decoy ducks

anonymous asked:

I was playing "Woman" in my car when I picked up my friend. She knows who Harry is,but that's it. While listening to the song she says "this is a weird song, what is it about?". I very low key mention how I think he is gay and him and his bf have a lot of 'beards' so he is singing it to them. She then says " Oh, that's why he has a duck decoy noise in the song because the women are decoys".


anonymous asked:

April I didn't understand what that anon was implying with duck noise. Could you please explain? Thanks.

When people go duck hunting, they use duck calls and decoys to lure in the ducks. Decoys are fake ducks. I guess ducks like to be around other ducks, so those are used to draw them to where you want them to be to hunt them. The duck noise in Woman that Robin pointed out and we all can’t unhear actually sounds more like a duck decoy call than an actual duck. So, if the song is about singing to a beard about your jealousy, then the use of a fake duck call is even more fitting. Just like the beard is not really a girlfriend – though she looks like a duck and talks like a duck – the decoy duck call is not a real duck.

I’ll never get over that episode of Brooklyn 99 when Terry’s wife was in labour so they had to find a trustworthy OB/GYN in time because it was clear the no-hospital thing wasn’t gonna fly and the only one they knew was Holt’s ex-boyfriend but he was being petty about their break up so there’s all this build up and they finally go to the guy’s house and it’s RON SWANSON 

and their whole break-up fight was that Dr. Ron Swanson believed Holt had thrown away his antique decoy duck and then it turns out Holt hated it so much he actually threw it off a bridge like

that show is a gift

syn-the-procrastinator  asked:

Hello there! I just love the trope where Batman is obsessed with J, in a borderline creepy way, like having thousands of pics of close ups of J's stupid pointy face on each computer, and watching them silently while lost in his thoughts, no missing one single TV show mentioning him, and recently (DARK DAYS SPOILER ALERT) sequestrating him in the batcave?? because he "needed him"? Gosh. Do you have a few more examples please? I seriously need a list of these x'D

yes yes yes! we see J being all weird and creepy every time he’s in an issue, readers often fail to notice that Bruce is obsessive and his coping mechanisms aren’t exactly the healthiest thing. 

here’s your list friend! 

  • The Killing Joke, that’s a given
  • this could count but in Batman/The Shadow #2 is being all obsessive with Cranston’s likeness and i don’t know about you but when I first met the Shadow in that comic I thought it was Joker in disguise. (it was probably the laughter) Or maybe i’m just reaching.
  • Also in the Shadow crossover, Joker points out how obsessive Bats can get
  • among possessions like costumes, a letter from thomas wayne and even a t-rex, Bruce also hoards lots of Joker’s possessions, such as: giant joker playing card (originally a giant paper mache mask of J’s face), the red hood costume, weaponized playing cards, joker’s giant dice, giant clam used as a trap, electric chair used as a trap, candy spike trap,  joker fish, decoy duck used as a plot to escape arkham, joker mask, and probably some of his hair because Bruce is creepy as hell  (x)
  • Batman: Noel, Joker’s face is plastered on screens in the batcave and the narrator is talking about how obsessed Bruce is with his work, how he didn’t have time for other people and how they were a nuisance, i see you bruce :))))
  • there’s way more but these are the ones that came off of the top of my head 

xtinedancefit  asked:

19: A fact about your personality. 25: My idea of a perfect date. 39: My favorite ice cream flavor.

19. A fact about your personality. 
I am obviously extroverted, but I tend to be pretty quiet at first. I have to get comfortable and/or be given some kind of permission to take the spotlight. So like if I’m in charge of an event, bow down bitches. But if I’m just showing up, anonymity is my friend until I feel it out. Then I’m the one that likes to tell all the stories!

25. My idea of a perfect date. 
Museum. Any kind, but especially those hole in the wall ones that are hilariously specific. For our anniversary a few years ago, the husband I trekked down to the Duck Decoy museum in Havre de Grace, Maryland. It sounds so dumb, but it was SO FRIGGIN’ COOL! And now we get to say that we went to the Decoy Museum. :-D

39. My favorite ice cream flavor
Anything with cookie dough or cheesecake bites’ll do it. If I have to go simple with no stuff, I choose coffee flavor.

anonymous asked:

Well, the quaran says not to trust unbelievers, not to take jews or christians as friends, so what do you expect? Special treatment? When thousands of muslims who claim not to be extremists are pushing for sharia law all over the world, the world is going to react. You all are late to the party. Civilization already began and was in progress before your beloved prophet started hallucinating and demanded that everyone follow him and his version of god, who is mighty bloodthirsty, by the way.

It would seem like Muslims would have a good reason not to trust others, wouldn’t it?  

Ok, but in all seriousness, here are some other verses about Christians and Jews from the Quran that the media doesn’t like to talk about.

“Surely those who believe, and those who are Jews, and the Christians, and the Sabians — whoever believes in God and the Last Day and does good, they shall have their reward from their Lord. And there will be no fear for them, nor shall they grieve” (2:62, 5:69, and many other verses).

“…and nearest among them in love to the believers will you find those who say, ‘We are Christians,’ because amongst these are men devoted to learning and men who have renounced the world, and they are not arrogant” (5:82).

“O you who believe! Be helpers of God — as Jesus the son of Mary said to the Disciples, ‘Who will be my helpers in (the work of) God?’ Said the disciples, ‘We are God’s helpers!’ Then a portion of the Children of Israel believed, and a portion disbelieved. But We gave power to those who believed, against their enemies, and they became the ones that prevailed” (61:14).

“And argue not with the People of the Scripture unless it be in (a way) that is better, save with such of them as do wrong; and say: We believe in that which hath been revealed unto us and revealed unto you; our God and your God is One, and unto Him we surrender.” (29:46).

”(And remember) when Allah said: O Jesus! Lo! I am gathering thee and causing thee to ascend unto Me, and am cleansing thee of those who disbelieve and am setting those who follow thee above those who disbelieve until the Day of Resurrection. Then unto Me ye will (all) return, and I shall judge between you as to that wherein ye used to differ.” (3:55).

Also, if Muslims were told not to trust Jewish or Christian people, then why would our Muslim men be allowed to marry people of “the book” (Jews and Christians)?

Look, the problem is that everyone and their dog thinks they know what Islam really is and stands for, but they don’t even have the sense to do research or look up information from real Muslims or from Islamic sources.  It is really easy for anyone to take something out of context and make any religion look terrible.  I could do the same with the Torah or the New Testament.  As for Muhammad (pbuh) being “mighty bloodthirsty,”  even Jesus stated in the Bible, “Do not think I came to bring peace.  Nay, I did not come to bring peace.  I came with a sword.” (Matthew 10:34).

Alas, I will leave you with this… You say that the Prophet, Muhammad (pbuh) came to “the party” late?  Hmmm, this will be quite long, but the following will show what all took place before the birth of Jesus

9997 B.C.      Aborigines in Australia paint on stone

               portrayal of organized warfare             

9996-5000 BC   Cave paintings in Spain show bows in use

7000 B.C.      Fired-clay pottery

6000 B.C.      Simple bows common in northern Europe

5000 B.C.      Crop irrigation in Egypt

4500 B.C.      Badarian culture in Egypt with pottery, ivory

               spoons, and imported items such as malachite

               (green stone used for jewelry)

4000 B.C.      Domestic cattle

4000 B.C.      Wheels in Mesopotamia

4000 B.C.      Stone tools still used in Egypt and Mesopotamia

4000 B.C.      Egypt organized into nomos (provinces) ruled by

               nomarchs (chiefs)

3600 B.C.      Stone and wooden wheels widespread

3800 B.C.      Copper artifacts in Iran

3500 B.C.      Bread in Egypt

3500 B.C.      Egyptians have mirrors of metal

3500-3100 B.C. Naqada culture in Egypt, which became Egyptian


3200 B.C.      Hieroglyphic writing in Egypt

3100 B.C.      Upper and Lower Egypt united under Menes,

               first Pharaoh, starts Early Dynastic Period

3100 B.C.      Writing, record keeping, and formal

               administrative organization evident in Egypt

3000 B.C.      Bronze (mix of tin and copper) tools common

               in Middle East

3000 B.C.      Chariots in Mesopotamia

3000 B.C.      Ox teams pulling plows in Egypt

3000 B.C.      Cuneiform writing in Sumer

3000 B.C.      Sumerians use fillings in bad teeth

3000 B.C.      Sumerians divide day into 24 hours

3000 B.C.      Sumerians divide hour into 60 minutes

3000 B.C.      Sumerians divide minute into 60 seconds

3000 B.C.      Sumerians divide circle into 360 degrees

               (a very divisive people, these Sumerians)

3000 B.C.      Pharaoh Atothis writes first book on human

               body (actually, ABOUT it, not ON it)

3000 B.C.      Minoans flourish on Crete

3000 B.C.      Troy inhabited

3000 B.C.      Lyre in Sumeria

3000 B.C.      Athens site inhabited

2773 B.C.      Egyptians use calendar with 365 days

2700 B.C.      Chinese make silk

2700 B.C.      “Old Copper” culture, near Lake Superior, uses

               copper for tools and ornaments

2700 B.C.      Urak of Mesopotamia is first undisputed example

               of fortified city

2700 B.C.      Sumer has fully articulated military, including

               standing army organized along modern lines

2700 B.C.      Formal record keeping and administration used

               throughout Mesopotamia

2700 B.C.      First “recorded” war, between Sumer (Iraq area)

               and Elam (Iran area), fought in Basra area

2686-2160 B.C. Period of Old Kingdom in Egypt, military staff


2630 B.C.      Egypt’s first pyramid, at Saqqara, by Pharaoh


2600 B.C.      Advanced soldering skills in Mesopotamia

2600 B.C.      Paved highway in Egypt

2600 B.C.      Tablets of Shruppak (Sumer) tell of city-states

               equipping 600-700 soldier armies full time,

               first evidence of standing professional armies

2550 B.C.      Khufu’s Great Pyramid at Giza, 481 feet high

2525 B.C.      First detailed account of a war, between Lagash

               and Umma (both Sumerian city-states), recorded

               in pictures on stele erected by victorious

               Eannatum of Lagash (victors write history)

2525 B.C.      Stele of Vultures (by Eannatum) shows war with

               phalanxes 6 deep by 8 wide; armor; helmets;

               spears; socket axes; sickle swords; and chariots

               pulled by onagers (wild asses)

2500 B.C.      Fortified cities are the norm in Mesopotamia

2500 B.C.      Copper helmets with leather liners common in

               Sumerian army, lessening impact of mace as a


2500 B.C.      Battering ram developed to counter fortifications,

               since armies on the move needed supplies hidden

               in the cities

2500 B.C.      Mesopotamians develop weights and measures


2500 B.C.      Great Pyramid at Giza

2500 B.C.      Egyptians performing surgery, and some

               patients live

2400 B.C.      Papyrus in Egypt

2300 B.C.      Sargon’s army of 5,300 is big for the time

2300 B.C.      Sargon the Great, of Akkad, launches conquest of

               all of Mesopotamia, first great military dictator

2296 B.C.      Chinese record sighting of comet

2250 B.C.      First evidence of composite bow, during reign of

               Naram Sin, grandson of Sargon the Great — able to

               penetrate leather armor, double range of simple bows

2200 B.C.      Duck decoys in use in Nevada

2200 B.C.      Fortress of Buhen, in Sudan, had walls, firing

               bastions, moat, and complex gates

2200 B.C.      Egypt fortifies southern area to protect against

               Nubian attack

2200 B.C.      Queen Semiramis of Babylon builds first

               tunnel under a river

2040-1786 B.C. Middle Kingdom period in Egypt, improvements in

               command structure of military and government

2000 B.C.      Celts begin spreading

2000 B.C.      First zoo has opening day, in China

1900 B.C.      Assyrians united in Mesopotamia

1900 B.C.      Hittites begin smelting iron (technology

               transfer often guarded as it spread)

1800 B.C.      Bronze metalworking spreads through Europe

               (note how long after Middle East — see 3000 B.C.)

1800 B.C.      Babylonians have multiplication tables

1792 B.C.      Hammurabi rules Babylon

1720 B.C.      Hyksos invade Egypt, with mobility-based army,

               chariots, composite bows (outranged Egyptians

               by 200 yds), penetrating ax (vs Egyptian simple

               ax), swords, body armor, helmets, and quivers

               for rapid bowfire

1720 B.C.      Hyksos establish capital at Avaris

1700 B.C.      Knossos on Crete destroyed by fire

1674 B.C.      Hyksos capture Memphis

1674 B.C.      Half of Egypt ruled by foreign Hyksos kings, other

               half by Thebes

1600 B.C.      Greek hoplites popularize armor

1600 B.C.      Mycenae (Greece) flourishes

1600 B.C.      Water clock in Egypt

1570 B.C.      New Kingdom Pharaohs begin expansion

1570-1546 B.C. Ahmose I of Thebes captures Avaris and drives out

               Hyksos invaders

1567 B.C.      Hyksos expelled from Egypt

1546-1526 B.C. Amenhotep I begins Egyptian drive into Asia

1525-1512 B.C. Thutmose I pacifies Nubia

1512-1504 B.C. Thutmose II pushes Egypt to the edge of Syria

1504-1450 B.C. Thutmose III, greatest warrior pharaoh (won 17

               of 17 campaigns), established peak Egyptian

               power, adopted best of Hyksos weapons and

               mobility, and added archers on chariots,

               reserve forces, communication improvements

               (such as semaphore) and intelligence gathering

1500 B.C.      Glassmaking perfected in Middle East,

               including bottles in Egypt

1500 B.C.      Sundials in Egypt

1500 B.C.      Phoenicians found city of Tangier in

               North Africa

1500 B.C.      Pyramids are out, cutting tombs into rock is in

1450 B.C.      Mycenae dominates Aegean

1450 B.C.      Minoans overrun by mainland Greeks

1450 B.C.      Egypt reaches greatest extent, through the

               efforts of Thutmose III

1380 B.C.      Nefertiti is queen-consort to Akhenaten

               in Egypt

1361 B.C.      Tutankhamen king of Egypt at age 9

1320 B.C.      Mycenae reaches its peak

1300 B.C.      Hittites first employ iron for weapons

1300 B.C.      Egyptian army has special field intelligence

               and commander’s conferences for staff planning

               on the battlefield

1290-1224 B.C. Ramses II, master builder pharaoh, known to

               Greeks as Ozymandias, has total army of 100,000

1288 B.C.      Battle of Kadesh, Ramses II and an army of

               20,000 ambushed by 16,000 Hittites, including

               2,500 chariots. Ramses escapes from trap and

               counterattacks as Hittites are looting the field.

               Subsequent stalemate begins 17 fruitless war years.      

1200 B.C.      Hittites overrun by the Sea Peoples (mostly

               displaced from Aegean region by northern

               invaders, the Sea Peoples included Philis-

               tines and other groups who later settled

               in Palestine and surrounding area)

1200 B.C.      Iron smelting perfected (in only 700 years)

               and as Hittites are scattered, their ironsmiths

               spread the knowledge

1200 B.C.      Olmec civilization by Gulf of Mexico;

               includes written language, use of numbers,

               large temples, and intricate statues

1194-1163 B.C. Ramses III, last of great New Kingdom rulers

1190 B.C.      Trojan War (between Troy and Mycenae)

1100 B.C.      Phoenicians found Cadiz, Iberian Peninsula

1100 B.C.      Mycenae falls to invaders

1100-800 B.C.  Age of Darkness in Aegean area, Dorian and

               Ionian invasions interrupt Mycenaean civilization

1020 B.C.      Israelite tribes united under Saul

1000 B.C.      Jerusalem becomes Israeli capital

1000 B.C.      Saul succeeded by David

 972 B.C.      Solomon succeeds David

 900 B.C.      Celts spread through Gaul

 900 B.C.      First recorded mention of symbol for zero,

               in India

 883 B.C.      Assyrian empire expands

 814 B.C.      Phoenicians found Carthage

 800 B.C.      Corinth founded

 776 B.C.      First Olympic Games

 753 B.C.      Romulus and Remus found Rome

 750 B.C.      Homer writing

 750 B.C.      Caste system firmly established in India

 750 B.C.      Etruscans expand Italian colonies

 750 B.C.      Greek colony of Cumae in Italy

 734 B.C.      Corinth settles Corcyra (Corfu)

 732 B.C.      Assyria takes Damascus

 729 B.C.      Assyria takes Babylon

 722 B.C.      Assyria takes Israel

 721 B.C.      Sargon II forms last Assyrian dynasty

               (but he didn’t know it at the time)

 715 B.C.      Sparta beats Messenia (details at 11) in

               First Messenian War

 712-612 B.C.  Assyrians dominate Fertile Crescent

 700 B.C.      Assyrians: 150-200,000 in army, with combined

               arms field armies of 50,000 mixed infantry,

               chariots, and cavalry

 700 B.C.      Biremes (two banks of oars) developed

 700 B.C.      Coins used in Lydia (Turkey)

 700 B.C.      Iron begins replacing copper in Europe

 700 B.C.      Saddle developed by Scythians (but no

               stirrups, yet)

 691 B.C.      Assyrian 34-mile aqueduct carries water

               to Nineveh

 689 B.C.      Assyrians destroy Babylon after it revolts

 688 B.C.      Boxing added to Olympics

 671 B.C.      Assyrians capture part of Egypt

 663 B.C.      Assyria peaks out

 660 B.C.      Byzantium (Istanbul) established

 650 B.C.      First reference of triremes (three rows of oars)

 640 B.C.      Kingdom of Macedonia started

 625 B.C.      King Cyaxares unites Median tribes

 624 B.C.      Horse racing added to Olympics

 616 B.C.      Etruscan king Tarquinius Priscus rules Rome

 612 B.C.      Medes and Babylonians sack Nineveh, and

               Assyrian empire falls

 610-545 B.C.  Greek scientist/philosopher Thales of

               Miletus teaches value of using reason and

               observation to understand the world

 609 B.C.      Necho II is Pharaoh of Egypt, Necho canal

               links Nile with Red Sea

 605-562 B.C.  Nebuchadnezzar II extends his empire and

               builds the Hanging Gardens

 600 B.C.      Greek colony of Poseidonia (Paestum), Italy

 600 B.C.      Greek colony of Massilia (Marseilles)

 600-509 B.C.  Estruscan dominance of Rome

 600 B.C.      Chinese practice cultivating crops in rows

               and hoeing intensively — not practiced in

               Europe widely until 18th century

 594 B.C.      The archon named Solon brings BIG social

               reform to Athens. Archons were among chief

               magistrates of Athens.  Solon brought laws

               which ended enslavement for debt, intro-

               duced right of appeal, amended methods for

               contracts and taxation, and reduced powers

               of hereditary aristocracy over the poor —

               setting stage for later class struggles.

               His name became term commonly used to

               describe any wise lawgiver.

 586 B.C.      Chaldeans under Nebuchadnezzar II destroy

               Jerusalem, and take Jews into captivity

 585 B.C.      Greek scientist/philosopher Thales of

               Miletus predicts solar eclipse

 563-483 B.C.  Buddha

 561 B.C.      Peisistratus is tyrant of Athens, meaning

               one who rules without legal warrant, but

               not necessarily good or evil ruler

 556-539 B.C.  Nabonidus, King of Babylon, is first known

               archaeologist (he didn’t have to dig far)

 551 B.C.      Birth of Confucius, Chinese philosopher who

               taught you should treat others as you would

               be treated

 551-478 B.C.  Confucius

 550 B.C.      Lao-Tzu outlines philosophy of Taoism

 550 B.C.      First Greek plays

 539 B.C.      Cyrus the Great (Persian) conquers Babylon

 537 B.C.      Persians free Jews from Babylonian rule

 530 B.C.      Cyrus the Great killed in battle

 525 B.C.      Persians under Cambyses II (son of Cyrus)

               whip Egypt

 512 B.C.      Darius I (Persian) conquers Byzantium (do

               you think he called himself “the first”?)

 510 B.C.      Spartan king Cleomenes I overthrows

               Athenian tyrant Hippias

 509 B.C.      Rome becomes republic after throwing out

               the last king

 507 B.C.      Cleisthenes gives democracy to Athens

 500 B.C.      First record of use of bow and arrow in

               North America, perhaps brought from Asia

 500 B.C.      “The Art of War,” by Sun Tzu, mentions

               powerful crossbows firing arrows

 500 B.C.      Persian Empire near its peak

 499-448 B.C.  Greek-Persian War

 494 B.C.      Spartan king Cleomenes I defeats city of


 493 B.C.      Rome allied with Latin League, the group

               of cities in the Latium district around


 490 B.C.      Corinth foils plan of Spartan king

               Cleomenes I to reinstall Hippias as

               tyrant of Athens (apparently Cleomenes

               thought Hippias would be easier to handle

               than a democratic Athens)

 490 B.C.      Greeks bust Persian chops at Marathon

 490 B.C.      Battle of Marathon: 24,000 Persians vs 10,000

               Greeks; 6,400 Persian dead, 192 Athenians dead

 490-486 B.C.  Massive Persian preparations for going

               after Greece again

 486 B.C.      Egypt revolts against Persia, delaying

               Darius’ rematch with Greece

 485 B.C.      Darius dies and Xerxes, his son, is king

               of Persia

 484 B.C.      Persians put down Egyptian revolt

 480 B.C.      Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus


 480 B.C.      Carthaginian sea captain, Hanno, explores

               coast of West Africa with his fleet

 480 B.C.      Greek philosopher Pythagoras of Samos dies

               (but left us his theorem)

 480 B.C.      Xerxes builds bridge across Hellespont, using

               774 anchored boats

 480 B.C.      Greeks get big navy win over Persians at

               Salamis, and Xerxes has a ringside seat

 480 B.C.      Persians squeak by Thermopylae, beat

               Greeks, and loot and burn Athens (sounds

               like a soccer game, with fans)

 480 B.C.      Xerxes goes back to Persia, leaving

               Mardonius to mop up the Greek war

 479-431 B.C.  Golden Age of Athens

 479 B.C.      Aristides and Pausanias lead Greeks over

               Persians at Plataea, destroying Mardonius

               and his army

 479 B.C.      Greeks land in Asia Minor and defeat

               Persian force at Mycale  (Greeks lead the

               series 4-1 )

 478 B.C.      Delian League established to maintain Greek

               naval supremacy in Aegean, get Persians off

               Greek islands, and free Greek colonies in

               Asia Minor

 469-399 B.C.  Socrates

 466 B.C.      Greek Cimon defeats Persians at Eurymedon,

               final battle to free Greeks in Asia Minor

 465 B.C.      Xerxes assassinated; son Artaxerxes I

               succeeds him

 460 B.C.      Pericles influential in Athens

 460-359 B.C.  Hippocrates

 460-445 B.C.  FIRST PELOPONNESIAN WAR, between Athens

               and Corinth-Sparta

 450 B.C.      Some of Delian League think Persian threat

               is gone; they try to quit; they sleep with

               the fishes when Athens says “NO”

 450 B.C.      Delian League becomes essentially Athenian

               empire, provoking fear and opposition in

               Sparta, Corinth, Thebes, and other cities

 447 B.C.      Parthenon construction started

 445 B.C.      “Thirty-Year Peace,” initiated by Pericles,

               ends First Peloponnesian War

 445 B.C.      Rome removes ban on marriage between

               patricians and plebeians

 435 B.C.      Naval war between Corinth and Corcyra

               (Corfu): Corinth allied with Sparta;

               Corcyra allied with Athens

 433 B.C.      Athens intervenes in naval war between

               Corinth and Corcyra


 432 B.C.      Sparta declares war against Athens

 432 B.C.      Parthenon finished

 431 B.C.      Athens can put forth 13,000 hoplites; 16,000

               older garrison soldiers; 1,200 mounted men;

               and 1,600 archers

 431-421 B.C.  The Archidamian War, first phase of Second

               Peloponnesian War

 431-430 B.C.  Sparta ravages Attica

 430 B.C.      Herodotus writes History of Persian Wars

               (if you want to look good in history, you

               better write it)

 430 B.C.      Pestilence hits Athens, behind her walls,

               and one fourth of population dies

 429 B.C.      Pericles dies from the pestilence

 427 B.C.      Revolts of Corcyra and Lesbos against


 427 B.C.      First Sicilian expedition by Athens

 427 B.C.      Sparta and Thebes destroy Plataea, Athens’ ally

 425 B.C.      Athenians under Cleon and Demosthenes win

               at Pylos and Sphacteria, an island off

               southwestern Greek coast, and capture

               Spartan prisoners.  Sparta sues for peace

 425 B.C.      Oedipus Rex, play by Sophocles, performed

               (Greece enters its Freudian period)

 424 B.C.      Boetians use flame thrower against wooden walls

               of Delium

 424-422 B.C.  Spartan general Brasidas leads expedition

               into Thrace to strike at Athenian posses-

               sions in that region

 422 B.C.      Spartan general Brasidas and Athenian

               general Cleon killed at Amphipolis

 421-413 B.C.  Peace of Nicias and Sicilian Expedition,

               second phase of Second Peloponnesian War

 421 B.C.      Athens can put forth 1,300 hoplites and

               1,000 horsemen

 421 B.C.      Peace of Nicias, between Spartan and

               Athenian sides, scheduled to last 50 years

               … but sporadic fighting continues

 418 B.C.      Sparta wins A BIG ONE at Battle of Mantinea

 418 B.C.      Melian Dialogue, where Athens discusses the

               punishment island of Melos should get for

               misbehavin’ — the decision, kill all the

               men (WHAT KIND OF A DIALOGUE IS THAT?)

 415 B.C.      Athenians send an expedition to conquer

               Sicily (as foreboding music plays)

 415 B.C.      Alcibiades defects to Sparta

 414-404 B.C.  The Ionian War, the final phase of the

               Second Peloponnesian War

 414 B.C.      Sparta joins Syracuse against Athens

 413 B.C.      Sparta establishes fort at Decelea,

               defeats Athenian force in Great Harbor of

               Syracuse; captures and kills Nicias and


 412 B.C.      Athenian counterattacks bring victories at

               Chinos and Miletus

 412-411 B.C.  Some of Athenian allies revolt, Persians

               join Spartan side, Athens raises another


               the same guy who earlier betrayed Athens to

               Sparta (these Athenians would be good to

               have on your parole board)

 411 B.C.      Athenian naval victory over Spartan fleet

               at Hellespont

 411 B.C.      End of Thucydides’ History

 410 B.C.      Alcibiades whoops a joint Spartan and

               Persian force, Sparta suggests peace,

               Athens refuses (greed is an ugly thing)

 409 B.C.      Carthaginians attack and seize cities in

               Sicily (Athens could have used these guys)

 408 B.C.      Persian king Darius II sends his younger

               son Cyrus to govern Asia Minor, and help

               Sparta against Athens

 408-407 B.C.  Sparta allied with Persia

 406 B.C.      Carthaginians continue conquest of Sicily

 405 B.C.      Athenian fleet almost totally destroyed by

               Spartan admiral Lysander, when he catches

               it on the beach at Aegospotami (triremes

               normally came to shore at night, but you

               don’t want to sleep later than opponent)

 405 B.C.      Athens besieged

 405 B.C.      Dionysius (not a Carthaginian) becomes

               ruler in Syracuse

 404 B.C.      Athens surrenders


               the winner

 404 B.C.      Egypt gains independence from Persia

 401-400 B.C.  Cyrus the Younger leads expedition against

               his older brother Artaxerxes (now ruler of


 400 B.C.      Cyrus the Younger dies in battle, and his

               10,000 Greek mercenaries fight long route

               back to Black Sea, through Persian army

               and a bunch of other folks (“Retreat of

               the Ten Thousand” written of by Xenophon)

 400 B.C.      Greek physician Hippocrates active

 400 B.C.      Greek philosopher Democritus suggests world

               is made up of tiny particles called atoms

 400 B.C.      Greek gastraphetes (“belly shooter”), early

               large crossbow, used as heavy artillery

 400 B.C.      Trace harness developed in China.  The concept,

               of a yoke across the chest with traces

               connected, may have originated in use with

               humans used to pull boats on canals.  The

               harness will arrive in Europe in 568 A.D.

 400 B.C.      Cast iron in use in China.  Would be in use

               in Scandinavia by late 8th century A.D. and

               throughout Europe by 1380 A.D.

 399 B.C.      Socrates executed for being impious and

               contributing to the delinquency of minors

               (ah, back when crime didn’t pay)

 399-394 B.C.  Spartans war against Persians in Asia Minor

               (how quickly those allies are forgotten)

 397 B.C.      Dionysius successfully defends Syracuse

               against Carthaginians

 397 B.C.      Dionysius uses siege towers and catapults

               against Motya

 396 B.C.      Rome’s first biggie — destroying Etruscan

               city of Veii

 394-393 B.C.  Athenian admiral Conon, aided by a Persian

               fleet, defeats Spartans and restores

               fortifications of Athens

 390 B.C.      Gallic king Brennus sacks Rome and burns

               it, and also smashes many of Rome’s

               northern allies (payback to come later)

 390 B.C.      First known kite, in China

 387 B.C.      Plato founds Academy

 387-386 B.C.  Persian king helps Greeks negotiate peace

 386 B.C.      Thebans and Athenians renew war with Sparta

 371 B.C.      Theban king Epaminondas defeats Spartans at

               Leuctra; Thebes dominates Greece.

 370 B.C.      Plato writes The Republic

 362 B.C.      Athens and Sparta form alliance against


 362 B.C.      Theban king Epaminondas wins big victory

               at Mantinea, but is killed, and Theban

               power quickly peters out

 359-336 B.C.  Philip II is king of Macedonia, having

               earlier been a hostage and student of

               Epaminondas, at Thebes, where Philip took

               lots of notes

 359 B.C.      Philip II begins thorough training program

               for Macedonian army

 350 B.C.      Philip II of Macedon organizes special

               military engineer group

 343 B.C.      Rome begins Samnite wars, which last 50

               years but secure central Italy

 342-270 B.C.  Epicurus and followers, Epicureans,

               advocating less dependence on material things

 341 B.C.      Persians reconquer Egypt

 339 B.C.      Philip II of Macedonia defeats Athens and

               Thebes at Chaeronea, establishing

               Macedonian dominion over Greece

 338 B.C.      Rome defeats Latin League (old ally of

               Rome, there’s a lesson here) in Latin Wars

 338-146 B.C.  Hellenistic Age

 336 B.C.      Philip II assassinated; Alexander succeeds


 336-323 B.C.  Alexander rules

 336 B.C.      Rumors of Alexander’s death (while he is

               fighting northern barbarians) cause several

               Greek cities to revolt

 336 B.C.      Alexander comes home, quickly destroys

               Thebes, and convinces the other cities that

               rumors of his death are greatly exaggerated

 334 B.C.      Alexander crosses Hellespont and wins the

               Battle of Granicus, opening Asia to him

 333 B.C.      Alexander defeats Persian king Darius III

               at Battle of Issus

 333 B.C.      Alexander lays siege to Tyre in Phoenicia

 332 B.C.      Alexander captures Tyre, Gaza, and Egypt

 332 B.C.      Alexander founds Alexandria in Egypt (one

               of over 20 towns by that name which he founded

               — not very original, is he?)

 331 B.C.      Alexander defeats Darius III at Gaugamela or

               Battle of Arbela: Darius III has army of

               300,000 infantry; 40,000 cavalry; 250 chariots;

               and 50 elephants — beaten by Alex and 60,000

 327 B.C.      Alexander invades India

 323 B.C.      Alexander dies at Babylon; the Diadochi

               (“successors” in Greek) seek to control

               the empire

 323 B.C.      Alexander’s general Ptolemy I gets Egypt

               and Palestine

 312 B.C.      Romans begin building the Via Appia

               (Appian Way)

 305 B.C.      Seleucus I Nicatur (the Conqueror) is king

               of Macedonia

 300 B.C.      Greek mathematician Euclid active

 300 B.C.      Bantu people spread over eastern and

               southern Africa

 287-211 B.C.  Archimedes

 279 B.C.      Greeks block Gauls at Thermopylae

 270 B.C.      Greek astronomer, Aristarchus, states the

               Earth revolves around the sun

 270-230 B.C.  Alexandrian mathematician, Ctesibius,

               invents the organ, the water pump, the

               spring, and the valve

 264-241 B.C.  First Punic War

 264 B.C.      Carthage occupies Sicily, starting First

               Punic War with Rome

 264 B.C.      Adulis in Ethiopia is large trade center

               for trade between Africa and Arabia, with

               goods from Europe and India as well

 264-100 B.C.  Frequent bouts of pirates in greater

               Mediterranean Sea

 256 B.C.      Romans besiege Carthage, but are beaten

 255 B.C.      Roman fleet of 248 ships sunk in storm off

               Cape Pachymus, losing 100,000+ men, fifteen

               percent of military age men in Italy

 250 B.C.      Greek mathematician, Archimedes, states

               laws of specific gravity

 241 B.C.      Romans defeat Carthaginians, ending the

               First Punic War

 240 B.C.      Eratosthenes of Cyrene calculates Earth’s

               circumference at about 24,000 miles (in

               their units of course, he didn’t use miles)

 240 B.C.      First Latin literature, in Rome

 239 B.C.      Halley’s comet first recorded (but under an

               assumed name)

 238 B.C.      Romans seize Sardinia and Corsica from


 237 B.C.      Carthaginian generals Hasdrubal and

               Hannibal conquer lots of Iberian Peninsula

 227 B.C.      Spartan king Cleomenes III defeats Achaean


 222 B.C.      Macedonian king Antigonus III helps Achaean

               League to defeat Sparta (don’t these end-

               less things make you think of that phrase

               “what goes around comes around”?)

 222 B.C.      Alexandria is center of science and learning,

               with 400,000 scrolls in library, and a 200

               foot lighthouse to guide folks to the library

 219 B.C.      Hannibal attacks Romans at Saguntum


 218 B.C.      Hannibal crosses Alps into Italy

 218 B.C.      Rome declares war on Spain, starting Second

               Punic War

 218-201 B.C.  Second Punic War

 218 B.C.      Battle of Trebia, Hannibal destroys Roman army

               of 40,000

 217 B.C.      Battle of Lake Trasimene, Hannibal destroys

               Roman army of 40,000

 216 B.C.      Hannibal is BIG (we’re talking REALLY BIG)

               winner over Romans at Battle of Cannae,

               destroying Roman army of 80,000

 215-205 B.C.  Macedonian-Rome Wars

 215 B.C.      Great Wall of China begun (but not by Han-

               nibal, he had his hands full)

 212 B.C.      Mathematician Archimedes killed during

               Roman siege of Syracuse

 206 B.C.      Roman general Scipio Africanus Major beats

               Carthaginians in Spain

 206 B.C.      Seleucid king Antiochus III takes Armenia,

               Parthia, and Bactria

 206 BC-220 AD Crossbows common in China during Han dynasty

 204 B.C.      Roman general Scipio Africanus Major

               invades Africa (that’s how he got his name)

 202 B.C.      Battle of Zama, Second Punic War

 202 B.C.      Seleucid king Antiochus III begins conquest

               of Syria and Palestine

 200-0 B.C.    Han dynasty in China develops paper, gun-

               powder,and moveable type

 201 B.C.      Rome, Pergamum, and Rhodes unite against

               Philip V of Macedonia

 200 B.C.      Parisii tribe (Gauls) settle on site of


 200 B.C.      Iron horseshoes arrive (allowing

               increased speed of cavalry and greater

               mobility over rough ground)

 200 B.C.      Parchment in wide use

 200 B.C.      Stirrups in use (… IN CHINA ! … not

               in the West for a long time)

 200 B.C.      Gimbals in use in China — not the department

               store, but the basis of gyroscopes

 200 B.C.      Very expensive mail armor (from Latin macula, net)

 197 B.C.      Romans defeat Macedonians at Cynoscephalae

 196 B.C.      Seleucid king Antiochus III invades Thrace

               (this is one busy guy)

 191 B.C.      Antiochus III defeated by Romans at

               Thermopylae (no wonder … he was wore out)

 184 B.C.      Cato becomes censor of Rome (what were they

               writing on those parchments?) — a censor

               being one of two chief magistrates who

               controlled registration of citizens and

               property, and who were entrusted with

               supervision of manners and morals

 183 B.C.      Hannibal commits suicide to avoid surren-

               dering to Rome (ooo, way to hurt ‘em,

               Hannibal … take that)

 179 B.C.      Perseus is king of Macedonia, succeeding

               his father Philip V

 168 B.C.      Jews, under Maccabees, revolt against


 168 B.C.      Romans defeat Perseus of Macedonia and

               abolish Macedonian monarchy (Macedonian

               tabloids were furious)

 157 B.C.      Chinese arsenals contain 200,000+ crossbows,

               of such complicated high-tolerance that

               captured ones couldn’t be duplicated by

               enemies, and the arrows were too short for

               enemy bows

 150 B.C.      Hipparchus of Rhodes compiles first star

               catalog (and Tom Cruise wasn’t in it)

 149 B.C.      Third Punic War starts when Carthage

               attacks Roman ally Numidia

 149-146 B.C.  Third Punic War

 146 B.C.      Roman general Scipio Africanus Minor

               (also known as Scipio Aemilianus)

               destroys Carthage, after 3-year siege,

               thus ending Third (and final) Punic War

 146 B.C.      Rome destroys Achaean League in Greece

               (good year for Rome, bad for the rest)

 139 B.C.      Rome defeats Celts in Iberian Peninsula

               and establishes Lusitania

 130 B.C.      List of Seven Wonders of the World, by

               poet Antipater of Sidon, comes out to rave

               reviews and goes to the top of the charts

 121 B.C.      Rome gains control of Gallic settlement of

               Nimes (from which we got “de Nimes” or

               “denims,” which is French for “the pants

               you wear to look cool”)

 119 B.C.      Han dynasty in China nationalizes natural

               gas, cast iron, and salt industries. The

               natural gas was gotten by deep drilling

               and used primarily to heat and speed

               evaporation of the brine in the salt works.

 111 B.C.      China’s Han dynasty annexes Annam

               (northern Vietnam)

 106 B.C.      Rome takes Gallic city of Tolosa (Toulouse)

 105 B.C.      Roman army adopts training methods used in

               gladiator schools

 105 B.C.      Rome conquers Numidia (hey, weren’t they an

               ally just a few lines ago?)

 100 B.C.      Greek grammarian Dionysius Thrax publishes

               Art of Grammar

  95 B.C.      Armenia, under Tigranes I, begins to expand

  91 B.C.      Rome and allies begin Social War (isn’t

               that an oxymoron?) — allies revolted

               against Rome, and Rome declared that those

               who submitted to Rome would have Roman


  89 B.C.      Roman citizenship rights granted throughout


  87 B.C.      Rome captured by rebels in civil war

  82 B.C.      Roman general Sulla, using his private

               army, recaptures Rome and becomes dictator

               in an attempt to restore the oligarchy —

               a dictator was usually a chief magistrate

               with supreme authority, usually appointed

               by Senate, usually in times of emergency,

               and usually for a term of six months

  80 B.C.      Sulla smashes Etruscans; then they become

               Roman citizens

  77 B.C.      First “encyclopedia”…Pliny the Elder’s

               Historia Naturalis

  73 B.C.      Gladiator Spartacus leads uprising of

               around 40,000+ fugitive Roman slaves

  71 B.C.      Spartacus killed at Lucania by Roman

               general Marcus Licinius Crassus

  63 B.C.      Roman general Pompey conquers Palestine

  60 B.C.      Pompey, Crassus, and Julius Caesar form

               First Roman Triumvirate

  59 B.C.      Acta diurna, a news gazette, published

               in Rome

  58 B.C.      Julius Caesar invades Gaul, starting

               Gallic Wars

58-52 B.C.     Gallic Wars

  57 B.C.      Julius Caesar defeats the Belgae, in

               present day Belgium

  55 B.C.      Julius Caesar invades Britain

  52 B.C.      Vercingetorix unifies Gallic tribes

               against Rome

  51 B.C.      Julius Caesar conquers Gaul, ending the

               Gallic War (on a galling note for Gauls)

  50 B.C.      Glassblowing in Phoenicia

  49 B.C.      Julius Caesar crosses Rubicon into Italy,

               starting a civil war

  48 B.C.      Julius Caesar beats Pompey at Pharsalus

               (Pompey flees to Egypt, where he is


  48 B.C.      Egyptian civil war between Ptolemy III

               and his sister Cleopatra

  47 B.C.      New Year starts on January 1st for first

               time, with new Roman calendar

  47 B.C.      Caesar arrives in Egypt, with army, …

               and likes Cleopatra … a LOT

  47 B.C.      Ptolemy killed

  46 B.C.      Caesar appointed dictator of Rome

  44 B.C.      Caesar assassinated

  43 B.C.      Mark Anthony, Octavian (Augustus), and

               Lepidus are Second Roman Triumvirate

43-41 B.C.     War of the Second Triumvirate (Rome)

  42 B.C.      Octavian and Mark Anthony defeat Brutus

               and Cassius at Philippi (these two were

               among the alleged killers of Caesar)

  42 B.C.      Mark Anthony finds he also likes Queen

               Cleopatra … a LOT

  37 B.C.      Herod the Great rules Judea

  31 B.C.      Octavian defeats Mark Anthony at Actium

  31 BC-450 AD Roman Empire

  30 B.C.      Mark Anthony and Cleopatra commit

               suicide, separately

  27 B.C.      Octavian is first Roman emperor, and the

               Senate names him Augustus (our Senate could

               never get away with renaming presidents,

               and CALLing them names just isn’t the same)

  27 B.C.      Octavian establishes Praetorian guard (see,

               he did notice what happened to Julius)

  23 B.C.      Roman poet Horace writes his odes

  20 B.C.      Marcus Verrius Flaccus compiles first general


  12 B.C.      Rome begins attempt to grab Germany

I suppose quite a few prophets showed up late to the party according to the history of mankind timeline….

anonymous asked:

Jesus Christ stop adding on to peoples posts that aren't even about that.

Jesus christ my house burned down

Jesus christ we didn’t have time to bring anything with us, no photo albums, neither of the trunks that have been in our family for five generations, none of the things that my uncle who died a month ago gave me, my grandfather’s favorite painting, i never met him, the necklace my best friend gave me, the necklace that i made a matching one for for my friend who lives in the east coast, my mom’s wedding rings, the wooden decoy duck that belonged to my grandfather, my grandmother’s hutch, most of the things in our house cannot be replaced by insurance, because they are one of a kind and tell our family history. I chose this house back in 2005, i was about three, just built, my grandmother lived there until 2010, then we moved in.  We left everything because we thought we would be able to come back, we didn’t know that less than two hours later a fire that was five miles away would have engulfed our neighborhood. We left because of the smoke, a mandatory evacuation was not issued until long after we left. Fourteen years worth of my life are gone now. And everything i see reminds me of something that i have lost, and it makes me start to cry, my entire city is smoldering, my family used to own so much of this land, we are deeply rooted here, and i know this city by heart, at least 13 dead here, and thousands of homes destroyed, I don’t know where my friends are, my city is falling apart and you’re mad at me for being upset because i’ve been triggered into tears by a post that seems unrelated but can still somehow remind me of something you don’t know