Lessons learned recently
1) Sometimes it’s okay to put the joint down (like, to really, lips-on, tongues-in make-out with someone)
2) Silence is wise and not all lines need to be filled in
3) Feeling completely alone, just with you - no memories or phantoms or ghosts or voices - is an utter and complete blessing

I’m pretty pleased with how my office/studio space is looking. Got the wire shelf and clear bins or organize all my thing (I keep collecting hobbies, I have so many supplies). Previously it was a too-small plastic drawer set with a pile of stuff on/around it on the floor that made it difficult to get at the white board. Just a mess. I didn’t think it would ever look so neat! I am not traditionally a neat person. Made the postcard display. The windowsill has some knick knacks and photos. I still have to organize some of the shelves attached to the desk and find homes for a few things, but overall I’m really happy with this.

i’m starting to wonder about the cartinelli vest that i half started. nothing is on the vest itself. should i pull through and finish it? should i take the jacket and paint a galaxy and “flung out of space” on it like i really really want to? like would be really fucking legit awesome to wear all the time everywhere?

dear diary,

today TN-8711 asked me where baby stormtroopers come from. I wanted to rage throw up in my own mask (I’ve done it and do not suggest it), but instead, I sent them back to Phasma for “reconditioning.” Usually, I would execute a soldier for asking me such an idiotic question or even talking to me, so, I’m doing pretty good this week.

anyways, hux said my ship looks like a seagull. what. the. fuck. I’ll show him a seagull when I carve an entire flock into his stupid control panels


ps- I wish Hux would stop telling everyone that I am afraid of bees I AM NOT FUCKING AFRAID OF BEES!!!! I am going to spread a rumor that Hux squints all the time because he is trying to see my eyes in this mask and he can’t do it because he’s just a loser that squints all the time

I wish he knew that the heartbreak isn’t over for me.

I wish he knew that the pain never ceased for me.

I wish he knew that the memories haven’t stopped haunting me.

I wish he knew the tears still cascade down my cheeks for me.

I wish he knew that the grief still resides inside of me.

I wish he knew that melancholy entered my life but forgot to exit for me.

I wish he knew that life has never been the same since he deserted me.

I wish he knew that I’ve lost the capacity to trust anyone since he lied to me.

I wish he knew that I’ve forgotten how to love since he stole my heart from me.

I wish he knew that the only man I want is him though many men want me.

I wish he knew that I’m still waiting for him though I know he doesn’t deserve me.