“The Piece That Don’t Belong" 

Phil realized at an early age that he wasn’t always received well. His peers often fell far below the friend standards he set and there is no need to argue, parents just don’t understand. When Phil announced that he had ambition to dive deep into show biz, Broadway to be exact, he was clowned on. Phil walks alone on his quest for stardom.

“Modern Love”

Phil’s first crush on an obtainable (in theory) object. Wait- object is the wrong word, women are not objects. Obtainable “creature” would certainly need to qualify as female extraterrestrial with solid evidence. Monster fits well. Phil’s first crush on an obtainable monster. Phil followed her with hearts in his eyes. She wore the same school girl outfit that had arrived for his father just the other day.

“ill Phil”

On a good not great Monday Phil was sent home early from school over a small case of the sniffles. Though Phil had been looking forward to today’s cafeteria menu he followed instructions and awaited his fathers pick up in the nurses office. Circumstances went from bad to worse. Suddenly Phil was being told he had a temperature, that he was contagious (not in the sexually irresistible content Phil is used to hearing either) and was not to leave the house. No play time, no dress up run way show and worst of all: no turntables. Phil fumed in the oversized armchair his father loved. He and Lance plotted. Coughing and sneezing on everything his father would naturally use, starting with the 25 lbs dumb bells. Even when he is not well, Phil remains the illest of villains.

“Let ‘em have it Phil!”

Phil hated losing this teeth.  One year he lost his two front teeth conveniently before the Holidays.  Phil’s classmates taunted him, singing that repetitive and sorry excuse for a children’s song “All I Want for Christmas.”  Phil faced suspension when quoting Old Dirty Bastard and asked his peer “Do ya wanna getcha teeth knocked the fuck out?”  Needless to say, his Christmas break was spent grounded and presents lacked the grand proportion and magnitude he had his heart set on.  This year Phil made sure his Christmas would be up to par by taking advice from his pal Big L.  Cashed in on teeth n funds with interest.


So many questions for Phil and Lance. His dad’s latest custom arrived earlier, carefully packaged in a wood box stuffed with excelsior and delivered by a carefully packaged man stuffed in a brown UPS uniform. He didn’t know exactly which pheelings he was entitled to at that moment. How does Phil pheel? How is Phil supposed to pheel? Can Phil pheel anything at all? Why should Phil answer?

“I play my enemies like a game of chess.”

Video games from 1990-2008. A solid time for Super Nintendo and his favorite sport. Phil loves to throw down on the court. Phil loves to throw up that 3. Phil dodges to the left. Phil fakes to the right. Up, over, he shoots, he scores. Thank you, thank you.

“Thirty One”

Phil’s homeboy and The One and Only has remained a positive force in Phil’s life. For five years Phil studied and learned the ways of a Santa Fe raised New Mexican. Phil adapted to the lingo and recited lines from the coveted and sacred film Bound By Honor. He respected Team Chude. Homie brought beats and trees, soaking Phil up like an SOS sponge during long days and freshened the air inhaled. The homeboy turned 31 today. Happy Birthday carnale.

“Real Sham”

Spin was a person Phil admired. Someone who shared his love for musicals and vocal talent. Someone who made Phil feel warm on the inside. When Phil hugged Spin, it was a symphony of peach cobbler, vanilla ice cream, bubbly and the pleasant gurgle of Tom Waits in the background. All of this rolled into one sweet emotion. Phil’s feelings and love for the relationship he shares with a dear friend summed up.

“Take ‘em All to Skool”

The game reaches a new level when Phil steps up on the scene. This boy has driven more balls into more holes than the Phoenix Suns have collectively over the season. A deep feeling of insecurity swept over nearly every organization when Phil tried out. He was good-too good. They feared the history of Michael J would be forgotten and the legacy of Kobe shattered if a portly fellow like Phil and his mad skills became public. Carnales in the barrio challenge him but know he balls harder than the cement inside of a Spaulding. Step to Phil-he will always slam your dunk.

“Phil Parts”

Phil rested his chin on a fist that clenched his pencil tightly. After hours of homework he felt fully juiced and turned up the jam. Phil didn’t care for Hole, he didn’t like Courtney’s lack of lady-like qualities. Dad didn’t care for Hole and called Ms. Love a product fresh out the Swine Factory. Lance on the other hand loves Hole and Court. Lance often times channeled her rage and made it his own. He too felt the injustices placed upon the female rocker and it pissed him off. Lance turns the screw in Phil’s thoughts. Phil hears himself speak without knowledge in a low, raspy voice. “Someday Phil will ache like Lance aches.”

“Phil Speaks for Me”

Everyone has a creator, even Phil.  Phil’s creator suffers from an overwhelming fear of birds.  Even a raw, glistening, speckled and hefty ‘ol big boy like this would make a mighty ruler like Darthedag jump.  The creator has instructed Phil to bag this turkey.  Maybe even double bag it.  Happy Thanksgiving from Phil & life behind him.