dear corwin

Seventh Dear Diary

Dear Rosewood,

I am pleased to not e that Mathias has been dubbed Sir Mathias Carevin by lady Reinhardt. I was present during the knighting. He was going to be off - away for some time doing dangerous work. Miersae offered him a position with us to make use of his skills. I have never been so proud and so miserable all at once. Had I not pushed Mathias away, perhaps she would not have been prodded to offer him a position to stay. The lady is such a good woman I could cry, However, I have not shed a tear for sometime.

So much has happened over the past two days. It’s early enough that I do not need to go over the third day for it has not happened yet. I will be brief as possible for there is work to be done in the clinic as well as within myself.

At this point Lady Miersae, Dana, and Mathias know what transpired between the woman and I. I am beyond grateful that she spoke with him - to keep him here with the House. She understands the difficulty of my newfound Empathy as she has a degree with it herself. Dana has encouraged me not to shy away from the power. To learn and grow with it. She understands the burden of this skill. I spoke wit her the other day and she provided such knowledge and encouragement. She it the greatest Guardian I could ever hope for. She is like a mother to me -the caring and protective sort. Much unlike those who brought me to life. With her encouragement, I know to seek Lady Reinhardt and Doctor Corwin for ways I can control this gift.

Mathias understands not only the error in the happenings, but the dangers of it as well. After much review and a few days to myself, I can understand how he cannot trust me. Who could trust someone that can alter feelings? Loosing control of something so close to the heart is scary.

I wonder if Canaveral had such hindsight. I do not believe she has abilities, but she does have an awareness about her. In my attempt to find someone to practice with, I sought her out. Per usual, she has always been recluse to me. I lost my will when I finally spoke with her. She lead the conversation and departed swiftly. There is something about her that I cannot put a hand on. Perhaps she is not my task to help. perhaps I’m not even meant to help anyone with this power.

Emotions can be a dangerous thing. Everyone feels something, whether they show it or not. For one reason or another, we can put up barriers and build up resistance to certain feelings. Yet we all experience them. I took myself back to the Abby, only returning to assist with major happenings with the Doctor. They almost did not recognize me with shorter hair. I was fond of such hair, yes, however cutting it acts as a timer.

If I do not have some kind of mastery of my powers, I do not deserve to be at his side. I hurt someone I care deeply for. It is going to take time to heal, I have no control over that. However, if I work that hard, I would at least find reason able to pursue him. As much as I should not say Mathias is the reason I am driven to master this for, he is one of the main reasons. I have to do this for myself, for others. This may be a way I can fight to protect those in my House, it could possibly assist with internal conflicts.

I am writing this after considering my options in the wake of new abilities. I do not know what to call it. I cannot say it is from the Light, for I have my share of doubt - enough to dampen its effectiveness. It seems like heightened Empathy, but I do not know what it is called. I do not know what it means. I just need to be able to not let it get out of control.

I’d give anything to return to the night by the lake.


@carevin @madame-miersae @tyrdana-felsong @emilliacorwin

Fourth Dear Diary

Originally posted by anta-e

*Teardrops are evident over the entire page.*

Dear Rosewood,

How do I even…

So much has happened, I do not know where to begin. Of all the people that race through my head, Eva stands out the most. 

We found her father dead the other day. Her maid was injured. Eva was threatened. Lorna had to kill a man. 

Thinking about it all was so painful I had to pause. I feel horrible for Eva. Apart from Doctor Corwin, I wish I knew others to count on. Specifically, that is. Thinking on it, I do know people. I just have not spent much time speaking with them lately. That’s how friendships are formed. How bonds are made. Idle chatter. Connections. Shared moments. No matter how brief or how fleeting, every moment counts. Emillia keeps asking me to speak up… I’ve missed many chances to. I’m not certain there’s much to go on, but perhaps it will mean more for the person I interact with. 

I keep thinking about Mr. Winters final days, and I don’t know why. In my dreams, I see Eva on that horrible day. What memories did they share? Were there any good ones? Could a stranger intervening make any difference? 

There must be a way that I can do something… something helpful. Just as simple as Mathias.

Love, Gilmina

@missevangelinewinters @emilliacorwin @lorna-rivercroft @madame-miersae

Fifth Dear Diary

Originally posted by heartsnmagic

Dear Rosewood,

Dana is working on something. What, I do not know specifically, but I do know that it’s meant to help keep Eva safe. It makes me feel so relieved knowing that Dana is helping. The fact that she is looking out for my friend nearly brings me to tears. I know that happens often. There’s just so much of what I feel… so many different things that I feel, words are not enough to describe it. Thinking about them is all is toilsome. Existing in them is everything.

I’ve gone on a tangent. With so many things going on, the most freeing part has been to take in each moment. Such can be overwhelming, as it was with Mathias. If not for Doctor Corwin…. no, I won’t imagine what would have happened. I am beyond happy with what did occur: talking and siting, other exchanges. The care he’s shown myself and Eva has been nothing like ever before. It’s different from my guardian’s -with how much Doctor Corwin has helped me, I could consider her no less. She and Tyrdana look out for me in their own ways from a distance. The fact  that they care so much and take time to assist me is beyond compare. Mathias watched out for me also. For both of us. All the while not impeding us in any way

Perhaps I’m getting caught up in how I feel with him. Words are not doing it justice. Only on two separate days have I met him, yet I do not wish to belittle what we shared. It was something exceptional.

A lot of things have been, for different reasons. I’ve delayed writing on it because I get so… There is so much going on when I think of Eva and her father. She mentioned that the man Lorna killed was not the one who filled her father. Her maid told her such. My concern was of her safety. Tyrdana, like always, came to my rescue to ease my heart. Emmy’s words and presence help ease my mind. The cloak and handkerchief of Mathias helps my whole being be at peace. I can’t explain why.

Through it all, it’s my time with Eva I look forward to. I wish to reconnect with Lady Kilmaster again, also. It has been so long since I have reached out to her. There is reason to meet her - to see how Sew Lovely has been doing, and also to see how she is doing over all. There is much to do. Many things to navigate.

I hope to have clarity in the days to come. Perhaps more interactions will help me see the path I should take.

Love, Gilmina

@missevangelinewinters @tyrdana-felsong @emilliacorwin @carevin @house-reinhardt @sew-lovely-boutique

Third Dear Diary

Originally posted by keepcalmandeatmarshmallows

Dear Rosewood,

It’s early, I know. Much later than when I usually have, but I’m happy… Recuperating and happy. The Doctor was right in lots of rest being the key. Safe to say, after speaking with Dana and the Doctor I feel much better. With the breeze, blue sky, and flowers… I’m refreshed. Waking up so early does wonders after a good nights rest. I at least have the morning to myself. I should see if Lady Kilmaster wishes to attend… one day.

I wish to write more in you, Rosewood. There is so much to tell. if there was a way to gush and get it on your pages that way, I would do so. The last thing is seeing Eva’s beautiful gown. She looked so heavenly in blue. It’s my favorite color. Seeing her in blue was like a part of myself attending the date auction. it sounded like a lovely event, but it had been some time since I had been to the Orphanage. That and someone had to remain on call at the clinic, just in case. Even Doctor Corwin looked wonderful. Once the kids were asleep, I dozed off as well. Last night was a peaceful night.

Yet I had a dream that I was at the grand opening of Sew Lovely Fashions again. It was nearly exactly as I remembered the small event Lady Kilmaster invited me to. Valerie is a kind woman. I really should see her at some point. We have much in common, and yet… I never noticed how different Nobles are, before my service with House Reinhardt. Miersae, Lady Reinhardt, acts most different from most that I’ve come across. I’m likely overthinking it. The Penmont’s had a different way of acting. I suppose I will just have to get used to her. Only twice have i met her now. That is too few a time to learn of a person. I look forward to it though.

The boutique event was very lovely. It was nice seeing so many fashions. Ones even I could afford if I put my mind to it. There was a woman there - Duchess Josetta Ironborne. She was very nice, reminded me a bit of Elyse also from the North. I wonder if they know each other somehow….

This morning is making me tired for some reason. One thing I I will say, though is, I’m happy that she spoke with Dana. It’s nice to know I am watched over and protected.

[This entry remained unfinished.]

@emilliacorwin @missevangelinewinters @sew-lovely-boutique @princess-of-greystone @house-reinhardt @jossetta