Oh if I only could express how sorry I am!
You always wanted the best for me.
You’ve made mistakes but not on purpose.
All these years you’ve been and you still are my biggest support.
Even now, when I honestly do not deserve it.
I think of you as a person that is just too kind for this world.
And so am I.
We’re so similar in many things and, oh god, did we laugh about things that no one else understood.
I know that I sometimes can’t really show it.
No, honestly. I’ve done you wrong so many times just because I couldn’t handle a stupid mood swing or had no cigarettes left.
You do not deserve this.
You deserve so much better.
But i love you, I love you so much.
And I need you.
I’m an awful daughter and i don’t know if I can change but you’re my world, mom.
You’re everything to me and I’m proud to say that because you’re the best thing in my whole life.
You were the one that rubbed my back and dried my swollen eyes when i was crying my eyes out over a guy that I met secretly.
You were the one that forced me to go to the hospital when all i wanted was an overdose.
You cared for my cuts.
And i know that seeing them broke your heart.
And knowing that breaks my heart.
You wouldn’t say it but you hate blue hair and black clothes and all the piercings and stuff. And I have all of it.
But you still hold my tattooed hand.
I don’t know where my life began to turn wrong and everything crashed and the burning pieces fell down on me.
But one thing I know for sure: it isn’t your fault.
You did so good, really.
You warned me about the older boys, the drugs that take you to heaven but then to hell, all of it.
I didn’t listen.
I guess I just had to experience it myself.
My heart explodes in my chest when I think about what I put you through.
I made you cry.
I made you feel helpless.
I made you get so exhausted mentally that you had to seek help yourself.
I can never make that up to you.
You’re the best and I honesty don’t know why you’re still by my side.
But I love you, I love you so much it hurts.
— Love letter to my mother.