dear god this show is the worst thing ever

caligularib  asked:

Also I have some funny (I think they're funny) prompts: Established relationship, Person A has to grow a truly ridiculous beard or mustache for a mission and Person B simply hates facial hair or just that particular instance of it but still wants to make out with Person A (don't care who's who as long as its Hartwin, could be funny both ways)

Harry certainly had a very clear idea of what a gentleman was supposed to look like. Of course, the man would always preach that it wasn’t so much the looks as it was the actions, but that did not mean he would not try to look his best at all times and try to drag Eggsy down that road with him. 

The first thing the man had made sure of was that Eggsy had enough suits - all of them bulletproof - to last him a lifetime. Eggsy had to admit, it had been very fun - and incredibly arousing - to go to the shop with Harry repeatedly to try on the different suits as Andrew made them. That was probably why they had gone to get so many. 

Harry’s lust filled gaze would always roam his body as Andrew worked, making Eggsy fluster every time. He would undress Eggsy with his eyes, and would then proceed to whisper sweet nothings in the younger man’s ear every time Andrew left the room to get something. 

 He and Harry would always end up sprawled in the small fitting room, fucking like rabbits, not caring that there were usually people waiting outside. Eggsy was pretty sure that the fitting room - which by now had become their fitting room - had seen more of their  kinks come to life than any other place, except, perhaps, their bedroom - something which Merlin did not appreciate. 

After the suits came the shoes and the ties - dear god those ties. It had taken Eggsy a solid month to learn the Eldredge tie knot because every time Harry showed him how to do it, his mind would only be able to focus on Harry’s hands on his neck, on the silky material of the tie touching his equally soft shirt and on Harry’s sinful lips that moved ever so slowly as the man spoke in a particularly sultry tone just to tease Eggsy.

Honestly, the fact that it had taken him that long to learn how to do the bloody knot was entirely’s Harry’s fault.

The worst thing - or best, depending who you asked - was Harry’s  distaste for facial hair. The man could deal with anything else; he would smile if Eggsy decided not to wear suits and go for something more comfortable, he had always found Eggsy’s accent especially endearing and would glare down anyone that dared to disagree, and he had even admitted that Eggsy’s horrid white shoes looked good on him, but facial hair would simply not do. 

He had shown Eggsy exactly how to get the best possible shave by sitting him down one afternoon and shaving his five o’clock shadow with a precision that left Eggsy hard and wanton. 

After that, Eggsy made sure to make it a bit of a tradition to have Harry shave him on the weekends when they were both in London. 

However, now - after two months deep undercover with no access to a shaving kit - Eggsy was sporting a rather thick beard, and he had no idea how Harry was going to react.

 He knew the man would never turn him away and would swallow back most of the comments regarding his beard, but Harry had always been very willing to get back at Merlin for sending Eggsy anywhere where he couldn’t keep track of his personal appearance. The problem was that, if such a thing happened, the Scot would undoubtedly retaliate, and Eggsy had the feeling that - as usual when Harry and Merlin teased one another - he would end up being the affected party. 

Eggsy shook his head and finally opened the door to Harry’s study, smiling shyly as he waited for his partner to look up.

Harry froze the second he saw Eggsy’s face, his eyes narrowing down on Eggsy’s beard. He got up slowly, stalking closer while his eyes never left Eggsy’s face. 

He stopped a few inches away from Eggsy, his eyes unamused. “You look bloody awful,” he deadpanned before bringing Eggsy closer to kiss him. He licked his way into Eggsy’s mouth, moaning desperately as Eggsy bit his lower lip. He squeezed Eggsy’s arse, eliciting a wanton groan from the other man. 

“I thought yeh said I looked awful” Eggsy panted out as Harry latched onto his neck, right on top of his collar. 

Harry pulled away after a few seconds, his eyes darkened with lust. “I haven’t seen you in almost two months, my love. I think I can deal with a bit of hair for a day. Besides,” He suddenly loomed closer, nipping at Eggsy’s earlobe as he whispered “this means I get to shave your face tonight.”