dedicated quotes

Vampires are always like “I could kill you if I wanted”, like? Yeah? So could another human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren’t special.
—  Wade Wilson, after meeting Dracula
Types as quotes from my college professors


“I don’t like Facebook, just thinking about it makes me upset”


“A little bit of Monday, a little bit of Wednesday, a little bit of tequilla”


“Your boss, your spouse, your children..” *calls out dramatically with arms outstretched* “Your nation!”


“I tried a dog collar once and barked like a dog until it shocked me. I never did it again”


 Professor: “What do you do when you can’t find your keys?” 

Student: “slowly, but surely panic”


“Come back from spring break and I’m gonna have pom poms”


“Poor Mr. Rogers has been inhabitated by an alien”


“Don’t give loose change to babies… they’ll choke on it”


 “Y’know my last name means unjust one. Keep that in mind during test time”


“You can do well on a test regardless if you crammed. *whispers* you horrible person”


“People demand to eat hotdogs a certain way. Don’t ask me why. Why should I know?”


“Your grade is going to be so low it lowers your High School GPA. A grade so low they take away your High School diploma”


“Green light” *Makes goose noises* (Repeats 4 times) 


*Professor looking at a picture of a kid getting bullied* “So this is a picture of my childhood”


“Except there is always a mess.. because.. y’know.. decapitation”


“It is when I first watched Mr. Rogers when I hated him” (Professor looks exactly like Mr. Rogers)



make me choose ♡ will herondale or jace herondale

“Herondales.“ Zachariah’s voice was a breath, half laughter, half pain. "I had almost forgotten. No other family does so much for love, or feels so much guilt for it. Don’t carry the weight of the world on you, Jace. It’s too heavy for even a Herondale to bear.

(for @ravencalws​ )

want one?

They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they want to.
This book is dedicated to those fine men.
—  Terry Pratchett - Guards! Guards!
  • *Takano pointing to a broken coffee machine*
  • Takano: So...who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
  • Onodera: I did, I broke-
  • Takano: No, no you didn't. Isaka?
  • Isaka: Don't look at me, look at Hatori.
  • Hatori: What? I didn't break it.
  • Isaka: Huh, that's weird, how'd you even know it was broken?
  • Hatori: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
  • Isaka: Suspcious.
  • Hatori: No, it's not-
  • Mino: If it matters, probably not, but Kisa was the last one to use it.
  • Kisa: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
  • Mino: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
  • Kisa: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, Mino!
  • Onodera: Okay, okay! Let's not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it Takano-san.
  • Takano: No, who broke it?
  • Hatori: Takano-san, Asahina has been awfully quiet.
  • Asahina: Really?!
  • Hatori: Yeah, really!
  • *arguing ensues between everyone as Takano steps out of the room* Takano: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.