dear lie

How to get a girlfriend, according to musicals:

• Dear Evan Hansen: lie about being friends with her dead brother

• Be More Chill: swallow a supercomputer that controls your thoughts and behaviour

• Phantom of the Opera: teach her to sing and stalk her incessantly

• Avenue Q: accuse her of being racist, make her a mixtape and get her drunk on Long Island Iced Tea

• Heathers: criticise her for choosing popularity over friendship and beat the shit out of some random jocks

• Book of Mormon: baptise her

Listen if we get to see what haruka is doing after graduation, I hope it’s one or all three of the following:

-OLYMPICS for Christ’s sake