dear god what is going on

Stuff My Dad Said During Hamilton (Act 1)
  • Hamilton: Is this that musical that has made you obsessed with dead people?
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: If someone started rhyming my name I would leave. It's so annoying.
  • My Shot: Okay they asked who he was - this - this is not the answer to their question. Oh wait now he's spelling his name - YOU KNOW IN THIS TIME MANY PEOPLE WERE ILLITERATE!
  • The Story Of Tonight: Okay so here's drunk dudes being pals and so not flirting with each other.
  • The Schuyler Sisters: AND PEGGY IS MY NEW MOTTO!
  • Farmer Refuted: You said this was the High School Musical dude right? (Me: Yeah.) STICK TO THE STATUS QUO ALEXANDER!
  • You'll Be Back: Okay George whichever shut up and let America rebel. Rebellion is good - *turns to me* That being said ever start to rebel and you'll be grounded till you die.
  • Right Hand Man: Burr got BURR-NED! Get it? Cause Burr. Burrned. It's funny you're just being stupid.
  • A Winter's Ball: Didn't we already listen to - oh wait no this is different.
  • Helpless: Oh God I hope girls don't act like this. *I give him a confused/dirty look* I mean you should make a boy beg for you not fall at his knees. You should make him helpless.
  • Satisfied: This song is just....*exploding hand moves and noise*....Feelings.
  • The Story of Tonight (Reprise): Another drunk song. And the French dude. (Me: Lafayette) Okay well I'm gonna call him French Fry.
  • Wait For It: Did everyone cheat in this time?
  • Stay Alive: Fucking Charles Lee man. Who's Charles Lee?
  • Ten Duel Commandments: They keep saying "Most Disputes Die And No One Shoots" I feel like they're lying to me...
  • Meet Me Inside: Uh ph, Daddy Washington is mad.
  • That Would Be Enough: How do they know it's a boy? I don't think they had ways to tell in this time.
  • Guns And Ships: Rap off. This dude (Me: Daveed) Yeah him, versus like, Eminem, Jay-Z and...uh other rappers.
  • History Has Its Eyes on You: Okay this went from fun to deep...
  • Yorktown: You know we live an hour from this site...*Looks out window*...We should go and reinact this.
  • What Comes Next: Oh right. Georgey is still there. He can piss off.
  • Dear Theodosia: I feel one of them will die...just how everything is worded. AJ, do I get...feels in this?
  • Lauren's Interlude: Wait what the fuck...is he? Oh my God. Alex's boyfriend!
  • Non-Stop: This is too cheery for killing someone. I quit.
Myers Briggs Types by Whether You Should Fight Them

ENFJ: Fight them, when the occasion calls for it. You will win, but only if you keep your emotions out of it. Where there are emotions, they have the power.

ENFP: FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING WHY WOULD YOU FIGHT THEM??? Honestly their INT-x friends will kill you anyway, so back off.

INFJ: They are so pure, sometimes you will want to fight them, just to shake things up. But they are frustratingly dense in their goodness and won’t realize what you’re doing. They will probably try to comfort you as though you are the one who was fought.

INFP: Don’t. They’re soft and smol and you will feel bad about it afterwards.

ESFJ: Don’t even–just leave them. Leave them to themselves, and the worlds they have chosen to aggressively care for.

ESFP: You will die, but it will be worth it. Someone has to fight them. Someone has to stop them. But it’s like fighting the sun, so you will definitely die.

ISFP: Why would you fight them? Like the INFJ, they will not know what you are doing. They will laugh and send you memes instead, but kindly.

ISFJ: Sometimes you will want to, but you should not. They just want to garden in one way or another, so just hand them a rake and go find yourself an ESTP.

ESTJ: Fight them. Dear God, fight them. They are combative but unimaginative, and must be crushed.

ESTP: Trust me, you’ve already fought one.

ISTP: Ehh, don’t bother. They are unreadable and elusive. They are probably causing others to lowkey suffer, but it’s just not worth your time.

ISTJ: No. Do not fight them. You will lose. They are organized, efficient, and tireless. Fighting them will end in death by a thousand precise cuts.

ENTJ: You will want to fight them, and you should. But approach with care. They are the generals of society and will destroy you and your whole family if given an opportunity. Consult an INTJ.

ENTP: They can and must be fought. Prepare yourself; they are wily and full of memes, and they play dirty. Wait for them to prematurely triumph and go in for the kill-stroke.

INTP: You will want to fight them, but you will not know how.

INTJ: You fool.

retail etiquette

alternatively titled, “how to be a decent human being to people who are suffering enough as it is to help your supposedly entitled ass”

1. get off your cell phone.  
      - cashiers ( not to mention the people patiently waiting in line ) don’t need to hear about how little Kelsey’s doing on the soccer team, or how your mother-in-law is coming into town for her birthday and you’re just SO INCONVENIENCED by having to purchase paper plates and cheap napkins before her arrival.  just tell them you’ll call them back when you’re done.
      - if you can’t be assed to think about other people, at least acknowledge the cashier with a smile or a wave.  if they speak to you or ask you a question, don’t shush them.  tell your BFF Tanisha to hold on for what might be a total of four seconds. 

2.  when an item doesn’t immediately scan, please say anything but “oh, it must be free!”  please, dear god, anything but that.  you’re not being funny.  or clever.  or original.  they hear this at least ten times a day.  

3.  the number of items listed on the express lane is not a suggestion.  if you know that you have more items, don’t go there.  it’s that simple.  the express lanes have to be kept open for people who have small orders, so they’re not stuck behind someone with a cart piled high with what’s maybe a week’s worth of food and clothes you’ll inevitably be returning. 

4.  while unloading your cart, put the big items ( i.e., packages of toilet paper, crates of water bottles ) last.  there’s very little room for the cashiers to work with.  when you’re done unloading your cart, pull it up to the loading space and start putting the bags and other items into your cart instead of standing there and staring off into space or fiddling with your phone. 

5.  when you ask a cashier a store-related question ( i.e., how many coupons are allowed per order, whether or not you’re getting the right BOGO deal, etc. ), and they answer you politely and confidently, don’t challenge them.  they work there.  you don’t.  they know the way the store works.  you don’t.  if they’ve forgotten something or made a mistake, by all means, ask them about it – but do it politely.  we all make mistakes.  

6.  do not – i repeat, do not – put your money down on the counter or conveyor belt, especially if the cashier is visibly ready to take it.  hand it over to them.  if you need to count out some change, tell them so they can wait.  oh, and if they’ve already cashed you out, don’t hand over some random amount of change after the drawer’s open.  

7.  if your card’s declined, it’s not their fault.  don’t ask them why it wasn’t accepted.  they don’t know.  and don’t get angry or impatient with them, or insist you have money because you just deposited a check – they do not care.  they cannot help you with problems that are clearly on your end.  

8.  do not yell at a cashier.  once again, for the people in the back:  do not yell at a cashier, especially someone who’s clearly new to the job.  would you appreciate being yelled at for something beyond your control, or a simple, fixable mistake?  no.  so don’t do it to them.  

9.  if you get an answer you don’t like from a cashier and ask to speak to a manager, guess what?  you’re most likely gonna get the same answer from them.  here’s a news flash: the customer is not always right, the company will not always pander to your temper tantrums, and making a scene in front of a line of people with quickly-diminishing patience will not change their minds. 

10.  overall, please just be polite.  these people are working their asses off to help their customers, most of which don’t appreciate their efforts at all.  they’re constantly ignored, mistreated, questioned and degraded, and over time, it really does a number on their emotional state.  just be kind and courteous.  they’re human beings, not mindless drones.  smiles and nice conversations go a long way.  

if anyone else has anything to add, feel free.  floor associates, back room / production workers – go crazy.  share your woes and pet peeves.  

keith: so i uh, made a mistake

hunk: …what do you mean…?

keith: so lance and allura made me go to lush with them, right? well, at lush they have a bunch of bathbombs.

hunk: yeah…..

keith: so i was looking at one and i realized the label on it said “vegan.”

hunk: oh dear god

keith: and, you know, usually if something is vegan it’s food. right? isn’t it?

hunk: i mean, usually, but vegan refers to anything that doesn’t have animal products in it.

keith: yeah i…didn’t know that.

hunk: did you…did you eat it?

keith: yeah

hunk: you ate a bathbomb?

keith: yeah

hunk: why-?

keith: i made…a mistake.

Stuff My Mom Has Told Me During Hamilton (Act 1)
  • Hamilton: "Why do they start out with the end? Spoilers!"
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: "How is telling someone you stalked and punched them a sure way to make friends?"
  • "Mom..."
  • "Who's the random French dude?"
  • "Lafayette."
  • "Where did he come from?"
  • "France, mom."
  • "Is this man having sex with horses?"
  • My Shot: "Didn't that guy sing this on Jimmy? The lyrics were different..."
  • The Story of Tonight: "I would not have told you about nights like that..."
  • The Schuyler Sisters: "That poor Peggy...she sounds adorable."
  • Farmer Refuted: "I have no clue what's being said..."
  • You'll Be Back: "Does this apply to what's going on now?"
  • Right Hand Man: "BURR JUST GOT REJECTED!"
  • A Winter's Ball: "With the ladies? Didn't you say he liked John?"
  • Helpless: "Girl this is gonna end bad for you..."
  • Satisfied: "How do you forget your name then - BAM! - now you remember?"
  • TSOT (Reprise): "They're cute when they're drunk."
  • Wait For It: "Wait - is everyone having an affair? You said Alex does right?"
  • "Mom just listen..."
  • "What does this have to do about Georgia?"
  • Stay Alive: "Did they eat horses asses?!"
  • Ten Duel Commandments: "How is General Lee here? Why do they hate him?"
  • "That's Charles Lee...you're thinking of Robert E. Lee."
  • "Oh."
  • Meet Me Inside: "Alexander you gonna get grounded!"
  • That Would Be Enough: "A little Hamilton sounds like a bad idea..."
  • Guns and Ships: "Damn he's fast."
  • History Has Its Eyes on You: "That's some deep shit..."
  • Battle of Yorktown: "I LIKE THIS ONE!"
  • "Mom please - "
  • "THEY WON!"
  • "I know they did mom."
  • What Comes Next: "Wait did he - oh my God. 'Awesome. Wow.' That's how I feel when your father talks about sports."
  • Dear Theodosia: "That's an awful name..."
  • "Mom!"
  • John Laurens Interlude (i had to): "Wait...what?"
  • Non-Stop: "How do you go from something so sad to this?! What the hell?!"

Louis screaming “what the hell is going on here?” was absolutely heartbreaking. You could hear how scared and shocked he was in his voice.

Eleanor getting attacked by a “fan” for no reason other than rekindling with Louis was absolutely heartbreaking. No matter what you believe or ship, no woman deserves to be attacked like that, especially by someone who calls themselves a fan of Louis. Eleanor is obviously someone that Louis holds very dear to his heart, whether as a friend or a girlfriend, and honestly? It’s nobody’s god damn business what she is to him. To attack her right in front of him, to stress him out and do all of this to him after knowing what he’s been through lately? There’s nothing lower than that. Have some decency and respect. People need to get their priorities straightened out and learn how to separate reality from fantasy.

Travis: I put my hand on the glass. In like a “hey man, it’s gonna be ok” kinda gesture.

Griffin: It actually puts a tentacle up, and puts it on your hand [Travis gasps].

Taako: Dear God, that’s beautiful! 

Johann: What in the whole… shit… is even… going on. I’ve been watching this thing, and feeding this thing for almost a year now, and I’ve never heard it… I’ve never heard it like, sing before. And I’ve never seen it have like, a touching gesture with another person like that before. What’s going on?

Magnus: Fishie’s my dude.

The Signs as Quotes from the Movie "Heathers"
  • Aries: It's not very subtle, but neither's blowing up a whole school, now is it?
  • Taurus: "You look like hell." "Yeah? I just got back."
  • Gemini: This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.
  • Cancer: Our love is God. Let's go get a slushie.
  • Leo: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.
  • Virgo: If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be human; you'd be a game show host.
  • Libra: I love my dead gay son.
  • Scorpio: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
  • Sagittarius: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
  • Capricorn: I say we just grow up, be adults, and die.
  • Aquarius: Why are you pulling my dick?
  • Pisces: Chaos is great. Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.
A brazen challenge

Synopsis: Imagine admitting to Loki that you never manage to orgasm when are with men, making him smirk mischievously in response.

“Is that a challenge, my dear?”

So for the next couple of hours, he magically locks the two of you in your room and makes it a challenge as to how many times he can make you cum in a row. He pleasures you with his soft hands, his skilled and long fingers and his silver tongue before he fucks you roughly.

Pairing: Loki x Reader
Rating: M
Chapter: 1/1 (Oneshot)
Words: 4040
Warnings: smut. a lot of smut.

Keep reading

Top 9 Most Fight-Able Characters in Mystic Messenger

(ranked by the likelihood of winning from least to most likely)

9. “Mary” Vanderwood, Secret Agent Murdermonster

Result: A swift and painful death

Are you shitting me? You’ll be goddamn eviscerated on the spot. Not to mention nobody will ever find your body. This is completely fucking unadvisable. DO NOT DO THIS unless you have a DEATH WISH and want to disappear from the world completely. Vanderwood is not to be messed with. They’ve killed many a worthy foe, and you will not be one of them. There’s not much else to say here. I don’t care who you are, you should not challenge Vanderwood. Say your prayers, fucker

8. Unknown/Saeran Choi, Total Edgelord

Result: Utter defeat, probably followed by torture + imprisonment

I don’t think you need me to tell you that this kid is fucking off his rocker. Let’s be real, he’s probably killed a few people, and he enjoyed every minute of it. You can bet your ass he’ll likely torture you after defeating you, too. And you know, some of you sick fucks will probably enjoy the whole damn ordeal. You’re probably the only ones who’d WANT to fight him just to have him fucking step on you. Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got what you wanted. He still beats your ass. The only reason Vanderwood beats him in this ranking is because it’s possible he’d keep you alive for fun, and some of you would enjoy that, so at least it’s a fuckin victory for somebody. Fuck.

7. Jaehee Kang, Smarter than the CEO

Result: Total annihilation + jail time

Do you see this face? This is the face of someone who has been repressing violent urges for fucking years for the sake of keeping her job. If she could snap Jumin’s neck, she would in a heartbeat. You do not want to give her a justifiable reason to unleash that utter fucking rage on your sorry ass. Did you forget she has a black belt in judo? She could beat my ass. She could beat your ass. She could beat anyone’s ass. I don’t care WHO you think you are. And after the fight? She’ll report you to the proper authorities, pick up a cup of coffee, and finish her daily tasks like nothing fucking happened. What a wild bitch. I fucking love her to death, tbh. And you know what? How dare you challenge her. She deals with enough shit in her life. I hope she beats your ass with a righteous fucking fury. Have fun in jail, dipshit.

6. God 707, Meme Lord Supreme

Result: Depends on your approach, but probably a failure

Honestly Seven’s about as fucking predictable as a lunch box full of wasps. What am I even supposed to say here? He’d probably imitate that shitty ass vine meme the first time you punch him and say “I can’t believe you’ve done this”, complete with a British accent, but when you keep hitting, it’ll confuse him. The element of surprise is probably your best bet, but you also have no fucking clue what he’ll do. He might beat the shit out of you. He might scamper away on his scrawny ass legs and proceed to hack into everything you once loved or held dear. He might lay down on the ground and let you kick the shit out of him. In the end, it depends on his mood. Is that reliable at all? Absolutely fucking not. So go for it, but I literally have no idea how it’s gonna turn out for you.

5. Zen/Hyun Ryu, A God Among Men

Result: You have a good chance of winning, but at what cost?

OK BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND LISTEN THE FUCK UP. Why is Zen higher up on the list, Nani??? you ask me, pouting, clutching your Zen body pillow(s) in agony. Zen had a bad past!! He’s not easy to fight, he was such a bad boy!! v//w//v He’s so tough and strong and he’s our knight in shining armor! Hey!! Good for you! But GUESS FUCKING WHAT!! If you’re female, he’ll probably forfeit to you immediately, unlike the barbarians before him on this list, so technically he’s easier to fight! He’d probably LET you beat the shit out of him if it made you feel better. It’s not even a fucking question of who would win if a woman challenged him, so we’re gonna move on.
Now, if you’re a GUY, he’d be more willing to square up, and my advice is go for his face. Pretty boy doesn’t like messing up his pretty mug, and if you play dirty, he’ll get scared real quick. His ponytail is a disadvantage for him, so yank it real hard. You have a better chance of beating him with perseverance, but if you let him get the upper hand, you’re deceased because he’s probably a heavy hitter. Also, you will incur the wrath of all his fangirls, and probably the angels above, and you will spend the rest of your life MISERABLE AND CURSED, so proceed with caution. If you can get away with it without anyone knowing your identity, you’re golden. Good luck, but also, why? do you even want to??

4. Jumin Han, Mistah Trussfund Kid (The CEO)

Result: Instant win, but your life will be RUINED

Honestly, I think certain RFA members would actually be very glad if someone handed Jumin’s ass to him, but good fucking luck accomplishing that without having your entire life destroyed. On a purely physical level, Jumin is no competition. He may be the tallest motherfucker around, but he’s never fought anyone before in his LIFE. You’d probably only have an issue here if you were short as shit, and even then, go for the knees, amirite? He’ll fall like a fucking oak tree, and then you can rip him a new one while he’s down. Easy peasy, right? WRONG. He’s got a horde of like 50 bodyguards that you have to sneak past or defeat first or something. And if you somehow make it to Jumin first, they’ll swarm your ass after you first start swinging and have you incapacitated in a few seconds. Are those first few swings worth it? Maybe. But he’s gonna sue your ass for everything you own. The whole world will know your name. If you don’t get jail time, you’ll wish you had. It will be an easier life than trying to live in the public. Zen and Jaehee might love you forever, though, so maybe they can pull a few favors for ya. You better pray they do. Good fuckin luck out there, champ.

3. Yoosung Kim, Small Child

Result: Victory, but with a catch

Look into this child’s eyes. Look me in the eyes. Tell me that Yoosung isn’t a fucking pansy. You can’t, can you? It’s because Yoosung is a fucking pansy. This kid would be down for the count after exactly one (1) punch. He might enjoy it a little too, which’ll be awkward as shit for both of you. HOWEVER. If you trigger his Yandere side, which is bullshit but whatever, he might put up more of a fight. How do you do this, you may ask? Insult Rika. or MC. (Probably Rika tho). Something inside him will snap, and then he’ll be trickier to handle. He’ll probably play dirty when he’s like this, so expect to get shanked or bitten or something. It doesn’t change the fact that his scrawny ass can’t fight for shit, so you’ll still probably win, but not without a few injuries yourself. Hurting Yoosung is probably the moral equivalent to kicking a puppy. If you can be ok with yourself after that, then I mean, go for it.

2. Rika, the Antichrist

Result: Certain victory, but extremely dangerous

Look, maybe I should’ve put her lower on the list considering she’s got an entire cult following her every order. But, honest to God, you would be morally obligated to fight her. Please beat the shit out of her. Physically, her scrawny ass could do nothing to stop you. She’s ruined the lives of her friends, as well as countless other people, because of her deranged and, quite frankly, selfish desires. Basically, she’s a little bitch. I don’t know how you’ll do it, but god damn, you’ll be everyone’s hero. The downside to this is that she might sick Saeran on you, which is gonna be a pain in your ass, and Yoosung might hate you forever, but I think you can live with that, right? Do us all a favor. Fight Rika.

1. Jihyun Kim/V, aka Flower Angel Sunshine Man

Result: Total Victory, but you’re basically Satan

BEFORE YOU SEND ME ANON HATE, REMEMBER: this is a list based on how likely you are to win. And V? V would let anyone beat him. He probably thinks he deserves it. He might defend himself a little, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you. Your victory would be almost immediate. There is no catch to V. You’d just win. But you’re a fucking monster for it. And you know what? I’ll beat the shit out of you if you hurt this man. So don’t even think about it, asshole.

The signs as out of context quotes from my teachers/professors
  • ARIES: I said you could chew gum, but not if you're going to chew it like a cow. SPIT IT OUT.
  • TAURUS: I'm losing faith in you, George.
  • GEMINI: *sings* Bitching and moaning, bitching and moaning.
  • CANCER: I'm supposed to go out and PROCURE cookies?? WHAT??
  • LEO: OH! OH, OH. BEIGE.
  • VIRGO: Here's a very common quick and dirty way to ask a multiple choice question.
  • LIBRA: I don't care about 98% of things.
  • SCORPIO: This meme from the interwebs.
  • SAGITTARIUS: I would use all sorts of swear words in front of my students. Especially the f word! Love that one!
  • CAPRICORN: I should stop drinking before noon.
  • AQUARIUS: Oh dear god, that man is always shirtless!
  • PISCES: This is why I need aspirin after this group.

Look at that face. ;-; look at it. Dear god. This boy was ready to cry himself to sleep and probably just leave and disappear in the morning. He is happy he said it but at the same time he wants to die. He didn’t know what was going to happen. I am crying he is in pain. I don’t know what to do.

eddie but with body dysmorphia

-so eddie has always been small

-compact, if you will

-and he secretly liked being small, being able to fit in people’s (richie’s) arms so well, finding the tiniest of spots to hide during hide and seek

-but one day while after he got to high school, sometime after he hit puberty, something changed in him

-he got taller and thicker and he wasn’t enjoying it

-he started to feel like he was taking up too much space

-he kept these thoughts to himself, as he does with most everything

-but they all notice eventually

-he won’t sit on bill’s shoulders to play chicken anymore

-won’t let stan give him piggyback rides

-before he started seeing himself this way he used to borrow bev’s sweaters all the time but now he refuses because he’s convinced he’ll stretch them out

-he won’t ride on the back of mike’s bike when they travel around town

-and richie especially notices when eddie won’t let him wrap his arms around his waist anymore

-at first richie thought eddie was slowly distancing himself

-trying to slip away

-he was so hurt when eddie refused to cuddle or change in front of him

-he goes to bev, who is obviously one of his best friends,

-“i just feel like he doesn’t love me anymore you know? he won’t let me touch him like ever”

-“richie, can’t you see it? it’s not you, it’s him. he feels bad about himself, he’s got body dysmorphia”

-and of course she then had to explain what that term actually means

-but then it all comes together in the old trashmouth’s head

-“you’re a godsend, marsh. what would i do without you?”

-“crash and burn”

-so he goes to eddie, not knowing if he should confront him straight up or wait til eddie says something himself

-but that’s obviously never gonna happen so plan b

-they’re chilling in richie’s room, doing homework

-richie puts his math book down and starts kissing eddie’s neck

-“rich, stop, i’ve got work to do”

-then he starts playing with eddie’s hair

-“richie you’re distracting me”

-“you’re so beautiful, eds. i love you so much”

-“shut up, trashmouth. don’t call me that”

-richie starts slowly moving his hands around eddie’s shoulders and then slipping them under his sweater

-“i mean it, babe. you’re just so beautiful, i can’t believe i wasted all that time being your friend when i could’ve been-“

-“beep fucking beep richie! i don’t want to play right now”

-“why won’t you let me touch you, eddie?”

-and eddie has to pinch the bridge of his nose

-“i have work to do”

-“i don’t mean just now. i mean ever. we don’t hug, or cuddle or make out, we haven’t been together in weeks”

-“that’s what you’re fucking worried about? that i’m not having sex with you?”

-“no you stupid idiot i’m worried that you’re gonna start hurting yourself because you think you’re fat”

-“what are you even talking about”

-“i’m not stupid, eddie. you’re wearing baggy clothes, you only eat green shit, you won’t let me see you without a shirt on….for some reason you hate yourself and that’s fucking ridiculous because you’re probably the most attractive person i’ve ever met in my life”

-eddie doesn’t know what to say because he never thought richie would figure it out

-“i love you, eddie. you. the way you are. i love your floppy hair and your sparkly eyes, i love how you can be kinda squishy in the middle, i love your arms and your legs….dear god eddie your ass is literally out of this world”

-and eddie laughs through his tears

-“i don’t want you to change, i don’t want you to start to disappear”

-eddie takes richie’s dorky face into his little hands and kisses the tip of his nose

-“i’m not gonna go anywhere. i love you, trashmouth”

-“i love you too eddie spaghetti”

cool i’m in pain

and now,

some things i like to think happened at the garrison between shiro & matt

  • the first day at the garrison as teeny babies was fun because matt was calm and shiro was not
    • matt: nice
    • shiro: wow look at that guy what a nerd wait shit he’s cute dear g od what the h el l
  • and dammit they were definitely roommates
    • matt greeted shiro and introduced himself. y’know, like a normal person, while shiro kinda stood there because now he’s rooming with the cute guy from earlier
    • shiro, internally: hey god, it’s me, shiro. what are you trying to do to me
  • shiro was right; matt was totally a nerd and he didn’t even try to hide it
    • shiro had to remind matt that he had to actually go to class because matt was too busy playing on his ds (of which he had 3) to notice the time
    • matt only ate ramen and shiro was very worried about him
    • shiro also only ate ramen but who are we kidding? matt’s health was more important to him
  • matt also never slept.
    • shiro, barely awake: matt it’s like 3 am what are you doing
    • matt, on youtube: mothman is out there shiro
    • shiro, internally: oh no he’s like keith
  • also let’s face it shiro was a total chick magnet
    • but shiro did not want them 
    • he’s so gay dude
    • girls would try to get him to go out with them and he’d politely make some excuse and decline but
    • matt would ask him if he wanted to do something later and shiro would accept. right in front of the girl he just rejected
      • he felt bad but he’s so fucking gay for matt ok
  • and you’d think a big buff guy like shiro would be super confident, right?
    • WRONG
      • shiro would try to compliment matt and he’d always stutter and mess up
      • meanwhile matt could tell shiro that he was lookin good with a completely straight face
  • it seemed like matt was cool 100% of the time but that’s only because while shiro was gone he’d vent to katie
    • katie pretended like she hated it but really she loved hearing that her brother was happy
    • matt: i told him that he looked hot in a normal t-shirt instead of the garrison uniform and he blushed i think but i had thrown up before because i was so nervous but at least i did it and kept my shit together
    • katie: whatever
    • katie, internally: if this guy doesn’t love my brother i’ll kick his shins
  • when katie met shiro she knew instantly that he was head over heels for matt
    • katie: y’know i wouldn’t mind having you for a brother-in-law
    • shiro: what
  • once when they were very tired after midterms they fell asleep together on the floor
    • when they both woke up they didn’t even move
    • matt had his head on shiro’s shoulder and shiro’s arm was around matt and they just sat there for hours
    • then matt passed out again because he hadn’t slept in 63 hours straight
  • matt knew no limits
    • shiro: matt please that’s too many monsters to drink in one sitting
    • matt, slamming down his fourth empty can: I HAVE A TEST IN HALF AN HOUR KEEP EM COMING