dear future boyfriend

Maybe I’m not that kind of beautiful
dressed in red lipstick and black eyeliner.
I’m not beautiful in the sense of
defined cheekbones, full lips,
curvy hips, and shapely legs.
I’m not beautiful like the sunsets kissing the sky,
the stars outlining evening wishes,
the freshly picked flowers,
and the softly murmured I love you’s.
So maybe I’m the kind of girl
with pale lips and dull eyes.
But I hope someday,
someone kisses the sunsets on my chapped lips
and outlines the stars on my cheekbones.
I hope he waters the flowers beneath the flaws on my skin
and screams I love you’s because his love for me
is meant not to be kept in secret drawers,
but to be plastered in the sky,
on waters, and in the wind.
I hope he loves
the no make up, flawed,
clumsy, and awkward
kind of beautiful.

all I want is a cute person to cuddle with and go to shows all the time and stay up all night talking and having adventures. I want someone who will sing neck deep and real friends lyrics super loud and we can rock out and be happy around one another. Someone who will go with me to New York City and we can get lost. Just a cute, happy, relationship. Something real and someone who understands.

I have never been a 2 am call
or a good morning text.
I have never been the dandelions blowing in the wind
after a late afternoon wish,
or a shooting star grazing the sky,
or a broken off wishbone.
I have never been the type of girl
that guys fall for.
I’m rather ordinary -
with my ordinary eyes,
ordinary hair,
ordinary laugh,
ordinary personality.
I have never been the passing thought
right before sleep takes over,
or the nagging feeling in the stomach
after profound conversations,
or the hint of smile
during daydreams.
I have never been fascinating,
but I don’t want to be just these things.
I want to be them
and more.
If that sounds selfish,
then I guess you could say that
I have never been unselfish
of your attention and love.

I want to meet someone who is afraid to lose me. Yung hindi lang ako yung takot na mawala siya, hindi lang yung ako lang ang gagawa ng paraan para mas tumatag pa yung relasyon namin. Yung hindi lang ako yung gagawa ng paraan para pag ingatan siya at hindi mawala o maagaw ng iba. Yung hindi lang ako ang gagawa ng effort sa lahat.

Gusto kong makahanap ng taong parehas kaming lalaban sa kahit ano man ang pagsubok. Yung taong ipaparamdam sakin na di niya kayawang mawala ako. Yung gagawa ng paraan para hindi ako sumuko sa kanya. Yung taong takot na mawala ako.

6

I want someone who loves amusement parks, the way I do. Someone who would not get impatient because he understands that there is a long line of people before getting into a 1 minute soul taking ride. Someone who would not get ill tempered because he understands that I like Roller Coaster than a Horror House. Someone who would not get irritated because I scream too loud and hold his hand too tight. Someone who would not get violent because there are a lot of people in the line and the ventilation is not always the way he expected it to be. Someone who would not get restless because we’ve been walking too long and too far. 

As I had observed yesterday, these are the problems most couples had encountered. I don’t know if they were just doing it because they want to exercise some kind of stupid authority over their enjoying girlfriend, or they were just really affected by the Final Destination’s scenarios, or they had a phobia when they were young or whatever inhibitions they have in their mind. To the point that they had the courage to cuss and shout on their girlfriend because of their temperamental affair.

But in whatever they have in mind, if I am to have a boyfriend I want someone who would just hold my hand tight as we scream and laugh in the air. I don’t care if he is not like the other guys who wouldn’t close their eyes as we go through the soul taking rides, or if he screams louder than I am, as long as in the end of the ride, we would laugh and tease each other playfully because we enjoyed the ride and we would love to ride it again all over and over again. 

And I believe that in a relationship you have to have a common interest, and I think, this is the common interest that I’ve been looking for. 

You see,
I tried imagining what you look like.
Do you have brown or blue eyes?
(maybe you have emerald green)
Is there a birthmark lying somewhere on your body?
Do you have freckles or a cleft chin or dimples?
(maybe you have none of those)
Does your eyes squint when you laugh?
How strong is your jaw?
I’ve even tried imagining the kinds of things you like.
Maybe you’re an athlete
and you find sports really fascinating.
(heads up, I don’t like sports,
but I’d gladly go to sports games just for you)
Maybe you play an instrument
and have a voice of an angel
(even if you don’t, I would force you to sing and play for me,
just so I can gaze at you fondly)
Maybe you’re a real academic
and books are your treasured possessions.
(we could spend our days lying on the floor of my bedroom,
next to each other, drowning ourselves in worlds beyond earth)
Maybe you’re all of these things.
Maybe you’re some of these things.
Maybe you’re none of these things.
Maybe you’re something else entirely.
Whatever and whoever you may be,
I can never really fathom what you are like,
or what things bring joy to your heart.
But I just want you to know,
I will love all of you,
from the underside of your feet
to the crown of your head,
from every crevice of your mind
to the deep chambers of your heart.
(and I hope you’ll love all of me too)
DEAR FUTURE BOYFRIEND,
  • Ano kayang pangalan mo? Ano kayang apelyido mo? Bagay rin kaya yun sa pangalan ko?
  • Magkakilala na ba tayo or hindi pa? Araw-araw kitang iniisip kahit wala akong idea kung sino at san ka nakatira. Ako kaya? Iniisip mo ba kung kailan tayo unang magkakakilala?
  • Naiinip ka na din bang malaman kung sino ako? Kung sakali kayang magtatagpo yung landas natin? Sa jeep? Kasi sayo ko iaabot ang bayad ko? Sa S.M? Kasi habang naglalakad ka at di naman ako nakatingin magkakabanggaan tayo? Or kaibigan ka kaya ng kaibigan ng kaibigan ko? Paano ba? Sana ganon lang kadali yung makilala ka kaagad. 
  • Ano kayang hitsura mo? Singkit ka ba? Matangos ba ilong mo? Maputi ka ba? Matangkad ka ba? Kung hindi, okay lang hindi rin naman ako. Haha. Basta hindi na yun mahalaga, kasi ang importante yung kaya mo akong mahalin at mahahalin din kita. 
  • Nasan ka na kaya? Mga ilang tao pa ba yung kailangang dumaan sa buhay ko bago kita makilala?
  • May girlfriend ka ba ngayon? Kung meron, gusto kong sabihin sayo na nagseselos na ako pero sigurado akong magbebreak din kayo kasi akin ka lang! Sakin ka lang nakatadhana at tayong dalawa ang magkakatuluyan sa huli. 
  • Mama`s boy ka ba? Kung oo, okay lang sakin para atleast may idea kana kung paano masasaktan ang isang babae, siguro naman ayaw mo maranasan ng kapatid mong babae o ng mama mo maloko di ba? Kaya magtino ka sa sakin ha?
  • Mahilig ka ba magluto? Kasi mahilig akong kumain.
  • Uhm, clingy ka ba? Okay lang yun sakin. Ganun din ako, kaya magkakasundo tayo.
  • Hindi pa naman kita nakikita o nahahawakan, na-eexcite ako. Sana magkita na tayo. Sana magkakakilala na tayo. Sana magkatagpo na yung landas natin. Gustong gustong gusto na kitang yakapin.
  • I LOVE YOU ♥
Dear future boyfriend,

I don’t want you to be like those guy characters I read in my favorite books. It irks me to think that there will be a lot of girls that will swoon over you. You don’t need to be the hot and courageous Jace Wayland or the subtle-romantic-type of guy like Augustus Wasters or Sam Moone who is protective and really good in chess or someone like Noah Calhoun who shows his love with so much passion.

I just want you to be who you are. No matter how many flaws you have. No matter how many insecurities you have. No matter what your past is. The little secrets. The bits and pieces of your personality. Your mannerisms. Your little quirks. You will be the perfect male protagonist in our story and all you have to do is be who you are and for you to love me and accept me for what I am too and not die on me.

All I want is a cute person to cuddle with. we can stay up all night talking about the deepest parts of our life’s. we can eat pizza and listen to real friends and cuddle all the time and go on adventures. we can also go to New York City and go on the train and go to a cute small venue like Webster hall and see seahaven and we can both crowd surf together. we can also go on cute dates and longboard through the city streets just us, happy, smiling. I’ll always text you a cute good morning message to wake up too smiling and a cute message going to bed and a billion inbetween. and random facetime while we stare at each other and smile like idiots. I want to fall in love with you as much as you fall in love with me. I want this to be real. I want us to be real. I want to take care of your heart and make you realize what a wonderful person you truly are.

Kapag dumating ang araw na dumating ka na sa buhay ko, gagawin ko ang lahat para maging masaya tayo sa araw-araw, magiging loyal ako, lahat ng pumapasok sa utak ko sasabihin ko sayo, sasakyan kita sa bawat trip mo, iintindihin kita parati dahil marunong naman akong umintindi sa lahat ng pangyayari at kung mahirap man intindihin, pipilitin ko. Ipapakita ko sayo kung ano ako at kung sino ako. Gagawin ko ang lahat para sa atin, para tumagal tayo hanggang sa dulo. Dahil kung magmamahal man ako, gusto ko ikaw, yung matagal ko ng hinihintay na ibibigay sa akin ni Lord. Dahil ibibigay ko sayo ang buong puso ko at wala ka magiging kahati bukod sa pamilya at kaibigan ko.

Dear future boyfriend,

Uunahan na kita. May saltik ako. Hindi ako normal katulad ng ibang babae. Tampuhin ako. Matakaw. Aasarin kita ng bongga. Pero kahit ganun ako, makakasigurado kang ikaw lang ang bubugbugin ko. Ikaw lang ang hahampasin ko ng laptop sa kidney. Ikaw lang ang paliliguan ko ng lava. Ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko. Pangako yan! Taga mo sa bato! Mwatsupwithlaway!

Dear future boyfriend,
  • you’re not allowed to have the passcode to my phone 
  • you’re not allowed to tell me what to wear/call me a slut for what i wear. you’re my boyfriend not my keeper
  • under no circumstances can you put your hands on me unless I say it’s ok
  • you’re not allowed to tell me what I can and cannot do with my body and life. If I wanna cut or dye or straighten my hair or wear 5 layers or nothing at all, I will. If I wanna travel and you wanna stay where you are cool, I’m not staying with you
  • I will not depend on you for everything
  • I will not put up with mind games
  • treat me the way you’d want your future daughter to be treated. treat me the way I treat you
  • I will not drop everything I’m doing to be with you
  • I will not compete for you
  • Dependency isn’t cute. Clingyness isn’t cute.
  • I won’t tolerate secondhand compliments
  • I will not beg you to stay