry. Go talk to Leslie about it.” You spit. Catching your villainous stare towards his phone on the counter, he picks it up and flickers his eyes quickly. His smile from seconds before was now crumbled in a frown between his brows.


“S’it abou’ Leslie? Yeh jealous or summat?” His questions sputtered as his fingers danced through the phone. Searching.


He didn’t like it when you’re mad. Not one bit. So when a rush of feelings seemed to flood you so unexpectedly, it took a few minutes for his brain to comprehend what was going on?


“Darlin I- Jus’ a friend. You know this already.” Harry manages to say. His free hand in leaning on the counter, with his phone at his side and leg jutted out.
The stance of a man with an bewilderingly upset girlfriend.


The food is being haphazardly pushed onto plates now, but your a bit too aggravated to care.


“Friends don’t text you awfully sweet things a million times in a row Harold!”
“She’s happy for me! What are you going on abou’?”


“Everything Harry! Absolutely everything!” You practically slam the spatula on the counter next to the half-made plates.


“What happens Harry, when your on tour? When your at a party without me? Hours and hours day? How do I know there’s by another girl out there stealing your heart? Another girl five times better than me? With no issues? That can deal with this?” Your hands are flailing around you, full of emotion you can no longer refrain from spitting out. “That can stand everything around you. That doesn’t shy away from a camera. That doesn’t have to reassure herself every time a ridiculous headline comes out about you cheating. What if you meet someone better?”


Your hands and jaw are shaking now, realizing that you just blurted out your insecurities and everything you’ve held in for the past three years you’ve been dating. You shook your head. It’s all going to be over now.


“Baby- Jus’- Oh come ere’” He beckons. And you fall, straight into his embrace that hugs your small tears.


“Should’ve told em you were feelin’ this way. There nobody but you darlin’. No girl can steal my heart if you already have it.” Your head is being caressed gently, and he doesn’t look down at you when he says it.


You just need to hear the words. Actually hear them from his heart, he thinks.
Your his and he is yours. So you hold one another, breathing in the scent of him and him reveling in the softness of your hair. All signs of worry had slivered away, but he didn’t let you go any looser. Just you and his arms.


He doesn’t think that anything could ever make you more beautiful to him, so when you lean up and place an adoring kiss onto his nose, his heart almost explodes between you two.


“I love you darling. Don’t you ever forget it.”

2

Requested by @badismyname and dedicated to everyone who feels alone at Christmastime.


The airport was busy. Christmas was in only a few days, after all, and people were coming and going as quickly as they could. The crowds pressed and surged against each other, inching their way like molasses. So many bodies in such a small space- whether you usually minded that sort of thing or not, this was so tight-packed that you had to stop your trek every few minutes just to catch your breath and remind yourself which way you were going.

There was so much noise. Grumbling and yelling and machinery and squeaky wheels and the pitchy wails of crying children and that nasally voice blaring over the intercom every two minutes. As much as the sounds grated on your ears, you really couldn’t blame the kids for crying. You almost wanted to cry yourself. You wouldn’t, of course, but if you were much younger, this would have been a nice moment for a tantrum. It was five in the bloody morning and you had been forced to leave your home at two in the bloody morning just so you could get here through all the traffic, and you were still late, and now you weren’t even sure if you were where you needed to be.

The intercom buzzed and crackled and you couldn’t hear what was said, but you did pick out the words ‘gate eight’.

“Oh, man!” you exclaimed. You were gonna be late. Well, later than you already were, that is.


There was no good reason for the Doctor to be in an airport, other than he couldn’t recall ever being in an airport. He remembered train stations and bus stops and landing pads and loading docks, but he couldn’t remember ever being in an airport. He had been in one, probably more, but he just couldn’t quite remember doing it, which was just as bad as having never done it at all. Not that an airport was anything special after he had been to plenty of much more impressive space stations, but the Doctor didn’t like to think that there was somewhere on Earth he hadn’t been, especially when it was a place as common as an airport. And, if he was spectacularly honest, he wanted to get this over with while he was alone so that he didn’t embarrass himself in front of a companion later by not knowing anything about airports.

So far he had discovered that he didn’t like them. At all.

“Excuse me, sorry, sorry, excuse me, watch your toes, oh, I’m so sorry, could you, right, thank you, sorry, excuse me…”

The Doctor felt a nudge at the small of his back, gently prodding at his spine. He turned to find you, looking a bit bedraggled and out of breath. He took in the shadows under your eyes and the haphazard way you were dressed. You obviously hadn’t looked at your clothes before you put them on, and the jacket you were wearing was far too thin for how cold it was outside. Oh, you were just a little ragamuffin, weren’t you? Well, that was fine. He liked ragamuffins.

“I’m sorry,” you said, “but could I get by you real quick? I need to get to Gate Eight by, uh” -you checked a slip of paper cradled in your palm- “by half an hour ago, really, so-”

“For the flight comin’ in, you mean?” the Doctor said. You blinked at his thick accent but otherwise didn’t react. He has a nice voice, you thought. "It’s been canceled. Intercom just said so.“

"What?”

Uh-oh. Upset human. The Doctor grimaced, waiting for some sort of break-down that he would undoubtedly bear the brunt of. Oh, why him? He came here for a quick look-see and self-education, not to be an angry girl’s squishy stress ball.

“Erm, yes. Plane’s grounded.” The Doctor pointed straight up and made a little twirling motion with his finger. “Blizzard.”

“I can’t believe…" You smacked a palm to your forehead and heaved a sigh, letting your whole body wilt. You had imagined this going wrong, like losing a bag or not being on time, but you hadn’t imagined that the flight would be canceled. "She’s gonna be so disappointed.”

“What?” This wasn’t the reaction the Doctor had expected. You weren’t getting hostile (although he would be wrong if he thought you didn’t seem at least a little angry), and you weren’t crying, and you weren’t having a tantrum. You were just upset. And on someone else’s behalf, if he interpreted your words correctly. “Who will be?”

“My friend,” you said. Could this be any worse? “She moved away awhile ago and she doesn’t have any friends or family where she is, so we decided to have her come spend Christmas with me. But if the flight’s canceled, then she’s stuck. She’ll be spending Christmas alone.” Something in your chest ached at the idea. Alone… alone was a hurtful thing. You knew that. "She loves Christmas.“

The Doctor blinked down at you, not quite sure how to react. He wasn’t used to meeting humans who were so… so… whatever this was. He liked it.

His telepathy wasn’t strong enough to read your mind, but he stuck his hand out for you to shake and you reluctantly returned the gesture, he got a sense of your emotions through the skin-to-skin contact. You were exhausted, disappointed, cold, concerned for your friend, hungry because you hadn’t eaten today, lonely. So, so lonely, even when there were people all around you.

The Doctor’s insides melted a little bit, and he was almost offended with the un-Doctor-y feeling. It was so mushy. He wasn’t supposed to feel mushy. But you were familiar to him. Not in the Clara way of being familiar, but in the way that most companions were. Oh. Oh, good. The Doctor had to hide his smile. You would do just perfectly, he decided, if he could convince you to come along. And if the mushiness would stop. Or maybe not. Maybe some mush would do him good, like vegetables (not pleasant, but beneficial).

"I’m the Doctor,” he introduced himself. No more mush.

“Doctor who?”

His lips twitched to resist a smile. “Exactly.” He looked you up and down, a frown taking over his face. “When did you last eat?”

“Yesterday,” you admitted, “but it’s only five o'clock. Not even breakfast time yet.”

“Breakfast time is whenever you wake up to start the day,” he corrected sternly, furrowing those caterpillar eyebrows at you. “You’re just a little human. You need that.”

You took a step back, defensive. Little human? What? "Excuse me?“

"Don’t be lasagna. C'mon.”

Don’t be lasagna? What does that even mean?

“No, I don’t just follow strangers around,” you said, stepping back from him. “That’s not safe.”

“I’m not… for goodness sakes, stop looking so,” he made a meaningless gesture at your face, “sad. With your eyes and your mouth and your face. You’re making me mushy. And you’re a ragamuffin. Stop that.”

“I’m a what? A ragamuffin?” Was that something you should take offense to?

“Yes, tattered little thing,” he said, giving your worn jacket a quick tug. You looked down at it. It was threadbare and unimpressive, but you hadn’t been able to find a good coat this morning while you were stumbling around half-asleep in the dark. “Stoppit. It’s sad.”

“Of course I’m sad. My friend’s gonna be alone on Christmas,” you said. Why were you even still talking to this Doctor guy? You were tired and hungry. You could just turn around, get take-out for breakfast, and then go home. So why didn’t you?

The Doctor raised a grey brow at you. “And so are you.”

Now that, for some reason, seemed worth feeling offended over. “I will not be alone on Christmas! I have… people.”

“But you’ll feel alone. You’ll be alone inside.” The Doctor poked you right under your collarbone.

The words rang true. Unbearably true.

You tilted your head. The Doctor wasn’t anything special to look at. He was an older gentleman, his hair grey and messy, his clothes looking like they had come from a thrift shop (which was no bad thing, really, but he was dressed like a magician). Nothing about this suggested that he knew anything about you, but he obviously did, if he knew… about Christmas. Either the guy was secretly a mind-reader, or… something. Seriously, there was no plausible, non-fictional way he could have known that.

“How do you know that?” You should have just denied it, but you honestly wanted to know how he was seeing straight through you.

“Those eyes,” he said, giving you a small smile that almost seemed like an apology. “And I’m just clever.”

“Mm-hm.” You relaxed, if only slightly. “So.”

There was a beat of silence that roared with the noise of the crowd surging all around you.

“I can get your friend home for Christmas,” the Doctor blurted out.

You blinked rapidly, not sure if you had heard him correctly. “What? But there’s a storm. Plane’s grounded, remember?”

“Oh, I have a way,” the Doctor said. “Trust me.”

“I don’t even know you.”

“But I know you, if only a little bit. And no one should be alone on Christmas.” The Doctor stared down at you, examining. “You know, you’re quite pretty. For a ragamuffin.”

You swallowed. “Is calling me a ragamuffin gonna be a regular thing with you?”

The Doctor grinned. “Might be.”

He held out his hand to you. This was stupid. He could be a kidnapper. Granted, you were in the middle of an airport so crowded that you couldn’t take two steps without bumping into someone and there were security guards everywhere, so it would be a little bit difficult to be kidnapped, but the point still stood. And, as you said before, you didn’t know him. He was some strange old man who didn’t even have a real name.

But you looked at him, and all you saw in his eyes was honesty, and… hope. And he had looked at you. He had seen that you were alone. Nobody else saw that, ever. And, if he wasn’t just a crazy old man, then that meant that he could get your friend home for Christmas.

Maybe it was a bad idea. But, if it wasn’t, it could be the most brilliant thing ever.

You put your hand in his.

Bressie on holiday...


“Mallorca?”  He asked, not missing a beat as he picked out a tune on the guitar that is chief resident in his office.

I nodded before continuing, “Yea. It’s an island off the coast of Spain…”

“I know where it’s at. I’ve been there.” He cut you off before you could continue. You remembered as soon as he said it.

“Oh? Well, um…will you go with me?” You knew asking Bressie to go on holiday with you was a big step for your fledgling relationship, but you really wanted to be alone with him without the worries and distractions of work or flatmates. His hazel stare flicked to yours as he strummed the guitar that sat on his firm thighs. The large Gibson L5 looked tiny and delicate against his large body, and you imagined that’s how you looked when you cuddled up next to him.

Keep reading

Keyakizaka, one year after ( part 2)

2016 was definitively Keyakizaka’s year. They took the idol scene by storm with powerful songs, delivering strong messages within their lyrics. One performance after another, they turned all opportunities given to them into concrete visibility to curious fans over Japan. They are now known as the group who broke through kouhaku 8 month after their debut only.

What’s remarkable is, despite being a group that promote unity through intense and packed choregraphy, many fresh traits and personalities emerge from many of them. It’s time to update their profile after one year of growth.

This is part 2.

Watanabe Risa

Status : Royal guard

Type : Cool

Special skill : Fashionable

Shida manaka and her form “ZA Cool” duo, the cool reference in Keyakizaka. She isn’t someone who naturally show her emotion but her calm aura makes fans comfortable. Having good results in sports, she feels like a jack of all trade but master of none. However her noticeable change in appearance ( haircut, hair color) helped her stand out more these days.

She would benefits a lot from being more active in front, as her current popularity being paired with Shida Manaka can wear off without significant change. Modeling is a possibility. Has a nice smile

Uemura Rina

Status : candidate to Royal guard

Type : Cute

Special skill : can play trumpet

For those who are familiar with the 48group, i’m sure Uemura Rina recalled many fans of Watanabe Mayu when she was young. thin figure, wide smile, big eyes and long hair. In a cool environnment like Keyakizaka, being cute can turn very quickly to an advantage, even more as Uemura Rina is cuter than cute. However her shy type doesn’t help her stand out in a group where there’s a lot of strong individuality.

Her cuteness alone is a tool for great potential. She has 2 option, either she develop her personality herself to make fans more encline to know more about her, or she let management create a small universe around her and make her stand out. Keyaki is still a young group and the first option might benefit her more in long term. She showed creativity in Individual bonus PV and i’m confident in her success.

Suzumoto Miyu

Status : Candidate to Royal guard

Type : serious

Skill : dancing

She is the best dancer of Keyakizaka, and a fast learner. She doesn’t show her emotion a lot but is encouraged to, because it was revealed backstage that Suzumoto Miyu was in fact a high-tension/reaction member. Her dedication to dance performance earned her praise from MC host and dance teacher alike. She also showed lot of creativity and smart direction in her individual bonus PV, making her a member of great potential with already many abilities up her sleeves. Unfortunately, keyakizaka choregraphy focus on dance group and doesn’t allow Miyu to release her full potential, and somehow prevent her access to the royal guard status.

When the time where she open up herself more or Management allows dance solo in their choregraphy will come, we can be sure that Suzumoto Miyu will grasp the chance to amaze people with her skills.

Ozeki Rika

Status : Promising member

Type : Funny

Special skill : instinctively funny

Watanabe Rika is funny without realizing it, while Ozeki is perfectly aware of her funny potential and is making the best out of it. During Keyabingo ( trying to be sexy) or Keyakitte Kakenai (trying to run), even her individual bonus PV ( wrestling big guys), anything is pretext to create a comic situation. Her small, almost plain, girl’s next door look is completely overshadowed by her comic instinct. Oda Nana and her are the mold to develop Keyakizaka’s funny side, something crucial in order to reach national level.

She has a card to play, and even if she doesn’t sold out all her slots in handshake i can’t see people being indifferent to her crazy personality. As long as variety show exist, Ozeki Rika will grow stronger and funnier.

Harada Aoi

Status : Promising member

Type : Cute

Special skill : smart

In a cool environment, cute turn to be an advantage and Harada Aoi benefit from it. She has a small face, is short and display a wide smile in almost any situation. She is one of the most orthodox of all member of Keyakizaka. But that doesn’t mean she is only cute or clumsy. She is actually quite smart looking at her individual bonus PV. An Hard working, cheerful idol will always be appreciated by fans, and Aoi help Keyakizaka to hold on solid grounds.

It’s hard to grasp Aoi future development in Keyakizaka as this group has an abnormal amount of strong individualities, but the group showed they are capable to reach many different theme. There will always be opportunity.

Nagahama Neru

Status : Candidate to godhood

Type : Cute

Special skill : Cooking

Neru had a particuliar path before joining Keyakizaka; she auditioned to Keyakizaka without her parents consent to challenge herself and get out of her everyday life. At her surprise she passed and decided to take the final audition seriously. But her parents forbidden her to continue any further and she was sent back home. However Sony management saw in her a big potential and convinced Neru’s parent to give her a chance by inviting them to a Nogizaka concert… and it worked! 

Neru is cute. She has this endearing, sweet, kind, warm atmosphere surrounding her putting people at peace. She showed a lot of determination, confronting her parents to realize her dream. She’s comfortable in variety show and has good interaction with MC host. She showed great acting ability (role very different from her nature) in Keyakizaka early drama. She’s also very smart as her participation to a game show helped her team win 10 million yen (she answered a very hard question). She also earned a honor prize in cooking.

All in All, Neru has almost all the qualities that define a good idol. It isn’t surprising she’s immensely popular in handshake ( fans report 3 hours queue in her lane). What’s frightening is that she can embodies half of Keyakizaka by opposing the main cool image with a softer, cute side. Her potential can also be increased as she lead Hiragana Keyaki, the group second gen. Behind this cute face hide a capable rival. Her rival.

Hirate Yurina

Status : God

Type : Data not found

Skill : the skill to have all skill

Last but not least, the Ace of Keyakizaka, Hirate Yurina, 15. Idol history has shown that members can ascend to national recognition when emitting the center Aura. In her time, Seiko matsuda had it. Goto Maki had it, and not that long ago, Maeda Atsuko had it. An idol glowing, bathing fans of her light and presence.

Yurina is different. Her stare pierce through your own body, her stance makes her look Irremovable. When she dances, it feels like she’s possessed by the great spirit. Her mysterious aura makes her almost unfathomable. She can either embodies the void ( Yamanotesen) or the storm ( Otona wa shinjite kurenai). She’s a mystery that draws you, like hypnotized by something you don’t understand. She’s the center of darkness.

As an unreachable individual, it would probably repell some fans, but she most likely fascinate general audience as she is intense. It’s true that core fans are important to build a group popularity, but national level can’t be achieved without someone to attract them at first glance. Yurina specifically trigger this emotion on people.

Yurina has blown the concept of idol to set up a new order, without compromising the highest level of performance. The cool image of Keyakizaka has been solely built on her persona alone. This is such a risky deal to bet everything on one person alone ( as when someone is uncompetent the whole system fall apart), but the truth is that the reward was too good to pass by: The opportunity to be different from any other idol group.

Following Keyakizaka feels like an adventure, brought by Techi’s unique charisma. 2016 felt so intense because Yurina answered the equation between insane amount of resources and limitless potential. 

What does 2017 have in store? Which height can keyaki possibly reach after getting into Kouhaku? Can someone challenge Hirate Yurina? What’s sure is that i will be in first row to witness it. The wind of change.

Waiting (Yoongi Angst)

*I’m just generally an emotional wreck*

-Requests Closed-

Word Count: 1,238 words~

Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6  | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9 | Pt. 10 | Pt. 11 | Pt. 12 | Pt. 13


Fourteen.

That’s how many nights he has come late. No warning but he wouldn’t come home until the early hours of the morning.

You were understanding, knowing that was the dedication to his work that you can’t compete with nor can you complain about it.

You knew what you were getting into when you decided to be with him. When you said you were going to stay by his side, not leaving him alone.

You love him, in fact you might have loved him more than you loved yourself. It was too scary to love this, to know that you were putting yourself out like this for him.

But he didn’t notice?

He worked, his nose into a paper, his back towards you, the lyrics on his page were more important than the words he could speak.

Why do you keep beating around the bush? He was just distant.

And you felt it to the deepest part of your core.

This isolation. It was like you were on an island that he only knew about, your connection to the world beyond the island. Without him, you’re completely alone and his presence made you feel like you were connected.

But you couldn’t free yourself, you didn’t want to be free.

Sixteen.

That’s how many times you’ve called him today. Every call sent to voicemail and your anxiety just heightened.

Was he coming tonight? Maybe you’ve pissed him off and he won’t.

It wouldn’t be the first time he didn’t come home.

It would be-

Ten.

Yes, the tenth time he hasn’t come back. Not that you mind the fact you were silently weep yourself to sleep. You would feel the heavy weight of your thoughts, ready to sink.

How could he leave us just to sink like this?

“Y/N.”

“Yoongi..”

“Why aren’t you asleep? Don’t you have work tomorrow?”

“Tell me, Yoongi. Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Staying away from home for a long time and not coming home sometimes.”

“I work, Y/N. Believe me, I’m not having fun and playing around. I thought you knew that.”

“Sometimes it just feels like..”

“It feels like what?”

“You won’t be there for me.”

“Babe.”

“I called you multiple times and you haven’t answered a single phone call. I get that you have work but some nights you don’t even come home. This relationship was supposed to be the two of us, not you and me on two different spectrums. I feel so isolated from you.”

“Y/N..” You didn’t notice the tears that were falling. There was a beauty in sadness, it reminds us of how we feel. Whether something is unfair to you, unforgiving, or just enough to make tears run down your cheeks. It makes you human.

“Babe, I’m sorry. Please, don’t..”

“Don’t touch me..”

“Y/N, I know I’m probably the shittest boyfriend you’ll ever have. I drown myself into music and forget that you’re waiting for me. But I don’t know what it’s like. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone that waits for, someone that only sees me and would never waver. I don’t know how to love someone like you.”

Someone like you.

“Yoongi..”

“I-I have to go.”

“Don’t.”

“I’ll come back later.” You rushed to his retreating figure, missing him by a fraction of a second. The door closed and all you could feel was the distance between you two.

He was close to you, an arms reach away but now it felt like a million miles. Why can’t you reach him?

You rejected his touch, knowing how easy it was for you to just let these feelings of sadness slip away. These feelings would only return and you find yourself back to where you were before.

How did this happen? How could you go from being his other half to feeling like a prisoner? You could break free but you knew there was no way you could leave him.

Especially in your current situation, your hand unconsciously rubbing your stomach. You need to fight for this, just one last time before you could..

Three.

That’s how many hours it’s been since he walked out the door.

You grabbed your phone, texting Jin and praying that Yoongi just went to the dorms.

Jin!
Oh, hey Y/N.
Hey~
Okay, what’s wrong?
All I said was ‘hey’..
Y/N, we’ve all noticed how sad you are. I mean you rarely come out of your apartment and your boyfriend has been going to the studio every time he’s free
I don’t know how to reach for him anymore. I would wait until I couldn’t and fall asleep. I don’t want to cry right now but I can’t help feeling…well helpless.
Did you try talking to him?
He just left a few hours ago and I was hoping that he was at the dorms so you could help me coax him out.. I don’t want to make a scene
I think you know where he is.. I’ll make sure that nobody else is there when you two talk
Thank you
Anytime, Y/N. We’ll always be here for you, good luck!

You felt a bit better going into this, driving to the studio. Nostalgia washed over you when you were in the early stages of dating and he finally left you come over to the studio. He amazed you with his skills, charming you and you would wait in anticipation for the next time he would call you over.

It’s funny how much waiting you’ve done for him. You were always waiting, doting on him.

You arrived, walking the path you knew all too well and opening the door. The Yoongi you were about to see was different, transformed by music and isn’t the same one you knew. You loved this side of him all the same but it felt like this is the only side to him.

“Yoongi?”

“Shit. Y/N.”

“Oppa, I think we should take- Oh, who’s this?”

“Can you leave us alone for a minute?”

“Okay..” She turned her heel and you looked at him. You were just over analyzing the situation, he couldn’t possibly be cheating on you. He wouldn’t do that to you, right?

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not true, right? You’re not..” He won’t meet your eyes. He was, he totally was and you had no clue. All those late nights that you thought were in the studio was spent on another girl.

A girl prettier, sweeter and better than you.

“You.. I can’t believe you. I’m really stupid, aren’t I? And to think that.. We..”

“We what?”

“I’m pregnant, Yoongi.”

“We’re having a kid?”

“No. I’m having a kid and unfortunately it’s yours,“ you could feel your blood beginning to boil but you still felt chained to your weakness. Him.

“I came here because I thought I could fight for you, make things right but you didn’t want us anymore. You just threw me away.”

“Y/N..”

“Don’t, Yoongi. Just don’t. Your actions have said enough. Besides, you shouldn’t keep her waiting for too long.” You walked away from him, each step crushing you. Your body felt like broken glass, shattered and scattered.

You drive home, making it through the front door before your body gave in. The sobs were uncontrollable, your tears were like an abundant waterfall and your body was shaking.

One.

He was the one that hurt you this much.

~Admin Blake

Title: Don’t You Wonder
Pairing: Dan x Phil
Rating: T
Word count: 1,888
Summary: On the rooftop of their flat at midnight, Dan contemplates the reasons why he hasn’t found his significant other. When Phil comes to join in, he’ll discover that maybe his meant to be has been by his side all along. Phan fluff.

This plot bunny hasn’t left my mind for the last few days, so I decided to write it. It’s been a while since I last did some Phan fluff (I’m an angst/humor writer at heart). This started out as an idea that I had to write as a “fiction exercise” for my creative writing college class (best decision I ever made), and when @beforethebraces left me that heartwarming birthday post a couple days ago, I knew that this story had to be written. And if you guys want, I could write a part 2. 😉

Sitting cross-legged dozens of feet high off the concrete ground, Dan tilts his head to gaze up at the obscure sky. The night sky is enveloped by a murky blanket of gleaming stars and a crescent moon illuminating the night. A sudden cool breeze whips across his face, causing him to shiver slightly. It’s a quarter past midnight and he’s at the rooftop of his and Phil’s flat. His black headphones are perched on his straightened mocha curls, Panic at the Disco’s Victorious playing from his iPhone.

He should be editing his next Internet Support Group video or browsing through Tumblr like a normal 20-something-year-old introvert who’s lucky to make his living from making YouTube videos about his complicated, messy life. But it’s these nights when he sits down, in relative silence, outside of his room, reflecting on his existence. It’s not exactly an existential crisis, though there have been a few times when these moments would nearly lead his brain down that path and into the familiar dark vortex.

He’s a deep thinker. He thinks the way most men wouldn’t. He thinks about things that doesn’t worry most people. Tonight, he’s thinking about the fact that he hasn’t been in a proper relationship since his bittersweet breakup with his girlfriend all those years ago. It’s a thought that kept coming back to him over the last several months while he and Phil were on their international tour. At his age, a normal person should be in a relationship, maybe even married and/or expecting their first child. Yet here he is, single as the Haru pillow on his bed, no girlfriend since his uni years. He hasn’t even been on a date since he met Phil.

“Dan?”

Dan pauses the music on his phone and yanks off his headphones. He turns his head to find Phil standing several feet behind him.

“Knew I’d find you here.” Phil walks closer to Dan and sits down next to him, mirroring the brunette’s sitting position.

“Yup.”

“In your ‘going deep’ mode again?”

“You know me too well.”

Phil smiles. “So what are you thinking about?”

Dan uncrosses his legs, laying his palms flat on the roof’s dirty brick floor. He angles his body slightly to face Phil. “Love.”

Phil raises an eyebrow. Curiosity surfaces in his ocean blue eyes. “Oh?”

Dan takes a deep breath, then unleashes the thoughts that have been swirling in his head for the last half hour. “Phil, I’m not 18 anymore. I’m 25. I should be hopelessly in love by now, or at least going on dates. Look at our friends. They’re either married, in relationships, or at least exploring the single fish in the sea. When I look at their love life, I sometimes wish that my love life is just like theirs. I want to kiss and hold hands and buy flowers and all that other romantic shit that couples do. I want to have a girlfriend so I can tell her ‘I love you’ every day and shower her with cheap but meaningful gifts to show her how much I love her. I put YouTube over my love life as a priority, and now that my life isn’t a total flop, I have the time and effort for a relationship. But my luck is shit as always and now that I actually want to find love, I can’t find it. I’m worried God thinks I’ve sinned too much and he’s punishing me by making me a lonely washed-up hermit. You’re doing well without a love life, but I’m not. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. When you find your future wife, which I know is gonna happen someday, you’re gonna move out and I’ll be by myself in our flat. I’ll be forever known as the twat that might as well move to Asia to be a monk for the rest of his life.”

Phil listens to Dan’s words with his face contorted in a thoughtful expression. He remains passive throughout Dan’s entire rant, looking as if he wants to interrupt him but biting his tongue so he wouldn’t do so. Once Dan is finished speaking, Phil is quiet for a few seconds before he responds.

“You aren’t alone, Dan,” he whispers. “I’m here.”

“I know you are. But that’s not enough.”

Phil’s expression reveals a hint of sadness. The emotion makes Dan want to slap himself for worrying Phil again with his complaints about how the world influences his life. Sometimes, he wonders how Phil could put with him. Phil deserves a better man to be his best friend. Instead, it’s him, a failure with a measly high school diploma who has nothing to fall back on if his YouTube career ever becomes a train wreck.

“You have your fans. They love you.”

“Not the kind of love that I want.” As much as he loves his fans, being adored by thousands of his dedicated fans can’t fill the void in his heart that longs to find his better half.

Another gust of wind blows across Dan’s face, causing goosebumps to rise on Dan’s bare arms and another shiver to zip through his entire body.

“Are you cold? Hold on, I’ll go back inside and fetch you a jumper.” Phil moves to stand, but by impulse, Dan’s right hand reaches up to grip on Phil’s forearm.

“You don’t need to,” Dan assures Phil.

In the darkness, Dan swears that Phil’s cheeks flushes with a light shade of pink.

“Are you sure? It is a bit chilly.” Phil’s attention drops to Dan’s hand still attached to his arm. Dan follows the direction of Phil’s stare and immediately pulls his hand away as if he was pinched by a crab (which happened to him once, a memory that he tries his best to suppress).

“I’m fine.”

Still flustered, Phil nods and sits back down next to Dan.

“I should be asking you that question,” Dan says, puzzled by Phil’s strange state. It must be the wind, right? It’s the only logical explanation that his mind can come up with.

“I… ummm…” Phil’s fingers fidget on the hem of his blue with white polka-dot t-shirt.

“You should’ve stayed inside,” Dan tells him. “I could’ve told you about my problems in the morning.”

“No, it’s not that.” Phil ceases playing with his fingers. “Do you really think I’m okay with not having a love life?”

“You act like it is.” When girls flirt with Phil in the streets or at public events, he never flirts with them back. Phil told Dan on several occasions that he doesn’t need a relationship to complete his life; he’s content to have his best friends and the support of his fans. And Dan believed Phil’s words, knowing that Phil’s actions supports his reasoning.

“Don’t you wonder why if what I said was a lie?”

Dan looks at Phil in confusion. “Is it a lie?”

“Yes.”

Phil’s one-worded answer takes Dan aback. All this time, he believed that he was the only one between the two of them that disliked the single life. Why didn’t Phil say anything? Minutes ago, he was concerned about the things that he vented to Phil. This unexpected revelation changes things, because he feels a little at ease to have his best friend experiencing his dilemma too.

“Dan.” Dan’s breath hitches when he feels Phil’s hand rest atop his. His body goes rigid at the physical contact. His instinct is to pull away, but his mind won’t let him. Deep inside his head, Phil’s warm touch is comforting, as if his best friend’s hand is naturally supposed to be there.

“I don’t have a love life because of you,” he says softly.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re the one that I want to be with.”

He’s not… he’s kidding, isn’t he? He’s not serious.

“I’m in love with you.” Phil’s other hand hesitantly raises to cup the side of Dan’s face, his thumb stroking Dan’s cheek. “I’ve loved you from the moment we met in Manchester seven years ago. You came into my life with a purpose. If I didn’t meet you, I would’ve been a different person. You tell me that it’s me that made your life better, but I think it’s the other way around. You gave me a best friend. You gave me a reason to believe in soulmates, because I believe that you’re mine.”

Dan is speechless. What should he say? He can’t say the three words back. He loves Phil, though he doesn’t know if he’s in love with Phil. He does care about Phil, so much that he would let a zombie bite him over Phil if the zombie apocalypse ever happened. They have diehard shippers of Phan, and he has moments when he thinks about the what-if. What if Phan is real? What if he took a chance to fall for Phil? What if the line between imagination and reality disappeared, where dreams became reality?

“You came into my life with a purpose.”

What if this was the purpose? What if the one that he’s meant to be with is the one sitting next to him, confessing feelings that Dan was never aware that Phil had?

The first 18 years of his life was hell until Phil came into the picture. Once Phil became his best friend, an ethereal glow shined over his depressing heart.

He used to be sad, but now he’s so fucking happy.

“Say something, Dan. You’re scaring me.”

Dan blinks. He peers down at their touching hands.

Maybe this is what love is.

Love is a boy with an innocent smile that cheers him up when he has a bad day.

Love is taking care of each other when the other is sick or injured themselves from a silly accident.

Love is having mutual flaws that adds on to the perfection of their non-perfect lives.

Love is creating a joint Sims avatar that they see as their pretend son.

Love is selfless, warm, compassionate, all-consuming.

Love has no boundaries.

Love is Phil.

“I think I might love you too,” Dan murmurs. “To be honest, I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I do know that I really like what you said. And maybe one day, I can fall in love one hundred percent with you too.”

Phil’s nervous expression disappears, replaced with a wide grin that makes a grin appear on Dan’s face too.

“That’s all I need to hear.”

Closing his eyes, Dan curls his fingers with Phil’s and leans closer to Phil’s palm. His stomach churns in gentle waves when Phil’s lips ghosts over his mouth. With a smile, Dan purses his lips and touches his lips to Phil’s.

When they kiss, a light switch sets off in Dan’s brain. This is the love that he questioned if he’d ever have. This is the love he didn’t know could ever exist for him until tonight. This is the love he knows is here to stay, a love that he won’t have to have doubts about.

And later that night, when they sleep side-by-side with their arms wrapped around each other on Phil’s bed, Dan no longer has to wonder about what when and where his true love is.

Love was right there by his side all this time.

Admire (Chanyeol x Reader Imagine)

I recommend that you do listen to the songs (linked with the title) because dang they are pretty gosh darn amazing songs. 


You’ve always loved music. Listening to it. Admiring it. Making it. Everything about music you just love. Ever since you were a child. Other kids would go out and play while you would sit at home and play around with the only instrument you owned and knew how to play. The piano. 

Your mother was just like you. Actually, you were just like her. Both of you were equal as fascinated by music as each other. She had taught you how to play the piano, lessons almost every single day since you would basically beg for one every single hour of daylight. But the lessons stopped when your mother fell ill… When she was diagnosed with the last stage of cancer. It was very sudden and you didn’t understand what was going on when an ambulance hauled her into the white car and rushed her to the hospital one rainy day. 

She passed away two weeks later… That day you sat by her bed and watched as she reached for your face with weak arms and whispered her last words, “I’ll still be able to hear how amazing you play, Y/N. Just promise me you’ll play, so I can hear okay?” Her smile faded away as the life in her did as well. That day was about 10 years ago and ever since then, you had never stopped trying to improve your piano skills and playing for you mother, who was looking over you. From up there.

Over the years, your love for music only grew stronger and stronger, that was the reason why when you received a call from your uncle who owns an instrument/record store asking you to help out for a couple of months of winter break you were pumped. 

You started about a week ago and every single one of the seven days was all enjoyable, of course, being that you were roaming around a music-related atmosphere for almost the entire day. Though, something else in particular also made it enjoyable. The something…. Was a boy. You had never been in a relationship or even crushed on a single guy, but somehow, someway a liking gradually developed inside of you for this guy who wandered his way into the store on the very first day you started your work here.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Eric and Jack headcannons!

  • Okay so after the events of Semi-Formal, Eric and Jack officially reconnect and all and start hanging out again
  • You know, chilling, going out to movies and bars on free time, and Eric starts helping Jack try to reform his company and all
  • And Eric is just on cloud nine tbh his best friend is back!!! This is great!!! He’s really missed Jack and all their whacky misadventures together all these years.
  • And Jack is happy too, obviously, but after a couple months during which he has seen Eric literally every day, he’s just like…wait…shit…something doesn’t feel all Platonic about this. Which freaks him out, obviously.
  • Because like??? He’s Jack and it’s Eric and they were always all about the girls when they were younger and he’s literally felt remotely like this before except for Rachel, wha t the fu ck.
  • So Jack starts lowkey freaking out and he wants to just cut ties again and transfer firms or something but like…Did you hear all that gay shit he said in Semi-Formal about Eric’s voice never leaving his head and how sticking with Eric has been his only good decision???? He knows he can’t just leave again. Plus, the more he reconnects with Eric, the more apparent it is that other than his siblings and Rachel, Eric hasn’t really had any relationships or strong friendships in a while. Jack peaceing out again would probably crush him.
  • So Jack decides to just boil in a stew of confusing emotions and sell it with a smile
  • (Eric can tell it’s a fake smile but Jack clamps up whenever he asks what’s wrong)
  • Okay so meanwhile,
  • Shawn was doing a job in Oregon a few months prior to all this when he gets a text from Cory reading:
  • “I T  H A S  B E G U N”
  • So Shawn is like wtf and he responds like “Cory this is the most ominous message you have ever sent me what is happening omfg” 
  • ERIC AGREED TO HELP ME CHAPERONE THE GIRL’S SEMI-FORMAL. HE BROUGHT JACK WITH HIM.”
  • And Shawn is just like “CORY FUCK YOU I JUST STARTED TO GIVE UP ON THEM DO NOT PLAY WITH ME LIKE THIS.”
  • And Cory responds with a stalker picture of Eric and Jack laughing by the punch bowl
  • And Shawn just responds with a lot of screaming-face emojis (Shawn Hunter fucking loves emojis don’t fight me on this)
  • JACK SAID KEEPING ERIC AROUND WAS ALWAYS HIS BEST DECISION. ERIC HAS FIXED JACK’S TIE SIX TIMES SINCE ARRIVING HERE HALF AN HOUR AGO. THEY KEEP PATTING EACH OTHERS SHOULDERS FOR NO REASON. SHAWNIE IM GONNA SCREAM.”
  • “CORY. I. I ALREADY GAVE UP ON THIS. YOU CANNOT GET MY HOPES BACK UP.”
  • BUT SHAWNIE, OUR V I S I O N.”
  • “FUCK.”
  • So they just continue to freak out like that for a while.
  • Shawn and Cory really fucking ship their brothers okay. They just know they’re perfect for each other. They’ve been shipping and scheming to get them together since Shawn was living with Eric and Jack, but after the unfortunate 15 year radio silence, they started to loose hope omfg.
  • But now, after what Cory is witnessing at this dance??? They are back with a vengeance omfg. The second Shawn gets back in New York they’re just like WE NEED TO STRATEGIZE.
  • They decide until any new developments happen, they should just mostly stick to their old tactics- Shawn will be super vague and implying around them and see if they pick up and try to talk to him about it. Cory just makes outright statements framed as jokes so he can judge their reactions (A-la that ‘So nothing’s changed!’ quip he made when Jack jokingly said Eric was his date)
  • So for the next couple months, as Eric and Jack reconnect and Jack starts to get more and more confused about his feelings, Cory and Shawn are keeping that up, and also lowkey follow them some nights when they’re ‘hanging out’, and also try to get all four of them to hang out so Cory and Shawn can ‘observe and collect date’ (they just like using all the terms it makes them feel cool)
  • “Brothers Brunch Dates are totally a thing!!! It’s the new fad!” “Oh, really? Cool, I’ll call Joshie and-” “NO WE DON’T LIKE HIM ANYMORE LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS.”
  • Cory just knows that Joshua will somehow manage to fuck all this up for him. He’s been putting hard work into this relationship for damn near two decades hE WONT BE DEFEATED NOW
  • Okay so they keep up their antics, but they don’t notice how uncomfortable Jack is getting, they’ve been expecting Eric to crack first.
  • So one night, Shawn’s at the apartment flipping through a fucking binder he’s compiled of ‘evidence, theories, and plots’ to get Jack and Eric together when he groans and throws it down on the table, and he’s just like “It’s been five months why the fuck aren’t the married yet.”
  • “Shawn, they need time. We just have to wait-”
  • “I’VE DONE MY WAITING. EIGHTEEN YEARS OF IT. IN  A Z K A B A N.”
  • Shawn.”
  • So Topanga hears that nonsense and comes to investigate lol. She had a general idea that they wanted their brothers together, but she didn’t know that they had reached, like, plotting and scheming levels. So she sees Shawn’s binder and f l i p s
  • So they tell her everything, everything they’ve been trying to accomplish on the lowkey since they were teenagers. Topanga’s just like “You’re failures and I’m gonna make this happen in 2 seconds.” and whips her phone out
  • So the guys are like wait no??? Because they thought she was calling Eric or Jack, but when they realize who she calls they just. Groan. How had this never occurred to them before now?
  • Okay so back to Eric and Jack.
  • It’s been five months since they’ve reconnected and they are deadass seeing each other every night
  • Even if Jack has a business meeting out of town or Eric has to jet off for senator work, they still fucking facetime with each other every night ugh these losers
  • And Jack’s been really dedicated to making his life better- he starts to turn his company around and tries to make them more environmentally friendly, he starts helping out a lot of charities, through Eric he’s been able to reconnect with Rachel and now they’re all friends again.
  • But he still is so confused over what he’s feeling towards Eric. He keeps telling himself he’s crazy, it’s just because they haven’t seen each other in so long, stuff like that. But the stress of bottling everything up is getting to him so he starts gambling again
  • Because he’s a fucking idiot but anywho
  • So now Eric’s really fucking worried because he knows Jack is hiding something and his gambling problems acting up are literally never a good sign
  • But Jack’s telling him literally anything except whatever this problem is so he’s like!!!! How am I supposed to help you!!!
  • He’s like really distressed about this, he’s worried Jack’s just gonna up and stop talking to him again. He brings this up whenever he talks to Rachel, because she’s a therapist she should be able to figure this out right
  • She can’t lol. She thinks Eric’s making a big deal about nothing, but she does wonder why both of them are acting so strange.
  • Then, she gets a call from Topanga that basically boils down to “I need you to get Eric and Jack together” and she’s just like. Oh my GOD. How did I possibly miss this???
  • So Rachel flies her ass to New York almost immediately lmao. Didn’t tell anyone she was coming, just shows up in the middle of one of Eric’s meetings and demands he buy her lunch.
  • So he agrees lol and they go out to some cute little restaurant and the second they sit down Rachel just grabs his hands and is like, “Okay, so. Sweetie-” and they spend this entire fucking lunch (that ends up being like 4 hours long omg) just delving into the innermost parts of Eric’s mind and person omfg
  • It got really fucking intense okay omg
  • And a lot of it she was like dissecting his relationships with people and she put a lot of focus on his relationship with Jack. Like, he’s oblivious to what she’s doing at first, but after a while he catches on and admits that he’s thought for quite a while that maybe it’s not exactly platonic but he always convinces himself he’s just being stupid and ignores it
  • So they talk that out and ambush therapy sesh ends with him coming to terms with the fact that he ‘like-likes’ Jack
  • So he’s immediately just like “Rachel why the fuck would you do this to me WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SEEING SOME STUPID SHOW TONIGHT AS STRAIGHT FRIENDS NOW ALL I’LL BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT IS HOW GAY YOU’VE MADE THE WHOLE SITUATION.”
  • “What show are you seeing?”
  • “His cousin gave him the tickets, I think he said it’s called Hedwig or something.”
  • “That’s…that’s a really gay show in the first place.”
  • “Shit, really? LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE WONDER WOMAN.”
  • So they talk about that for a little longer, she helps him calm down about the whole thing, and then Eric really has to get back to work so he heads off.
  • So now she’s on a quest to track down Jack Hunter
  • She went to his work and was told he had the day off, so she’s like “I’m gonna have to track his ass down to a shady casino aren’t I”
  • She did
  • He was loosing
  • So she confronts him and he’s freaking out bc even though they’ve reconnected and have been talking again, he hasn’t physically seen her in literally like 12 years omfg
  • So she drags him out and to the park or something and they have fun catching up for a bit
  • So finally, she decides that instead of working into it like she did with Eric, Jack won’t stand for that bullshit. So literally out of the blue she’s like “You dumped me and left me alone in the Peace Corps. Explain the motivation.” and Jack is like w e  l  l   u m
  • He tries to escape but she grabs him and goes to town trying to analyze why he left and he’s like “Maybe I just wanted my inheritance back?” and she’s like “Okay well then explain your lack of serious relationships or even meaningless flings in the past decade START TALKING I DARE YOU”
  • So he just starts listing off all these excuses and she just keeps antagonizing him until he finally snaps and yells “IT’S BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS FOR ERIC OKAY” and then everything goes silent because he’s never said that out loud before so he’s clearly freaking out but Rachel is all but jumping for joy now.
  • Jack looks like he’s lowkey about to have a panic attack and Rachel’s about to say something when they hear an impressed whisper-shout of “SHE!!! DID!!! THAT!!!” and look up to discover Cory and Shawn fucking hiding in the tree above them o m f g
  • Jack yells up “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” and Cory yells back “WHEN WILL YOU FINALLY MAKE AN HONEST WOMAN OUT OF MY BROTHER?” which just gets Rachel cracking tf up
  • Jack is just like???? LEAVE! and Shawn yells back “THIS EFFECTS US TOO”
  • Jack throws a rock at them and they fall out of the tree and run out of the park lmao
  • So now he’s f r e a k i n g out obviously and Rachel’s trying to calm him down and tell him it’s fine and everything
  • But he’s still loosing it because he finally said it out loud and it felt right but the whole situation is so weird to him and now he’s gotta see Eric in a few hours and sit next to him in a dark room for a while f u c k
  • But he doesn’t want to cancel because Eric would be suspicious and he still wants to be near him and u g h
  • Rachel’s not telling Jack that she already talked to Eric and she’s not planning on telling Eric about what Jack said. She wants them to get there on their own,
  • So Jack is like “You know what??? I’m rich, I could totally get a third ticket if I wanted to. Rachel please come with us??” but she’s like “Lol Jack sweetie I flew in specifically to do this my flight leaves in an hour and a half bye have fun make out with Eric for me” and just LEAVES and he’s screaming
  • So he’s panicking and it’s at this point that he runs into Josh Matthews right
  • And Josh was just offering a passing “Oh hey man” but Jack was DESPERATE so he told Josh he had a third ticket to a musical he was seeing with Eric that night
  • And Josh, funnily enough, had just opened up a chain text from Cory, sent to himself, Topanga, Morgan and Feeny, that just reads “SHAWN AND I WERE THERE AND JACK CONFESSED HIS LOVE FOR ERIC THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE THE PROPHECY IS UPON US.”
  • (As Rachel hadn’t told anyone she was coming in, Cory and Shawn happened to find her by accident. They have no idea she talked to Eric too)
  • So Josh reads this text and that looks up at the clearly freaked out Jack Hunter standing before him, and just grins a bit deviously and is like “Yes. Yes, I’d love to come.”
  • Okay omg so the rest of the day, Eric had been hyping himself up and planned to just get this whole thing over with.
  • Like, he definitely doesn’t think Jack has any feelings for him. But he was planning on sitting through the show and reading Jack’s reactions to some of the content, and then bringing it up with him at dinner afterword, and if it was positive he’d bring up what he’s feeling so they could just acknowledge them and get the whole thing out of the way. He didn’t think anything would like, happen, so he just wanted to clear the air so he could make himself move on.
  • So then he gets to the theater and sees Jack and starts internally freaking out…But then he notices Josh and he’s just like “WHAT are you doing here??”
  • And Josh is giving him an “I’m gonna ruin your life’ smile and is like “oh, Jack had an extra ticket and invited me! I LOVE this show, saw it with Riley and Maya last year.’ and then he smiles at both of them and is like ‘I think we’ll have fun’ and HEADS INSIDE WHAT A SHIT
  • So Eric and Jack are outside talking awkwardly for a few minutes but they won’t make eye contact and they’re trying to figure out what’s up with each other omg eventually they just quit and head inside
  • Okay so remembered I mentioned Cory has always had a feeling Josh would ruin his shipping dreams here??? Josh is aware Cory thinks that.
  • So that’s why Josh Matthews sits his ass down right in between Eric and Jack, pulls out his phone yelling “Pre-show selfie!!!!”, and sends the picture to Cory captioned “I’M COCKBLOCKING ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS.”
  • CORY GETS IT IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROWDED SUPERMARKET AND LETS OUT THE LOUDEST, MOST MISERABLE SCREAM OF DEFEAT AND REGRET
  • So anyway, the show starts.
  • If you’re unfamiliar, the show has no fourth wall and is very interactive- it’s played out as ‘Hedwig’, a singer who’s career has been plummeting, is playing a concert, and the audience is at that concert rather than a musical, you feel?
  • So of course…Jack’s cousin had to give them seats that were predetermined for the actor to mess with.
  • Jack and Josh both got pulled up on stage, Jack got chased off by a jealous Yitzhak after being all but dry humped, and Eric got kissed during “Sugar Daddy” it was fucking great Josh was having the time of his life. Jack and Eric were lowkey freaking out. They out here tryna struggle with their sexualities and some hot actor in drag is all over them. What the fuck
  • Oh great now he’s stripping down to his underwear
  • Josh can feel the tension radiating off both of them he’s having so much fun what a little asshole
  • So the show ends and boy, these guys thought they were confused about everything before. They have no idea wtf is happening now
  • They both feel a little less, weird about having feelings for each other at least. But they also both still believe the other sees this as the strictly platonic best friendship they’ve always had. So they’re still freaking out but it’s not getting talked about!!!
  • Because Jack was too scared to do it in the first place and Josh’s presence has psyched Eric out omfg
  • So now they’re at dinner and just sitting there quietly, not making looking at each other, as Josh just yammers on about the show lol
  • So finally Eric says something dumb or whatever that gets Jack to laugh and look up, and then he rolls his eye because he realizes Eric still has lipstick smeared all over his lips from when Hedwig kissed him lol
  • So he grabs a napkin and reaches over to get it for him, and he was totally not expecting it to turn into one of those cliché emotionally charged moments you see in the movies, but it DID omfg
  • He’s being gentle trying to get it off and Eric’s not moving an inch and they’re holding eye contact and their breath is hitched omfg
  • After Jack pulls back there’s a long moment of silence before Josh just goes “…Wow.”
  • They both turn and glare at him and he just silently takes a sip of his drink and tries not to laugh lol
  • So dinner happens relatively quietly after that, any conversation is just them asking Josh about school lol.
  • So they all start walking home right. And Josh’s campus was the first stop while Eric and Jack’s apartments weren’t that far away
  • So Josh is saying goodnight and thanking Jack for the tickets and everything, and then he’s about to walk away but he turns back and goes, “Oh, one more thing: YOU’RE BOTH IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. DISCUSS.”
  • AND THEN HE JUST FUCKING BOLTS AWAY LAUGHING
  • So now Eric and Jack are just like uh Uh UHHHH
  • They panic around each other for a few minutes and look and act like idiots but finally Jack pulls his shit together and he’s like “let’s just head back to your place and talk this all out” omg
  • And they do
  • Talking happens
  • Other things happen
  • And they end up being really surprised by how…natural everything seems, you know? Like they were expecting some big freak out that could ruin their friendship because these feelings are weird and obviously not reciprocated. Not ‘Oh, we kiss now? Awesome!’ like it ended up not *feeling* like the big deal they were expecting, it just felt very natural, just Eric and Jack in their whacky situations. This week they make out on Eric’s couch! Whatever will they do next!
  • So they decide like, okay, this is just a natural next step in our relationship, this is what we do now, not a big deal. But they don’t want to tell anyone yet.
  • Mostly because they don’t 100% know how their friends and family will react (they know some of them, sure, but not all), but also??? Eric’s a senator and Jack’s a very successful businessman. The media would be all over it omfg like they’re still figuring this out themselves, they don’t need gossip mags and twitter and CNN’s opinions on it.
  • So they keep it under wraps. After about 2 weeks they decide they’re officially dating, but still keep it hush hush for a few months (except Josh knows bc he showed up the day after Hedwig demanding answers lmao).
  • Okay, so one day, it’s their 6 month anniversary, and Jack is EXCITED omg he’s out at the store buying a cake and candles and a bouquet of flowers and he’s trying to pick up a present. He’s gonna surprise Eric and finally be the romantic one for once. He’s so pumped, he’s so proud of himself-
  • He gets a text from Eric reading “Heads up, Riley’s sleeping over my place all weekend. We’re just friends.”
  • And Jack is like???? “It’s our anniversary are you KIDDING me what is so wrong with her apartment?”
  • “She’s not saying anything, but I think she got in a fight with Topanga. She’s REALLY upset, I already told Cory I’d watch her.”
  • So Jack is just like u  g h
  • But he heads to Eric’s (his apartment building was getting fumigated) and tbh Riley does look pretty upset but Jack is salty so he’s decided she doesn’t look upset enough to temporarily run away. He doesn’t say anything though and manages to convince her the ‘Happy Anniversary’ cake was on display/sale and he picked it up because chocolate helps girls right???
  • Eric rolled his eyes and Riley didn’t look like she entirely bought it but no one said anything lol
  • So the night wears on, Riley still won’t talk about why she’s upset and Jack can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable around her since he doesn’t know her that well
  • Eric’s perfectly fine though and keeps her talking about trivial things and keeps her occupied
  • And this is a PROBLEM okay
  • Jack had just…forgotten about Eric with kids, okay. Just completely forgot.
  • And now here he is, braiding Riley’s hair and making her tears turn into laughter and playing dumb little games with her and it was magic and Jack is just like
  • thiS IS SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT HERE
  • HE’S FEELIN’ IT MR. KRABS.
  • All Jack wants to do is make out with this magical idiot of his and he CAN’T because of Riley omfggggggg
  • So at some point Riley nods off on the couch right. And Jack immediately pulls Eric into the bedroom lol
  • So Eric’s like ‘maybe not with the depressed 15 year old in the other room’ but Jack’s like “I mean honestly she doesn’t seem all that upset, this could be an overreaction. We should send her home to make sure!” and Eric’s just like omfg Jack I raised her for the first six years of her life I think I can read her emotions better than you
  • And Jack actually hadn’t heard about that before so he was like ‘wait seriously?’ and Eric gives a rushed explanation of how he helped out Cory and Topanga while they were still in school.
  • And after that Jack is just like??? What the fuck??? You’re an angel???? What the fu c k
  • So Eric kisses him and the door IMMEDIATELY OPENS
  • THEY HEAR RILEY SQUEAK “WHOOPS THIS ISNT THE BATHROOM” AND IT SLAMS SHUT OMG
  • So now they’re like…Time to Panic. omfg
  • They’re pacing around the room and mapping out a damn game plan on how to discuss this with Riley, explain their relationship, make sure she doesn’t have a problem with it and beg her not to tell anyone, amongst other things. Mapping out the game plan takes them like half an hour omg
  • So by the time they come out, Riley’s back on the couch and has apparently ordered pizza lol. So they turn off the tv and sit across from her all seriously and she’s like??? Something wrong????
  • And Eric’s trying to ease into it or something and he’s like okay princess so about what you saw-
  • And she’s like??? Listen I’m sorry about that I thought it was the bathroom door??? Are you honestly that mad????
  • And Eric and Jack are like omg no we aren’t mad. Aren’t you freaked out???
  • And Riley’s just like…why would I be? You were just kissing. I’ve literally walked in on my parents having sex with a cardboard cutout of Chase Utley watching. Nothing can break me anymore.
  • So they’re like o h m y G o d didn’t need that image but now Eric’s trying to be like okay so like??? You’re okay that Jack is also a guy???
  • And Riley’s like Uncle Eric p l e a s e I have literally no problems with that. I just want you to be happy, and from the way I’ve heard you talk about Jack, I have every reason to believe you are!
  • So they’re all crying and hug it out nbd. Riley doesn’t think anyone in the family would have a problem with them being together but agrees to keep quiet.
  • But then Riley spies the half eaten cake and is like f u c k I’m ruining an anniversary I’m a monster I’m leaving peace out use protection and she’s literally trying to shove all her stuff back in her backpack and escape as Eric and Jack are like “omfg it’s fine we’re not letting you roam the streets at 11:00 at night” but she’s insisting she’ll just head over to Farkle’s because she really doesn’t wanna kill their anniversary
  • But finally Jack convinces her that they want her there and the anniversary isn’t ruined ya-da-ya-da
  • So the three of them have a cute little weekend- Riley and Jack bond, Eric tries to teach them both his pizza eating trick, Riley successfully avoids all her problems for 3 days, and she also makes a point to give them some alone time which is nice
  • So anyway, Cory and Shawn are frustrated and miserable
  • They’ve been trying to get their brothers to fall in love for SO LONG but there are no developments omfg save these poor losers
  • So one day they’re just moping around, sadly flipping through Shawn’s binder and trying to brainstorm, when Shawn mumbles “What if…we…involved the youth.”
  • “The youth?”
  • “The youth.”
  • The youth.”
  • “THE YOUTH.”
  • Maya, Farkle and Riley, who have just arrived from school, are like “Why are you guys just yelling about youth wtf”
  • Shawn and Cory see them and scream “YOUTH” really loudly, like they all jump lol, and shoved the three of them onto the couch and are just like “Listen we need to make our brothers love each other.”
  • Farkle is immediately like “I’m out, I’m sick of romance drama, fucking goodbye, just send whatever you’re having for dinner to my house” and walks out omfg
  • Cory, yelling loudly at Farkle’s retreating figure, “Okay, now that the WEAK LINK IS GONE-”
  • So anyway, they explain their plans and objective to the girls.
  • Maya’s on board in ten seconds flat lmao but Riley is just like…why don’t we let them live their lives and whatever happens, happens
  • “What child of mine would EVER say that?”
  • So they ignore her and go back to plotting and Riley’s deadass just live blogging this whole experience she opened up a group message with Eric, Jack, and Josh and they’re all cracking up and trying to come up with ideas to mess up the schemes or make Shawn and Cory think Eric and Jack got in another fight and aren’t talking again lmao
  • So they have fun with that for a couple weeks
  • Okay so one night, Eric and Jack take Riley and Josh out to dinner because Riley won a writing competition but she didn’t tell anyone else she entered the contest but those three wanted to celebrate it was this whole thing
  • So they’ve got a very private, secluded both in the restaurant, so they feel safe discussing their relationship, and Josh asks them when exactly they were planning on telling everyone else, because the holiday season is coming up so like?? They should figure something out.
  • So they started going back and forth, doing pros and cons of different ideas. Riley and Josh are really anything but helpful lol
  • Jack said something like “I mean, we could just do it over the phone” and they both slammed their drinks down and demanded “But where’s the drama in that?!” in perfect unison, and then gave each other ‘wtf’ looks because they had surprised themselves. That had Eric cracking up lol
  • Eric keeps giving ridiculous ideas like “What if we just let them catch us making out over the Thanksgiving meal” or “Let’s send out some Ambiguously Gay Duo style Christmas cards” 
  • “Eric there’s nothing ambiguous about this
  • And then Jack leans over and kisses him while Riley and Josh give mildly sarcastic ‘awwww’s
  • And then there’s a camera flash
  • f u c k
  • All four of them start looking around in a panic but they can’t figure out who took the picture holy shit they’re freaking out
  • They can’t just outright interrogate restaurant patrons or personal but like!!!! Code red!!!! Code blue!!!! Code apricot!!!!
  • Eric waves over Agent LaChance to ask him to help but he’s holding up his cell phone which has a notification from a huge news site that’s promising they ‘Just dug up some MAJOR DIRT on our favorite New York Senator, story hitting in 15 minutes!’ and like…they screwed omfg
  • So they just all rush out into the car and Jack and Eric are deadass  calling their parents and grandparents and Feeny but since it’s dinner time no one’s picking up so they’re literally just LEAVING VOICEMAILS LIKE ‘HEY FAMILY I’VE HAD A STEADY BOYFRIEND FOR 8 MONTHS WE LIVE TOGETHER SEE YOU AT THE HOLIDAYS LOVE YOU BYE” OMFG
  • So they get to Cory’s apartment and burst in and Eric’s in Serious Mode ™ and is all like ‘Cor dude I need you to not freak out right now because I’m already freaking out and I didn’t want to tell you guys about this yet but I also don’t want you to find out from the news you know???” and Cory and Topanga (and Auggie, Farkle and Maya are chilling there too) are just like omfg what’s happening what’s wrong what’s hitting the news in five minutes??
  • So Eric tells them he’s with Jack and Jack, Josh and Riley are just kinda awkwardly waving in the back and Cory just. silently collapses onto the couch.
  • So everyone’s lowkey freaking out- not in a bad way, just in a ‘holy shit’ way. And then the news report comes on
  • And THAT’S bad omfg.
  • Shawn’s immediately blowing up Jack’s phone like why the fuck didn’t you tell me???
  • Everyone’s calling and texting them omfg phones are blowing up
  • And obviously there was A LOT of negative feedback from the news site itself and some viewers bc politics are a shit show but they powered through all that bs
  • Eventually get married and adopt 3 kids and have 2 via surrogate yay
  • This is like fucking 11 pages long if you made it through honestly congrats bro I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT ERIC MATTHEWS AND JACK HUNTER
rowaelin fanfiction

Due to the hate on Rowan by this certain chick here is a fanfiction to say “fuck your opinions on rowan and ur misguided notions” I dedicate this to her and her supporters of the same misguided notions. 

Aelin hated crowds if she had to be totally honest. Yes, crowds provided amazing cover. You could go from place to place under the guise of an interested customer just window-shopping at the various stalls or eavesdrop on a very important side deal or conversation just by being near them. No one would be the wiser. 

But she wasn’t here to eavesdrop or make a quick getaway. No, she was here to buy some rare trinkets only found at the very corners of the world-places that she could only dream of visiting, much less actually see it for herself. She had originally come with Rowan, her lifelong companion and carranam. But he soon grew tired of looking at things he had already seen a century ago and told her that he will be in the shadows, close and ever watching. She hadn’t paid in mind to where he was and quickly lost herself to her shopping. It was only hours later that she became a bit panicked. 

She never liked being too far away from Rowan for too long. There was always a sense of nagging in her brain and she would find herself anxious for him to be at her side once more. Aelin thought she was just being too clingy these days. But, oh gods and goddesses, whatever she used to feel before was amplified ten folds. Where the hell was he? 

Aelin considered yelling out for him, but she wasn’t exactly in the best position. There were still wary guards out with that weird black insignia. Though she and her group were able to fight against any soldiers sent at her, it was still impossible to fight and get rid of every single one. A Queen needed her beauty rest after all. 

After she exhausted all of the practical options, she decided to depend on his Fae abilities- particularly his hearing. It was a long shot, but it was the fastest and least-energy inducing plan of action. 

“Rowan.”

A breeze flew past her face and she had to close her eyes against the slight wind. She smiled and turned around, relief flooding through her body as she instantly relaxed. 

“I didn’t think that would work.” Aelin said teasingly and took a step towards Rowan. He closed the gap between them in a single stride. He frowned as he brought a hand to her face. Though Aelin couldn’t see his eyes due to his hood covering half of his face, she knew that he was worried. He didn’t need to be, but their bond made them share their feelings and insecurities and nothing was withheld. Ever since he sensed her sense of loneliness, he had been on edge, ready to come when she needed him. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Aelin dropped her smile and pressed her face to his chest. She murmured into his chest, “I don’t like being apart from you for too long.”

Rowan smiled and led her to where he was standing previously. It was a good distance away from where they were standing. 

Boy, was she curious. She knew Fae hearing was good, but not that good. 

“How’d you hear me from all the way here?” And from the way it sounded, the crowd was pretty loud too. She called his name slightly above whispering level.

He brought her against him. 

“If it’s you, I can hear you across continents.”

She felt as if emotions would burst out of her heart at that point. There was no point in worrying about Rowan being away from her. He would always be near, and if he weren’t, then she would give him a good kick in the ass for worrying her. 

As if sensing her thoughts, Rowan chuckled and buried his face into her hair. 

I promise, Fireheart. 

You better damn keep it for the rest of your life. 

Yes, Your Majesty.

Idiot, you know how I feel about that. 

Okay, Aelin.

anonymous asked:

I'm just getting into blockb (omg bastarz!) & I'm trying to figure out their individual l personalities & was wondering if you could tell me some things about them? I've started watching shows but can't figure what they are truly like.Tysm in advance

Omg hi! Welcome to the fandom, new BBC friend! <3 Block B is the type of group that will always surprise you, especially if you think there is nothing left for them to do. lol I’m sure you’re gonna love them, each second more and more! :3

So, I’m gonna tell you what I  think about them, what I’ve seen and learned from them since I’ve became a bbc, a few years ago. I apologise for my English in advance.

Keep reading

Barisi Episode Tag, 17x22

(13K. Inspired by Barba’s reaction to the death threat, by Sonny’s admiration, by Barba’s fighting instinct, by Sonny passing the bar, by Barba’s suicidal streak and by Sonny’s protective streak. NSFW.)

~~~

Afraid

~~~

Rafael is not afraid.

He’s not.

If he’s shaking a little, it’s the adrenaline.

It’s not the fact someone just threatened to kill him in plain view. That was only mildly vexing.

It’s how he reacted to it.

Keep reading

Update: Seen You Before, Chapter 6 (Dippica, College AU)

IT IS DONE. This chapter is dedicated to everyone who waited patiently and encouraged me to keep going! @arejayelle @kimpernickelanddime @brittlane-93 @proseandsongs @whiggitymacabee @heretherebefandom and everyone, EVERYONE

Read on AO3

Fandom: Gravity Falls, College AU
Pairing: Pacifica Northwest x Dipper Pines
Rating: T
Warnings: Swearing, mildly sexual scenarios, emotional trauma, reality displacement, mentions of slut shaming by awful people.

There’s an old adage.

There’s an old adage - a cliche, really, though most are.

There’s an old adage that sits tight between tongue and teeth and tastes like chewed tin foil and goes a little like this: you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

But gone isn’t quite the right word, not now, not when Pacifica feels as though whatever she had has been ripped out from between her fingers and tossed aside. She clenches and unclenches a fist, imagining she still feels where her mother’s nails twisted into the skin at her wrists. A sinkhole bottoms out in her stomach. Pacifica wraps her arms back around her knees and draws them more closely to her chest. The fraying rug beneath her provides little barrier from the chill of the bathroom linoleum. The vomiting had stopped about an hour ago. She hadn’t moved much since.

“Pacifica!”

“I’m fine,” she groans.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re fine,” Mabel says through the door. It’s impossible to miss the strain that grips her voice.

“Something I ate at the luncheon didn’t sit right with me, and I think I needed to get it all out.” She wills her roommate’s worry to overwhelm Mabel’s otherwise sharp observation; the last thing Pacifica needs is to be caught out in a half-lie. Something hadn’t sat right with her, and she’d scarcely been able to eat because of it, but it wasn’t something she could rid herself of quite as easily as her meal.

From her place on the floor she can see the grime that’s accumulated on the yellowing sealant of the toilet. Flecks of vomit still dot the outside of the toilet bowl, spots she missed when trying to mop up after herself a while ago. A pile of navy hangs out in the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t bother focusing on it for fear of making herself sick again.The shame was not that she hadn’t gotten to the toilet in time, but that the dress she’d worn to the Family Luncheon - newer, blue with a chunky sunflower yellow belt - hadn’t escaped the fleeing contents of her gut. The dress had been the only thing her mother had complimented the entire afternoon. Maybe it was better off covered in bile. Come to think of it, on the floor of a bathroom is where her day had begun, too.

Keep reading