dear world i just wanted to show you thing

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry.
Oh if I only could express how sorry I am!
You always wanted the best for me.
You’ve made mistakes but not on purpose.
All these years you’ve been and you still are my biggest support.
Even now, when I honestly do not deserve it.

I think of you as a person that is just too kind for this world.
And so am I.
We’re so similar in many things and, oh god, did we laugh about things that no one else understood.
I know that I sometimes can’t really show it.
No, honestly. I’ve done you wrong so many times just because I couldn’t handle a stupid mood swing or had no cigarettes left.
You do not deserve this.
You deserve so much better.
But i love you, I love you so much.
And I need you.
I’m an awful daughter and i don’t know if I can change but you’re my world, mom.
You’re everything to me and I’m proud to say that because you’re the best thing in my whole life.
You were the one that rubbed my back and dried my swollen eyes when i was crying my eyes out over a guy that I met secretly.
You were the one that forced me to go to the hospital when all i wanted was an overdose.
You cared for my cuts.
And i know that seeing them broke your heart.
And knowing that breaks my heart.
You wouldn’t say it but you hate blue hair and black clothes and all the piercings and stuff. And I have all of it.
But you still hold my tattooed hand.
I don’t know where my life began to turn wrong and everything crashed and the burning pieces fell down on me.
But one thing I know for sure: it isn’t your fault.
You did so good, really.
You warned me about the older boys, the drugs that take you to heaven but then to hell, all of it.
I didn’t listen.
I guess I just had to experience it myself.
My heart explodes in my chest when I think about what I put you through.
I made you cry.
I made you feel helpless.
I made you get so exhausted mentally that you had to seek help yourself.
I can never make that up to you.

You’re the best and I honestly don’t know why you’re still by my side.
But I love you, I love you so much it hurts.

—  Love letter to my mother.
A little love for the signs (From a Libra sun, Leo moon)
  • Dear Aries: It doesn't matter how dark times are, you are there for me. And I know you will always support me. You can make me happy like no one else can. You can say something that isn't even funny and I have to laugh with you. I could talk all night with you. About anything. You are full of light, full of life. You deserve everything bright.
  • Dear Taurus: Even though I've never really been so close to you to say that, I want you to know that you're worth it. You are beautiful, your smile helps people not to give up. So don't give up on yourself. You're strong and I know you smile through the pain, but it's okay. We all go through that and I wanted to tell you that you're not alone.
  • Dear Gemini: You are funny, you are witty, you always know how to make me laugh. I am inspired by you. You are so sociable, yet you know how to be alone and overthink things. You can do decisions by yourself, you don't hesistate to make the right choice. I admire you for that. Also, your art is beautiful. You are art.
  • Dear Cancer: I know we haven't been best friends. I know we had fights and that you broke my trust too often. But I realized, you are only a human being, just as me. Everyone keeps making mistakes, but no one wants to admit that. I hope for you that you'll be happy in the future. I want you to concentrate more on yourself, not on others because you are you, and no one can be that for you.
  • Dear Leo: Whenever I talk to you, it feels like we understand each other without saying a word. You are passionate and you are optimistic. You are the person I look up to, you brighten everyone's day, yet no one knows if you're dying inside. You are beautiful and you know it. You taught me it's completely fine to love yourself. So do it.
  • Dear Virgo: You're so selfless. You always try to help me, doesn't matter if you understand me or not. I know that sometimes it's hard for you to show that you care about me, but I notice in this little things you do for me that you do care. And that's fine. You're human. It's okay to break down. It's okay to talk to someone. You will get through this all. I'm right here by your side.
  • Dear Libra: I feel like everyone of you is my sister or my brother. You can make me feel special without knowing it. When we're talking about god and the world, it's like I've known you all my life, even if it's just hours. I want you to look at the mirror and say "I'm proud". Be confident. Believe in youself. Only if you try that, no one will stop you from loving yourself and the world.
  • Dear Scorpio: I don't even know where to start. You changed my life. You taught me things in an emotional way I never thought I'd experience. With every wise word you said you took my breath away. It doesn't matter how much time will fly, I will always remember you. You are my first love and you make everything feel so real. Everytime you look at me, I feel special. You taught me how to love someone and I taught you how to love yourself. Be happy. No matter how we're gonna end, I want you to remember us. You deserve the entire universe.
  • Dear Sagittarius: You doubt yourself more than anyone else. You wear that beautiful smile everyday, but inside you don't even know who you are. I have so much fun with you everytime we do something together. Don't let that happiness die. People look up on you. And you have to do your own thing. Don't give a shit what others think. Find out what you need, what you want and what you love. Everything else will come by time.
  • Dear Capricorn: You are one of the stongest yet most broken person I know. Or should I say, pretend to know? You hide your emotions, afraid of being hurt or replaced. I tell you something: There are people who love you and care about you. There is hope. You can have whatever you want in life, if you're just willing to accept your feelings and yourself.
  • Dear Aquarius: Being around you is like jumping from one cloud to another. Everything feels easier. Even maths. Life is easier with you. The weight of all the bad things in life are gone. I don't know how you're able to make me feel like this, but I'm sure it makes you very special and I hope you never stop making people feel like this because it's one of the best feelings ever.
  • Dear Pisces: If I'm sad, I know I can always talk to you. You always have a solution to my problem. Even if it's just a sentence like "It's okay, we will find a way.", it works. It makes me feel better. You're the most selfless person I've ever met and you're always there for your loved ones. Just take care of yourself, too, because your life is as important as the lives of everyone else.
My Favorite Fanfic, Ever

“You Know They’re Gonna Think You’re Lovers, Right?” Has ended and can I say, wow.

i’m kinda copying my comment but just This story was beautiful and heartbreaking happy, it made me laugh, cry, feel so many emotions all at once. I am in tears right now. I love how this story gave me closure, im sad to see it go but its done its finished I feel complete. I am so grateful that story like this for this ship, fandom, the world basically exists. it is painfully accurate when it goes over so many mental disorders and it doesn’t flat out copy the same feelings I felt for the actual show. I would describe it as the ending most of us needed/wanted.

If anybody from the Dear Evan Hansen fandom hasn’t read this, I beg you to. Even if Kleinsen isn’t your thing, it’s still a heartwarming/breaking piece of writing that the whole fandom should read. (fucking tumblr wont let me hyperlink)

And just 1000000x thanks to @neglectedrainbow for being an amazing writer.

Novak: “I will always remember April 2012 as the month when I lost my beloved grandfather Vlada, who meant a lot to me. He was a really important part of my life and I can still feel his presence every day, no matter where I am. Those were some really tough days for me… but then, this amazing new family was born! All of you acted as one, sending me your kind and positive messages, as if you knew exactly how I felt and gave me comfort when I needed it the most. In that moment I lost part of my family, but I also gained a whole new one… That’s when we became Nole Family and when our #NoleFam saw light of day.

Throughout the years I fought hard, always believing in myself, and you were always there to have my back, no matter what. It seems that we have never been just a fan group… From day one #NoleFam was connected by a special team energy, as #TeamDjokovic, which was and remains my valuable source of energy on- and off-court. You were always beside me, standing strong and always ready to give advice, comfort and praise in every given situation.

You have never allowed that any important date passes by unnoticed, not a single holiday, nor achievement… You were there every step of the way, no matter how hard it was. I really don’t know whether all fan groups function that way, but I know for sure that this feels a lot like being part of one big family.

I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you! I am blessed to have you by my side and happy as ever for having such an amazing people and extraordinary friends around me.

You know me so well and remember even the things I tend to forget about myself… and then you remind me and make me laugh, just like that. And I know also so many things about you… I know about your challenges, your small and big fights, your exams, your employment, your disappointments… I know where you are from and how much you support not only me, but also each other. And I want that the whole world get to know you, my dear #NoleFam! I want to introduce you to everybody, one by one, and show who and how amazing you are… so others can gain confidence to step up together and support one another in sport and life.

Because of all this, today we are starting with the #MeetNoleFam project.”


anonymous asked:

I might be alone in this, but the amount of SU and Undertale references in that last AW chapter has gone a bit overboard. I get the merit behind incorporating things that you like into your writing, but I feel like there is a fine line between casual mentions of other media to enrichen the story (like you did in SRU), and letting them take over the narrative, to the point where it becomes immersion-breaking. Like that "do you wanna have a bad time" moment at the end...

So, I’ve kept this one in my inbox for a while, because I really wanted to wait until Chapter 16 was finished. And wow, an SRU reader who moved onto my next fandom work? Thank you. TBH SRU was a huge mess of all of these different things, and IMO I relied too heavily on references to the source material which ultimately weakened and bloated the story. I’m trying to course correct this as I (very slowly) revise SRU into Rokudai. While there may be parts of All Wounds that go over some folks’ heads, I’m trying very hard to make sure that not getting those references doesn’t take anything away – but knowing them certainly adds something – ideally, something that a reader can connect on their own, by their own choice, making that connection more rewarding if it happens.

Originally posted by sessizbirtavir

There was a fantastic episode a while back on Extra Credits where they talked about Information Density using an amazing example from the stellar TV series Mr. Robot (which, if you haven’t seen it, but enjoy All Wounds, please dear goodness give this show a try). I want these different references to invite questions and feelings and make this world feel…more real, and yet more fantastical at the same time – like a dream, where we borrow fragments of things and combine them together in our subconscious. In the real world, you might have these kinds of connections through a blend of fictional worlds – just like Max has with Chloe and Stella. Just like fans of Life is Strange do with each other. But these fictional stories don’t exist within a vacuum, as they influence each other and combine to influence us as people. I absolutely am fascinated by this concept of different ideas blending together.

One recent example – while reading Chapter 16 of All Wounds, one reader got to the part where Stella talks about Chrono Trigger’s multiple endings, and how the player can choose to fight Lavos (the end boss) at basically any point for a large portion of the game. This reader then posed the question, “What is Max’s Lavos?” and that is exactly the kind of weird, correlative question I want people to ask. Contrast and compare. Now, to be sure, sometimes these references can get a bit too on-the-nose or even distracting – like a daydream.

But this is my own personal story, my own personal way of reconciling my conflicting feelings with the ending of Life is Strange. And as such, it’s more important to me to project this weird, individual vision I have than to cast a wider net for a more generalized audience.

Basically any fanfic mine you’re reading that I post online? It’s pretty much all experimental. For the most part, I’m writing it for myself rather than others – to feel out how/why/what I care about in stories. And as such, I’m prone to do weird-ass things that maybe aren’t ‘efficient’ or ‘professional,’ but I’m not creating these stories to sell them.

I’m experimenting. And the later portions of All Wounds are very much a strange experiment for me.

At the same time, All Wounds will be my last big, meaty fandom project. After over 15 years of creating fandom content, I really want this project to not just be a love letter to Life is Strange’s characters, but also a love letter to video games as a medium, a strange celebration of their potential to make us feel things because of our participation in them, a trait unique to the medium; and yet, despite how very differently we might all experience the same piece of gaming, we can still feel connected through that fantasy, and all of those fantasies exist in the same physical space – our reality.

As Kingdom Hearts eloquently puts it: All Worlds under the Same Sky.

Whether the intent was metaphorical or not, I still find such beauty in that concept and what it represents for us as a collective humanity – we can share these experiences, these characters, these songs and images, across time and space.

Originally posted by glamist-art

For Other Max, she is relying too heavily on this kind of connection, however, in lieu of her inability to connect on a genuinely Human level – in frustration at her own incompleteness, and the cage she has trapped herself in. So in a lot of ways, these references are supposed to be distracting, because she is so distracted by them that it disconnects her from reality even further – because she wants to be disconnected from reality. She is an addict to fantasy, to escaping from her own fears and problems. In the same way, Max and Chloe (and Stella) struggle with addictions to weed, alcohol, drugs; and Other Max struggles with an addiction to sex, too – yet another desperate fixation for Human connection because she feels incapable of loving someone in ‘the real way.’

Anyway, I’m getting perhaps a bit too deep into the meaning of all of this, but I hope this makes enough sense.

At the end of the day, though, all of these layers of meaning are just toppings on one simple truth: this project is super personal and I want to express my own weird vision through it in a way that simply can’t be done in a professional work.

Dear wheredidallthelionsgo wrote me a lovely message yesterday, and we talked about this “Phil is so underrated” thing, and she said this:

the phandom should make it a hashtag

And I totally agree with her… Our Lovely Lion deserves more attention and love.

So, if you want to jump on the # train, just make a lovely post on twitter or here, with a #philisunderestimated tag!

Show the world, how Amazing is Phil Lester!

  • *Regina walks into the station to find Emma sighing*
  • Regina: What's wrong dear?
  • Emma: Nothing.
  • Regina: Emma.
  • Emma: It's just that every week it's Emma and Regina face this villain or this monster...why can't it ever be something like Emma and Regina face a peaceful lunch together?
  • Regina *chuckles*: First of all even if there were no monsters or curses I don't think we'd ever have a peaceful lunch, certainly not if your mother was involved.
  • Emma: You love her really.
  • Regina: I'll never admit it.
  • Emma: You don't have to.
  • Regina: Even so dear we get asked to face these things because we're an incredible magical dream team. We're strongest together and our love is the most powerful magic. I know it's stressful and crazy but I like that we're in it together.
  • Emma: Me too. I just wish we could have a normal day.
  • Regina: We're in the wrong town for that.
  • Emma: I know.
  • Regina: We could always go away for a few days and try for normalcy there?
  • Emma: Really?
  • Regina: The town can look after itself for a few days besides I want you to show me the world.
  • Emma: On a magical yellow Bug ride?
  • Regina *laughs*: For you Emma, yes.