dearjanepersonal

“Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days – when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when you’re out of options, when the pain is great – and you turn to God alone.” - Ptr. Rick Warren

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Even in the seasons of trouble, lack, disappointment and brokenhearted-ness, God saves me. And I am able to live each day anew. Thank you for bringing me back on my feet. I love you.

Random thoughts

fall in love with your best friend. it’s honestly the best ride you’ll ever take in life. girls, don’t get jealous if your man thinks jessica alba is hot. you know she is too, just accept it! guys, if she seems totally crazy and yells at you for something she laughed about last week …she’s menstruating and it’s only temporary. you can’t escape a woman’s natural bodily functions, so deal. she probably deals way more with your farts, burps, and days-without-showering self …and honestly, that’s so disgusting, but we love you anyway. single people, you are blessed to have so much ME time for yourself. spend it learning new things, finding old things, or just freaking laugh. stop crying over spilled milk. stop being lonely and sad you’re without anyone. this is the peek of your years. it could easily be taken away from you if you don’t enjoy them. GET UP AND DANCE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

discover, share, and listen to music daily. music is love. smile more often than you frown, emo kids. even if it’s fake. you are sure to brighten someone else’s day so don’t be selfish. STOP TALKING SMACK. goodness. let go of your bitter heart, and just forgive people. ask for forgiveness. give people chances. don’t regret your mistakes. isn’t it amazing when you finally fix them and make them right? stop and take a moment to stare at the sky. it’ll remind you how little you are to the whole entire universe and that image alone should humble you. remember to pray. pray to God and thank him with your whole heart. remember when you felt like you hit rock bottom? and you begged God to save you. well, he did, didn’t he? you should definitely go to God with the same attitude when you’re happy. drink a lot of water. exercise and eat well. spend time with your family. it’s nice to think theyd be around forever, but truthfully (and this hurts) they won’t be. you can never LAUGH too hard, DANCE too long, SING too loud, or LOVE too much. out of all of these things …LOVE is what we’re ALLLLLL called to do here. SO…….. LOVE YOURSELF, LOVE OTHERS, and LOVE LIFE.

3

Product Review Time: I’ve been using Organix’s Renewing Morrocan Argan Oil Conditioner lately. It’s making my hair shine and it feels soft! Argan oil is produced from the argan tree grown in Morocco and is teeming with vitamin E. I highly recommend it for people who use heat styling products everyday. It smells amazing and you’ll definitely see the difference after one wash. I plan on testing out other products from the line. Trust me, my hair is a jungle but the Morrocan argan oil made it a garden. hahaha I bought mine at my local Target for $7.99. Ebay, Drugstore.com, Ulta, and Amazon.com carry the product as well.

note to self: your first year of dating is going to be... awkward

dear verna,

you are finally single. after 6 grueling years with someone thought to be your other half, you are now making reservations for 1. also, you were never a half to begin with. 

this is what’s going to happen to your dating life. it’s going to be so gnarly and you are so not going to be ready. mainly because you are awkward with compliments and because you hate… dating. just hang tight and be open to these nice guys. who knows, you might actually like one.

bar guy

and here’s one now, the guy you met at the bar. he’s mysterious, collected, and he just bought you a drink. you tell him to follow you on instagram (SCORE) and you find out he’s kind of a big deal. you exchange a few texts here and there, go on a coffee date, admire his artsy downtown apartment and realize that this guy is creative, funny, and has a job. oh and is that a guitar? winning. he snaps photos of you on a stoop, because art. he will text you for the next 2 months. in which you will not.

he unfollows you on instagram.

class of ‘06 hunk guy

“do you want to maybe hang out sometime?” will be the subject line of your facebook inbox messages between you and blast from the past guy. you drop everything you are doing and message immediately because this guy was a total hunk in high school and he still kind of is. “yeah, that’d be fun” you will say. you will drive 20 mins across town to see him and the whole way you are cussing at yourself “what the f$!C am i doing?” you will uber for the first time ever, because drinking is involved. a lot. he takes you to a rooftop overlooking the pacific ocean. it’s damn romantic. he will kiss you in the middle of the street, which is the most dangerous thing you will do. the next few weeks, you are flattered by how many times he says you’re beautiful but that maybe you should look into being a nurse. your girlfriend finds a photo of him and another pretty lady. they look cute.

he texts you a year later and asks how you’ve been. 

happy not being a nurse, you will think to yourself.

tinder guy(s)

you will succumb to the lowest of lows and sign up for a tinder profile. you will spend countless of hours in bed swiping left to guys that have pukka shell necklaces in their profile pictures and really awful profile descriptions. you swipe right to possible prospects. after all, he has his grandma in his 4th photo, so he can’t be that bad!!! you will meet up with this guy for a moscow mule in silverlake’s most trendiest of bars. it is practically pitch black in there and you cannot stay awake because he is talking about his job way too much. you admire his northface sweater vest because you want to nap on it. he says “there’s no excuse for us not to hang out again because we are neighbors!” as he ushers you into the uber. 

you will be the worst neighbor ever.

then there’s mr perfect smile, musician, tall, and slender tinder man. oh boy, this one’s going to go from 0 to 100 real fast. you are taken back at how goodlooking he is in person. you text all your girlfriends saying “this is the one”. he is charming, handsome, and he paid the bill. so far, so good. he will meet you in vegas while you are on a work trip. he has been pessimistic and negative forthcoming the trip, so you are totally turned off. he texts you with emojis now. you are emoji-less.

he tells you to grow up while internet stalking your social media.

famous instagram photographer guy

*LIKE* despite his 1.4m following, he will be drawn to your profile randomly. he DMs you and you will flirt awkwardly. he will text you while you are on a big bear trip, but you will be distant because tinder#2 guy kind of made you hopeless over social media dating. after he bombards your IG with his activity and guilt trips you over why you have not hung out yet, you give him a chance. he plays sufjan stevens on his record player, shows you his new camera bag, and you shyly say “NO” as he tries to take your photograph. the next time you see him, he will meet your friends. you will notice the intense awkwardness that is his whole being. he expects you to go home with him.

you learn, verna. you politely let him down in several texts saying “i’m just trying to figure myself out right now.”

he takes it well, likes your selfie one last time.

sweet baker guy

be forewarned: he will bake his way into your heart. and then, he will break your heart. sweet baker high school crush guy is the guy of your DREAMS. you have gushed over him since you first laid your eyes on him during your brief encounters in the hallways of your high school. you wonder why he has never actually talked to you about anything beside cupcakes for the last 10 years. until one fateful day, he snapchats you “wuzzzzzzzzzup”. you never respond to snapchats, but for the next 4 months, he is your #1 best friend. you go on a first date. it is the coolest. you talk about stars and planets as you both gaze out into the hazy lit horizon of los angeles. all you will think about is how unreal it is that he is actually into you. he kisses you in front of his best friend’s house. you try not to actually die. verna, this is the moment your heart has finally beaten out of your chest so fast that you need so much time to catch up to it. you are smitten. but in the moments to follow, you realize the most fucked up thing the universe can do is give you the “right” person at the wrong time. although it might seem he was not there for you, you will be the one who will leave first -emotionally, at least. he gives you some kind of physics formula: distant is constant, time varies (we lived an hour away). you will be fucking confused for a week. like, are you some kind of recipe that he can’t quite seem to get right? you will evaluate the problem and then slap yourself for wasting so much time on someone who says that to you! conclusion: you and him are semi-long distance, but being busy depends on if he decides to take a yoga class that night. i took it as “i don’t think you are worth the distance or the time it takes to get to you.” (1 hour away is apparently too much) you and him will teeter for months, in which you will ride his most prized possession: his sexy ass bike (/edit: took out heart. i dont think it was involved). he painfully talks to you less and less, and the days of snapchat best friends comes to an end. you will move on because you deserve someone better. he moves on as well. with someone new. or someone old. someone blue? someone.. not you.

he is still your dream guy, but realistically, will never be THE guy. 

yourself guy

in the midst of all these guys, you will have managed to do one thing right: date yourself. which, ironically, may have been the downfall to why these dating experiences never leveled up. i am proud of you for recognizing what kind of love you desire, and for not settling for anything less than that. you will spend so much time alone, but that doesn’t mean it will always be lonely. 

you will laugh at buzzfeed article comments, cry over quitting your job, learn to make ceviche with your dad, dance in the colorado rain with your best friends, drink walmart champagne with your sister and her bf, be told that you are going to be a bridesmaid twice and be invited to 4 other weddings, regretfully dye your hair from color out of a box because you have no money but love it anyway, and you will write this blog post with the intent and reminder that: 

YOU ARE PRETTY AMAZING ON YOUR OWN. 

oh verna, i hope you realize that you are not ready to give your precious love away. you have traveled into several realms of the modern dating world, but you have been maneuvering in the wrong vehicle. despite each guy having a different story, they share one common denominator: you. it all ended… with you not being ready. i think you are far smarter than this. wipe the tears, protect your heart and it will do good for you. you are made for real, passionate, unconditional, boundless love. save this for him. for THE guy. 

never think true love is measured by formulas, distance, time or weight,

but always believe that true love is worth the wait.

all the best and forever yours,

verna

ps. you will regret not screenshotting that d-pic. 

I had a lot of things, people, and moments to be thankful of in 2015. I started off with a clean slate and the mentality that I was going to do amazing and great things for and by myself. I traveled to New York again and saw its snowfall for the first time since I was a child. I climbed to the top of the highest peak at Utah’s Zion National Park and witnessed a rare American Eagle soar above our heads. I went to Coachella with some of my best friends, saw some cool bands, and then realized I hated music fests. Saw a blanket of stars at Joshua Tree and had some deep conversations about constellations with my closest friends. I ate french donuts at the French Quarter in the heart of New Orleans. I met some ‘gators, had amazing southern comfort food, and even spent the night at a historic Louisiana plantation. I grew closer with my cousins every day and became more thankful I was born into our family because of them. I hiked through the Rocky Mountains in Denver and ran through the forest in pouring rain with friends I adore. I saw my favorite band play on a stage made of rocks while lightning struck behind them and stars shined above us. (is this what they mean by “rockstars”?) I had to part ways with a job that I liked, but found a new career path in a company that I love. I went beach camping and grew thankful for sunrises and sunsets that are often take for granted in California. I took a train up state to San Francisco to send off my dearest girlfriend and ventured the city. I went overseas without my parents for the very first time and survived. Thailand was everything and impacted my outlook in life in more ways than I could ever express or post on Instagram. I was surrounded by natives and I became a foreigner. Also, riding elephants is EXACTLY what you dream it to be. While all this was happening, I counted my blessings, 1 and 2, who were my best friends, and thanked God for bringing such adventurous souls to me so we could live out our shared dreams.

Last but not least, you guys, I fell in love. It was unexpected, and it is EVERYTHING I have been waiting for. I fell in love with Paul. He continues to enrich my life, support me in all ways, grow with me in our careers and most of all, make me the happiest woman ever. I couldn’t have capped off 2015 on a better note. Not only am I happy with myself, but now with someone who deserves the entire world. I am anxious for what 2016 will reveal to me. LOUD AND CLEAR - God is good. New Year, New Me? NAH! New Year, MORE OF ME!

How could I get any happier than this?!

Bless up,
Verna

love shouldn't make sense

things that are logical tend to have formulas, conclusions, rational reasonings, definite values, and perfect explanations. love… love abides none of that. therefore, love shouldn’t make sense. it should be independent of standards and laws. it should be messy, colorful, unpredictable. its purpose is to exist abundantly and unconditionally between two willing beings – acting as the breath that sustains them.  

you can simply answer WHAT you love about someone but when someone asks, “WHY love?” the answer should always be “why not?”

*and although there is no definite value, there is surely an infinite one.

love makes no sense. love is that of the essence.